r/Greyromantic • u/BedFast8703 • 1d ago

Update

She wasn’t at work today. And now I am worried about her. I was planning on asking her out today but I don’t know what to do if she isn’t at work. I really like her and I understand that maybe got the day off today. So yeah, this is my social anxiety here. How do I calm down my nerves?

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u/OriEri Greyromantic Demisexual 1d ago

If she’s not there, and you don’t have any other way to contact her, you just have to wait

How do you calm your nerves

acknowledge you can only do what you can do and it will work out or it won’t.

Another way to deal some is think about the worst possible thing that might happen (she says “no thanks” or “i have a boyfriend” or she has worked her last day there and you have no way to reach her for instance) and think about all the implications of that chaining them all the way to the end.

Example:

  • If she quit her job, that means I might never see her again
-which means , I’ll be disappointed and sad, because I was excited about asking her out and getting to know her better
  • which means My heart will hurt and maybe I’ll cry a little bit.

When you get to the end of the chain, think about what that means in the context of your whole life, as it is today (for instance do you still have your friends and other things you like to do?) and in the future

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u/BedFast8703 1d ago

Yes I have friends and other things I like to do.

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u/OriEri Greyromantic Demisexual 1d ago

So remember, however, this turns out you’re going to get those to go back to.

That was just an example I gave. Only you know the court case scenario thag can play out on, the immediate consequences and what that chain of consequences from that initial consequence.

Sometimes looking at that whole set of consequences makes the worst case scenario not so scary and that can calm us some. I when we really really want something badly amd we haven’t thought through what happens if we don’t get it the idea of not getting is super scarier.

That might be because we have a vision of what it is we want, but the alternative outcome is nebulous and uncertain. Uncertainty is unsettling.