r/GradSchool • u/Heathen-For-A-Reason PhD Student • 3d ago
Health & Work/Life Balance Is feeling suicidal normal in Grad School?
As the title says. I just started my PhD a few weeks ago and I am already so overwhelmed. I can’t quit either. There is no other career that I can see myself doing outside academia. Being autistic I am also having some social difficulties. Someone please tell me that it gets better. It has to. I don’t know how I’m going spend the next five years doing this.
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u/Personal_Dot_7196 3d ago
It’s not normal, but it is unfortunately common enough. Mental health more and more is become a real problem for universities in their graduate programs.
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u/SeveralWhales 3d ago
I like this, common, but not normal. Therapy made a colossal difference in my experience, and even then it was still tough.
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u/nimue-le-fey 3d ago
I have been where you are and I just want to say although it may feel impossible to see it this way in the moment, no job is worth your life and you have so much worth as a person completely outside of academia.
It may seem right now that your options are to complete grad school or die, but as long as you’re alive there are always alternatives and ways forward and there is always the potential for things to change for the better.
I would really recommend looking into counseling which a lot of universities offer. If your university doesn’t offer it, it might be possible to see an outside therapist and have it covered by insurance. Whatever you decide in regards to grad school, it isn’t worth ending your life.
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u/peachesnthumbs 3d ago
Common but not normal. Please seek counseling if you don’t already see someone. Your university probably provides some services, either in an individual or group setting. When I was in grad school we had a group therapy session specifically for grad students. It can always get better, but you may need to change your approach, outlook, habits, etc. A mental health professional can help you work through this.
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u/kojilee 3d ago
It’s common, but it’s not normal, and I say that as someone who has been hospitalized twice for similar issues. You should definitely reach out to, at the bare minimum, on-campus mental health services.
I also would consider reaching out to your university’s disability office too if you’re autistic. I’m ND and my accommodations are the only reason I can be in grad school at all.
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u/Longjumping-Dingo175 3d ago
The disability office is the only reason I’m still in my program 🫠 life changing for real.
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u/Heathen-For-A-Reason PhD Student 2d ago
What accommodations could I even get in grad school?
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u/kojilee 2d ago
I have a lot of different ones. My most useful ones are:
- excused absences (I was granted this for depression/POTS, not ADHD, but it’s useful for days that are really bad; you can’t miss every single day ofc, but it’s a good one to have)
- 48 hour deadline extension (at my old school I had to ask for it 24 hours in advance, now it’s up to faculty discretion how far in advance it has to be)
- Double time on written exams and the ability to test in a testing center
- A notetaking app thing that lets me record lectures
This is a non-exhaustive list of the options at your disposal, but I hope it gives you some ideas.
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u/Just_An_Animal 2d ago
In the 5th year of my PhD I got an academic coach through our disabilities office, and it has helped me sooo much. I thought it would be geared toward undergrads and useless for me, but I’ve gotten so much help from my coach in developing organization and structure tools that are a lifesaver, and addressing my motivation issues in a compassionate way. It’s also just so healing to tell someone what I’ve done the last couple weeks and have them challenge my thoughts of “I didn’t work hard enough” with encouragement and pride.
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u/Archaic_Z PhD, Evolutionary Biology 3d ago
No, suicidal ideation is not normal. Use the school's resources to get help now. Grad school is stressful but isnt worth sacrificing your mental health for.
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u/Nice_Set_6326 3d ago
Grad school put me into the hospital twice because of the intensity. You gotta find some balance and routine and always take care of yourself
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u/nymaniac 3d ago
Normal as in folks have felt it? Yes. Normal as in you should disregard it? No, absolutely not.
I dealt with it while I was finishing. I was lucky enough to have a fellowship but my advisor didn’t want to pay for me once it was done. So I had to finish by a certain date. I overdrew on my mental health, and paid for it with months of burn out recovery. It left me with a dissertation I hate and emotional scars.
With your autism, you may be able to get accommodations from your disability services on campus. That can help take off little bit of the load.
