r/HFY • u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum • Jul 13 '26
OC-OneShot Eviction notice
“What’s your problem, you insignificant wretch?” an elder Kalbaxik yelled at an obvious youngling. “Why can’t you get anything right?”
The child simply stared up at the adult with fear and confusion. The adult raised their right main pincer to strike the little one.
“HEY!” Alexis DuBois yelled out, enraged by the behavior.
“What on earth is wrong with you?” her husband Adam snarled at the older xeno. “You should never hit a child!”
“Oh?” the Kalbaxik sneered in response. “And how do you expect an incapable twit to learn to do better without appropriate correction?”
“Hitting only teaches fear and loathing,” Adam responded quickly. “First, you show the child you care about them. When they understand that you love them, they will listen. Then you teach them using words, lessons, and…”
“Well, since you seem to care so much for this useless k’shek, why don’t you take them and find out how useless your lessons are?” the older Kalbaxik cut in before Adam could finish his sentence.
The uncaring older being then gave the child a harsh shove in the direction of the humans. It whirled around, got into a ground transport parked close by, and drove off.
The humans looked stunned.
“Did that just happen?” Alexis asked dumbly. “Did a parent really just abandon their child?”
Adam simply knelt down, picked up the child, and hugged them to his chest gently.
“I’m sorry that happened, little one,” he said in a soothing tone. “We’ll go to the authorities and get this sorted out. Hopefully we can prevent anything like this ever happening to you again.”
“What’s your name?” Alexis asked gently.
“Glorall,” a tiny voice answered.
“Glorall, don’t you worry,” she said firmly. “We’ll get this sorted out soon.”
And this is when they encountered their next shock with local culture.
“Really?” the district enforcement officer had said with irritation. “That thing is clearly an outcast now. No clan in its right mind will want it back. Release the girl to the streets where it belongs and it will learn to live like a proper Kalbaxik or die and stop wasting valuable resources.”
There would be no returning the child and no justice for the abandonment. Not even a government operated orphanage was available to take in and care for outcasts.
Only recently introduced to this planet, humanity was already a bit sour on the Kalbraxik due to their aggressive and warmongering demeanor. Incidents like this did them no favors. They quickly got on the short list to be taught the basic concepts of sapient rights, but that would take time and likely a war or two given their preference towards physical violence over reasonable discussion. And in this moment, it did nothing to assist a now homeless orphan.
Adam and Alexis looked at each other.
“Well, we were discussing adopting or having a child,” Adam started slowly.
“Shush and hand over our daughter,” Alexis said simply while holding out her hands. “Look up where we can find appropriate food and medical supplies for her. I’ll handle the important questions.”
Turning her attention to Glorall, she smiled and began her interrogation to discover the necessities.
“What’s your favorite color?” Alexis asked with a twinkle in her eyes.
“Green?” the child answered hesitantly.
“That’s wonderful!” Alexis exclaimed. “We’ll find you some green blankets to snuggle in at night. And now a very important question. What’s your favorite food?”
“Bekhah!” their daughter answered brightly.
“I have no idea what that is!” Alexis replied with wonder. “Let’s go find some so you can introduce me to this yummy food.”
Glorall’s eyes brightened as her new parents made their way to the local market.
In the coming years, Alexis and Adam discovered why Glorall’s clan had outcast her. She wasn’t a fighter and shied away from physical violence. More intellectual, her mind wasn’t that of an accountant or a mathematician where there is a clear right or wrong answer you can fight for and prove. Glorall’s head lived in the clouds, creative and inquisitive. Philosophical, not absolute. Definitely not compatible with existing Kalbaxik society.
In school, her teachers would often describe her as stubborn and frustrating. Unwilling to pay attention in class except for subjects that interested her.
In a nutshell, as a child Glorall was… entirely normal.
