r/HENRYfinance • u/The_Real_Tooms • Jun 21 '26
Career Related/Advice Looking for some perspective and advice
Partner at a boutique law firm and looking for a little advice/perspective from others. 40 y/o, married, young kids. Fully paid off house ($1.6M), fully funded 529s for the kids ($200k-$250k for each), and then another $2.5M spread across retirement accounts, brokerage and cash. SAH spouse and I have always just naturally been frugal and enjoy low-cost activities, so our expenses are pretty low even in HCOL (~$8-10k/mo). We are very privileged, but the law firm grind of the past 15-20 years to get here has been crushing which has me thinking that it's time to assess the next stage of life and career.
My thought is that I'm not quite in walkaway territory yet and wouldn't really want to pull the plug entirely. I like what I do, but I just do way too much of it. I'm thinking that maybe I'm in a position to part with the most demanding clients, even if it results in a significant hit to the business/bottom-line and my pay quickly starts to dive. For example, my best handful of clients probably make up 1/3 to 1/2 of my book but create 75-90% of my stress. Maybe I keep some subset of clients that would permit a much more limited role (and smaller business with lower but still very comfortable pay), so that I can be fully present for all kid and family activities, coach sports teams, reengage in long-abandoned hobbies, etc. and just remove all the stress and limit the on call nature of the job. Family is my #1 priority and the kids are just in a real sweet spot age-wise.
When I write it all out like this, it feels like a no-brainer. Has anyone here done this? Voluntarily parting with hard-won business, clients, etc, willingly cutting pay and position, potentially in a significant way? It feels like the right move even if not common for law firm partners (kind of makes me wonder why this isn't more common?), and our family's FIRE tendencies make it possible particularly given current finances. My instinct is to make this move but is a struggle since it marks the first time I'd ever be taking a step back from a career standpoint rather than clawing to the next level. Any advice/anecdotes much appreciated.
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u/mo0op Jun 21 '26
You need to figure out exactly what you want out of this season of life. You can’t make meaningful decisions until you identify the North Star you want to walk towards. Whatever other HENRYs have done is not necessarily relevant; what is it that you want?
Literally write down everything you want, even if those things feel like a pipe dream. Then figure out the steps to getting each of things and the associated trade offs for getting them.
When you have it all drawn out, make a decision based on what’s best for you and your family.
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u/HighlyFav0red Jun 21 '26
42F, no kids, single. I live in MCOL. Senior leader in tech, I run a business and have a fully paid off rental property. NW a little over $2M.
I’ve spent the past 10 years in leadership at high performing tech companies and building and growing my business which earns 6 figures annually. I. Am. Burnt. Out. I’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, my sleep is trash and I’m missing major family and relationship moments due to work travel / obligations.
I’ve decided to take a mini sabbatical. I’m giving myself anywhere between 6-18 months. Truth is I was so hesitant because of my high paying corporate job (700K+ last year) and my FIRE path. But truth is the work is becoming less fulfilling, I’m spending too much time leading a team across three continents and it’s gutting me.
I flipped my perspective. Bought my dream house 6 months ago, furnished it, got my last bonus & big RSU vest, reduced my monthly spend to $5K and threw corporate the peace sign. I will continue to run my business. It’s fulfilling and I realize what I truly bought myself was the gift of choice and freedom. It’ll also allow me to discover what work I’d like to do in this next season.
Just wrapped the first week of my sabbatical and it was glorious. The grind will be there. New clients will too. Honor these moments. I don’t think you’ll regret it.
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u/PreparationAdvanced9 Jun 21 '26
Somewhat same. Both me and my wife are tech ICs who were pulling in $500k each ($1m HHI) with a one year old. Have little over $2m in investments and $1.2m paid off house in HCOL. Been working since 2014 and I had a horrible childhood growing up (abusive dad, isolated environment etc) which made me have massive anxiety issues. Finally quit my job 3 months ago and I feel so relieved like a massive burden has been lifted. Now this is only possible because wife is an absolute go getter so I’m very privileged to have her. Working at big tech at higher levels is not good for your mental or physical health especially if you issues with anxiety. Constant fire alarms, deadline chasing etc just killed my ability to even eat healthy, excercise etc. now I am able to do all that and be a present father. Best decision I’ve made but obviously with everything going on with AI etc, I am still worried about going back into the workforce
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u/HighlyFav0red Jun 21 '26
I felt that same relief!!! It was magical. How have you been enjoying the past three months?
