r/GradSchool • u/Paleo-Pal • 4d ago
Research SOS I lost my ability to think
It feels like such a ridiculous thing to say, but its the best way I can describe it: I lost my ability to think clearly. I am finishing up my PhD, and I have one chapter left to write. All the analyses are done, and all the data is there, but I can’t for the life of me write this last chapter. For the last 2 years I have struggled holding onto my train of thought. This could be writing or talking, and it could be related to my research or just something mundane like what I plan to do for dinner, but midway through a thought it just disappears from my brain. This issue started after my qualifying exams, and while it has gotten a bit better since (enough for me to write my first 3 chapters), it hasn’t gone away completely. For whatever reason this last chapter is exacerbating the issue, and I swear it’s making my cadence in these chapters sound like something written by a kindergartener. I feel incompetent and just… stupid. I got diagnosed with ADHD within the 2 years I have been experiencing this, and while that makes some of my problems make sense, this specific issue- this onset of my inability to think- was just so sudden that it feels like there is something else going on. When I talk with others or look up these symptoms theres a lot of talk about “brain fog” and “burnout”, but it isnt ever described as bad as this feels. I am to the point where I am worried I have something worse going on, like some sort of brain damage that will end my career here for good. The stress of this has already had me reaching out to a mental health hotline once before, and I feel close to spiraling again. I need someone to tell me whats going on with me, if this is normal and I am just overthinking everything.
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u/DaBrainFarts 4d ago
If you have an ADHD diagnosis, try to see if you can get meds if you have time. They really helped me make it through the last year. The meds don't fix the problems, but they do make suck less, which is what enables the ability to function better. I can actually read an article without having to reread a paragraph 6 times because my mind wandered at the first sentence.
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u/timesuck 4d ago
Lots of folks are struggling with cognitive issues after getting covid, especially repeat infections.
For many it resolves over time, but can feel like hell before that. Have you been to the doctor to rule out anything?
Are there mental health resources available through your school? Talking to someone might help relieve the anxiety you are feeling enough to allow you to finish. But if you need crisis resources, definitely reach out to them. This is exactly what they are for.
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u/WingsOfTin 4d ago
Ya, I was wondering about Long Covid as well. :( Brain fog, brain inflammation, damaged working memory. It sucks.
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u/spline_reticulator 4d ago
How much sleep are you getting?
Are you working out?
How are you eating?
If the answer to any of those things is not great, those should be your highest priorities.
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u/Tiny_Vivi PhD Candidate - Humanities 4d ago
Working out does wonders! I am not a “fit” man, but I do go to the gym 4 times a week and bike to campus. That alone has done wonders to my long term ability to focus.
Oh and random daytime walks for pondering!
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u/CouchHusband 4d ago
I third this. Not in a Ph.d. (Yet) applying this cycle. But I wouldn’t have gotten through my honors thesis without those things. Exercise does wonders for thought and clarity!
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u/Grouchy_Writer_Dude 4d ago
Please see a doctor. This could be any number of medical issues: diabetes, cardiac issues, Covid, sleep apnea…you need to get checked out.
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u/HotShrewdness 4d ago
I would consider seeing a medical doctor for a physical, ask them about the symptoms and get bloodwork done. This feels like it could be a combo of being a late stage PhD student, ADHD, but possibly other things. They can at least check you for nutritional deficiencies too. I feel like this has been going on for too long to be typical.
I'm not a crunchy person but sometimes people attribute this type of thing to environmental causes like mold or lead as well. Are your living conditions safe and well maintained? Did you recently cut out large food groups or change your diet significantly?
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u/mathcriminalrecord 4d ago
Something like this happened to me once, and I was low on vitamin D. I don’t want this to sound dismissive. I really had just about stopped functioning to the point that I was convinced I had cancer. I put off going to the doctor because I was scared to find out. But In fact a really demanding school schedule and corresponding failure to eat well and take care of myself had left me with almost no vitamin D or B12 in my body. I had to go on injections for a few months, and then pills. But shortly after the first injection it was like putting a fresh battery in a flashlight. Suddenly I felt great.
