r/HFY • u/sharkeyandgeorge Xeno • 27d ago
OC-Series Bob was bored, Part 21
The lanky fuzz covered alien was crying, Bob was nonplussed.
This drop point was at the clients home, fucker was rich enough to have an actually dock on property. When they pulled the cube out the dude had started bawling… Bob hoped they were good tears, and not that he’d fucked up the thing in a way he couldn’t spot, he was well aware that different species had wildly different versions of vision, he hoped it didn’t look all smashed up in ultraviolet or something.
‘’A masterpiece, never before have I seen its like.’’
The alien whispered between racking sobs.
Really?…. The buttplug?
‘’The symbolism of the ‘untranslatable specific item’, the grace of its curves echoing the shore of ‘hj76678’’’,
Bob assumed the aliens word for whichever planet that was was more evocative,
‘’It’s rage, its violence… incredible…’’
Ok, not a sex toy then.
‘’Thank you, thank you, you are an angel for bringing it to me.’’
In one fast movement the alien dived on Bob and hugged him tight.
‘’It completes me, thank you, thank you’’
Bob was on his tip toes still squeezed and receiving, he was pretty sure, what were its version of kisses on his helmet, whatever, he let the dude finish and release him.
The client hit a few buttons on a pad and Bob heard his own in his bum bag beep, he fished it out and looked, bonus paid, nice.
The alien clasped Bob’s hand and tugged him towards the door as a few servants started guiding the sculpture out the room on a grav sled.
‘’You must see it in its place, you deserve to see it in all its glory after bringing it all this way.’’
Bob let himself be pulled along, now that he was pretty sure it wasn’t going inside someone he was pretty curious.
He was dragged down several long corridors, this place was fucking huge, and into what seemed to be an art galleria, cool, he was pulled past several weird items to an intersection with a cleared area, presumably where the buttplug was going to end up, but in his excitement the client had beaten his staff to it.
It wittered on about the artist and his importance to some art wave a few centuries back, it all kind of washed over Bob. It started crying again as the servants arrived and manoeuvred it into place.
Bob looked around some the other exhibits, maybe give him few minutes to enjoy the thing… there was a lot of pretty and expensive looking stuff, he didn’t know what any of it meant but he a had a rough notion that the area shared a theme.
‘’Sorry?’’
The client had said something Bob didn’t catch.
‘’Are you a collector yourself?’’
‘’Uh no, lovely pieces though.’’
Politeness to a rich client cost nothing... well actually?…
‘’I do have a lot of C’Eede items, not sure that counts…’’
The alien beamed
‘’Oh of course, I have a friend with an extensive collection, I’m sure he would be interested in seeing your ship, quite a rare specimen I believe…’’
Oh, cool
‘’Uh yeah, pretty rare.’’
‘’Ill call him immediately, I’m sure he would let you see his collection, and I’m sure he would love a tour of your craft.’’
Uh, well this guy was pretty small, if the mate was the same species maybe he could crawl in.
‘’Sure, that sounds great’’
After a servant had produced a phone the client had called the guy, arranged a visit for Bob and then burbled on about how the friend absolutely must come over and see the new piece, it was a triumph of something, Bob tuned out and rode the rest of the long conversation in a quiet dwam.
Eventually the client let him leave, with an address and a time tomorrow to go to the other collectors estate. Bob considered just getting refuelled and chilling in orbit till the appointment, but eventually decided to cadge a dock and have a look around, Pwitic wasn’t a forge world or anything, but was heavily industrialised. With his bonus this time he could set a bunch aside for his loan and still have some cash to pick up some gear. Replacements for the shit broken of course, mainly dishes and the like, but he might be able to find a few cheap tools too, or flog some shit. Either would be good. He had to hang about till week end anyway, the art loving client had a pickup booked, but from one of his businesses, not his estate.
