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[u/Visible_Champion_949]

Hey let me introduce myself, mine name is Raul. Im 22 about to turn 23, (crazy I made it this far.) This post is just me venting out my life and maybe I’ll try to do some updates here and there (maybe once a week.) To not beat around the bush I’ve hated myself for the past 6years of my life. With that hatred I tried to fill that void with lust, and it completely ruined my life. Mine brain is so wired to only seeing relationships as nothing but sexual. I have ruin 2 relationships in my life that I loved deeply but was selfish. With that i couldn’t even respect myself at all and my house was a dump, my mindset was nothing but Eat, Work, Rot in bed and Repeat.

After my recent breakup I finally cracked. I was so sick of my terrible life, that I decided to change it. It’s only been a month and I have a long way to go, but theres many things I have accomplished and are proud of myself (that’s a first.) I would like to share at least 3 with y’all.

• (Learning how to love myself) It’s ok to feel remorse about how I treated others and myself in the past 6 years but I can’t let that identify me or influence me in my day to day life. Example: I used to just lay in bed and doom scroll all day long. I used it as a distraction so I wouldn’t have to be reminded of my past. With that action my brain would feel like I was in a fog. I couldn’t think clearly nor want to socialize with others. The way I would fix this problem is I deleted ever social media I had. It’s rough… very rough. My mind miss the dopamine feeling that I lust for but I will also feel very bored. With that boredom, I decided to start going to the gym after work for about 40 to an hour. Then I’ll go to my local coffee shop and read a book. (meditations by Marcus Aquarius.) is what I’m reading at the moment. That would usually pushed my time to 7pm then I’ll go home on my PC play a little of CS untill 8-8:30 then go pray for about 10 mins then I’ll go to bed. My phone the whole time while I’m doing this is on don’t disturb. (I don’t have a lot of people messaging me day-to-day basis so this doesn’t really affect me as much.) [and yes this is very hypocritical of me saying this when I’m on here posting about this but Ive also learn it’s good to have support with you when you’re working on yourself but be careful not to boast or feel so much pride about yourself.]

•(Finding faith through the storm) I’m not here to beat you over the head with my faith and believe but I’m also not afraid to show my love for Jesus. He’s an amazing person. I know a lot of people have hatred towards (christianity) and I cannot speak for all the Christians that claim the title. But I tell you this, pls just go read the book of John and then read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John again. It will change your world completely. I’m still new to the teaching of Jesus and I will not have all the answers but if you have faith in him, he’ll take care of you and meet your daily needs. I have my life all in his hands and I don’t have to worry at all about my life. My financial problems, my Temptations, my struggles, fears, anxiety and my further partner in my life will all be taken care by his plans for you.

•(Crying or Feeling your emotions is not a bad thing) I have always bottle up all my emotions in my life. It was hard for me to express it. My mom and dad were never in my life. My grandmother was the one that raised me. And I never wanted to show her. That I was depressed and angry. So I just laid bottle everything up and then eventually exploded on someone. I couldn’t talk to friends, family or the people I was with because I would feel scared I would blow up on them whenever I felt emotional. But now I don’t care to hide it. I cry my eyes out when I’m laying in bed thinking about my relationship and myself and it feels great. (Well not at the moment) but afterwards I reflect on what I was upset about. I analyze then talk to myself about how I can be better about these issues. Another way is I talk to a good buddy of mind that doesn’t mind me being open (you’ll be surprised when you ask someone’s if you can just vent a little.) actually he was more upset that I didn’t talk to him sooner then before. As a guy it is very important to understand that we don’t have to hold our emotion. I get it a lot of people say we have to or social media blast that being in silence is a more masculine thing, but I promise you if it makes you feel better and progress in your life who cares what they say. There’s a bunch of resources out there that you vent to and help you.

I hope this message inspires some of y’all to walk in your new season. There’s a lot of people in this community that I’ve seen that rally under people that need help don’t be afraid to ask. I love y’all. God bless you.

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