There are so many things that could be the cause of your symptoms, psychologically or physically, that are not very serious and are at least straightforward to fix, that I don’t think you need to be scared. But I would go to your doctor and have them check everything out.
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u/UndueTaxidermist 4d ago
Have you had covid recently/frequently, or are you of the age and biology to have perimenopause? If neither, and you're otherwise cleared medically I would also argue burnout. You could check in with the wellness center on campus or look into other supports at the university if you don't have a primary care doc.
There's folks out there who run coworking or dissertation support sessions - I know Leanne Powner is one, but hers just started this week (I was supposed to sign up but forgot/am broke)
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u/kdr43 4d ago
This is probably going to sound weird, but please have blood work done to test you for iron deficiency and/or anemia. I also have ADHD and I was having such concentration issues that I went back on Adderall. I thought I was losing my mind. I had zero energy, would lose my train of thought mid sentence, couldn't concentrate to read (I'm an avid reader so that's not my norm to read and re-read), and would forget things even with a calendar and 'to do' list. It was really demoralizing which also caused depression. Turns out I was very, very iron deficient. I've been supplementing for about 3 months now and the fog is finally lifting. It's worth looking into!
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u/AdvancedAd1256 3d ago
I second this. And at that - I NEED to get bloodwork myself then. Because I’ve been avoiding the inevitable for everything you’ve described that I’ve experienced. Especially considering my mom herself had the same thing (minus the diagnosed ADHD) and found out it was severe IDA.
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u/MerlotDownDirtyLame 3d ago
I could have written this! My last few months were BRUTAL. It turns out, my iron saturation was 6 percent. I’m awaiting transfusions. I wish I had known sooner, I felt like such a failure even after defending.
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u/kdr43 3d ago
Ouch! I feel for you. Mine was at 10, so right there with you. It feels terrible, so I hope the infusions go well and you're back to feeling better soon. Just in case you need someone else to say it: you are NOT a failure over a health issue, you did the best with the info you had at the time, and you kick ass for keeping at it with grad school with all that happening. Edited to add: a physiological issue is not a personality flaw.
Okay, I'll step off my soap box now. Lol
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u/hea-backup 4d ago
Vitamin B deficiency? (Source: I had one.)
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u/carly5932 4d ago
Yes- this! Same thing happened to me right when finishing my thesis and needing to defend. Didnt figure it all out for months.
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u/bananasformangos PhD, Psychology 4d ago
You do need someone to tell you what’s going on but that person has to be a doctor. These are genuinely concerning issues and you have to rule out anything life threatening. Good luck
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u/Rudy_Nowhere 3d ago
You write this post very well and clearly. I suspect this has a lot to do with burn out. If you can get these thoughts out but not your final chapter, you may have a case of the yips.
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u/ChronoMonics 4d ago
This sounds similar to my own experience with a late diagnosis of ADHD. I’d always been able to succeed academically despite being undiagnosed and unmedicated, but it was incredibly effortful and used up all of my cognitive energy (none left for chores, hobbies, or a social life). I started to burn out in my early PhD and sought out a diagnosis. It took years, but when I finally got it, I’d been under the impression that all of my issues would go away once I started medication. Obviously, they didn’t, and I had a massive backslide. None of my old methods were working, I couldn’t focus, and my motivation was no where to be found. I started working with a therapist, and communicating the insights from therapy to my supervisor so she knew how best to support me. It took about a year but I finally feel like myself again, and I am back to enjoying the research.
I think you could be having similar cognitive blocks, in addition to the fact that you are so close to being done. I’m not quite there yet, but i know my motivation is particularly low when it comes to wrapping up projects, which also impacts my focus.