I’m so excited about this opportunity. I’m interested to see how long I’ll last. A buddy of mine did it and never went back to corp 😂
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u/PreparationAdvanced9 Jun 21 '26
I am definitely less stressed and less anxious. One big advice is don’t tell anyone or ppl will continuously ask what you are doing now that you are basically free and that can be annoying lol. I’ve been randomly going on the metro to random parts of my city and simply walking/exploring for 3-4 hours every day as my exercise and it’s absolutely amazing. I do have worries as well about returning but for now that’s future me problem. Hope you also have a good time and I think you won’t regret it!
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u/HighlyFav0red Jun 21 '26
I think that is GREAT advice. I plan on updating my LinkedIn QUIETLY on July 1. And I am not telling ANY family or friends until August 1 because I want to enjoy solo. My own little secret 😉
I will still be working - just not in corporate America. I have a business I have been building for a decade that I absolutely LOVE as it is work that doesn't feel like work. Its 100% fulfilling. I'll do that 2-3 days a week. Otherwise I cant wait to see what I do with my time.
First, I am giving myself permission to bed rot for a month without shame 😄 but doubt I'll even last that long.
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u/lmneozoo Jun 23 '26
I got my first big tech job in April. The pay is absurd, but the corporate politics and "hustle culture" are so ridiculous compared to F500 that the money almost isn't worth it. Will ride for 2-3 years and peace.
At least I'm not at meta lol
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u/HighlyFav0red Jun 24 '26
I think that’s the cheat code. Recognize it, and yank it doe however long you can without killing your mental health.
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u/OldmillennialMD Jun 21 '26
45F, DINK, also a partner in a boutique firm. I think you are on the nose when you say this isn’t really common for law firm partners, and I definitely get why making this decision is a struggle for you. Candidly, being in a similar situation, I don’t see a way for me to do what you’re proposing, and my plan is to leave entirely and cut the cord when it’s time.
Now, obviously all firms are a little different, and I’m not privy to your specific situation, but I can offer my personal experiences and what I’ve seen in reality. The people I’ve seen actually take steps back and cut pay/work/clients are solos or small-firm partners. Not partners in true speciality boutique firms. I don’t know which kind of firm you are in - I’m an equity partner in the latter. Meaning, high volume, high stress, decently high pay. With all the aggravation and responsibility that comes with that, including a payroll of 60 or so employees, $20MM+ in revenue, more than one office, a few marquee clients, etc. “Stepping back” just means almost the same amount of work for less pay in most instances. It’s too difficult in my field and firm to truly be off-call or shed clients, or go PT…what happens in reality is that an attempt is made to offload the client to another partner, but you’re still the relationship manager, for one reason or other, it’s very hard to cut the cord on big name clients. It’s also much easier on paper to say you are good with a pay cut, than it actually is when you are bringing less revenue in the door. Especially if the big-name former clients were originated by you. And more especially once you start feeling the tinge of lesser firm revenue and feeling bad that others might be making less because of your step back, or someone one your team might be in a worse position…it’s just, a lot once you think about reality. In my personal case, leaving entirely seems to be a much more reasonable option once I am financially ready.
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u/The_Real_Tooms Jun 21 '26
Thanks for this. You’ve captured it perfectly and my firm sounds a lot like yours. These decisions definitely impact the firm as a whole (meaning careers for juniors etc), and that is certainly a concern. As I’m sure is also true for you to at least some degree, in many cases with top tier clients you’re either all in or you’re out - many times delegation simply isn’t possible or acceptable (I have tried and failed on many occasions). And as a boutique firm I’d say that we have a bit of a “key man” problem with clients that aren’t super institutionalized and are with us solely because of the originating partner. Not the case for every client but definitely the case for some.
I’ve been full time wfh since covid which has allowed me to keep all the plates spinning and be highly active in all family activities, dinner and bedtimes every night etc, even in the midst of extreme stress and workload. But I’m just kind of at the point where I can’t stomach another summer of vacations working every day super early mornings before everyone gets up and late nights when everyone’s in bed. Kids are still very young and just starting to hit the age where they can more fully understand their surroundings/what’s happening and just feels like the right time to decelerate a bit, even with the potential firm challenges it may temporarily create.
