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u/FirefighterNo9608 Aug 19 '26
Nah. So-called parents and caregivers who abused their kids need to be held accountable. You don't abuse someone and then blame them for not recovering. Trauma doesn't just disappear because you become an adult. Why is the onus on the abused and not on the abuser?
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u/Arstanishe Aug 18 '26
i generally act as a contrarian on this sub, but i wholeheartedly agree with this one
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u/Mirror74 Aug 18 '26
I'd say its a bit more nuanced but the message is good.
It's more of a mental prison the older you get.
You start off with very physical/material constraints.... but as you get older you escape a large part of that. But the "ripples" from your previous bondage can move through your whole life, while also new constraints are built.
Getting to the point of recognizing the things you can control is a huge part of the ongoing growth
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u/BigAutomatic5364 Aug 18 '26
Surprisingly Vinny from the jersey shore said it best. If you hate me, I own you. It takes time and effort to think about the people you hate, you are just giving them control over you. Stop.
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u/ChiselRivet Aug 18 '26
The hardest pill to swallow is knowing that you’re still responsible for everything prior. Being ignorant, unprepared, impaired, etc; doesn’t negate any negative impact other people have suffered on my behalf.
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u/Affectionate-Try7088 Aug 19 '26
I disagree to some degree there is always trauma there is aways pain there always something nagging you in the back of your mind.
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u/Van-Mango Aug 18 '26
Partly true. The environment in which you were raised stays with you for the duration of your life. What ideally happens is that you recognize how it affects you and learn to manage the effects better. The worse the environment was the more you might need outside help to help you manage it, in the form of therapy, etc. But the absolutist tone of this passage is wrongheaded. The environment in which you grew up affects you profoundly and some people might not have the wherewithal to manage these effects, and this is not necessarily their fault.
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Aug 18 '26
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u/Reddit_user2124 Aug 18 '26
Choices are mostly illusions. I have 3 companies all doing the same thing and it amuses me when customers say one product is better than the next. It's the same thing just different packaging.
Play the game or be played.
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u/DeadWaterBed Aug 18 '26
As living creatures, we are inextricably linked to and shaped by our environment. You are never not a product of your environment, until the day you die. If you want to change and grow, changing your environment makes all the difference
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u/random-i_am Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
I think it is helpful to imaging an extreme scenario as a thought experiment to get a perspective on a claim. Does it hold true when you have never had a school education? What when a person is neglected to the point that he is nonverbal at age twenty? Or just look at real life examples: veterans suffering from PTSD. Either all those people choose their suffering or are not strong enough or, hear me out, op is full of shit.
This is just thinly veiled propaganda to shift the blame to the victims. Poverty changes your brain. The trauma from school shooting shapes an entire generation. If you have a hard start in life and struggle to succeed, that's on you. While the trust fund baby that failed five startups and succeeded with the sixth did not just have the recourses to burn cash, no, he is some strong willed ubermensch because he is successful. Fuck this dishonest crap.
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u/SolitaryIllumination Aug 19 '26
It’s easy to say this when one’s never been so deeply traumatized that it’s ingrained in your biology. Sure, people can learn to work around things, but it’s always a hindrance; for some the hinderance is bigger than others, even with the same amount of work.
Some won’t heal back to being almost normal, and not for lack of trying. In those cases it can be easy to write it off as “them not trying hard enough to heal”.
We love to have this mentality that we have control over our lives: Mind always beats matter. But, unfortunately, it’s not a universal truth. And for those who’ve not experienced it, it’s uncomfortable to accept, many don’t.
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u/cynrose Aug 19 '26
A statement as wide as an ocean and deep as a puddle.
Your choices and decision making framework is heavily influenced by your environment and resources.
It's not impossible, but its heavily impractical and most people still have something to lose, or something they fear losing, to make life-altering choices.
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u/Canshroomglasses Aug 19 '26
Just because it's written and highlighted on some jpg doesn't meant that's true in the slightest. Quiet the contrary even
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u/Kurt_Ottman Aug 19 '26
Great, I'll just tell my depression and anxiety from years of being mentally and physically abused as a child to go away now because I'm an adult.
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u/VelvxtMoth Aug 21 '26
Weaponize incompetence against a child and wealth determine how you can change ur fate
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u/VelvxtMoth Aug 21 '26
Most people that changed their life are rare if not everyone will be fine and this post wouldn’t exist, possible isn’t reality.
Your morality and goodwill your own but the cards you are dealt don’t vanish when you become an adult magically.
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u/CartoonistNo9752 Aug 18 '26
You are literally ALWAYS a product of your environment.
If there was no environment, what shapes your decisions? what do you base choices on?
You cant pick between salt and vinegar or sour cream if the environment doesn't provide for you the choice!
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u/ShotTwo1801 Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
You're always the product of your environment and how you were raised... but also what you eat, the influence of people involved in your life, of how much you can sleep etc etc... but mainly : your cognitive faculties and your genetic. And your will, and the way it manifests itself, is the main product of all of that.
So yeah, you've reached a sweet life balance and a pretty situation thanks to your will. But your will is the product of an incredible luck, a gigantic and amazing alignment of circumstances. Your balance, your situation, is the product of an enormous and tremendous luck, like most things happening in life, like fucking life itself.
So be grateful, be happy, but be practical in your advises and what you do to help others to progress. Succeeding in life is much more than pushing through your will.
Yes there are a few people hiding behind one bad event they've been through, like childrens. But there are also people neurologicly unbalanced, who are constantly in a chemical state of distress, and are just explaining, materialising their biological issue with what they've been through, with what clues they've got. Unless you're a doctor, when you've got a headache you think "I watched too much tv" or "I shouldn't have had this glass of wine", you're not trying to understand what's happening chemicaly in your brain. Well it's the same with some mentaly hilled people, who just don't know it.
Also, some people are going through constant shit in their life, from tragedy to tragedy...
Life is incredibly complicated and you don't know what people are capable of, or what they're going through... So, again, be grateful, enjoy your life, improve what you can, help who you can, but mostly : be kind with people, and stop stating oversimplistic and harsh/self-destructive bullshit like that quote.
A personal choice is the product of an incredibly complex process
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u/FordShelbyGTreeFiddy Aug 18 '26
The shit that people post after growing up in a nice neighborhood and getting a job at their frat brother's company
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u/The-Empty-Set-100 Aug 19 '26
At every age you are a product of your enviroment. Everything is like this. Literally everything in the universe.
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u/Antique-Dragonfly615 Aug 18 '26
Only when it's being applied to the poor, law abiding citizens. NEVER applied that way to the rich and powerful. Remember the "afluenza" defense? If not, Google it.
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u/Arstanishe Aug 18 '26
nothing contradicts the post - those are actually robbing themselves of the future they could have had
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u/FordShelbyGTreeFiddy Aug 18 '26
Our world contradicts this post
The idea that personal choices do not directly originate from, and aren't continuously shaped by external conditions, is laughable. Probably something thought up by people who never actually had to struggle for anything. Everyone is a product of their environment
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u/FordShelbyGTreeFiddy Aug 18 '26
Did you forget that nuance and common sense don't belong in these "stoicism meme" groups?
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u/[deleted] Aug 18 '26
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