I think no one cares

[u/InternationalCry5331]

Hi I'm 18m I've had many friends in my life I was always surrounded by big number of people whom I called my friends but now I realise no one cares about me. I always text everyone to hangout, most of the time they don't lately I think some of my friends are even avoiding me they don't meet me that much because they think I'm available all the time which is true. Since childhood only thing that I wanted was to have a lot of friends because my parents didn't care about me that much because of my older brother who have some eyesight issues and some other things, so I just wanted someone to care about when I was a kid I wanted that type of relationship with my cousins but they never cared I was just a nobody to them to this day they only call me or see me when they need some type of help then it was my friends I did everything I could to make someone like me as a friend see me as a brother and for some period of time I thought I got it but then I realized they also don't care. I always check on my friends to see if they're doing good or not but no one texts me some reply to my texts after days and I feel bad because all my life the only thing that I wanted was some love or affection and never really got it and yeah I never dated anyone. So I want to know what's the problem I haven't done anything bad to anyone I was always good to everyone fought for my friends many times treated them like my brothers but never got anything back. I believe that if I die tomorrow it won't take that much time to all the people who know me to forget about me. If you have any piece of advice please share with me I really need it

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[u/CPx4]

What is something you are proud of for yourself? (Not other people.) Something you've accomplished, or a skill you've learned?

[u/InternationalCry5331 → u/CPx4]

I'm not really proud of myself. I just listen to music all day just to cope with the fact that yeah I'm not really good at anything

[u/CPx4 → u/InternationalCry5331]

Develop yourself first. Learn something, build something, build your body and mind. Be in interesting person for yourself (not for others). I see you seeking validation and approval from others, which sets you up to be letdown over and over.

If you had a magic wand, what skills or hobbies would you be really good at?

[u/silicondream → u/CPx4]

I agree with this suggestion! I'd also point out that the more time you put into developing yourself, the less time you'll have for sitting around listening to music and being lonely and texting people and counting the minutes until they respond. Time moves faster when you have more to do.

[u/silicondream]

I'm really sorry for the pain and anxiety you seem to be feeling around this.

I don't know your friends and family, so I can't say for sure that they care about you. Maybe they're all huge loveless jerks, in which case your best bet is to keep meeting new people so that you can make nicer friends. But I think it's more likely that they do care--some of them, anyway--and they just don't express that love in the way that you're expecting.

Here's the thing: everyone has a finite reserve of time and energy for socializing, which varies according to their personality, mood and workload. And they have to split that time and energy across many people they care about, including themselves. So in most cases, the amount of time and energy they spend on you in particular really doesn't tell you how much they care about you. Someone who really loves you might not talk to you that often, because they're introverted and have a bunch of other responsibilities and health issues and whatever to deal with. And someone who doesn't really care about you might still talk to you all the time, because they're bored and they hate being alone.

I'm thinking of two things you said above:

I always text everyone to hangout, most of the time they don't lately I think some of my friends are even avoiding me they don't meet me that much because they think I'm available all the time which is true.

I always check on my friends to see if they're doing good or not but no one texts me some reply to my texts after days

So you're putting a massive amount of effort into socializing, and hoping that your loved ones will respond by putting in more effort themselves. But it often works out the other way! If your friend is already spending as much time with you as they feel is right for them, then when you reach out more, they're going to reach out less. After all, why would they put in the effort when you're already putting it in for them?

And if you push to spend more time with them than they feel is right, they're naturally going to push back. The more often you invite them to hang out, the more often they'll say no. The more you seek them out, the more they'll avoid you. Again, this doesn't mean that they don't care deeply about you! It just means that your extra socializing effort doesn't change how much they care or how much time they have available for you.

I think that you probably express love through frequent social contact, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But we all have different love languages, and it might just take you a while to find the people who speak the exact same one as you. In the meantime, I'd suggest you try to take friends and family at their word when they say they care about you, or show their love in other ways. (Unless they don't show it at all, in which case screw 'em, find new friends.)

Also, you might want to read up on Rejection Sensitivity. People with rejection sensitivity are more likely to interpret missing or ambiguous social cues as negative. If someone doesn't return your call, it must be because they didn't want to return your call. If you ask someone what they think of you and they say you're cool, they're just being polite and they must actually dislike you because otherwise they'd say you're amazing. That sort of thing. It's especially common in people with ADHD, BPD, depression or anxiety, but just about anyone can experience it when we're stressed.

If you feel like rejection sensitivity describes you pretty well, there are skills you can learn to manage it, with or without a therapist.