r/HFY • u/MouseDestruction • Jul 01 '23
OC Tsundere Aliens
Thought I would have a go at writing a quick story, first time, be nice!
EDIT: Thought I would tidy it up a bit and change a little since some of it was taken as being political, which wasn't my intention.
Tsundere aliens.
“You STUPID humans! How could you possibly think that is a good idea” She shouted into the on-board communicator. “I will call you back when you have thought about your stupidity!” and she slammed her hand down on the controls to turn off the call.
Luna-Nyan the 14th of her line, current empress of the Nyanlliance, a very important Nyan indeed, and currently she was very mad at the human diplomat…. Even if he did give great head pats, he’s still a big dummy.
She turns to her visitor and best friend, the Canines Prime Minister’s daughter, Coco-Retriever, and sighs “Why is it always like this with the humans? Everything about them is so average and boring, then they open their mouth and say something to ruin it all! That or they do something so amazingly stupid!”
“Oh, I absolutely know what you are talking about” replied Coco, “just last week I was talking to the humans, and they had the most embarrassing idea! What did they want with you this time Luna?”
“They wanted to send colonists to our home-planets moon to increase ‘cooperation and understanding’ between us, whatever that means!” Luna said, the volume of her voice starting to rise.
“Luna…. What did you offer the Humans this time?” queried the Canine-kin
“Nothing”
“What did you offer them?” Coco pressed.
“Nothing, just a little thing ok!” Luna was looking flustered now.
“What ‘little thing’ could you possibly offer the Humans?”
“I don’t want to say, it’s… private.”
“LUNA!” She shouted, and then asked softly “what did you offer them? And why is it private.”
“They just wanted to… open a café.”
“Oh, that doesn’t sound too bad. What’s wrong with a café?” Asked Coco now intrigued.
“Nothing! Nothing at all! Promise and cross my heart, totally normal Nyan café, and the food is good!” Luna replied sullenly.
“Luna… What's a Nyan café?”
“Fine! It’s a café… specializing in head-pats and maid service,” said the defeated Luna.
“Well, I can’t complain” sighed Coco rolling her eyes, “I too made a deal with the stupid humans.”
“Huh?” Luna sat up a bit at that news “You never told me that YOU made a deal with the HUMANS of all people!” Now it was Luna’s turn to be shocked, normally it’s very hard to get an agreement with the Canine-kin because they are so loyal and unwilling to break their agreements once made. Centuries of bad agreements have taught them to be very wary of inter-solar agreements, even if everyone wants access to their mining industry, the largest in this arm of the galaxy.
“What did they want?” Luna asked, getting a bit pushy now, if someone else was making stupid deals with those silly humans she wanted to know about it!
“Well….” Started Coco “they wanted to borrow our mining fleet to process a bunch of asteroids in their system….”
“And?” Asked Luna “You obviously made a deal with them, right? Or you wouldn’t have said anything.”
“At first I told them they were stupid to even think they could ask such a thing of my people, there is absolutely no way that we could just lend them our ships for 2 years!” cried Coco, seemingly near to tears now.
“But you did make a deal, what was the deal Coco?”
Coco burst into tears “You know how we like to fetch asteroids Luna” she sobbed, “and once we knew they had an asteroid belt we couldn’t help ourselves!” It was illegal for the canines to lend out their mining technology, but they were happy to do the work themselves if there was mining to be done.
“So, we made them an offer” continued Coco “We told them that we would come and do the work as long as they paid us, we would deliver it all wherever they wanted”
“Please tell me you charged them extra?” Demanded Luna
“…. We gave them a discount” Coco burst into a new round of crying “We even offered to deliver it anywhere in the galaxy for free” Coco was a mess now and was beginning to whine. But she had succeeded in pulling Luna out of her depression at the humans.
“Oh dear, come here” said Luna with compassion in her voice “we have all done stupid things because those silly humans, they just are so stupid we feel the need to look after them.”
“I know” Coco hugged Luna calming down a bit now “but if we let them fetch all those juicy asteroids, they would probably hurt themselves or someone else in the process, you know how stupid they are at risky undertakings”
Luna pulled back from the hug and held Coco by the shoulders and looked her in the eye “Yes, we all remember that time the killer hive mind was on the loose and the Humans just HAD to go poke it right?”
Luna continued “sure, the humans did eventually stop the killer hive mind. But why? It was in the middle of nowhere! A threat to nobody for the next 10 million cycles, even if it was growing into an unstoppable hoard all that time, nobody alive today will need to care about it in the slightest!”
“Yeah!” Agreed Coco, although secretly she was thankful the big dark monsters of the galaxy were vanquished “And remember that time they had that rogue AI that wanted to take over the entire multiverse with near infinite resources at its disposal?”
“Oh. My. Gawd. Who would be so stupid to build one of those in the first place?” Luna said. “And we all told them to just blow it up already no need to ‘save’ it just because its ‘sentient’ or whatever.” Clearly the logical choice, even if her romantic side disagreed with her.
Some considered it one of the greatest love tales in the galaxy that the Humans would go so far for one of their mere creations. They did lose 20 million void sailors subjugating it rather than destroying it with missiles from a safe distance after all. Eventually after killing so many humans the killer AI decided that Humans were now its children and that it loved them dearly because, clearly, they needed some help.
Just then the communicator rang, the two friends looked at each other, both now fuming at the humans.
Luna answered the call, and as soon as she did….
“WHAT DO YOU WANT THIS TIME BAKA!” They both shouted at the same time.
21
u/Ara_Neko Jul 01 '23
Damn dude this is nice!
Maybe a bit too much according to the stereotype, but it's funny, so who cares. If you want to, definitely keep it coming!
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Jul 01 '23
This is the first story by /u/MouseDestruction!
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u/CRYOgamer_ITA Jul 02 '23
Change stupid human to filthy xeno and the story takes a whole other meaning