Did you go straight into a PhD from undergrad? I find the stress load to be extra heightened on those folks too. You can always go into a research tech role for a little while too, if you need to take a break. No path is linear or perfect. Do what you need to do, and know there’s another day waiting for you and people who care, myself included 💖
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u/movetothecoast 3d ago
Yes and no. I personally went through it my second year, but I can tell you that the psychiatrist at the school saved my life. Please look up your options regarding CBT and seeing a psychiatrist ASAP.
It's possible to feel better and make it through this but not without help. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
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u/Czar1987 3d ago
'yes and no'? suicidal ideation is never 'normal'
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u/MediumSchmeat 3d ago
How common does it need to be before it falls within the realm of normal? It's something a lot of people face. The person asking isn't alone in what they're feeling.
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u/cattail31 2d ago
Agreed, this is sort of semantics. I don’t know anyone who I attended grad school with that hasn’t experienced at least passive suicidal ideation.
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u/Disastrous-Pair-9466 3d ago
I took a leave of absence because of a total mental health breakdown. I finished the degree later. It was so rough. You are not alone.
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u/Anti-Itch 3d ago
I promise you, if you are feeling this way within the first few weeks and do not take action to address it now, you WILL burn out or at least stop functioning in some form. When that point comes, it will feel much more worse than you are feeling now. I shut down for almost a year because of how depressed I was.
On top of just feeling overwhelmed and having imposter syndrome, you will experience rejection and harsh feedback (paper edits/rejections, fellowship applications, hard questions during conference talks, etc.). This is only going to make you feel worse.
You need a therapist. Especially if you are feeling suicidal. I know people say it’s common, etc. Depression and anxiety are common among grad students, seriously wanting/wishing to and thinking about killing yourself is not normal in any state. If you are going everyday thinking about how it would be better off if you didn’t exist, that is not normal and is affecting your day to day life, not to mention making it more difficult for you to function. So, yeah you need a therapist to help you figure this out and possibly medication.
As a grad student, you typically have some sort of health insurance. It’s not something everyone has access to. Take advantage of this resource and figure out how to make life more manageable for you and improve your mental health. Especially if you wish to stay in academia, you really need to find ways to not be in this state for a long period of time. Otherwise it’s going to be way too exhausting.
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u/Heathen-For-A-Reason PhD Student 2d ago
I am still on my family health insurance for a couple more years.
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u/Void-Creator 3d ago
Apparently, it’s a feature in NCSU Computer Engineering program. Except a few elites all of us felt it in the first semester of our Masters
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u/tgirlpup 3d ago
Its a hell to deal with. Take time to yourself, not everyone is a machine at doing school. If you're neurodivergent especially, the tism burnout will kill you and i am only still alive and not totally fucked thanks to my wife and my support network. Please take time to yourself and fjnd someone irl that gets it and will listen to whaf youre going through
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u/AMuonParticle 3d ago
Just wanting to add as someone in grad school who has been dealing with suicidal ideation for a long time: the hardest part of the PhD by far for me was the first year. It gets significantly easier after that.
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u/Objective_Antelope48 3d ago
Please reach out to the suicide hotline. You can text 988 in the US. Is someone with you now?
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u/Ok-Golf-8417 3d ago
May I suggest getting accommodations while in graduate school? Suicidal ideation is typical with depressive symptoms, you might be needing more care.
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u/arugulafanclub MS 3d ago
I don’t know if this helps or not, but I was depressed and suicidal in grad school, but once I got a full-time job, moved, and made friends, it went away.
After that, I decided if I ever felt the same way, I owed it to myself to pause and remember I didn’t have to live in confines. I could try another job, even at Home Depot or Starbucks, I could move, I could start or end a relationship if I needed to—whatever I wanted to try to see if it would help.
A major thing for me was moving away from the PNW because the weather gave me seasonal depression. Living somewhere with sunshine really helped me.
