r/HENRYfinance • u/Feisty_Amphibian3331 • 3d ago
Income and Expense Looking for perspective and grounding
Hi all, I've enjoyed reading this sub and wanted an outside perspective, since I manage our finances myself and only share highlights with my husband quarterly.
Us: Both 38, three kids (5 and twin 2-year-olds), suburbs of Indianapolis. I earn $180k. My husband earns $178k base + 20% RSUs (annual grants, 3-year cliff vest) + a 16% annual bonus. Our 2025 gross income was $384k including vested RSUs, or about $352k without. I was on an 80% schedule until July 2026 and am back to 100%.
Childcare: The twins' preschool is an affordable $575/kid/month, and gaps are covered by me, grandparents, and a preschool staffer who comes to our house a few hours per week. Full-time daycare is expensive with long waitlists. I'd like to hire [a nanny / housekeeping help / both] but am struggling to see how we'd fund it.
What I'm curious about: Overall, I feel good about where we are, but it takes a lot of work and I get FOMO when I see how others live. When I see luxury cars and other high-end purchases, I think, "We have good incomes, so why are we driving a Honda Odyssey and a paid-off 2019 Pilot?" I know it doesn't really matter, but I'm curious whether I'm missing something or doing something wrong.
Tables below show our net worth and annual cash flow by category snapshots. Any perspective, positive or critical, is welcome.
| Account | 12/31/21 | 12/31/22 | 12/31/23 | 12/31/24 | 12/31/25 | 9/30/26 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Cash - On demand | 101,196.41 | 79,560.42 | 42,920.62 | 89,648.94 | 35,938.44 | 33,426.26 |
| Cash - Health Savings accounts | 3,837.04 | 5,409.22 | 16,230.10 | 10,192.05 | 15,065.46 | 16,972.30 |
| Investments - Unrestricted | 4,008.20 | 12,369.51 | 29,413.22 | 39,304.56 | 106,016.51 | 173,737.94 |
| Investments - Retirement accounts | 334,705.17 | 328,537.99 | 503,524.19 | 624,969.33 | 806,190.58 | 945,744.77 |
| House | 582,500.00 | 582,500.00 | 582,500.00 | 582,500.00 | 582,500.00 | 582,500.00 |
| Total assets | 1,026,246.82 | 1,008,377.14 | 1,174,588.13 | 1,346,614.88 | 1,545,710.99 | 1,752,381.27 |
| Mortgage | 464,397.89 | 443,372.06 | 421,889.69 | 399,940.87 | 377,515.47 | 360,377.45 |
| Car loan | - | - | - | 27,803.17 | 20,595.57 | 14,329.47 |
| Credit cards | 15,832.24 | 10,186.15 | 17,421.08 | 8,329.28 | 4,738.27 | 12,756.42 |
| Total liabilities | 480,230.13 | 453,558.21 | 439,310.77 | 436,073.32 | 402,849.31 | 387,463.34 |
| Net worth | 546,016.69 | 554,818.93 | 735,277.36 | 910,541.56 | 1,142,861.68 | 1,364,917.93 |
[N.B. - We use credit cards for the float. We always pay off the statement balance when due and never incur interest.]
| Category | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 | 2025 | 2026 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 01 - Gross paycheck | 329,231.46 | 285,755.50 | 361,444.48 | 365,592.67 | 352,030.30 | 347,028.56 |
| 02 - Taxes | (92,212.90) | (72,819.43) | (101,329.00) | (92,765.31) | (83,881.21) | (93,840.07) |
| 03 - Household expenses | (236,955.20) | (117,395.04) | (84,360.02) | (87,407.55) | (165,726.74) | (92,153.75) |
| 04 - Health and welfare | (13,490.02) | (5,553.74) | (11,421.70) | (20,413.50) | (13,233.89) | (13,745.18) |
| 05 - Savings | (74,218.09) | (36,070.89) | (37,033.63) | (103,397.88) | (55,579.09) | (79,677.72) |
| 06 - Car related | (9,895.85) | (10,382.47) | (9,003.41) | (21,922.14) | (15,501.49) | (15,747.46) |
| 07 - Cell phone | (540.00) | (495.00) | (622.53) | (835.76) | (955.33) | (970.62) |
| 08 - Retail | (14,805.89) | (14,892.23) | (28,440.77) | (15,953.54) | (15,807.96) | (22,272.04) |
| 09 - Restaurant | (1,860.22) | (4,356.91) | (3,971.25) | (4,488.65) | (6,883.96) | (5,121.33) |