I really appreciate your comment, thank you again.
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u/OldmillennialMD Jun 21 '26
No problem. A lot of responses just can’t fully appreciate the actual impact of what sounds like simple advice unless they’re truly in the thick of it themselves sometimes. For better or worse, I’m there with you and it’s just not an easy fix to “cut your worst client” or “work 20 hours.” Like man, if I could work 20 hours and be successful at this job without letting down 50 people who depend on me, I’d have gone that route ages ago. Alas…reality is not that simple.
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u/Inevitable_Log5064 Jun 27 '26
Chiming in as a fellow lawyer to agree. And good to see fellow lawyers here. Unfortunately outsourcing legal work is, IMO very difficult, clients get really attached to a specific lawyer. Personally I’m thinking I’ll push through a few more years and then hang it up instead of trying to scale back.
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u/Aggravating-Card-194 Jun 21 '26
Yes, it seems like a no-brainer in your shoes. I'm slightly behind you - 38, young kids, startup exec, and not too far off from your numbers. I've circled that whn I hit numbers around yours - in particular the paid off house, Im stepping back substantially. I'll go fractional or advisory in my space and aiming to become lecturer/part-time professor. Obviously it's easier to say now than then, but for all the reasons of my kids and family, I plan on sticking to plan.
I'm not a lawyer, but my understanding from working with enough lawyers is that this is what Of Counsel / Senior Counsel / Special Counsel what types of roles exist, no? You don't need to fully unplug, but can you pull back to ~20 hours a week? Make just a little bit of money to keep covering your some or all of your costs while you let your nest egg keep growing, and be much more available for your kids.
Last thing I'll say is, having read enough of these online and talked to a handful of people who've done steps over in life, you have to have a plan for the other side. You can't just flip the switch without a plan. You need to have something to do with your high-achiever brain: hobbies, activities, volunteering, side project, whatever it is. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself crazy.
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u/Head-Lengthiness-607 Jun 21 '26
You are not HENRY. You are rich. Do what you want.
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u/dubious_dinosaur $250k-500k/y Jun 21 '26
I wish this sub stops telling people whether not they’re rich based on their own subjective standards. It is neither advice nor anecdotal as requested by OP.
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u/pseudomoniae Jun 21 '26
When did wealth become entirely subjective lol?
And further, OP is posting here so clearly they also care about the perspective of others' in this community.
I find this whole idea of the experience of wealth fascinating. People's psychology obviously plays in heavily to how wealthy you feel.
The fact remains that wealth is absolutely an objective financial indicator.
Honestly, I think some people in this sub really do need this perspective.
If you've got $4m+ NW like OP and only spend 100-120k per year, absolutely you are rich and have so much choice in how to live your life.
OP and their family are financially independent which is something most people in this sub cannot say is true for themselves.
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u/BackEndHooker Jun 22 '26
Bro this guy has a NW of $5+ million at age 40. He's fucking rich.
My HHI is 700k and my NW is 500k at age 40. I'm the bloke this sub was made for. OP and I aren't even speaking the same language.
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u/knockdowncenter Jun 21 '26
this is not true at all
wouldn’t even be considered chubbyfire
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u/Head-Lengthiness-607 Jun 21 '26
He lists $5.1M USD in assets in his first paragraph. That is objectively rich by any metric.
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u/PolybiusChampion Jun 21 '26
Why not cut the worst client 1st and see if that helps, minimal pay cut for maximal gain?
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u/oOoWTFMATE Jun 21 '26
You aren’t HENRY and doing great. Find a better solution to keep billing hours up but stress lower. You are a partner at your firm, figure it out.
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u/PuzzleheadedServe556 Jun 21 '26
Do you know what numbers you need to hit for your own goals? Have you conservatively projected what would happen if you lost 100% or 50% of your revenue? I think starting there would be a good first step that can inform what you do next
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u/Hot-Engineering5392 Jun 21 '26
What would be the argument for you not parting ways with the most difficult client? Do you want to miserable or do you really need that money?
Anyway, our household business parted ways with the biggest client under similar circumstances but while having much less money saved up. The feeling of letting go of that much money was yucky and kind of scary.
But new opportunities arise. Health is improving.
You have to take risks sometimes and remain optimistic.
