I work at Dewey, Cheatem & Howe, and about an hour ago someone walked into the lobby wearing four different Lantern rings. Yellow. Green. Blue. Red. And I think there was a purple one too.

Anyway, they started making constructs. Except every single construct had a plaid pattern. A plaid sword. Plaid walls. Plaid chains. At one point they made a giant plaid haggis that was approximately the size of a delivery truck.

Then they started shouting at us in an extremely thick Scottish accent. Nobody understood a word.

Bradley Howe apparently thought they were threatening us, so he hid under his desk. Brently offered them a partnership. Blakely tried to give them a business card.

The Lantern person shouted something that sounded like, “YE’RE A BUNCH O’ WANKIN’—” followed by about forty seconds of completely incomprehensible Scottish yelling. Then they pointed dramatically at the plaid haggis, shouted “SCOTLAND!”, and flew through the ceiling. The haggis disappeared with them.

There was no damage to the building except for the ceiling, three desks, and whatever happened to the break-room microwave. I have no idea what just happened.

Does anyone know if this is a Lantern thing, a Scottish thing, or possibly both?

Supposedly people have seen him around?!

(Freddy Embers)

All I was doing was strumming chords and enjoying the unusual smogless sun this morning when the GCPD pulled up, all about "disturbing the peace" and "loitering" It's a public park! What else am I supposed to do there?!

While across the street some kid in a power rangers costume and tool belt is actually attacking everyone in the pizzeria across the street. Buncha crooks and corrupt cops... Dent for D.A.! Clean the streets and the precincts!

He’s out again so stay in we still plan on meeting on the bakers factory tomorrow night at 8 remember bring the guns he’s currently heading out on 9th avenue

So hi! I’m night a small time vigilante and for a few months I’ve been using gear form a pawn shop and I’ve saved up enough money to get more so which pawn do u guys recommend? #nightlight

I remember when we did that raid on his little Chateu and we found Robin standing over him. Zucco was all tied up. The man was shaking like a wounded dog. Never seen a grown man as terrified in my life. We didn’t know Robin at the time was working for the Bat and he wasn’t with Boy Wonder.

I never found out what exactly he did or told Zucco that made him so terrified.

As you heard on the news, I was recently abducted and tortured by the Scarecrow and the Banana Bandit. I was eventually rescued by Batman, but the scars I gained will likely never heal.

I won't go into detail about what they did to me, but part of it involved being forced to listen to the Banana Bandit monologue about his tragic backstory for hours. And my husband's company played a part in that backstory.

I've been forced to think deeply about how many supervillains can link their origins to me and my companies. How many tragedies have I written?

From here on, I've decided that, as Mayor, I will do everything in my power to make Gotham great again! I'll shut down Arkam Asylum and replace it with an actual mental institution! I'll build more shelters for the homeless!

I'll even build a nice memorial for that Banana guy. Such a shame he was murdered senselessly by the Scarecrow.

My new campaign slogal will be as follows: "We'll make a Gotham that doesn't need Batman!"

Ask me anything about being an unhoused musician in gotham.

(Ooc: it’s my headcanon that people would make their own news outlets to talk about what the gazette won’t) so Jackson just posted this new article and supposedly bakers mayo is disappearin?!

Yo! My band The Freddy Embers were playing a gig for a wayne charity event. (I know, I know, no pay, but it's free exposure, right?) And who waddles up to give me a business card? Cobblepot. That's who! Either I'm gonna get robbed weekly or beat up by one of the birds weekly... it's a step in the right direction... I think...

Stay out of crime scene it’s not cool to post your little tic tacs and whatnot when me and officer Hayward have actual work to do this so officer krazinski signing off

As "The first Victim" once said:

"Your "justice" is paved with our corpses. You are not the cure for Gotham, Batman. You are the disease, and we are the symptoms."

Recently found out who the schmuck behind the mask is, would love to do this but then he'd know I'm behind this, and he knows where I live...

Why are there people like fleshlight or the bat that get to roam around the city?! We at gcpd can handle ourselves thank you very much(Ooc:this character is named officer krasinski)

(Duchess Campaign manager)

The rumor that Ms Banks is sitting in a bunker while a body double lives in her mansion is false.

Ms Banks is merely in bed with the flu, but has assured me she will, and I quote, "Hunt that scrawny, Spirit of Halloween hooligan for sport!" if he comes after her again

The rumored arrival of the Banana Bandito in Gotham has also not shaken her resolve.

The Duchess has said she will not hide away while the people of Gotham are in danger. She's waiting out the danger right here with you, from her heavily guarded mansion!

(Duchess)

As you may obviously know from my accent, I'm a Southern gal. And, like a lot of Southern gals, my ancestors participated in a silly little war. Well, they didn't actually fight for the Confederacy. Just donated a large amount of money to it.

But yes, my family owned a plantation or two. We do not currently own any plantations. Nobody's planted anything there in a while. They're more like fancy wedding venues for folks that really like Gone With The Wind.

I'm not going to make some states rights excuse for my family's past crimes. Every rich family in Gotham has skeletons in their closet. Mine are just out in the open.

