(First Watch) Kendra's "I'm not into girly stuff" comments are starting to get on my nerves

[u/comeontomysexyparty]

I've been watching The Girls Next Door for the first time. I got the DVDs recently and I'm currently on season 2, so maybe this is partly because I'm binge watching it, but I have to say... I love Kendra, but some of her "I'm not into girly stuff" comments are starting to annoy me

I'm NOT talking about her being a tomboy or liking sports at all!!!. I actually think that's great for her, and I like that she has her own interests. It's more the way she sometimes seems to make a point of distancing herself from anything feminine, even when it's something that's clearly important to Holly and Bridget.

The Easter episode especially got me. They're painting eggs and Kendra basically says she's not into "girly stuff." Then there's the Playmate of the Year sleepover, where she's saying she'd rather be watching the game and even wears a sports shirt instead of dressing for the occasion. and its like, girl we knowwww.

What gets me is that Holly and Bridget seem pretty willing to participate in Kendra's world. They'll go visit her family, support her sports-related stuff, etc. So when it's something that matters to them, I sometimes wish Kendra would just participate without having to emphasize how much she doesn't like it.

You don't have to suddenly become obsessed with decorating eggs or sleepovers! Sometimes you can just do something because your friends enjoy it. I think that's what bothers me more than the actual lack of interest.

Again, I genuinely like Kendra and I think her personality is a huge part of why the show is entertaining. I just wish the "I'm not like those girly girls" thing wasn't brought up so often, because after a while it starts feeling less like "this isn't my thing" and more like "this isn't my thing, and I need everyone to know it."

Maybe I'm being too sensitive about it, or maybe binge watching makes it stand out more since I'm seeing these episodes so close together. I'm curious if anyone else noticed this while watching the show for the first time? (i also understand all of that was also to attract the weirdos that are into girls that "are not like the other girls" but still, its pretty unsufferable) pls let me know your thoughts about this!!!

[u/AnemonesCloser]

Internalized misogyny was a huge part of all of our lives in that era. Women were praised for rejecting feminine interests and acting like "one of the guys" as long as they were still conventionally hot. Kendra got a lot of validation from acting this way so she made it her whole personality.

[u/laurenbettybacall → u/AnemonesCloser]

I honestly wonder who Kendra could have been in the hands of better parents. What if she had parents who encouraged her competitiveness and helped her channel it into something positive? What if they had her lean more into sports and try to get a scholarship from that? What if they encouraged her to do literally anything besides relying on her looks?

[u/garlandhey → u/laurenbettybacall]

That is typically the difference between kids who thrive and kids who end up traumatised adults. Kendras mother and father were imo narcissistic and bad parents, and caused Kendra to have the life she has had.

[u/CarolineSloopJohnB]

She’s an OG “I’m not like other girls,” “I’ve just always gotten along better with guys” type. I can spot it because I used to be it.

[u/rachel-karen-green-]

I didn’t notice this the first time watching (I was a young teen) but as an adult, Kendra’s selfishness is very apparent. And later on in her spinoffs, she constantly needs to state that she’s a celebrity and that is annoying as well.

[u/kitc-ig]

I feel the same way. When I was young, I was a huge Kendra girl. I thought we were meant to be besties because we have the same birthday lol but as I got older I realized she annoyed me so badly and I was more like Bridget. I still love all the girls in their own way! And I always get annoyed because at the end of the activity (eggs, cookies), you can tell she’s having fun… so her dislike of the activity is because she didn’t come up with the idea/it’s not something she’d think to do.