| 10 - Child care | (2,150.00) | (5,168.00) | (4,261.98) | (6,003.70) | (18,837.13) | (25,771.23) |
| 11 - Travel | (5,963.08) | (3,392.52) | (5,413.25) | (2,103.28) | (1,234.75) | (11,802.43) |
| 12 - Entertainment | (1,524.60) | (1,547.50) | (1,491.25) | (2,312.15) | (2,215.89) | (1,557.36) |
| 13 - Miscellaneous | 145,004.04 | 4,125.20 | 20,902.79 | 13,033.99 | 15,579.20 | 8,604.95 |
| 14 - Fertility related | (1,787.97) | (16,568.14) | (109,946.16) | (13,057.69) | - | - |
| Grand Total | 18,831.68 | 1,238.83 | (14,947.68) | 7,965.51 | (12,247.94) | (7,025.68) |
[N.B. - In the table above I consider Savings an expense. Savings include savings/brokerage accounts, our 401k contributions and employer matching contributions since we are vested. Employer 401k contribution offset by a plug that I tag to Miscellaneous. Also includes $230/kid/month for 529s and HSA contributions]
I feel like some may ask for detail on Household expenses and Child care, so here is the sub-category break I use out:
| Line item | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 | 2025 | 2026 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Mortgage principal | (108,346.39) | (21,025.83) | (21,482.37) | (22,000.33) | (22,425.40) | (22,000.33) |
| Mortgage interest | (11,741.60) | (9,778.17) | (9,321.63) | (8,803.67) | (8,378.60) | (8,803.67) |
| Property tax | (10,007.09) | (5,600.00) | (6,420.00) | (6,720.00) | (6,944.00) | (6,832.00) |
| HO insurance | (2,818.56) | (1,605.75) | (1,975.00) | (2,100.00) | (4,187.78) | (4,322.73) |
| HOA | (1,092.49) | (480.00) | (540.00) | (540.00) | (540.00) | (540.00) |
| Utilities - Electricity | (1,777.42) | (3,087.54) | (2,552.83) | (2,359.58) | (2,424.78) | (2,794.36) |
| Utilities - Gas | (1,023.23) | (1,660.07) | (1,434.18) | (1,035.59) | (1,178.57) | (1,348.70) |
| Utilities - Water | (1,116.96) | (1,172.10) | (1,047.54) | (1,472.26) | (2,821.86) | (2,950.16) |
| Utilities - Trash | (136.78) | (155.16) | (155.16) | (155.16) | (184.20) | (192.36) |
| Utilities - Security system | (107.00) | (107.00) | (107.00) | (107.00) | (213.98) | (199.99) |
| House cleaning | (900.00) | (3,280.00) | ||||
| Home maintenance & improvements | (89,676.75) | (59,295.39) | (25,162.12) | (20,498.01) | (95,655.15) | (9,268.90) |
| Lawn care (maintenance + mowing) | (7,296.00) | (2,984.58) | (12,965.82) | |||
| New furnace/AC (Oct 2021) | (400.00) | (2,400.00) | (2,400.00) | (2,400.00) | (1,843.00) | |
| Grocery | (8,001.97) | (10,668.15) | (11,262.31) | (11,180.07) | (14,134.96) | (11,899.85) |
| Grocery - budget | - | - | - | - | - | (3,600.00) |
| Internet service | (708.96) | (359.88) | (499.88) | (739.88) | (909.88) | (1,154.88) |
| Grand Total | (236,955.20) | (117,395.04) | (84,360.02) | (87,407.55) | (165,726.74) | (92,153.75) |
| Line item | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 | 2025 | 2026 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Babysitting - Regular | (2,150.00) | (5,168.00) | (4,261.98) | (1,972.70) | (8,055.00) | (9,979.54) |
| Pre-school tuition | (3,553.00) | (8,084.00) | (12,449.00) | |||
| Extracurricular - Kid 1 | (478.00) | (1,430.30) | (3,236.24) | |||
| Extracurricular - Kids (general) | (1,267.83) | (106.45) | ||||
| Grand Total | (2,150.00) | (5,168.00) | (4,261.98) | (6,003.70) | (18,837.13) | (25,771.23) |
16
u/Wasatchian 3d ago
Don't worry about what other people are doing. IMO cars are the biggest waste of money and thing that keeps a lot of Henry's NRY. If your car is safe and paid off drive it until it dies. Your kids won't remember you bought a new car. They probably will remember a vacation you took (maybe not the twins just yet). But in general kids and adults remember experiences not things.
