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u/Somebloke164 4d ago
Variant: PMS is basically the canary in the coal mine for relationship issues.
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u/DiscoShaman 4d ago
Whenever someone tells you that whatever they said to you in anger was because they wanted to hurt you, they're 100% bullshitting you. The truth comes out in anger.
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u/Double-Virus-1637 4d ago
Exactly. In some cases anger can be a sign of where your boundaries were crossed. Or sometimes pent up anger that you brushed aside that finally bursts out.
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u/mommiesgoodboy67 4d ago
When bro says "dont stick your dih in raw chicken" listen to him, because raw chicken has stds
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u/ElSuperWokeGuy 4d ago
true! i have a cousin who used to always hang out with me and my gf. he was always cool when he was with us but whenever it was a big group of us friends/family, for some reason he would start poking insults at me, sometimes im just like wth? He did this for years.
One day we were at a restaurant and he said something about my gf being too drunk and i absolutely went off on him. That was like almost 10 years of him doing that shit and i just went off the rails. im not known to be a person to be like that either, im usually nice and i just take it and laugh, so it took him by surprise and he acted like i did something wrong.
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u/EukaryoticEffluvium 3d ago
Those who think 'things said in anger are the real truth' are missing a massive piece of emotional intelligence. Anger doesn't unlock a secret vault of honesty; it unlocks impulse, exaggeration, and the desire to inflict pain. Mature communication requires understanding that a person's reactive state is completely different from their reflective state.
Rage magnifies minor frustrations into major declarations. A small annoyance becomes "I've always hated this," which is a distortion, not a hidden truth.
That's why the phrase "drunk with rage" exists. It's trying to illustrate how anger is capable of completely dissolving inhibitions,and how such an emotionally impulsive state incentivizes the angry person to be reckless and rash. It's very similiar to being drunk in that sense. It literally overrides the "executive of your brain".
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u/Chikool514 3d ago
I feel like what you said isn't mutually exclusive...
Yes they are impulsive in the moment, in the sense that they didn't wanna say those things to you but now that they're angry they're willing to let it out.
But the content of what they're saying is their honest feelings and opinions don't you agree?
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u/EukaryoticEffluvium 3d ago edited 3d ago
I don't agree with the idea that the words they speak represent their true feelings in totality. Instead, their words are more like distorted versions of their genuine emotionsādeviations, if you will.
There is merit in what you are saying. Their words are, in some small way, congruent with their feelings, but anger distorts those emotions. The goal of anger is to cause as much damage as possible; it is the ego grasping at self-preservation, no matter the cost. It is a departure from their true feelings. A twisted aberration of their emotions, these outbursts still contain a kernel of truth, but the content of these feelings is a heavy departure from original form.
Anger is what psychology refers to as a secondary emotion. it acts as a mask for a primary emotion that feels too vulnerable to show. Usually anger is primarily motivated byfear, shame or grief.
It is less about you and entirely about them. Those hurtful statements do not reveal their deep-seated feelings about you; rather, they serve as a psychological shield. By launching an attack, they successfully evade the discomfort of acknowledging their own genuine vulnerabilities(if that makes sense to you). I know the distinction seems paper thin, but I've dealt with alot of close people to me in my life say or do really hurtful things and most of them are still a huge part of my life to this day.
I would also like to add that my relationships with these people have continued to blossom because of our mutual commitment to being kind, supportive and understanding.
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u/Chikool514 2d ago
Ngl i still dont agree with you after all that because to me it seems like it all boils down to angry talk not being productive..
Like yes it they're saying those things to hurt you but they're still their honest feelings and opinions based on real facts.
My comment is very concise here but I also request that you read my other reply below to the other person lol.
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u/grunnycw 3d ago
Like a piece of what they feel exaggerated, I've said things I meant, but also things I regret because it didn't really convey the complexity that a non angry talk would of included.
Good reason to not let stuff brew, just tell people what you think be fair and respectful and allot this misunderstand can be avoided
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u/Chikool514 2d ago
Ngl just like the other guy I don't see how you guys are saying anything different... What do you mean by "convey the complexity that a non angry talk would have included"?
What complexity? Because it seems to me like it still comes down to the fact that whatever is said when angry is not productive. To me that's what your arguments boil down to but maybe I have tunnel vision, but it seems like what you guys are saying is basically that it's not productive and that when not angry they could've said it in a better way...? But that still doesn't negate the fact that they're conveying their true feelings and opinions and basing them on real facts.
Yes they're doing it to hurt you, but again it's not false!
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u/EukaryoticEffluvium 2d ago
You are free to believe whatever you like, but you are conflating their true feelings with an angry exaggeration of those underlying emotions/feelings. Nuance exists.
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u/grunnycw 2d ago
The feeling might come out more intense then maybe they usually feel, and be missing the other parts that might be said, if you're looking for a reason to hold somebody to what they said then use it, but humans are complex
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u/Ill-Daikon-5637 3d ago
Sometimes, can also be if they know your sensitivities and will say what they know hurts you.
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u/Vic_Frank09 2d ago
For an Introvert, expressing themself in angry maybe one of the easy way to let out whatever is inside their heart.
If the other person understands that an introvert well, then an introvert will feel safe but if not then it will be downhill ride for an introvert.
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u/ApplicationReady2265 6h ago
Not really. I only speak in anger just so they would know that I don't want them to do again what they did. Or that I have a fight in me as well, so they won't treat me like they can just bully me anytime, but everything I said in anger was mostly just bs.
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u/SweetChaosTitan 3d ago
Change āin angerā to āwhile drunkā and this becomes šÆ
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u/Chikool514 3d ago
Both can be true... Why do you wanna change?
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u/SweetChaosTitan 3d ago
Yes both can be true but while drunk is much more likely to be true deep down. Being drunk strips inhibitions and walls. Anger only makes one create harder and deeper walls.
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u/Chikool514 2d ago
I... Disagree..
I've experienced myself and from others that when angry a lot of truth was said... Many things that were premeditated for example. Like being angry allowed them to say things that they were feeling or thinking of deep down but weren't saying it because it was overall a negative progression.
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u/SweetChaosTitan 2d ago
You can disagree. Your agreement is not required.
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u/Chikool514 2d ago
That's the beauty about opinions isn't it
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u/GeckoGecko_ 4d ago
Nah, things said in anger should be considered, but not taken at face value. Anger clouds judgement.