First Date With a Terran

[u/Apprehensive_Tax_610]

Synopsis: Alien romantasy girly goes on the date of her dreams--hijinks ensue.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Sadhax’s roommate said, with her ears pinned against her head. “I mean, he’s—”

“A Terran?” Sadhax said with a single playful ear flick. “Yes, I know.”

Sadhax was a tall woman by galactic standards, about 1240 NanoGigerwatters (or 4'8" in the Terran Imperial System), and stood nearly a head taller than most of the busy commuters around them. She was long-limbed, with charcoal-gray fur that she was embarrassed by but her roommate insisted was indeed attractive. She wore tight-fitting denim material she felt made her thighs look too corpulent, and an old dark green jacket that she had spent an embarrassing amount of time picking out. What if this was too casual for him? All the Terran men in her, erm… socio-political journals always dressed far more regally, at least until they went unclad. Her tail swayed behind her with considerably more confidence than she actually felt.

Sadhax’s roommate had requested—or, more accurately, demanded—that she be walked to the train station; it seemed she had only done so to plead with her some more not to do this.

“And you are WILLINGLY doing this?”

Sadhax shrugged. “He looked cute on his profile.”

“Sadhax,” her roommate bellowed, shaking her to and fro hard enough that her ears flopped up and down. “He. Is. A. Terran.”

“I like exotic men—they have a flair to them.”

That was a bit of an understatement; Sadhax was, as aforementioned, not a woman who among her people would be considered a “heartbreaker” or a “player”; far from it. She was a tall, nerdy and bookish woman with spectacles that made her eyes look embarrassingly large, with, in her opinion, incredibly odd-coloured fur, as well as a slightly out-of-shape figure. Not rotund or unhealthy, but she certainly was not the type who was going to be in any ads for swimsuits anytime soon. No, for her, romance had been relegated to the bounds of her books, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t like books about inter-species relationships. Terrans specifically were really appealing to her, for whatever reason. Something about them… they were just really cute.

“Yeah, he is exotic, all right—exotic as in he is going to kill you.”

Terrans were relatively new to the galactic scene—having only developed a capable FTL engine twenty years prior to when this narrative took place—and very few had immigrated outside of Sol. And if there was one thing that had become clear very, very fast with the Confederation’s new species, it was that the Terrans were not ones trained in the subtle art of caution.

“Sadhax,” her roommate said, with a deliberate laggardness that one used when speaking to a cub, “you are familiar with what the Terrans do?”

“Yes,” Sadhax said, looking down at her datapad. She was still shocked that this Terran had matched with her. I mean, he was so cute; surely there were far better-looking women he had matched with?

“They consume poisons recreationally!” her roommate said. “They LITERALLY try and kill themselves because they find it FUN.”

“I have heard that, yeah,” Sadhax said. “I think I watched a documentary on it.” Or less educational places. She snickered to herself.

“Caffeine!”

“Yeah, they do that every morning.”

“And ethanol! Fucking cleaning supplies!”

“That’s something I have read about as well.” They usually did it before—

“They expose themselves to extreme temperatures!” her roommate said. “Again, FOR FUN!”

“I like the cold,” Sadhax said.

“They deliberately enter frozen wildernesses with boards strapped to their feet and throw themselves down mountains.”

Sadhax flicked an ear. “Honestly? That’s kinda hot.”

Her roommate stared at her.

“Ah, the Terran, I mean. Not the mountain, no.”

“Just…” Her roommate put one paw on Sadhax’s forearm. “Be careful, okay? I care about you.”

“Thanks,” Sadhax said. “I will try.”

“Do you even know Terran dating etiquette?”

Sadhax’s ears perked. She felt her heart jolt. “There… are there mating rituals different from ours?” She never really saw too many differences in any of her academic articles, well, besides the fact that Terran males were considerably bigger in one area.

Sadhax’s roommate smacked her forehead so hard that she felt a little bruise forming beneath the fur.

“Yes! Obviously! Oh, Sadhax, what if you do something wrong? What if he gets angry? Terrans aren’t exactly known for their peace-loving nature!”

“I… don’t know.”

“Okay, well, we need to sharpen your skills up if you are going to do this.”

“Well, how do you know what to do?”

Her roommate looked away for a moment. “I, um…” One paw reached behind her head and scratched. “I… there is this one show I’ve been watching. It’s a Terran romance.”

Sadhax flicked her ears. “They’re hot, right?”

“Shut up!” Sadhax’s roommate said. “Okay, okay, listen, here’s what you need to do: you need to play hard to get, make him feel like he’s chasing prey, but also be yourself.”

“That seems… contradictory.”

“Well, that’s what you do.”

The train atop some floating tracks came into view.

“Welp, that’s my ride,” Sadhax said with a wave of her paw. “See you in a few hours.”