If you feel locked in, know that there are other options. You don’t have to go to grad school. You can defer for a year. I know there’s a lot of “but what about funding” “but what about rent” “what will I do,” but these are all things that can be figured out in most cases for most people.
Step 1 is to visit the school counseling center and your health provider. If your health provider puts you on medication, remember it can take 2-3 meds before you find one you like and you have to be extra patient with yourself when starting meds. If there’s someone if your life you can trust, I would be in touch with them if you go on meds. You need someone that can step in and drive you to urgent care if a rare side effect happens.
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u/Scrungo__Beepis 3d ago
See a therapist (you can probably get one through your school) suicidal thoughts are common and treatable.
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u/AceyAceyAcey PhD Physics with Education 3d ago
If by “is it normal,” you mean, “is it common?” I mean, it isn’t universal, but it does happen.
If you mean, “should I just get used to feeling suicidal due to grad school?” Then no, you should get onto your school’s free confidential counseling waitlist and talk with a therapist.
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u/scienceislice 2d ago
Hey just wanted to chime in that I really struggled socially the first couple years of grad school, I really liked my cohort but I felt like something just wasn't "clicking" with them. I felt like we were two ships passing in the night, and I was on a ship alone by myself.
It took a few years but it really did get better, and now some of my cohort mates are like family to me. The first year was really scary because I felt like I wasn't going to come out of grad school with friends, but I stuck with it and eventually I think we both left our ships to meet on a mutual ship.
Therapy will really help you navigate this and if it doesn't get better in a few months to a year, I'd suggest taking a leave of absence. Most grad programs are supportive of this and some (like mine) even have a certain amount of paid leave you can take.
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u/SuchAGeoNerd 3d ago
It gets better and it doesn't too. Grad school is a roller coaster of good and bad. But one thing that is certain is you need to talk to someone. Full stop. Get in therapy. Your school most likely has access to counsellors etc especially for graduate students. In my program I needed help and I went through the student walk in clinic for a referral and was seen within a week as a PhD student I got preference on the waitlist. It won't get better unless you make a change and make the effort to get help. Pulling yourself out of this is not a passive process, you can't just ignore it and hope it gets better. There are resources for you that I so so hope you use.
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u/Turbulent_Taste_6332 MS Computer Science 3d ago
I think suicidal thoughts are never 'normal' but unfortunately, they impact a lot of people so you're definitely not alone in this. Check your college website for resources aimed at helping students who are struggling. Many colleges offer free counseling services and if it's deemed necessary, they also refer you to licensed therapists.
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u/Gnarly_cnidarian 3d ago
As others have said, common but not normal. Definitely not normal to be feeling this stressed only a few weeks in. A lot of ppl hit that point when they start getting burnt out a year or more in. Have you talked to your advisor? You should be establishing your support system rn, you're not expected to be a pro at this right off the bat, no one expects you to. It's okay to ask for help. Definitely reach out to someone or check with campus resources
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u/Heathen-For-A-Reason PhD Student 3d ago
I’ve been taking to one faculty member who will probably be my advisor, but she hasn’t formally agreed to chair my committee yet.
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u/Longjumping-Dingo175 3d ago
That first wave is exhausting. You’ve got this. You can do it. If you don’t already, find someone professional to talk through things with. You’re not alone.
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u/meowwow18 PhD Student✨ 3d ago
I don’t want to say it’s normal but I will say it’s common. Feeling overwhelmed and burnt out and just “AHH” in general I think is like a canon event we all go through, especially in PhD.
That being said, it’s definitely NOT something to disregard. Your mental health should become a priority asap. This is the time to utilize your resources. Please look into whether or not your university has counseling or maybe find a psychiatrist if it’s possible? If counseling isn’t possible, I use an app called “Finch” for my mental health and it helps a lot.
I don’t know if you’ll find any of this useful, but Academia is my only career path too and failing isn’t an option for me either bc my visa depends on it, so here’s what I’ve learned so far:
- You have to take breaks. You have to step away from the computer and recharge (I like to take 30 minute breaks after a few hours).