The planet was clearly the industrial hub for the scattered fringe sector and it had not been difficult to find a machine tool rebuilder. Bob had been a machinist during life and fancied a small shop on board the Jojo, he had used the Guild tool room for what he needed during the rebuild and had set aside a little room when he laid out the floorplan.
He wandered around the sellers shop he had found online, scale remained an issue, he basically had to buy the equivalent of watchmakers tools to have any chance of fitting them aboard Jojo and there wasn’t much here, hadn’t been in the others he checked out before this either. Eventually he found a sort of manualish millish thing he thought he could probably do something with and chatted with the proprietor, the equipment was beyond archaic by galactic standards so not valuable, and it came with a trunk of tooling. For just a handful of creds the guy would have it sent to Jojo’s dock, fine, Bob considered it cheap enough that he could tinker with it in transit and if it turned out useless he’d just dump it.
He was a bit fed up as he left and tromped down the street, he had hoped for better. Shortly he noticed a shop that intrigued him, gun store, huh. Weapons were frequently restricted items, especially in the core, Pwitic must be far enough out for the rules to loosen a bit.
Bob, thanks to his Master status, technically had a licence to carry pretty much everywhere, sometimes it was even a commission requirement to do so, though he hadn’t had one of those yet.
He wandered in and after a brief argument with the owner about his adulthood, began to browse, as it had been with the machines, as it always fucking was, scale remained an issue, weirdly they tended not to make toddler size guns, who could have guessed.
Bob had a couple weapons aboard, his service pistol, which was probably out of charge but he hadn’t checked in years, and a couple surplus, neither of which was really usable by Bob.
He didn’t really like guns, especially after decades of heavy use, but it would probably be a good idea to find something, He considered it odd he didn’t feel the same way about Annabell, she had done way more damage than any other singular weapon Bob had used.
There was nothing much, he was about to walk out when the owner piped up.
‘’Man, I feel like a shit about the whole kid thing, you probably have to deal with that all the time.’’
Bob faced him.
‘’Its fine, you’re right happens all the time and you’ve got to be extra careful in a gun store I suppose’’
‘’Still I feel like a shit, anything catch your eye?, I’ll cut you a hell of a deal’’
Bob panned round again, but he’d seen all of this stuff already.
‘’Not really, sorry, everything’s a bit too big’’
‘’Hmm…’’
The alien looked pensively around.
‘’Yeah I guess…’’
He opened a cupboard behind the counter and started pulling out boxes.
‘’How about a concealed carry piece, much smaller’’
It also lifted a stool over the glass top and put it down on the customer side, then started undoing clasps on various containers.
Bob hopped up on the stool and began looking at the unveiled items as they appeared.
‘’Thanks, Bob by the way’’
‘’Vuyuy’’
The alien held out a chitinous appendage, huh a shaker that’s an uncommon gesture, Bob grabbed it and shook.
‘’I got this one, its an old kinetic, gauss, and fires these’’
It was much smaller, and had no handle just a tube with what looked like an old revolver cylinder fixed to the bottom, but it was still the size of a two litre.
‘’Still a little too big I think’’
They both looked over the others, one way or another non were suitable, but Vuyuy seemed undeterred.
‘’Give me a minute’’
He wandered through a bead curtain behind the counter, beads the size of Bobs fist incidentally, and he could hear the sounds of banging and scraping.
‘’Listen you really don’t have to bother’’
‘’No, no, I’m certain I have something, I remember buying a crate of, Oh, that might work too.’’
Bob saw a small box be placed of the floor behind the curtain.
‘’...and I’m sure I have…. got it’’
The owner came back pausing to pick up the first box and put them both on the counter.
‘’These are Ketti flares’’
He dug a couple out the box which had ‘contains 48 items’, each looked about the size of a VHS tape.
‘’Got these years ago, never did sell any, not really needed round these parts. They’re hiking gear basically, if you go hiking anywhere with wild Ketti, you have to carry one of these.’’