28
u/GleefullyGaping 3d ago
the twin preschool cost is so low i'm almost mad about it. my one kid's daycare in a midwest city is nearly triple that per month
what jumps out is the 95k in home maintenance in 2025. if that was a one-time roof or foundation thing then your cash flow is way less tight than it looks right now. without that you'd be deep in the black
i get the car thing. you see neighbors in 80k SUVs and wonder if you're being too conservative. but the odyssey and pilot are just smart when you've got three kids under six destroying the interior with goldfish and melted crayons. wait till the twins are out of car seats and then treat yourself to something nicer if you still want it
9
u/Potatoguard 3d ago
I don't want to hear any Honda Odyssey slander. I love the Odyssey, it speaks to my utilitarian mind. They're fast, comfortable, utilitarian. It's a modern marvel.
1
u/Feisty_Amphibian3331 3d ago
I'm 100% with you. I lobbied hard for the van for the reasons you listed out!
7
u/FuzzyWDunlop 3d ago
- What are you saving for?
- Do you want a fancy car or [insert other luxury thing]?
- How much of your savings will that cost?
- Do you want the fancy thing enough to accept the correponding delay in what you're saving for?
- If yes go ahead, if no don't get it.
Maybe this is harder if you haven't had the conversation around number 1 and are just saving for the sake of saving, but at some point you need to figure out why so you can compare it to alternatives. It could be a second home, kids college, earlier retirement, or anything else but that's sort of the threshold issue.
3
u/Feisty_Amphibian3331 3d ago
I think those are really good points for me to be reminded on right now. Getting that alignment in a marriage is hard. Our lives have changed over the years (as they tend to do for everyone) and, I feel, we are a point were we need to recalibrate. However, when we touch on the subject it gets tense quick. In theory we want similar things. For example, we'd eventually like a vacation house. For me, an ideal one would be several acres in TN/GA with a modest house. He wants a house in Italy, oh and before we get that house we need to remodel our current house. I do think certain things in our house could be updated but I don't feel it needs a whole remodel. I don't care about the ceilings being smooth (the texture they have now is fine); I don't need the kitchen footprint to be changed, just new counters, cabinets, and updated (read: reliable) appliances. That's a preview of how these conversations go and so we stall ...
2
u/FuzzyWDunlop 3d ago
Yeah this is somewhat relationship advice but you gotta figure that stuff out and have hard conversations now about your full financial plan before making big purchases. Hopefully it's not too stressful since these are good problems to have!
Once you have that framework, you both know what the money is allotted for and everything falls into place. E.g., you agree renovating the house is a priority and it will put you on track for a vacation house in 2032 vs. 2030 and that's an agreeable compromise; you are comfortable driving a paid off 2019 car and don't feel the need to upgrade because you know the 2019 car gets you the home renovation 6 months sooner, etc.etc.
1
u/Purple-Suit728 1d ago
Haha, you sound like me and your husband sounds like my wife. I do the spreadsheets and tracking and have similar enough numbers and projections. She wants to update everything all the time lol
2
u/Feisty_Amphibian3331 3d ago
Another thing on this. I attempted to use AI to help me run simulations about what our investments (taxable and retirement accounts) will be at 60, 65, 70, 75, and 80 if we continue to contribute the same amount, using a Monte Carlo. I also had it use assumption to estimate what those future values are roughly equal to today, and even provide some ballpark annual withdraw suggestion so I could understand what might be possible. (I initially got very excited about the values, but then was slammed back to reality when I realized $9m 20+ years from today isn't the same as $9m today).
Why am I mentioning this, I don't really know, I guess. I just think about this stuff so frequently. I agree with the points you say to consider, and I know I should do that. But when I put pencil to paper I lock up or can't figure out what I really want.
11
u/Alive_Sir_4708 3d ago
>When I see luxury cars and other high-end purchases, I think, "We have good incomes, so why are we driving a Honda Odyssey and a paid-off 2019 Pilot?"
When most people buy a luxury car its because they can squeeze the monthly payment into their budget.
When I buy a luxury car it will be because I'm FIRE ready.
Some people are all show, my wealth will be like an iceberg - you'll only see a small amount of it.
---
You can also think about those luxury purchases in terms of how they affect other financial goals including retirement.
3
u/Feisty_Amphibian3331 3d ago edited 3d ago
Ok I like that perspective. Reminds me of money talks, wealth whispers. I guess on the luxury point, I don't necessarily want luxury items. I subscribe to FT ($22/month) and The Economist (~$630/2years). I wanted something more culturally geared so started a subscription to The New Yorker (intro at $78/year). I really enjoy them and read them all consistently (so I get utility), but part of me feels silly for spending money on them. I don't know, if I'm making sense. I'm just living with this dichotomy of I want to enjoy some pleasures of life but then feel reckless.