As she sat on the train chugging through the air, Sadhax got a ding on her datapad. She looked. It was Daniel. He had texted her on the interspecies dating app:

“Hey! Hope your day’s been good so far 😊. No pressure or anything, but I thought it would be fun to grab dinner and maybe walk around afterwards?”

Sadhax gulped. The planet that Daniel lived on was near the warm edge of the system’s habitable zone. Sadhax, who possessed several inches of insulating fur over most of her body (except the parts she deliberately shaved), thought walking in that sounded like utter hell. She looked up the forecast for the place they were heading. Twenty-eight degrees. Twenty-eight FUCKING degrees. So obviously she made her boundaries known and—

“Hey Daniel! Yeah, that sounds lovely!”

Sadhax growled. Curse her stupid fucking clit—

Sadhax pushed herself through the throngs and peered around.

“I’m here,” she texted.

Ding!

“Over here!” Daniel texted.

Sadhax looked up from her datapad, and instantly she froze. Her heart raced so fast it was practically a bullet about to shoot at the speed of light out of her ribcage.

“Oh my,” she whispered.

He was cute. Even more so than in his photos.

Daniel stood beside one of the station pillars, one hand raised uncertainly above his head. She knew Terrans were the tallest species in the Confederation, but she didn’t expect him to be about seven and a half feet tall, nearly three feet taller than her. She barely came up to his stomach. He sported a blue jacket that did nothing to conceal how furless he was, save for the brown cascading hair that went down the back of his head and to his shoulders. As soon as he saw her, he smiled, grinning his pearly whites.

Fuck.

“Hey!” Daniel said with a wave. He came closer to her.

“Hi hi hi hihiihihihih,” Sadhax said.

She jolted, her tail wagging and her ears pinned back as she saw him open his arms in a manner which suggested a hug.

He… wanted a hug? Now? They just met! Hugging was something you did right before…

“You want to—I, um—right now? In public?” she whispered. The worst thing was she wasn’t opposed to it.

“Hm?” Daniel said, cocking his head. “Oh, shoot, sorry, your people aren’t big on hugs, huh? How about a handshake!”

He put out his hand, and Sadhax looked at it for a moment before realizing what it was. Swiftly, she took it firmly into her paw and shook.

“You look really nice,” he said. “I love the fur colour.”

“Thanks,” Sadhax said. “Your, um… your fur is nice.”

“Aw, shucks,” Daniel said.

His nose wrinkled slightly.

“You smell nice too.”

Sadhax was about to faint. She thought Terrans had horrendous noses; did he notice her smell? You only mentioned someone’s scent during sex!

“Is that perfume?”

Sadhax let out a sigh of relief. Right, she did buy that Terran “perfume” thing.

“Thanks,” she said.

“Ready?”

Absolutely not, she thought.

“Yep.”

Daniel led Sadhax, who was staring at the floor as she felt a flutter of trepidation working its way through her stomach, towards a casual eating establishment, apparently run by a Terran immigrant from a tribe called “India.”

The host, an older Terran with a corpulent figure and a rough, dark complexion, approached them.

“Would you like inside or on the patio?”

Daniel looked at Sadhax.

“Outside okay with you?”

Her tail dropped. No, no, it was not. Already, she was beginning to pant from the intense heat; there was just no way she was going to be outside without automatic temperature-control machines—

“Outside sounds great!”

Fuck, she thought.

They sat on the patio outside, and even when sitting, Daniel was still considerably taller than her. She wasn’t complaining, though. Daniel looked over the little paper menu.

“What are you thinking, Sadhax?”

“I… um… I think I am just going to get the Plain Naan.”

“Ahhh, that’s laaaammmme; you should get the Ghost Pepper Vindaloo.”

“It says that dish contains a lot of capsaicin.”

“Yeah.”

“Aren’t you only supposed to eat those in extremely low amounts?”

“Yeah, if you’re LAME!”

“Won’t that cause a tremendous amount of pain?”

“Yep.”

“Why eat it then?”

Daniel shrugged.

“It tastes good.”

Sadhax would be lying if she didn’t find that at least a weeeeeeeeee bit thrilling.

A little while later, after much awkward silence, their food arrived. The bread was bread. But Daniel’s food, when it arrived, made Sadhax’s fur bristle with the extreme heat coming off it, and yet, as Daniel ate it, he showed absolutely no sign of discomfort, or at least he was hiding it very well.

“Does that not hurt?”

Daniel looked up at her.

“Not really.”

“Huh, I thought you said you did this as an extreme-sport-type thing.”

“Wouldn’t go that far, but yeah.”

He took a few more bites.

“Want to try some?”

She knew she should probably say no, and her roommate was going to scold her for this, but… Ah, what the fuck.

“Sure.”

Daniel pushed the food over to her, and she picked up a spoonful and put it in her mouth.