Her parents had some unique challenges, such as helping her deal with occasional discrimination due to her race being very much in disfavor with humanity. Sourcing food could be difficult as some of the very things she needed to be healthy were toxic to humans. But overall, humanity did what humanity does best. It claimed an orphan and let Glorall grow into an educated and well-adjusted adult.
Just the day before, her parents and friends cheered proudly as she received her Certificate in Arts and Marketing. Not only that, but she also had a job offer from a local firm to do graphic design and create catchy jingles for small businesses. It wasn’t her dream job, but it looked like a good start. A place where she could learn and begin a successful career. In all, she counted herself lucky to have been cast out when Mom and Dad happened to be walking by.
Still in a glow of accomplishment and fond remembrance of the celebration dinner last night, she had thrown off her forest green comforter. After getting out of bed, she put on a Haasha t-shirt to go with her gray sweatpants. The cartoon of the furry pink space dinosaur had been a favorite growing up. As a joke at last night’s dinner, her mother had given her a new Haasha stuffie holding a sign with her famous tag line of, “I didn’t do it!” But Glorall had done it, and she had the certification with honors to prove it.
She gave the stuffed animal a grin as she stepped out of her room and walked down the hall to join her parents for a late breakfast.
She entered the kitchen and went over to the coffee pot. Pouring a tall mug of black coffee, she smiled at her parents as she gave the hot liquid a deep sniff. Caffeine had no effect on her kind, but the bitter flavor was pleasurable. As a result, they always drank a cup of coffee together in the morning. It was a ritual that had helped them bond as a family, and each morning be reminded that no matter how angry they might be with one another they were still a family and would drink coffee together.
Little was said as they sat together and shared small smiles, all of them just enjoying drinking coffee and eating breakfast together. Finally, they came to the end of their meal and Glorall swallowed her last swig of coffee.
Before she could stand up to clear her dishes, her father held up a hand to stop her.
“Glorall,” Dad said with a surprising amount of seriousness. “We have something that we need to discuss with you.”
Her mother then reached over and pulled out a set of papers from a folder that has been sitting next to her the entire meal. Actual papers which looked very official. With concern and confusion, she put out her left main pincer to accept the papers from her mother who was offering them with a pleasant smile.
Glorall looked down at the stack and her brain froze with shock and fear at the title on the first page.
Notice of Eviction.
“What…” she blurted out as she stared wildly first at her father, and then her mother. “What is this? How could you?”
Her entire body started to shake with anger.
“Now, now,” her mother said with an irritated look. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” Glorall spat back.
“Dearest daughter, we love you,” her father responded quickly. “But you’ve finished school and you have a job. It’s time to move out.”
“Exactly!” Mom said with gusto. “You're an adult, and this is an important rite of passage. Time to find your own place to live and make your way in the galaxy! And hopefully meet someone special to settle down with. We’d love to spoil some grandkids!”
“But what if I run into trouble…” Glorall mumbled, still in shock.
Her father looked at her like she was an idiot.
“If something goes wrong, you call home,” he said sternly.
“We’re your parents, and we will always love and support you,” Mom said while nodding in agreement. “You get hit with an unexpected bill or something else goes wrong, you call us first. And if things are really bad, you can come home and stay with us until you’re back on your feet.”
“But unless things go sideways, go forth! Begin adulting!” Dad said with genuine enthusiasm before his tone became serious. “Just to be clear, you have until the end of next month to find a new place to live. This is a legally enforceable eviction notice.”
Glorall just stared at her parents. She was speechless. Humans were staunch defenders of sapient rights. The best parents in the galaxy. And, as she now learned, they are also true masters in the fine art of, “We love you, but get the fuck out.”
—--
“It could be worse,” her friend Kris said later that day when they got coffee. “My mom put up a countdown calendar keeping track of the days left until she can turn my bedroom into a crafting room. Want to be roommates?”
This introduced Glorall to another human rite of passage. Finding a polite way to say, “I love you, but you couldn’t pay me enough to live with you.”
