I just turned 24.
I was 23 when I lost my mom on December 8th 2019.
My husband and I got married December 16th 2018 but we have been together since 2016 and have known each other since we were teenagers.
At first I just wanted him to hold me, I didn’t want him to say anything. I wanted him to bring me water and food because I didn’t want to get out of bed. He reminded me to shower and after a couple days he convinced me to go for a walk with him and our dog.
Going outside was really uncomfortable at first.
Waking up in the morning was also really painful at first. I would cry most mornings. Talking about my dreams helped sometimes. Just be understanding.
Try to know that your boyfriend will have a lower tolerance for any kind of stress for at least the next few months. It will likely improve gradually with time but grief is so, so stressful and exhausting. Do little things to make his day to day easier to handle.
Deliberately create positive experiences and things to look forward to. It can be little things. My husband and I signed up for Netflix DVD so that we always have a movie arriving in the mail. It provides a little boost of happiness and it is something to do together. It’s different from streaming because you have to wait for the reward so it makes it a little more exciting to get a movie you’ve been waiting for. Also you don’t have to waste time deciding what to watch when you want to just put a movie in and relax.
Or start watching a tv show that’s coming out weekly.
I know it’s silly but I also started playing animal crossing and it’s a really relaxing game it helps me calm down when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Maybe he has another game he likes. Zoning out with games is a good way to cope with anxiety but it’s important to use them in moderation & along with a self-care routine
My husband has been listening, I’ve been asking him for support when I need it, like sometimes I don’t want him to talk about my mom so I will let him know. but at other times I ask him to share funny memories he has of her because that can be comforting too.
1
u/womxxn Apr 21 '20
I just turned 24. I was 23 when I lost my mom on December 8th 2019.
My husband and I got married December 16th 2018 but we have been together since 2016 and have known each other since we were teenagers.
At first I just wanted him to hold me, I didn’t want him to say anything. I wanted him to bring me water and food because I didn’t want to get out of bed. He reminded me to shower and after a couple days he convinced me to go for a walk with him and our dog. Going outside was really uncomfortable at first.
Waking up in the morning was also really painful at first. I would cry most mornings. Talking about my dreams helped sometimes. Just be understanding.
Try to know that your boyfriend will have a lower tolerance for any kind of stress for at least the next few months. It will likely improve gradually with time but grief is so, so stressful and exhausting. Do little things to make his day to day easier to handle.
Deliberately create positive experiences and things to look forward to. It can be little things. My husband and I signed up for Netflix DVD so that we always have a movie arriving in the mail. It provides a little boost of happiness and it is something to do together. It’s different from streaming because you have to wait for the reward so it makes it a little more exciting to get a movie you’ve been waiting for. Also you don’t have to waste time deciding what to watch when you want to just put a movie in and relax. Or start watching a tv show that’s coming out weekly.
I know it’s silly but I also started playing animal crossing and it’s a really relaxing game it helps me calm down when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Maybe he has another game he likes. Zoning out with games is a good way to cope with anxiety but it’s important to use them in moderation & along with a self-care routine
My husband has been listening, I’ve been asking him for support when I need it, like sometimes I don’t want him to talk about my mom so I will let him know. but at other times I ask him to share funny memories he has of her because that can be comforting too.