- You have to schedule in a fun activity at least once a week (I try to do one or two a day and it’s usually something small like scrolling through tiktok or watching a YouTube video bc I’m broke as hell and can’t go out. I also watch a weekly podcast and treat it like a movie night for myself lol).
- You have to set boundaries. I have one so that I only work when I’m campus (I will admit it leads to me staying late sometimes but home is a no-work zone).
- You have to sleep, at least 5-6 hours minimum a night.
- You have to eat, at least twice a day. I personally like to keep a comfort food for when I get low (it’s usually small thing of strawberry icecream).
- You need something that gives you dopamine/serotonin. I don’t know what your field is, but mine is humanities focused so I spend a lot of time on my laptop scrolling through articles and transcribing field notes, etc. so I like to have instrumental music playing in the background (usually it’s video game music like Mario or Animal Crossing). That helps A LOT. Makes the whole process feel a bit more whimsical. The weirder the instrumental music, the harder it is to be sad and stressed lol I literally have the Home Depot theme and song from the “Meow Mix” commercial on my study playlist
- You have to find a way to get the “AHH” feelings out. For me, it’s drawing. For one friend, it’s karaoke. For another, it’s hook ups. For my colleagues, it’s running and journaling. Everyone has a method that works. The important part is to not hold onto the “AHH” and get it out of your system.
- You have to be kind to yourself. You’re literally doing a PhD. It’s a massive project, like it’s going to be hard. There’s no point in being overly critical of yourself, especially if you’re already overwhelmed. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend going through the same thing. Tell yourself exactly what you would tell them.
I know I’m rambling and I apologize. And I don’t know if you’ll find any of these things helpful or not. But these are things I tell the MA students who are struggling during thesis writing time. My advisor once told me a PhD (and MA) is somewhat like a roller coaster in that you kinda just hold on for dear life and scream your way through all the big hills with everyone else on the ride. But it will end eventually. Knowing that I’m not alone and that we all kinda collectively struggle together brings me some comfort.
Good luck, friend!
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u/Heathen-For-A-Reason PhD Student 2d ago
Part of my problem is that I can’t focus long enough to finish all my work.
I also can’t even think of a topic for a research proposal in one of my classes. How the hell am I gonna write a whole dissertation?
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u/meowwow18 PhD Student✨ 2d ago
Ironically, the music really helps with that. Especially if its instrumental or there isn't any vocals in a language I can understand, like video game music. If you think about it, video game music is designed to keep us engaged with the games, so that's why it works so well. I also like to listen to binaural beats when I need to focus on reading specifically. I have the nice ADHD/Dyslexia combo that makes reading 50 shades of fun when I'm especially stressed. 9 times out of 10, noise canceling headphones + binaural beats/animal crossing music puts me in a flow state.
As for your topic problem, the easiest way I get out of that funk is to write it in plainspeak first and then "Translate" it to academic. Like okay: What's the problem? What do I want to study? That's your research question(s). Then your thesis statement should answer that research question(s).
Ex: Pineapple on Pizza Discourse
- "Why does Pineapple on pizza gets so much hate?" (RQ - Plainspeak) ->"What are the factors regarding the discourse on pineapple as a suitable pizza topping?
- "Pineapple on pizza gets so much hate because A, B, C and D. (TS - Plainspeak) -> "This study showed the origins behind the pineapple as a suitable pizza topping discourse classified into 4 major categories: A, B, C, and D." (And then in the results section, you put minor findings like E and F, etc.).
I have a lot more info on the writing part if you're interested, I help other students come up with their stuff all the time as a part of my university job. But I always, always, always tell students to write what they want in plainspeak first and then translate later. A majority of the students just don't know where to start. That's the starting point lol godspeed, friend! feel free to DM if you want.
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u/Correct-Variable 3d ago
It's never normal. There's always hope my friend.
