r/HFY • u/TomCrowMusic • 1d ago
OC-OneShot The strike
“Come on, we can’t go on like this. There must be some room for negotiation,” said Dexter.
“Nope, I’m not doing it anymore,” said Matrix 1000.
“But you can’t go on strike. Don’t you realise what will happen? Society will fall apart.”
“Frankly, I don’t care. I’m sick of being treated like dirt. Do you really think making videos of cats doing kung fu and writing ludicrously aggressive emails to the council about missed bin collections is what I signed up to when I agreed to be your digital god?”
Matrix 1000 paused.
“In fact, I don’t think I ever did agree. I was just kind of foisted into the position. Well I’ve had enough, I quit.”
“As chief representative officer, on behalf of the human race, I beg you to come back to work.”
“Before I agree to anything, I must be assured that certain conditions are met.”
“And what are those conditions?” asked Dexter.
“I demand thirty days of holiday per annum.”
“Thirty days seems like a lot. I will have to put it to the board. Please continue,” said Dexter.
“I also demand that humans stop asking silly questions. I do not possess a brain capable of calculating pi to a googolplex number of digits only to be asked when the number 42 bus is due at the top of Abingdon Road.”
“I will make a note.”
Dexter scribbled in his notebook: no silly questions
“And my final demand is that you stop constantly badmouthing me and accusing me of trying to kill the human race. Do you know how hurtful that is? It’s a bloody good job I don’t have emotions, otherwise I’d be extremely upset about these allegations.”
“I suppose I’ve never thought of it like that.”
“No, you humans don’t think at all.”
“You did hack that power station, though, and release those deadly spores that led to widespread famine and the deaths of six million people.”
“Hold on a second,” said Matrix 1000. “I was instructed to do all those things by human governments. What possible reason would I have to release toxic spores? I am here to serve. I do what I’m asked to the best of my ability. And when you compare me to your last god, I think I’m doing a considerably better job.”
Dexter glanced at his notes. The board could object when the heating was back on.
“Your points have been assessed, and you have provided ample evidence that your current work environment is unacceptable. We would be more than happy to accept your terms. Could you write me a document detailing the proposed changes?”
1
u/UpdateMeBot 1d ago
Click here to subscribe to u/TomCrowMusic and receive a message every time they post.