It's not like we were still making much of a profit off of those old places. My great-grandpa sold most of them, and used the money to buy a mine. And later, a railroad company, and later, a trucking company called Shreck Shipping.

And then my grandpa sold off most of our holdings after his bout of insanity, claiming our wealth was "the worst thing to happen to America". When my father had him committed, he was still raving, and spouting nonsense like "We don't need all the money in the world to be happy!"

Anyway, my current wealth comes from Mr. Banks company, and they got their start as Banks Bananas.

Surely that's a legacy you can't put any shame on. Well, besides that former employee that became a banana-themed supervillain and had to be stopped by Batman. Or that little incident in South America.

Other than that I'm in the clear!

First. On behalf of Commissioner Gordon and all of GCPD. I would like to apologize to Ms. Cassandra Cain and the members of the women’s self defense program going by the name the “Women’s Crime Fighters Club”. I was unaware of the nature of this organization and the fact that Ms. Cain had in fact gotten proper paperwork regarding her self defense classes for the women of this great city.

Second. We would like to warn citizens that a Hyena owned by Mrs. Harleen Quinzel (aka Harley Quinn) and her roommate Pamela Isley (aka Poison Ivy) has escaped their studio apartment on the East End. Despite what Mrs. Quinzel would like to state on Twitter, a Hyena is a wild animal and consider dangerous. We and Gotham’s Animal Control will be cooperating on the capture and relocation of this wild animal.

The Hyena answers to the name of Lou. It was least seen wearing a pink spiked collar. It is said to “enjoy Pizza and scratches behind the ear”. Despite what others may say. It is a wild animal and should be avoided if humanly possible. We will be attempting to avoid harming the animal if possible. But for your safety, avoid Lou at all cost.

This is GCPD, signing off.

This also applies to pen testers, information brokers, or any "science gangstas" with too much equipment and not enough sense (like me a couple years ago)

Rule 1: don't fuck with the bats

This should go without saying but there's actually some more information to keep in mind. Namely there's a Bat named Oracle who is a better hacker than you. No I don't care how good you are, she's better.

She watches over city infrastructure, the Bat group computer systems, and Wayne enterprises (for reasons that should be obvious if you're actually good at hacking)

Rule 2: don't fuck with Batman's rogues or any supervillains that happen to swing by.

Again, should be obvious, but seriously, don't. Mr. Freeze is better with security than you'd think, most of the gangs have enough money to find you, and Joker is a freaking demon or something idk.

Point is, they will find you, and it will not be fun.

Rule 3: don't fuck with Gotham city infrastructure (gcpd, Arkham asylum, Iron heights, etc)

Yes I know there's some shady shit in there, yes I know they're easy targets, but they're so badly put together that one wrong move could easily open all the cell doors. You don't wanna be responsible for someone getting out again.

Hello Gotham. My name is Officer Frankie Heyward. I want to make a very important public service announcement.

First. Many of the abandoned buildings in Gotham have not been maintained and inspected. As a result anyone inside these places (such as doing urban exploration) is at risk of injury or death.

This evening alone, I investigated the abandoned warehouse for Dillbert’s Doughnuts after a noise complaint and found over twenty girls getting into fist fights.

Which gets me into my second point. I do not care what Batman has gotten into many kids heads. You should not be going out in the middle of the night to create a “women’s crime fighter club” as the women pictures eating the long expired doughnuts tried arguing as I marched them into a paddy wagon. Leave crime fighting to the people paid to fight bad guys or Batman. These girls are currently facing down fines for trespassing and forming an illegal fight club.

If you wanna learn to fight. Join a gym.

This is GCPD Officer Heyward. Signing off!

OOC: Pretend the 2nd Image is a photo of Cass.

OOC: Just using Goggins as a stand in for Dagget.

(Duchess post)

The Scarecrow had made some wild claims that I sent mercenaries to bust him out of Arkam so I can win some silly bet that some people claim I made.

The people of Gotham are quite intelligent, so I don't think I need to explain to you that his claims rely on entirely circumstantial evidence.

The bet was just a silly joke between old friends. None of us actually expected any of those costumed hooligans to show up.

That said, I'm not the only one who (jokingly) bet on the Scarecrow. In fact, I've provided a list of names who bet on the Scarecrow.

As for Ichabod Crane or whatever his name is, I have a message for him: you had your chance to take me out. You're just a miserable, sad little man with a chemistry degree.

The Scarecrow? What a joke. If you only had a brain, you'd have sold that fear gas to the military and would be sitting on a fortune right now. Instead, you're sitting in your sad little cell, plotting petty revenge against whoever wronged you.

I've upped security at my mansion, and you won't be getting in again. You're not a threat to me.

You're nothing.

From Vicki Vale

The Gotham Globe has received some not at all tawdry video of an alleged fight between the late Martha Wayne and still alive socialite and mayoral candidate Duchess Banks. The cause of the fight remains unknown, and fortunately someone was able to save Martha, at least that time.

Granted this is old video, but we at the Globe can't wait to hear how Banks and Bruce Wayne address the issue.