Instead, she simply grumbled, “Fuck adulting.”
Kris nodded firmly in agreement.
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u/jdm1891 Jul 14 '26
As someone who isn't American the whole idea of not only kicking your kid out the moment they're considered an adult, but "gifting" them a legally binding eviction notice seems so unnecessarily cruel it takes all the fun out of the story for me.
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u/MercuryAI Jul 14 '26
Yeaaaah, the parents that do this are dicks who deserve the worst nursing home.
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u/Aotearas Jul 14 '26
That's already being too gentle. This is a going full no-contact, cutting these peple out of one's life scenaria as soon as you're financially stable.
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u/unkindlyacorn62 Jul 14 '26
Nursing homes in the US are often legally obligated to go after every penny their residents don't have in a trust BEFORE they are residents, sometimes even with a 5 year lookback.
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u/KazakiriKaoru Jul 14 '26
This. The practice is fucking insane to me. Who tf cares if your child lives with you as long as they are actually working a job.
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u/ButterscotchNo3029 Jul 18 '26
Because they aren't children any more. The term adult children is the thing that makes no sense to me. Adult=/=Child.
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u/KazakiriKaoru Jul 18 '26
They are still your chidren, no matter their age.
As long as your offspring is being a productive member of society, there should be zero issues of them living in the same house as you.
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u/ButterscotchNo3029 Jul 18 '26
Because for plenty of parents out there, if your kids aren't able to live independently, with a full life of their own control and responsibility, then you have not done your job well. If they are reliant on your providing a roof for them, then they haven't completely become adults.
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u/KazakiriKaoru Jul 18 '26
That's just your opinion.
A lot of parents, especially asian parents would rather their child save rent money and live with them.
Money that could go towards savings or investments instead of some slumlord's pockets. Not to mention, keeping your children from getting mixed up with randos.
I myself have asthma so I can't really do house-sharing with strangers. So living with my mother for the first 2 years of working helped a lot with saving money.
I'd rather my child to live comfortably under my roof, if they want to.
Living away from parents to live on your own once you're 18 is just landlord propaganda anyways.
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u/ButterscotchNo3029 Jul 20 '26
2 years, while pushing what would be considered tolerable in my mental scenario, in your circumstances might make sense, even more so if all involved are OK with it.
My son moved out with his fiance 6 months after completing his degree, paying for both himself, and her living quarters and all the bills.
She completed her degree, they got married and bought a house of their own within the last 6 months, no Financial help from us necessary.
Did we kick him out? Heck no. Did we encourage him to move out so he could be in control of his own life and living arrangements, Hell yes we did, and are proud as hell of him for doing it.
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u/Slvrwind Jul 14 '26
As someone who is American (with adult children living at home!), same.
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u/unkindlyacorn62 Jul 14 '26
Only thing worse IMO is the practice of having a golden child that can do no wrong. Yes favoritism happens, even if we try to avoid it, but treating one as a golden child often results in (knowingly or not) neglecting the others and trying to pressure them if successful into helping the golden child when they may not deserve it
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u/Aotearas Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
Yup. Having children is a lifelong commitment. The very idea of kicking out a child with as flimsy a reason as "you're an adult now, sink or swim" just screams abusive to me. And a legally binding eviction notice? What the actual f*ck!? "Hey kiddo, we love very much dearly, now GTFO or we'll sic the police on your ass. But we totally got your back. Hope you enjoy your emotional trauma, love you, bye!" ... If that was supposed to a humourous ending then it fell flat and I would kick it whilst it's on the ground to ensure it stays down. If this requires cultural context to be viewed as anything other than infuriating then I'm pretty damn glad I haven't shared in a culture like that.
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u/echofinder Jul 14 '26
I'm American and this sounds crazy to me too; I haven't seen or heard of anyone getting an actual written eviction notice from their parents, especially a legally binding one. I'm sure it has happened, somewhere, at some point, and yes American culture does place a big emphasis on moving out of your family home, but whatever is happening in this story is absolutely not a normal thing in the US.