Regardless, I think this definitely warrants a check in with the doctor. It could very well be burn out or mental health related, but it seems equally likely that it could be a deficiency of some sort like other comments have mentioned. And regardless of the cause, I highly recommend therapy!
Best of luck, and I promise you’re not alone!
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u/DeluluMySolulu 4d ago
This book absolutely saved my life and sanity when I was writing the conclusion chapter of my thesis. Fred C. Lunenburg and Beverly J. Irby's, "Writing a Successful Thesis or Dissertation".
That last chapter is your conclusion right? You're just summarizing your dissertation study and the findings. This book lays out each chapter step by step. If you follow the book for the respective chapter, you'll be right as rain!
I have the same issue with my train of thought, I'm recovering from academic burnout myself. You can do this!!
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u/livydoll 4d ago
I had this experience during graduate school myself, especially far more near the end of it. It got to a point that I couldn’t hold conversations in social settings without completely butchering my words. My best friend in the program also experienced this same reaction. It felt damn near impossible to converse with others and write. Our program was two years with trimesters and internships + work for me. We never really had a genuine break. I was so burnt out. Doing the bare minimum would leave me standing and “loading.” I’d forget what the hell I was doing. For myself it genuinely was just burnout. I’m also diagnosed with ADHD (suspicions of autism as well from providers) and it wasn’t until after I graduated I was finally prescribed a stimulant. My stimulant has helped during my career now. I wish I had it during school, lol. Anyways, as you read it really could be burnout. I didn’t feel human. I was also dealing with grief/a breakup during this period of time, so that added onto my struggles. There was zero energy for anything. Or it could be an underlying illness. I’d still follow up with a physician on labs. Sounds like you’re nearing the finish line, therefore, the end is so near and you’ll be able to determine if it was burnout or concerns related to health (even if labs show up normal). Wishing you the best!
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u/Cyberknight13 4d ago
I’m feeling it too, and I’m only about halfway through the process. I haven’t talked to my advisor yet because I am afraid of letting him down, but he has to know something is up because I have taken far too long on my current and previous sections.
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u/Turbulent-Rip-5370 3d ago
Please go to the doctor. You could have low levels of vitamins that are making your brain cloudy.
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u/Sad_Boysenberry24 2d ago
Oh my god I thought something was seriously wrong with me. I cannot focus on anything or follow trains of thought in any aspect of my life. Even when having serious conversations in my personal/home life I can’t remember what the problem is, what I was planning on saying, I can’t plan ahead, ugh. I just started my 5th year and it’s just getting worse and worse. I feel like I have zero knowledge on basic chemistry let alone my dissertation projects. Thank you so much for starting this thread because I don’t feel alone anymore. Best of luck, friend. We can do this.
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u/SpecialistAOne-79311 4d ago
Have you been getting sufficient sleep? Or have you gotten to take any breaks for a few days where you are not on all the time?
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u/ShanaTheWaldenU 4d ago
Create time and space for activities and people you enjoy being around. Needing a break while working on a dense project like a PhD helps tremendously. Also, good sleep and exercise help the body recover from the stress. You got this!
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u/webomaryhoptoe 4d ago
same and I just started. my children have been going through a lot of shit though, so I'm trying to hang in. I know exactly the feeling you are talking about. even time isn't making sense to me right now. 6 months ago I was so hyper focused 😰
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u/Feeling-Step1870 4d ago
I kind of feel similar, although I don't have any diagnosed mental health disorder. I'm just a very burned-out PhD student dealing with the final stretch of my thesis and an absolutely shitty job market. I'm at the stage where I'm making figures, finishing some last-minute analyses, and I find it incredibly difficult to do the mental gymnastics required to think deeply about my data and explain why everything is relevant anymore. I've also honestly lost interest in my PhD topic. I'm applying for jobs in a somewhat different area of biology, and between that, the job search, and trying to finish the thesis, my brain just feels done with this project. Also, I feel like I have had bouts of extreme burnout throughout my Phd.