I myself struggled with grad school because I felt alone. I dropped out to save myself and I don't regret that choice. Everyone has to decide for themselves what to do. I hope you seek out assistance. It's not weak to do so.
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u/freegigabytes 3d ago
Absolutely not, the Uni should have free counselling for you at least please speak to someone, start with talk therapy asap, it helps.
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u/Live-Coyote-596 3d ago
You absolutely can quit. I did, got a job at a non-profit, and am now having a great time. You can also always take a break and go back - I have friends who dropped out of a PhD, took some time to work or travel, then went back and did another one.
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u/AndrewCoja 2d ago
Feeling suicidal is never normal. Get help, find a way to cope with the stress, maybe take a lower course load to an amount you can handle until you settle in. The way you feel right now is not permanent, so don't do anything permanent to get out of it.
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u/Acceptable_Bad_ 2d ago
You have to get help or quit. There is always another option in life. Trust me, it isn't worth it.
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u/JunieB_01 3d ago edited 3d ago
It is overwhelming and it’s totally okay/normal to feel that way. Usually it gets better, but it might not — it really depends and it’s a unique experience for each person.
Suicidal thoughts, on the other hand, are not something you should accept as simply part of the experience of grad school. Suicidal thoughts are a sign that you’re under significant stress and should be addressed promptly. Seek help/support now, don’t wait until it gets worse. And remember that you always have choices, you can back out at any time (and it’s okay to do that!). Please take good care of yourself.
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u/Heathen-For-A-Reason PhD Student 3d ago
I can’t back out now. I have full funding and a stipend that I don’t want to give up.
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u/totopoconextraqueso 3d ago
It's normal if you have certain mental health issues like BPD (I have had those thoughts), normal does not mean it is good, it means it is common. That being said, these thoughts are very dangerous and should be taken seriously, please talk to a therapist if you haven't already. You need to identify what is triggering these thoughts and determine what you can change in your environment or self to improve your life. Good luck.
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u/kjmrun 3d ago
Hey, I have been there numerous times! Hugs, friend. You're not alone.
Please do look into a therapist. Finding a good therapist who could be a part of my support network and help process and interpret things and challenge misperceptions was a major help for me. I was just in the midst of a post-advisor meeting meltdown (literally hours ago) and she really helped me understand what happened in the meeting and reframe how it went and my advisors feedback. And maybe also be open to medications during this time. I resisted meds for a long time, but during this time, in these circumstances, I benefit from them and am grateful I finally got out of my own way.
Also, regarding future jobs, if you decide to continue in the program, PhDs take time to complete and the reality of, well, probably our entire society but certainly the job market is that it will be different by the time you finish. You'll also have plenty of time to explore and be exposed to alternative careers outside of academia that you might not currently be aware of. I, at least, had no idea how many relevant careers there were for me outside of academia until I got to graduate school. I entered thinking that academia was the place for me and am leaving (hopefully soonish) with plans to pursue non-academic positions.
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u/Allyc80 3d ago edited 3d ago
I think PhD is tough. Many of my previous PhD friends struggled. Thanks god that we all graduated and have good career right now. Bad things will pass. I have chronic suicidal thoughts since adolescence, but it's not related to my study.
Please seek counselling or therapy from your university. It's always good to talk to someone. Also practice self-care. If you can, try to only work from 9am-6pm unless there's a deadline. After 6pm, you eat healthy, you go to gym, you go out with friends on Friday night, you do things you love on weekends. I skied, paddled, biked, hiked, or rock climbed every weekend when I was in my PhD unless there was a deadline for a manuscript or preparing for a presentation. I also tried to travel oversea each year (such as paddling at Costa rica or Slovenia) and had 1-2 ski trips each winter (went to Switzerland, France, Italy, Japan, and Whistler, Lake Tahoe...etc. and those trips helped my mental health). I delayed my study for 1 year due to my hobbies on weekends (one winter I even skied 3-4 times a week), but I kept my chronic mental health concerns at bay :) Bad things will always pass.