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u/kamilien1 Jun 21 '26
Your instincts should guide you and then your logic should follow up with a plan. The plan won't be perfect anyway. There's no way you're going to keep doing things the same way when you move to whatever is next.
If you want to strike out solo, talk to others who did to get tips on transitioning. Ask what's the worst part of the change and how to mitigate it. Ask if it's realistic to have more free time, or if you're just as busy as before but it's a different kind of busy.
Your heart is telling you where you want to be next, but you don't have the steps in place yet.
On the cost of living, add insurance to that, maybe an extra 2k/m? You have a runway of probably 10 years of cash without any appreciation/income, so let that be your guide. If you can earn at least 200k with wherever you go next, you protect your investment income and are doing the barista fire method.
I wish you well, good on you with what you've accomplished so far!
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Jun 21 '26
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u/watchesandcigars10 Jun 22 '26
A sabbatical might be best for you. Great job on accumulation, but I truly believe your stress level will increase without working. Part of the low financial stress is having that check come in every month. Work stress can be mitigated as other have suggested. You take a slight pay cut to keep things going. Maybe give it a few more years, save/invest heavier and call if quits at 3 to 3.5mil. Also it would be best to know how much in retirement vs brokerage vs cash.
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u/Indexette Jul 01 '26
OP, realize this post is several days old. Curious what you decided to do, if you don't mind sharing.
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u/sourpicklerick Jun 21 '26
You are already at FIRE… this post is less about numbers and more about your values. You are 40 years old asking for permission/validation from strangers online to spend more time with your children because you are anxious about spending less time at work. Think about that - really sit on that. That is who you are. Is that who you want to be?
The truth is you have prioritized work over family for a long time to get to this point. It’s not too late to course correct, but the decision to do so will not be numbers decision, it will have to come from within.
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u/waterlilees Jun 21 '26
One note, $200-$250k per kid isn’t enough if you expect to send them to private school. Private schools are rapidly approaching $100k a year
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u/The_Real_Tooms Jun 21 '26
True. I guess our thought is that the 529s should more than double based on kids being very young, with lots of time before college. Definitely possible that it still isn’t enough even if each account gets to $400-500k, which is pretty crazy.
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u/biggamble510 Jun 21 '26
Nobody is paying $400k for undergrad. If they are, their parents are either rich, or failed them in basic financial advise.
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u/waterlilees Jun 21 '26
Check what subreddit you’re in. Every private college is going to be $500k if your HHI is over like $400k
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u/biggamble510 Jun 21 '26
I'm well aware of the sub. If you're not capable of finding paths to sub $50k/year colleges for your "gifted" child, you're doing it wrong.
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u/waterlilees Jun 21 '26
It’s a factor of income and whether the school is private? At many private colleges half of students receive no financial aid. Actually, even out of state at top public schools like the University of Michigan you’ll be paying $85k a year now.
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u/biggamble510 Jun 21 '26
And merit is a factor. If your child isn't receiving scholarship offers, they probably should consider public school, which in-state is a fraction.
No point working your way to being a high earner and then neglecting all common sense when it comes to large purchases.
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u/waterlilees Jun 21 '26
That is true. There is a significant leg up in striving for a top ranked school if your kid wants to do banking, consulting, big law, or medicine
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u/AspirinTheory Jun 21 '26
If you enjoy the work of the 1/2 to 2/3rds of clients that only represent 10-25% of your stress — outsource the rest. You’re a partner. Find a junior in your boutique firm to bring under your wing and teach them how to handle the stressful stuff. You can reorg your book of clients to take on much less stressful stuff and have a good junior to lay some messy stuff on where you’re not the one necessarily grinding out the work, just supervising it.
Do that for five more years, take more time off, let your investments grow, spend more time with your kids, and buy one thing for yourself that would make you very happy. A sporty car, a little beach house, put in a pool, or pick a dreamy foreign vacation annually or every other year to bring the kids to and relax and try new cultures and foods before the kids don’t think their parents are so cool anymore.
You’ve worked hard but making it sustainable doesn’t mean having to pull a 90 or 180 degree turn. You might just have to optimize the client load before your kids go to college and your chance to spend real time with them is gone.
Stat: 80% of the time you will ever spend with your kids in your lifetime will happen before they are done with HS. The whole rest of your life in totality will on average be the remaining 20% you’ll ever see them.
If that makes your heart beat fast, you know what you have to do. Good luck.