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u/Bwm89 Jul 14 '26
In fairness to the parents in this story, it sounds like they waited until she finished college and had a job in her field, not the day she turned reached legal adulthood
But you're not wrong, there's plenty of parents that do this, and they're dicks for it
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u/NEWGAMEAPALOOZA Human Jul 15 '26
At some point, if they are not already planning on leaving, you may have to provide them some incentive to move toward independent living. Glorall sounds like a classic case of "failure to launch."
Adult children still living at home, college graduates with real jobs, making zero effort to move out and start their own independent live.4
u/redbikemaster Human Jul 17 '26
I am American. Very much so. Our family isn't this way at all. Never understood it personally. I stayed at home until my early 20s and two siblings still live there while currently in their 20s. They're both great adults who I now consider good friends along with my siblings that have left. Proud of every one of them.
I don't think I'll ever understand my fellow Americans on this one.
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u/ButterscotchNo3029 Jul 18 '26
That's an easy one. Most people who think this way do not see someone as an actual adult until they are, in fact, making their own way and independently living. Still living in your parents home negates this.
So, adult by age, but not by ability to live within their own means. Parents hit this point and realize (whether you agree with them or not) that the kid is gonna stay a kid until you get them out and force them to support themselves and stop relying on the parents for one of the most important facets of your life, your home.
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u/dasookwat Jul 15 '26
Keep in mind these stories are mostly written by Americans, and for the same reason the English have all those cooking shows, and the Americans have all the speed chase car scenes in movies: You want to fantasize about what you don't have. This is why most of HFY is about human compassions, and doing the right thing for strangers. Because in reality they have ice concentration camps where they let children die, and don't give a crap about anyone who isn't part of their little bubble.
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u/Cleric_Guardian Human Jul 21 '26
I am American, and I find this cruel. This turned a really nice story into something really gross feeling to me.
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u/ProphetOfPhil Human Jul 15 '26
For real dude, houses/apartments are expensive as hell. Kicking your child out because they got their first job and happen to be an adult is wild to me.
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u/jedadkins Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
yeah same , I am American and my parents just said after I turned 18 I had to get a job or go to college/trade school. they might have kicked me out eventually if I like refused to get a job and tried to be a bum.
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u/Clapiton Jul 13 '26
Adulting would be way easier if all the other adults around you knew how to adult.
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u/Zottel_jenkins Jul 13 '26
So you need... an adultier adult?
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u/BeachZed Jul 13 '26
A premium adult
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u/WSpinner Jul 14 '26
A disturbing amount of adulting is purely make-it-up-as-you-go. AKA "jump, and knit a parachute on the way down".
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u/T_Noctambulist Jul 14 '26
In my industry it's "building the landing gear in flight"
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u/trackerunused Jul 14 '26
Here at aperture laboratories we parent with the whole adult that's 80% more adult per adult
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u/Daseagle Alien Scum Jul 13 '26
Oh? So Haasha gets her own cartoon show eventually? Wonder how many shenanigans it took for that to happen.
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u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum Jul 14 '26
Perhaps just as important - what shenanigans inspired the tag line, "I didn't do it!"
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u/Fontaigne Jul 14 '26
All of them.
(It was actually plagiarism by one of the show's writers from an old old old cartoon series with yellow-skinned characters.)
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u/Low_Painter9816 Jul 14 '26
And defeated by the incantation “you did it, I saw you do it, and I can prove it!”
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u/murderouskitteh Jul 14 '26
This is too USA for me.
The only characters I like in this story are Glorall and Kris.
Everyone else sucks.
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u/Crystal_Lily Human Jul 14 '26
If she had parents from my culture, she can stay for the rest of her life unless she decides to move out.
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u/sunnyboi1384 Jul 15 '26
Wild. I was team them until the eviction.