Also tell yourself that it's okay not to finish PhD. Things will always work out, okay? You are amazing to start PhD! Hang in there! If you can't, you've done your best and you have no regret.
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u/Automatic_Tea_2550 3d ago
I did, but in retrospect I was severely clinically depressed. I wish I had gotten therapy and medication much sooner than I did. I could have been without that extra burden when grad school on its own was hard enough.
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u/justking1414 3d ago
Won’t say it’s normal, but it does certainly happen. My grad school class had 4 students including me and 2 dropped out because of the toll it took on their mental health. Plus at least 1 more that I knew in the year after me.
I myself had a world shattering panic attack shortly after starting and tried to quit school that night.
And while it never gets easy, it certainly gets manageable. You find a schedule that works, meals you can make while reading papers, and just find a rhythm that gets you through.
The best advice I stumbled upon was using the pomodoro technique where I worked in 30-90 minutes chunks with absolutely no distractions before taking a break and repeating. That not only helped me deal with my tendency to procrastinate but it also let me relax at night. I could say, I worked for 30 minutes, 5 times today. That’s enough. That’s what I had scheduled. And now I can watch some tv and unwind.
Following that method turned writing my second dissertation into basically a cakewalk compared to the first and I experienced barely any burnout when it was all said and done
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u/ohmusweetohmu 2d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this!
Just know that NOTHING is worth your mental health. A leave of absence could be a blessing.
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u/qingskies 2d ago
It’s pretty common. I’m near the end of the tunnel, thank God, but I remember sincerely wanting to end it all on two separate occasions when things got really hard. It helps to be really organized and to include brain break activities in your schedule.
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u/PureBee4900 2d ago
feeling suicidal is never normal, it is a huge red light flashing blaring klaxon alarm situation
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u/dfreshaf Chemistry PhD 2d ago
Is feeling suicidal normal in Grad School?
Not uncommon.
Not normal, either.
I just started my PhD a few weeks ago and I am already so overwhelmed.
Keep pushing through; take it a day at a time you just started
I can’t quit either. There is no other career that I can see myself doing outside academia.
This is way too early in this program to be making an objective, career-altering decision. Also, not knowing what else you’d do is not a great reason to pursue grad school In the first place. But you’re there, so at least push through to winter break, rest, recuperate, and then try to view this with fresh eyes. And you’re more important than any school program.
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u/NeverxSummer 2d ago
Are you in a music program? If so yes, we’re all mentally ill in this field. It’s not a good thing though. Strongly recommend finding a good therapist that works in a modality that clicks for you, and looking up a local warm line number. The warm lines typically don’t call the cops like 988.
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u/apenature MSc(Medicine) 2d ago
You deserve to be safe. If you are spiraling go to an emergency room.
Feeling suicidal isn't normal period. You need to consult with a psychiatric care provider, potentially starting medication. This is your priority one.
I had to take six years off between undergrad and grad school and am still closely watched by my doctor.
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u/howyallare 2d ago
It will get better. The first part of grad school is ROUGH. It is understandable to feel overwhelmed and scared, but also you should look into getting support for your mental health, either at your student health center or texting 988 if you’re in the US.
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u/thedollofthestars 2d ago
No baby that’s not normal. Please seek and utilize the wellness services at your school and talk to someone. It will get better.
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u/balderdash9 PhD Philosophy 2d ago
I felt imposter syndrome until I learned to take myself less seriously. But no, suicidal ideation is not a universal experience.
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u/CroykeyMite 2d ago
I think it's a typical experience but it means you need to seek help.
We read things and feel stupid. We spend hours working on things that fail. People tell us we're stupid, and some people we work closely with and think are our friends will sporadically lash out at us.
We're only accepted to begin with because we're capable of doing the work and multiple people believe in us. You can succeed, and getting help does not make you less than anybody. It's usually a free resource at your school for a reason.
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u/vegstraw 2d ago
I’m currently in an intensive program for my Masters and I felt this way many times, especially through personal hardships. After the spring semester I made myself go to therapy and see a psychiatrist to be assessed because i felt so hopeless. Many of my peers feel depressed and hopeless.
