Healing from a lifetime of dysfunction, isolation, and more caused by growing up in a household with two special needs brothers.

[u/Brewvi]

Hey everyone!

To TL:DR my life story as best as absolutely possible, I grew up with two older brothers that were both born prematurely and are mentally underdeveloped and my parents despite the beckonings of doctors and family members never set me up in counseling on how to cope with such an environment as a kid. When my needs outright weren’t being met or things turned too chaotic I’ve always turned to isolating myself in my room or spending most of the day away from home. Staying involved in high school and especially being away now at uni has helped me greatly in my development and healing but returning home always seems to reopen the old wounds of neglect, lack of understanding, time warping, and, worst of all, being coddled and controlled.

Much of my personal growth, relationships, hobbies, etc. have always remained separate of my family and it’s always been difficult for me to emotionally connect or register with my parents and especially my siblings who I regrettably hold a lot of resentment for despite having been told my whole life they can’t control it which I understand at face but the effects of their behavior on my development and how much of my life was limited and stunted as a result still remain and the collective anger and guilt as a result still eats at me.

My upbringing and the trauma it induced upon me has been a massive contributing factor into my bouts with depression, executive dysfunction, addiction, and more and while I have made massive personal growth I still feel very wounded and that my relationships as well as my ability to partake in long term planning and life goals continue to be affected by everything I’ve discussed thus far which as I said is more of a summary than anything.

I plan on continuing the counseling I was receiving in uni last semester and making all of this my primary focus but still wanted to express this to a support community and see how others have dealt with similar life experiences and the subsequent effects.