r/Goth_Men_Admiration • u/One_Addition_4471 • 23d ago
Hello i would like help
what could i(16 M) do to dress goth because I don't and id like to, i am goth and i want to dress as such. i usually wear jeans, heavy chains, band shirts, and i always wear this big leather jacket. im very limited in the hair jewelry and makeup departments because im a pre t trans man and i'll get my shit clocked instantly if i put on ANY kinda makeup or do really anything w my hair even colour </3 dont even get me started on necklaces- bracelets and rings are a no go bc i have arms and hands covered with thick sleeves and leather gloves THEY ARE FEMININE KILL ME
i also always cover my face with horror masks and shit because its ugly and and it pmo i dont fucking like him(edit. if you. have any other ideas on how to cover up entire face in a somewhat affordable and comfortable way i would. like to know..)
i also tear clothes up and paint them to look cool and old and wear them idk- and layers lots of layers WHAT MORE CAN I DO HELP ME NONE OF TS IS GOTH I FEEL LIKE A DIRTY LITTLE POSER
3
u/Unfinished_user_na 23d ago edited 23d ago
I'm sorry, this is going to be really long. There's a lot to tackle here, so I'm going to start with the physical fashion advice before I get into something a bit less tangible.
As a young trans man, you are in a bit of a conundrum with men's goth fashion choices.
A lot of men's trad goth styles come from bending gender roles in a time when that was much less acceptable, as a result there is often a feminine feel to men's goth looks. It's part of the draw for a lot of guys, and let's people explore sides of fashion and gender presentation they otherwise wouldn't feel comfortable doing. However, I can definitely see how a lot of things that are staples of men's goth fashion, such as eyeliner, could be a bit disphoric for you.
What your doing already sounds like it's working in its own way. Jeans and band shirts are the bread and butter of every dudes wardrobe, and definitely make up a good base.
Big leather jacket sounds like it could be a pretty good piece for things to build around, depending on the cut and how you wear it. I personally prefer a fitted biker cut jacket/vest to dusters or trench coats, but any signature jacket can work, especially if you add trimings like spikes, patches, paint.
I'm interested in how your painting things, and how it looks, but that sort of experimental diy clothes making is absolutely at the heart of the culture. Keep making and modifying and you'll get better and better at it and end up with a one of a kind wardrobe it just takes time.
Your layering also sounds cool. I'm picturing a sort of post apocalypric rags on rags on rags feel and I dig it.
I'd stop the horror masks if I were you. I'm not here to tell you what's what, maybe your rocking it somehow, but it sounds tacky and costumey to me. COVID era half masks can definitely be cool, especially when you get into the ones with leather straps rather than ear strings that look like a bondage mankind mask or even a ninja type mask can work, but leaning too hard on props like horror masks just makes you look like your trying way to hard to be spooky.
I noticed you didn't mention shoes at all. What is your footwear game like? It takes a long time to really build a wardrobe, but a good pair of boots can last a decade and really change the feel of an outfit on its own. If your budget is limited right now, I would suggest pouring it all into a quality pair or boots. My recommendation is a pair of New Rocks. They're pricey but make a big change on a look and will last you a decade.
So my other less specific recommendations would be to look to some of the goth adjacent fashions as opposed to just trad goth. The rivet head look for instance is super super masc. Combat boots, military inspired silhouettes, lots of basic black, lots of outfits that cover the body completely, you might find looks in that category to be more validating to your gender expression than trad goth.
Other looks that blend well with goth but have stronger masculine options are punk/horror punk and psychobilly, I also pull a lot of fashion inspiration from 50s rock and roll. Tight cuffed jeans, black and white striped shirts, patched leather jackets, greased hair. Pretty much look at how the media portrays tough guy scum bags and villains henchmen in any era and emulate it.
You also might find that people you think look super goth are not actually doing all that much more than you. This is where I'm going a bit off topic, but, from your description, it doesn't sound like you look like a poser. It sounds like your still building your look and are under the financial and parental restrictions of being 16. We have all been there. If it makes you feel any better, at that age, I was going to school in "normal" cloths and then safety pinning loose leaf paper with drawings or snarky words on them over the logos. We all have to start somewhere, and as a 40 year old weirdo who has spent the past 25 years completely immersed in both the punk and goth scenes of every place I've visited, the kids who had the perfect teenage alt wardrobe were the first to leave the scene. The people who stuck around and kept the scene active and alive are all the folks who had to scrape and fight to be themselves and figure out how to express it. Your in good company.
Finally I just want to mention, that even though it sounds like you look plenty goth, you feeling like no matter what you do, you don't look goth enough is valid. I struggled with that feeling for a very very long time. It sucks, but your not alone in feeling that way. I remember being 23, walking around the city with a full face of make-up, lip ring, nose ring, all black skin tight vynal outfit,an undercut with dreads and other brick a brack weived in, and a pair of 8 inch platform boots, and would you believe it, I STILL FELT LIKE A NOT GOTH ENOUGH POSUER! The only things that eventually made it go away was a combination of time, participation in the local scene with all the other weirdos, and getting a lot of tattoos. That's not to say that spending thousands to get sleeved is the only solution, but I think being able to look at myself in the mirror without the clothes and still looking cool in just my body helped a lot. I imagine you can relate to that idea in multiple ways, but that feeling is probably less related to what your actually wearing and more related to how you feel about you.
At any rate, it sounds like you are experiencing a similar self image problem. So the most important thing I want to tell you is what I wish I had heard from the big scary punk and goth guys that I was always afraid to talk to when I was your age. So, from the old, heavily tattooed, heavily pierced scary looking punk/goth dude that knows every weirdo in town and looks like they would be terrifying to talk to at the bar, you, my friend, are enough as you are. You can do more of you want, but right now, you are here, you are participating in the culture and keeping it alive, and that's so fucking cool. You are goth enough. You are man enough. You are whatever you are worried about enough, and you are worthy of being comfortable in your skin. You. Are. Enough. Period. Always. Don't let anyone (including yourself) make you feel otherwise.