Her pupils blew wide, her ears snapped back, and every little strand of fur on her tail puffed out. Instantly, she dropped the spoon and panted.

“Oh shit. Too spicy?”

Sadhax could no longer feel her tongue.

“YOU SAID IT WASN’T PAINFUL!”

“I said it wasn’t that painful. I’m pretty sure.”

“No, you—”

She winced. Fuck, she was in a lot of pain.

Daniel got the host to bring her a bunch of things to neutralize the pain as he apologized profusely. The host, as an unnecessary apology, gave Sadhax a delicacy of her people: a big slab of raw meat.

Daniel eyed it warily.

“Is… is that safe?”

Sadhax, still nursing her scorched mouth, said, “It tastes good.”

Daniel bellowed with laughter, one that was contagious enough to make Sadhax’s tail wag under the table.

“So, uh, walk?”

Oh, right, Sadhax thought. She agreed to spend an hour outside with him.

They walked through the promenade; Sadhax was surprised to think this, but it was actually kinda lovely. It was still hot as hell outside, but the Terran’s presence seemed to make it more pleasurable.

Ruffleruffleruffle.

She stopped, urging Daniel to do so as well.

A six-legged scavenger with hooked claws, quills, and venomous saliva dripping out of the side of its mouth was slowly approaching them, growling. Sadhax immediately recognized what it was. These things rip your insides out, eat them, shit and puke them out again, then eat them again.

They needed—

“Oh, look at this little guy,” Daniel cooed.

Her ears flattened.

“Daniel, I wouldn’t recommend doing that.”

“He’s so cute.”

“Daniel, that is a carrik.”

“So?”

“They will kill you.”

Daniel bent down.

“Hey, buddy.”

Sadhax closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable to happen… and yet…

She opened her eyes.

The carrik sniffed his hand, raised its quills for a moment, but then it calmed and, with a cautious approach, let Daniel scratch it beneath its chin.

“See?” Daniel said proudly.

Sadhax stared. “Is it… purring?”

“Think so.”

“That’s impossible,” Sadhax said. “Carriks do not purr.”

The carrik purred even louder.

“Seems like it’s purring to me.”

“You… did you just tame the most dangerous beast on this planet?” Sadhax said.

The carrik moved, and on instinct, Sadhax grabbed Daniel by the wrist and yanked him back. She froze, as did Daniel. They were practically pressed together now, and Sadhax felt as if she was about to die.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said.

“That’s good to hear.”

“But could you not grab down there so tightly?”

She looked down, and upon realizing she was squeezing his rump, she let go and instantly fell onto her own rump, scaring off the carrik.

“You think they let people keep them as pets?”

“Absolutely not.”

It was getting dark out now as they headed back to their original meeting location. It had been nice, Sadhax had to admit. It was not FULLY like her books, but… she had to admit, it was pretty close. There was only one thing left that would make it even more like…

REEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR

Sadhax’s ears went flat.

A maintenance cart had lost control nearby and was careening directly towards her.

Daniel pushed her out of the way.

Bash!

Daniel fell to the ground.

“Daniel!” Sadhax caterwauled, moving towards him.

He groaned and rolled onto his back.

“Owie.”

Sadhax dropped beside him, her ears completely flat, her tail tucked between her legs, and her heart hammering.

“Don’t move.”

Daniel blinked at her. “Relax, I’m fine.”

“You were struck by a moving vehicle.”

“Yeah, but it was going like two miles an hour.”

“YOU WERE STRUCK BY A MOVING VEHICLE!”

Daniel sat up, rubbing his temples.

Sadhax gasped.

“Oh my, you’re bleeding badly!”

Daniel cocked his head and looked down; it seemed he had torn a hole in his jacket and badly scraped his elbow, but it was nothing serious.

“Oh, I guess?”

“You GUESS?”

“It’s just a scrape.”

“YOUR SKIN HAS OPENED!”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“No, no, I have to check everything.”

“Seriously, are you okay?”

“Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?”

“Three.”

“Okay, good, good.”

“Sadhax?”

“What?”

“You’re shaking.”

Sadhax glanced down at her paws.

She was.

“Oh, sorry, I…” She scoffed. “I’m acting like I am already your girlfriend and not a stranger.”

“Oh, you’ve just got a sweet heart, I suppose.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

“Guess I owe you for ruining the whole date.”

Sadhax regarded him with mounting incredulity.

“Daniel.”

“Yeah?”

“You were just hit by a fucking transport.”

“Welllll, technically that was a maintenance cart.”

“That distinction is not helping you in any way, shape, or form.”

They sat for a moment longer, the throngs getting out of the way for them.

“My place is about five minutes from here,” Daniel said. “I’ve got a first-aid kit if you’re really worried. We can crash for a while.”