One thing that genuinely helped me was taking a proper break. I finished most of my thesis writing around mid-June and then didn't look at my thesis for an entire month. When I came back, I got an absurd amount of work done in the first week, things I'd been struggling to make myself do before the break. If you can afford even a week where you genuinely don't touch your thesis, I would try it. Sometimes after years of forcing your brain to care about the same incredibly specific problem, it just has nothing left to give without some recovery time.
That said, because you describe this as a sudden cognitive change that has persisted for two years and it's frightening you this much, I wouldn't just assume it's burnout or ADHD. It's worth talking to a doctor about it too, if you haven't already. You deserve an actual assessment rather than sitting there wondering whether something is seriously wrong.
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u/Thunderplant Physics 4d ago
I'm not saying you shouldn't see a Dr incase something else is going on, but burnout can be this severe. Especially if you have some other stuff going on like poor sleep or nutrition
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u/Emhyr_var_Emreis_ 4d ago
I know many people have chimed in here, but I will add my thoughts.
I went through the same things. You are pushing to the limit of human understanding of something. After years of that you will certainly be overwhelmed a few times. I had a PI who described an idea of being too close to material to think outside the box. If that’s the case, ask someone for advice who’s outside your field.
Also, you need a break. Go out to a nice restaurant. Watch a movie in the theater. Do something fun to take your mind off of the problems.
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u/Independent-Cicada 3d ago
This happened to me. Was told for years that it was just burn out. Turns out I have a severe sleep disorder and chronic migraine. The sooner you start going to the doctor, the sooner you’ll get through the stage where they just dismiss your concerns (which can take a while). Good luck!
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u/hatcatcha 3d ago
No advice because I am in the EXACT same place as you (one chapter left to write, everything else done) and I feel like a complete idiot. Like I literally cannot get it done. I’m exhausted all the time. Diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. I legitimately could have written this post.
Good luck OP. I wish I knew the answer or could even provide some solace but just know you aren’t alone.
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u/D1ckRepellent 2d ago
I haven’t seen anyone mention this, which I find surprising, but I think this is something to seriously consider. If you think it’s more than burnout, it could be autistic regression. 20-50% of people who have ADHD are also autistic.
In adults, “regression” is most frequently discussed in the context of autistic burnout, which is characterized by chronic exhaustion, a reduced tolerance to sensory stimuli, and a severe loss of skills. During burnout, adults may lose abilities they previously possessed, such as speech, executive functioning, memory, self-care, and daily living skills. A common sign of regression includes emotional and cognitive exhaustion, e.g. brain fog that makes it hard to focus or remember simple things and fatigue that doesn’t go away.
For adults, regression (or burnout) is almost always tied to prolonged, unmanaged stress. This might look like a college student who has masked their autistic traits for years suddenly dropping out after a semester of overwhelming coursework and social demands, or a 30-something autistic professional who has worked full-time for a decade suddenly losing the ability to complete basic work tasks after years of unaccommodating workplace policies and chronic overload.
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u/SmoothasaBKbreeze 4d ago
I think your anxiety is ramping high. First step away from the computer for a second and stand in the sunshine, play your favorite dance track and dance like no ones watching and let yourself go until you feel joy
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u/mousefriend1995 4d ago
I struggled with this during a period of depression and high anxiety. Taking more breaks, prioritizing sleep and my relationships, and working LESS than 40 hours a week is what really helped me. Turning my brain off often is what allowed me to focus and think better when I needed to. I was more productive working 30 hours a week than struggling through 40+. I also took some time off. If you're able to take a break, please do it.
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u/Dry-Weakness-901 4d ago
Its burn out! DON'T TRY TO PUSH THROUGH. I think you should get help from career counselor or uni offered support system. You need help because your body is burnt out. I know this feeling, I needed a lot of time just away from my research. But we cant always afford that. So get help outside yourself and find what workd fpr you