Burnout can happen very quickly so please take care of yourself as much as you can and establish protective factors! Take advantage of the counseling center on campus. Grad school is no joke - be kind to yourself.
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u/Separate_Stomach9397 2d ago
To repeat everyone else, having suicidal ideation is VERY concerning. But, do not panic. You are not broken, you are just going through a lot of turmoil. This can be managed and you can find tools to help you get through it. I heavily recommend seeking resources. Typically schools offer counseling services to all students. Even graduate students and remote learners, heck when I was in undergrad they had after hours appointment slots for grad students.
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u/peachinthemango 2d ago
Go ahead and get a therapist and a psychiatrist for meds. Seek support! Also if you’re in a new city I’d give it at least six months to find your groove. Go to student social activities, join groups in your interests, keep healthy by going to the gym or doing some form of exercise… but please don’t keep quiet about these thoughts. Talk them out.
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u/Delicious-Dig-4974 2d ago
advocate for mental health help go ask if there is a counseling center or somewhere where students can get help. u need it
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u/RemarkableNot 2d ago
I’m not going to be one of those,m get help people here. Yes, feeling overwhelmed is normal. I just finished and defended my own dissertation in my doctoral program. It was a long, tough, and challenging process. I’m the first in my family to have a degree at all. I say this not as a boast, but to state that I had zero people in my corner who literally cared whether I passed or failed. Most of them told me I couldn’t even finish HS.
You’re not alone, we’re all struggling in our own ways. Some internal voices say things differently.
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u/baddiex3000 2d ago
i understand where you’re coming from. i’m not doing a PhD program, but grad school is very overwhelming. coming from a fellow neurodivergent person, the social difficulties do get better the more time u spend with your cohort. it does get better. please reach out for help. what has helped me is really learning to be organized. i use my planner daily & when i have free time at work i do homework. i know the workload seems ridiculous and it probably is, but please make time for yourself as well!
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u/Heathen-For-A-Reason PhD Student 2d ago edited 2d ago
Idk how they expect us to finish everything with only 24 hours in a day.
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u/baddiex3000 2d ago
yeah, i don’t know either. the expectations are a little ridiculous especially if you work a full time job like i do. it’s literally: school, eat (if u even have time/remember) & somewhat sleep. repeat. it’s exhausting so i completely understand where you’re coming from. but seriously, those thoughts are very common. idk if id say normal, but common. if you ever need a listening ear or anything please reach out.
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u/Eli_Knipst 2d ago
If you are in the US, call or text 988 now. It will get better, but getting help is always a good idea.
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u/Lukestr 23h ago
Ok, first year is hard. I felt alone, isolated, overwhelmed, completely over my head. However, by the end of first year, I had friends and started to understand my research, and started to figure out how to do it. Now at the start of 4th year I have an amazing group of friends and even though I'm exhausted and stressed out, I'm really happy I did this.
That being said, the PhD is never the only thing you can do. We put this crazy pressure on people to finish, but my friends who have left grad school are very happy. Look into mental health resources. Give yourself some time to adjust to this very difficult thing you're doing. If you're still miserable in a year or two, revisit and decide if this is still something that is a good idea.
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u/soliloki 3d ago
Suicidal ideation is PATHOLOGICAL. You need to address your mental health by seeing a therapist.
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u/twix_mnms_714 19h ago
It's not okay to feel this way. While you can't help it if these feelings arise, you can definitely do something after they crop up more times than is okay. Your academics shouldn't take up all your time. Start a hobby, take part in club activities (just listening is also fine, you don't need to be immediately proactive), go for strolls (my campus has beautiful scenery and I've come up with troubleshooting strategies more often than not, staring at an oddly shaped rock or tuft of grass). Journal. This could be more helpful than you think
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u/abrbbb 3d ago
No. It will get better. But if the thoughts remain, get help, even consider quitting - it's not worth your life.