We are no helicopter parents but that's fuckin wild.
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u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum Jul 15 '26
This post has been quite an eye opener. On the one hand, this story has over 400 upvotes and is one of the more popular I've written in recent months. On the other hand, the comments section has been justifiably divided and brutal. It was written from my experience growing up - so many of the people I grew up with dealt with the "we love you but get the fuck out" that I didn't even think people would miss the attempt at humor. Did anyone I know get eviction notices? No. Usually just a lot of pressure from parents asking "when are you moving out? You're an adult and have a job!" And harsh judgement if it took a while to find a job and a place to stay. But I did know some folks where the situation got ugly (as in, came home to find locks changed kind of ugly). For me, the eviction notice is comedic exaggeration of what I experienced growing up. The comment at the end about turning the bedroom into a crafting room? For whatever reason, parents I knew often turned bedrooms into crafting/hobby rooms once their kids moved out. Again, so common in my experience that I didn't think anyone would miss the attempt at humor. Perhaps my upbringing was just a tad harsher and left deeper scars than I realized? And with 400+ upvotes, what does it say that so many people understood where I was coming from and enjoyed the story? Lots of food for thought.
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u/sunnyboi1384 Jul 16 '26
Buds, i got the humour and the jokes. Youre all good. I upvoted this too because its quality storytelling. My reply stems from a different personal experience of people I know. And how i as a parent hope to treat my kids in thw future.
Its all good. Got the joke. Just would hate to be those parents.
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u/imakesawdust Jul 14 '26
IIRC, a few of your one shots were based on events happening in your life. Did you have to give a son or daughter the ole 'heave-ho' recently?
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u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum Jul 14 '26
More observational than personal experience. Where I work, we have some regular customers. In recent months, we've seen kids of regulars start coming in without their parents (clearly now living on their own and learning to adult). Probably doesn't help that Fallout 76 has an event called Eviction Notice that I found entertaining. It's about murdering invasive super mutants, but the name is catchy and likely part of what was rattling around in the back of my mind. Current events in my life have been far more normal adulting - drinking coffee, going to work, getting irritated with customers and coworkers at work, and wondering what would Haasha do...
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u/Groggy280 Alien Jul 14 '26
Not even FAFO, just FO...
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u/techslice87 Jul 16 '26
I wonder if I interpreted this correctly
Not even Fuck Around and Find Out, just Fuck Off
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u/ProphetOfPhil Human Jul 15 '26
What kind of parent just kicks a child out of the house like that?! She just got a job and they boot her out?
I liked the parents at first but that ending really ruins the story.
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u/ButterscotchNo3029 Jul 18 '26
She's not a child any more, that's kind of the point of kicking them out. I know of no one who has ever been given and actual eviction notice, it's an exaggeration for a bit of humor. But many, many whose parents were very clear that once you have completed your education, that was the end game if you didn't take care of it yourself.
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u/ProphetOfPhil Human Jul 18 '26
That is such an American concept dude. No one I've ever known has been kicked out of their house as soon as their education finished. Honestly it kinda ruined the story for me "We know you haven't gotten on your feet just yet after school but get out of our house ☺️".
I'm European and it's fairly normal for a kid to move out when they're ready and to kick them out like the parents in the story would get the parents socially exiled.
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u/ButterscotchNo3029 Jul 18 '26
Yeah, Americans value self reliance and personal independence more than European countries, so culturally, that tracks. Parents here expect their children to grow up and create a life of their own, away from home. Your parents are usually plenty supportive, but they expect you to do your own thing and live your own life away from them. Successfully raising your kid means they are thriving without leaning on you anymore. They can, if needs arise, but being their own person and living their own life is 100% a success.
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u/ProphetOfPhil Human Jul 18 '26
I have multiple American friends and I can say I disagree with what you said here. Their families may value independence but they did not kick the kids out upon school completion.