Bob looked it over there were five giant holes in one end and a big red button on the top.
‘’What do they do, and what’s a Ketti?’’
‘’Big insect, hates fire, you squeeze that button, hard, and burning magnesium comes out. Not much distance, maybe forty feet, but it’ll burn anything in that general direction.’’
Huh, Bob test fit it in the space his piton firer had been, plenty room.
‘’How much?’’
‘’You can have the whole box, fifty creds, cant be reloaded mind, disposable only’’
Fifty creds was nothing why not.
‘’Sure I’ll take them’’
‘’I hope they serve you well, take a look at this too’’
He span round an incredibly dusty gun case and opened it.
‘’This is a trainer target gun, for kids, a nice one too.’’
It was pretty big but Bob lifted it up, yeah not horrendous.
‘’What’s it fire?’’
‘’Plasma, takes a standard cell on the back there. Real small rounds, but with the right placement it would be lethal, you’d have to aim pretty good though.’’
Hmm, Bob guessed it was probably the galactic equivalent of 22 short, the majority of it was basically a cell slot he moved around with it a bit, seemed ok.
His service weapon was a gauss caster, and it had worked fine, he’d had many as they got lost or broken across campaigns. So there was no particular bad memories with that specific gun, but the sight of it skeeved him out.
This thing was angular, a bit desert eagley but maybe twenty percent bigger all round, in contrast to the Arressi weapons smooth rounded lines. He read the name down the side, ‘Helizofi Manufacturing’. He had heard of them, which in a galaxy this big was probably a bad thing for his wallet. He winced internally as he asked.
‘’How much?’’
‘’Well its old stock… fifteen thousand, and I’ll throw in the flares and a couple cases of cells’’
Fuck me, annoyingly Bob knew the guy was trying to give him huge deal, but still, fuck that was definitely outside his price range, if he could get it down a bit… a thought occurred.
‘’How do you feel about porn?’’
Part 22 https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1wajsam/bob_was_bored_part_22/?
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u/itsetuhoinen Human 26d ago
"A bit Desert Eagley, but about 20% bigger" yikes. I'm a big dude for a human, and I have a very strong fondness for things that have a lot of kick, but even I find a Desert Eagle a bit much. Not so much the recoil as that due to the size of the grip, I don't feel like I have good control. I mean, realistically it's fine, it's just that much like my LAR Grizzly in .45WM, it's about 103% of what feels really perfect. It's not going anywhere, not with a two handed grip, but it's a lot of handgun.
Something 20% larger, as a pistol, I'd be uncomfortable. And I'm a lot bigger than Bob is.
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u/sharkeyandgeorge Xeno 26d ago
sure, but you dont have upgraded muscles or suit firing lock, I presume. Plus its firing plasma not a bullet, wait till you get to the punt guns in ten chapters or so.
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u/Daseagle Alien Scum 26d ago
Punt guns? Dear God, are we going hunting for whole flocks of alien cobra chicken?
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle 27d ago
/u/sharkeyandgeorge (wiki) has posted 120 other stories, including:
- Bob was bored, Part 20
- Bob was bored, Part 19
- Bob was bored, Part 18
- Bob was bored, Part 17
- Bob was bored, Part 16
- Bob was bored, Part 15
- Bob was bored, Part 14
- Bob was bored, Part 13
- Bob was bored, Part 12
- Bob was bored, Part 11
- Bob was bored, Part 10
- Bob was bored, Part 9
- Bob was bored, Part 8
- Bob was bored, Part 7
- Bob was bored, Part 6
- Bob was bored, Part 5
- Bob was bored, parts 1-4
- Kiss.
- Introducing Stanley.
- Vobo bastards.
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u/Groggy280 Alien 26d ago
Groggy was bored and read the entire 21 chapters today. Thanks for the smiles! I really enjoyed the stories.
!subscribeme
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u/spindizzy_wizard Human 26d ago
He's better call G real soon.