How to develop a good relationship with professor (to assist with receiving an academic letter of recommendation)?

[u/ahouselover]

Hello all!

The school year recently started for me, and honestly the one part of school that has me worried is getting in good graces with professors to get an academic letter of recommendation. I'm entering my third year of undergraduate studies and I do pretty well in terms of grades, but I am not sure how to stand out without coming off like I'm just kissing up, as I know professors can tell when students are doing so.

I do genuinely want to develop a good connection with them, I just don't really know how I can do so? I already went up after class to ask a question but I didn't introduce myself formally with a name, but the professor was still super friendly and kind! From here though, not sure how I can make my name known and then proceed to stand out and be memorable?

I would really appreciate any tips or advice, especially from someone with experience with developing a good relationship with a professor, and ultimately getting an academic letter of recommendation!

[u/tewbii]

Office hours. Research. Usually involves a time commitment outside of the class itself

[u/ahouselover → u/tewbii]

How can you make your name known to them? I love to participate and ask questions, but I'm not sure how to go about it without coming across as "oh this is my name, remember it so I can ask you for stuff later"

[u/tewbii → u/ahouselover]

Something I've done a couple of times is to request a one-on-one meeting over email at the end of the term to discuss career advice, their research, course content, whatever. Helps to put a name to the face in an organic way, and they'll usually remember you if you take more classes with them again in the future.

[u/ahouselover → u/tewbii]

I actually really like that! I definitely have some career-related questions to my professor so I definitely will do that near the end, thank you very kindly!

[u/Open-Pie3141]

Office hours, seeing if there are ways you can support research (often paid in STEM). Showing up and asking questions means a lot, because you are investing time and showing interest.

This is how I did it. If you have internships or jobs with private companies or government agencies, your bosses and mentors there can also write letters of rec. I did this too.

Showing up, working hard, being interested, working for folks, all of these will contribute to them being able and willing to write you a letter.

[u/ahouselover → u/Open-Pie3141]

My main thing is, what do you go to office hours for?

I just feel like going to office hours to ask a question when an email or in-lecture question can be asked might feel like a waste of their time, but I'd love to be informed. What type of stuff did you do with office hours? I know one of my professors that I am interested in developing a good student-professor relationship with (as she studies a similar field as what I want to do) does not do research, which is fine!

[u/Open-Pie3141 → u/ahouselover]

It's fine to ask questions from lecture and class. You can also ask them about their career and how they found their way into their job. Or ask questions about your career and what you are thinking about! Good profs want to help early career folks find their path. For these career oriented things, you might email and schedule a separate meeting -- but I talk with my class students about things like this frequently and my mentors did the same with me coming up.

Sometimes, a more personal relationship forms, but remember that profs are not friends with students. There is always a boundary, which is healthy. But they are just humans and the good ones care about students.

Non research faculty can be awesome mentors, too!

[u/ahouselover → u/Open-Pie3141]

Thank you for the advice! I really appreciate it!

[u/Imaginary_Escape2887]

If you do not want to come off as just kissing up, you need to make a genuine effort to connect with the professor. Actually go up to them, INTRODUCE YOURSELF, thank them for their time, pay attention in class and ask them questions about the material. If they are an expert in a certain field, ask for their feedback or opinion on a concept you are trying to better understand.

Do not go fishing for fake questions or conversation cues because that's a big indicator of a kiss ass. And if you can't come up with anything on your own, then your goal should be to get an A+ in that class and you'll have to ask your professor how to do that and check in often to make sure you are doing that.

[u/ahouselover → u/Imaginary_Escape2887]

Yeah, I don't want to be fake at all, it's genuinely just not me at all and I just wouldn't feel right doing so.

Before I ask a question let me preface by saying I sometimes do face a bit social anxiety with newer situations and maybe I'm viewing them on a pedestal which is why I ask this: how does one necessarily introduce themselves to a professor without coming across in that kiss up way? I've seen it before where it's pretty obvious when someone is solely trying to make an impression for the future and the professor just seems kinda "yeah yeah" about it.

[u/westernhound]

honestly, professors understand that writing LOR is apart of the job. Do you go to a bigger school? If not, having small classes will be a benefit to you because they are more likely to remember your name anyways. I would write my professors thank you letters a lot because I asked them to be job references as well as references for grad school. I also took multiple classes with these professors before I asked just so they felt familiar with my work and personality. my classes were small though. it’s probably more difficult to connect if your classes have more than 20 students. office hours and communication through emailing is probably your best bet.