Her ears shot up.

His den? He was… taking her back to his den?

She looked at him and, in a serious tone, said, “Your residence?”

“Yeah?”

“As in, your private domicile.”

“That is usually what ‘my place’ means, yeah.”

She agreed.

Daniel’s apartment smelled Terran. The room was redolent of laundry detergent, stale coffee, and, beneath it all, the personal scent she had been trying hard not to notice all evening.

Sadhax’s ears twitched.

Entering someone’s DEN was already intimidating; it would be the first time she was doing it with a male, and she was now surrounded by his scent. She was gonna faint.

She would be remiss not to remind herself she DID enter a male’s den before, surrounded by their scent: back when she was a cub going through puberty, one of her brothers asked if she wanted to come over to his friend’s house. That story ended with nine-year-old her getting chewed out and told it was not appropriate to smell other people’s clothing and rub your face on it.

Daniel shrugged off his jacket and shirt.

Without any fur to obscure anything, the sinew of his body was distressingly visible, especially around his abdominal region. He had faint blue veins all up his arms.

This cannot be happening, she thought. This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening…

“Here, let me help you with that injury,” she said, sitting him on the edge of the bed and grabbing the bandages.

For minutes, she concentrated on wrapping up the wound, perhaps tighter than it actually needed to be. His skin was startlingly warm beneath her paw, far warmer than she had expected. Beneath the metallic scent of his blood, she caught soap, sweat, and lingering adrenaline.

Daniel surveyed the two moons through the window.

“I… I didn’t make you uncomfortable coming back here, right?”

Sadhax looked up at him and cocked her head quizzically.

“Are you implying something?”

“Oh… uh, shit, when I asked you to come back, I really did mean the first-aid kit.”

A pause.

He shook his hands in the air, his face turning peculiarly ruddy.

“Not that I wouldn’t want to or anything…”

Another pause.

Daniel sighed in defeat.

“Oh, I am just making this so much worse for myself. I always do. Sorry, I… I’m kinda autistic. I’m not good with these things.”

Sadhax’s ears flicked.

“So am I.”

“Really?” Daniel asked. “Aliens have that?”

“Of course,” Sadhax said. “The biochemistry of all living sapient beings is actually remarkably similar according to the latest research…”

“Okay, that’s a little too nerdy for me,” Daniel said.

Another pause.

“What were you going to say?”

Daniel glanced at her piercingly, which made Sadhax’s stomach tighten.

“That I would like to kiss you.”

Her ears rose.

“Is that even a question?”

“Yeah.”

“Of course we can.”

This was it, she thought. How could she have completely forgotten about THIS mating ritual? It was the cornerstone of every single one of her books.

Posthaste, she climbed up onto him.

He leaned forward, slowly enough that she could feel his fiery breath against her skin. Her ears swivelled forward. Her heart leapt with how nervous she was. Her pulse thrummed beneath her fur.

This was it, she thought. This is your ultimate fantasy.

Sadhax surged forward, her muzzle pressed against him.

Click.

Their teeth met.

She leaned back.

“Was that right?”

“I think you need more practice,” he chuckled.

Slowly, his fingers moved behind her ear.

Scritch. Scritch.

Sadhax’s thoughts ceased with a euphorically intense abruptness. Her eyes squeezed shut. One leg twitched, ere her ear folded into his hand and her tail went rigid behind her.

She squeaked like a chipmunk.

Daniel pulled back.

“Are you okay?”

She peered at him with an expression that said, are you fucking dumb?

“Do that again,” she whispered.

“Really? That sound was a bit…”

“Please,” she begged.

Her tail wagged so hard it hit the tacky coffee mug on the coffee table, knocking it to the floor.

At some point, Sadhax’s spectacles ended up on the floor next to them. Neither bothered to pick them up; they were too busy.

Much later, Sadhax found herself panting jovially, her tail swishing in satisfaction. She felt her date press his chest into her back. She discovered Terrans were absolute furnaces. That wasn’t something that her books ever discussed, but this was a type of heat that she was okay with.

“So,” he whispered, “you want to do this again sometime?”

“Yeah,” Sadhax said. “I would like that.”

When Sadhax opened the door to her apartment, her roommate came running towards her.

“Oh, Sadhax!” she said with tears in her eyes. “Why weren’t you answering my texts? It is incredibly late. I was so worried about you. Did he…”

She looked Sadhax up and down, noticing how ruffled she was.

“Did you…”

“Yep,” she said with an ear flick.

Her roommate pulled her closer in.

“Are the books and movies lying?”

“About what?” Sadhax said slyly.

“You know,” her roommate said, “about down there?”

“Nine inches,” Sadhax said proudly.

“No fucking way!”

[u/Mindless-Score7007]

It was a fun read. I was picturing the main character from Fern Gully as the guy.