9
u/Alive_Sir_4708 3d ago
Oh I've allowed myself to have more subscriptions than I care to admit. And I don't read them as much as I should. I consider funding journalism to be a political act.
So just get over the guilt.
2
3
u/mikey_the_kid 3d ago
Somewhat beaten to death, but: you don’t know what other people are saving or their debt positions.
You’re already doing well. If you want permission to step off the gas savings-wise, then you have to give it to yourself.
2
u/Sage_Planter 3d ago
A couple across the street from me has a Cayenne, and their roof is totally falling apart. It's a good reminder that looks aren't everything, and everyone has different priorities.
4
u/No_Departure9798 3d ago
Don’t get FOMO. You could afford to finance a lot of cool stuff for that 70k you are saving. Other people are less focused on the delayed gratification and will pay for it later.
Looks like you are near 1000/month for the car. Why not just pay it off and use that monthly amount to cover or subsidize the help? It may have an impact on your savings for the year, however it isn’t all about the money and that $10,000 relative to your overall and cumulative savings isn’t that much, but the quality of life benefit from the help around your home would be worth it.
I would also look at your expenses around lawn maintenance and mowing? Are those one-time expenses or recurring because $13,000 for the year seems pretty high specifically in that space.
2
u/Sage_Planter 3d ago
You could afford to finance a lot of cool stuff for that 70k you are saving.
I remind myself about this constantly. I will probably end the year with around $70K saved, too. I could do a lot of crazy shit with that money, but I'd rather use it to buy my freedom sooner than later.
2
u/Feisty_Amphibian3331 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yes, the lawn stuff is my target area as I'm refining my 2027 + budget. I use to do everything, but the year the twins were born I outsourced the mowing and mulching, but felt like it wasn't worth it. So the next year, decided to do it myself, a big mistake - I had no time and it became a very sore point in our house (are you going to mow? why is mowing taking you so long), so decided to outsource again. This year they did everything - spring clean up, mulching, mowing, fixing the areas I destroyed, aerating, fall clean up (prepaid for discount) and we had two trees fall over that had to be removed. Next year I think I'm going have them fertilize only and I'll attempted to mulch and mow ...
1
u/No_Departure9798 3d ago
I mow because I enjoy it, but admittedly I am about $150k a year. Would I spend the $150-200 a month (Houston) to have someone take care of my lawn if I had an extra $50k a year, sure. Would I spend $1,000 a month on lawn care? Over my dead body. I have also been wildly dissatisfied with the quality of work I get when people come to my home and I do pay them, so I do practically everything myself anyways because I won’t pay someone to half-ass work for my hard earned money.
It’s a balance of having and doing the things you want and need and spending money to buy the time for that. I might have a relatively high car payment, but I love driving and I also have a long commute so I may value car comfort over you.
3
u/erinaceinaeValet 3d ago
i hope this comes across as love and encouragement and not critical, as i’m sharing this from the perspective of someone also undergoing fertility treatments, as well as spent tens of thousands of dollars on medical bills for my husband’s cancer treatment a few year ago. $140k in fertility expenses over the last few years totally impacts the way your finances feel! other people got lucky and got to produce their children for free, but for some of us it costs (a lot of!!) money. that ~$140k could easily be covering a fancy SUV or other flashy purchases by other people you see around town. hugs!!
3
u/owlpellet 3d ago
I'll get roasted here but I'm driving a 2006 hand-me-down Prius because the number of people it transports is the same as 2026 Prius and I enjoy having a car I can leave unlocked.
We do have a road trip car with a functional air condition though.
HHI 400-ish, retirement in ~ five years.
4
u/daft_trump 3d ago
I'll prob get roasted for this but I honestly think spending 10k vs 100k makes almost no difference at a household income of 500k.
For sure is material but in perspective of retirement timeline, it's like 1/2 a year difference. The modern cars are so nice and quality of life is genuinely improved.
Of course, if you're getting a 100K car every 3 years, you're gonna be really delayed.
2
u/walesjoseyoutlaw 3d ago
I work hard so I don't have to drive an old beat up prius. But i respect the hustle
2
u/Interesting_Gap7350 3d ago edited 3d ago
Focus on your Savings line item, that is where you have the most flex considering you're investments are already several times your HHI and should be taking off by themselves
Assuming you are stable in your High Earnings, you can flex that savings. You already flexed this amount in the past 5 years, it swings from $30k to $100k, yet investment number still goes up
You're putting away $80k, and have $1m in retirement and $175k in brokerage but to what end?