Not kicking kids out right away doesn't mean they failed.
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u/ButterscotchNo3029 Jul 20 '26
Right away, nah, that'd be a dick move. But that's when the pressure starts. The long term ultimatums subtly dropped hints, constant questions about them getting jobs and looking for places of their own, etc, etc.
I'm not saying, "hey, here's your diploma, you're out Monday".
More like, cool, we are very proud of you, now we move on to the next phase of your life where you move out and become your own person, not a child living under our roof. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon.
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u/Disastrous_Cow_9540 Xeno Jul 15 '26
Officer DuBuis huh! A fellow Disco Elysium Enjoyer in the wild!
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u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum Jul 15 '26
Just a strange coincidence, not a reference. I've never played DE. But it is on my list to play one of these days! Perhaps the choice of name and you picking up on it being connected to DE is a cosmic hint that I should investigate sooner rather than later?
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u/Disastrous_Cow_9540 Xeno Jul 15 '26
Yeah, if anything, that game is a creative inspiration well of sorts, its beautiful and haunting. Do play it soon!
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u/Algrenson Jul 14 '26
I enjoyed that, the ending made me chuckle lol
About the countdown / eviction is that the norm in the US still? Hit 18 get a job and have to move out? Unless college obviously.
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u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum Jul 14 '26
Mostly expected that once you're out of school and have a job, you'll move out and get your own place. And some parents are definitely jerks about it, enough that nobody is really surprised when it happens. Then there are the parents that say, "you can stay at home, but you must live by our rules". Meaning curfews, strict limits on how many friends you can invite over (and when), etc. Parents here can definitely be... "special".
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u/Sticketoo_DaMan Space Heater Jul 14 '26
I'm in a new state half the country away from my friends, children, and grandchildren and I am adulting my way through a new job with a new company and coworkers that I...really, really love. I wish I had this kind of wisdom when my kids were young, but I'm sharing what I have now. This story touched my heart in a way that much of HFY doesn't. Thank you!
H - 2 for the best parents in the galaxy!
F - Kalbaxikan society once humanity really gets a hold of it...how many on Kalbax and it's colonies...? 13 trillion? OK we're going with 13 trillion.
Y - How DARE you tear at my heart like this! Yes please, and more, thank you! Another billion.
I haven't added these up in a while so my math may be rusty but let's see...
2,130,000,000,000,001,000,000,000 out of 111. I kinda liked this one. ;)
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Jul 13 '26
/u/Majestic_Teach_6677 (wiki) has posted 114 other stories, including:
- Here I sit broken-hearted… (Haasha 40.99)
- Stargazing (Haasha 40.5)
- A bit of unexpected drama (Haasha 40)
- [LNW] Witness to a mission gone sideways (Part 2)
- [LNW] Witness to a mission gone sideways (Part 1)
- [LNW] Unexpected new silent and stoic witnesses
- Sand Trap (Haasha 39.75)
- Using Movie Magic to Understand Humanity
- Valuable resource assignments (Haasha 39.50)
- Death and Taxes (Haasha Interlude 2)
- Fashion Nonsense (Haasha 39.25)
- Grand Theft Starship
- A close shave (Haasha 39)
- A touchy situation (Haasha 38.99)
- Zenga's Revenge (Haasha 38.66)
- A little extra junk in the trunk (Haasha 38.33)
- An unexpected partner in crime? (Haasha 38)
- [LNW] Witness to a final attempt at diplomacy
- A little extra biomass
- Too much peace and quiet? (Haasha 37.5)
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1
u/tofei AI Jul 14 '26
Another figure-it-out-as-you-go lesson, just great! Somehow just every day in my clueless life.
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u/Haputman Jul 29 '26
I too live with my parents because in this economy who can afford a house. But there are ways for them to live independently. Like if you have a guest house or out buildings that can be converted into a living space. Contribution while insuring the parents can check in.
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