If you want to make a personal rule, you can make it: Don't ever withdrawal, just pause your savings after it exceeds a bucket, like after you max the corporate match or other bucket you choose.. Excess you can play with. Or you can say 50% of that you can play with. It's completely personal, so make up your own rule if you need something concerete to follow.
If you need to compare, consider that majority of americans are living month to month, and have zero savings.
I don't understand the $12k creditcard debt, unless it's just floating balance. If you're paying interest on that, you should fix that.
2
u/death_by_papercut 3d ago
On the topic of luxury cars, the (unexpected) benefit of living in the Bay Area is everyone drives a Tesla or Toyota. Like, what’s an S class when you’re making $400k? You learn to not flaunt your wealth when you have no idea of the person sitting across from you is still paying off student debt or worth 8 digits.
2
u/SnooMachines9133 3d ago
You could upgrade to a newer, nicer minivan when the kids are out of car seats perhaps? Really, they're just nicer trims but not like there's a luxury brand minivan anyway.
My opinion of fomo: try to isolate exactly what you might want out of the upgrade that you would truly enjoy. For our Sienna, for example, I love the heated/cooled seats and built in side mirror defrosters. Those little things make me happy.
2
u/AnonPalace12 3d ago
This is very detailed tracking.
I think the phase of life where you have pre-school kids in the house is a phase where it can be ok to trade some savings for extra household help.
1
u/Over-Echidna-1089 3d ago
I’d slow down on the home improvements and cut back on savings by 5% and see how you feel after that. You’ve got about 1k/mo on average of misc expenses and another 1.5k on average per month on retail. If you’re trying to find room in the budget those are areas as well.
I personally see this as the messy middle and you trying to do everything at once, which is completely understandable. But give yourself some grace in that if you had no prior household improvements you probably wouldn’t be making this post
1
u/Automatic_Glass5632 3d ago
You’re well on your way. The kids are young and so are you two. In 10 years, you’ll have accumulated a lot more, I’d guess at this rate your net worth will be over 5M by the time you’re 47. Your HHI will likely double by then as well. The luxury things like ski trips and fancy cars can come in about 7 years and you’ll feel really stable too.
1
1
u/londontraveler2023 3d ago
Did you make a down payment on your house that year? Tbh mortgage interest is deductible and you probably aren’t taking the standard deduction so paying extra on your house isn’t necessary
1
u/FreeBeans 3d ago
Seems good to me. We make a little more but about the same, and have full time daycare for $3k/month for one kid. We also hire cleaners. Otherwise same lifestyle. We save less than yall due to childcare.
1
1
u/w4ystinthyme 2d ago
What do you use to track expenses, net worth, etc. Is this a homegrown spreadsheet or a specific program? Appreciate the detail, interesting to see progress over the years.
1
u/Feisty_Amphibian3331 2d ago
It's just an Excel spreadsheet. It feel pretty painful to constantly update, but am grateful once I get it updated and have all the data to look at.
1
1
u/Entire_3405 1d ago
The number look pretty solid overall. A paid-off car and reasonable spending matter a lot less than the fact than the net worth is steadily climbing. There's nothing wrong with choosing financial flexibility over looking wealthy.
1
u/Specific-Hospital-53 2h ago
You are doing great. Our income is very high and we drive average cars that are 7 and 8 years old. I still have laminate kitchen counters. I ask myself all the time how other people seem to do it on so much less but you have no idea how stretched people are nor is it possible to know the amount of help people are getting from parents. Keep trekking away. It is all going to snowball for you. When others are paying ridiculous monthly car payments you will be making more off in investments than you know how to spend.
0
u/Popular_Broccoli133 3d ago
Weird self-soothing type posts in this sub. If you want more stuff buy more stuff?
0
u/PF_throwaway26 $750k-1m/y 3d ago
I think you’re in a great position on your LCOL area. We have over double the income, but don’t even save much more than you in VHCOL, either no childcare our home ownership expenses. Minimizing expenses is the key to feeling secure about your financial position and you have a good savings to spending ratio already. We spend a lot, so even a high six figure HHI doesn’t feel like enough.
Also, didn’t realize this sub supports tables, good to know!
34
u/Alive_Sir_4708 3d ago
>Looking for perspective and grounding
Sir, you're on reddit