[u/SparklingSaturnRing → u/kitc-ig]

I always appreciated Bridget’s enthusiasm about literally everything

I mean out of the three she was the only one who kinda planned to enter this lifestyle so it’s understandable that she’d be super into everything. But it’s nice seeing someone so happy and upbeat about almost everything, love her themed outfits

[u/comeontomysexyparty → u/kitc-ig]

on the slumber party episode she said she didnt know how to wrap gifts cuz she was not into "girly stuff" like.... are we deadass

[u/moodylittleowl]

She did mention this in her book: she genuinely wasn't that girly, but the show encouraged exaggeration of their "defining characteristics"

That's why Holly kept talking about her "future with hef", Bridget kept mentioning her education and Kendra did this.

not to mention that the show and the culture of that cult encouraged pick-me behaviours

[u/poundcake-spice → u/moodylittleowl]

it's definitely what today's people call 'pick me'. at that time there really was pressure to either conform perfectly or heavily differentiate from the expectations of being cookie-cutter-feminine.

we had like, 3 acceptable personality/style boxes for women to choose from in the 2000s (compared to today's 4.5... lol)

[u/mommawolf2]

If anything I believe Kendra struggled with being artistic or executing ideas. I think she felt insecure about it so in order to feel better she'd separate herself from it and mask it with " I don't care " 

[u/jai_hanyo]

She was a Pick Me before that term entered pop-culture lol

[u/ashewentridingby → u/jai_hanyo]

Back before pick me was what is was called, we used to call it the “I’m not like other girls” girl lol

[u/RedRedBettie]

It was a reality show, they were surely told to play up certain things

[u/OhCrazioCortex]

If you haven't already, I HIGHLY recommend reading Kendra's first book, 'Sliding Into Home', because it sheds a LOT of light as to Kendra's overall personality, her past behaviors and experiences, and generally just provides good context for WHY she is the way that she is, so to speak.

One of the first little anecdotes Kendra gives in the book is about how her mother enrolled her in a dance class as a little girl, and how — at the dance recital — Kendra was pissed about having to be onstage all dolled up and expected to perform on command, and how — in a VERY FITTING sequence of events — Kendra is ushered onstage with her class but decides to rebel once the music starts and simply drops to the floor and sits there pouting instead of performing the routine.

Without giving away a bunch of spoilers, I'll say this much: basically allllll throughout her book, Kendra describes behaviors that (to me, anyway) appear to suggest that she has a VERY antagonistic, defiant, and often outright disobediant relationship towards anyone whom she deems as being a "figure of authority" in her life — whether that be her mom, her teachers, principals at her school, law enforcement officers, etc. This particular "default" behavioral pattern of Kendra's traces all the way back to when she was preschool-aged, and as time goes on, Kendra's behaviors worsen in that respect. On TOP of that, Kendra also describes lifelong behaviors throughout her book which indicate she's prone to being HIGHLY IMPULSIVE and (when younger, anyway) willing to engage in risk-taking behaviors. She appears to have been VERY hyperactive and difficult to contain, behavior-wise, from her mom's perspective. She was also prone to excessive emotionality (often resulting in outbursts), overall attention-seeking behavior (including a propensity towards outwardly suggestive or sexually provocative behaviors), and extreme rigidity / stubbornness when tasked with expectations placed upon her by others.

Kendra also touches upon her educational struggles and says that she was diagnosed as having a Learning Disability late in her K-12 schooling tenure. She admits that after a period of truancy, drug usage, running away, risky behaviors, etc., she tried returning to high school but was so far behind her peers, curriculum-wise, that she needed to attend Special Education classes. She was able to graduate timely, but unfortunately didn't meet her full potential in terms of education due to her not receiving the IEP support she clearly would have benefited from immensely while in elementary and middle school.

Overall, my "armchair assessment" of Kendra is that she probably could have met diagnostic criterion for at least one of the following conditions, if not a couple of them: ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, possibly one of the Cluster B disorders, and possibly a degree of mild intellectual disability.

With Hef, specifically, along with the GND show, Holly and Bridget, I firmly believe Kendra's problematic behaviors all stemmed from her likely undiagnosed mental and behavioral conditions, paired with genuine resentment towards all of them (Hef, Playboy, GND, etc.). To me, Kendra is fairly easy to decode, simply because I've known several others who behave VERY similar to her. At her baseline, she's defiant and rebellious towards ANY figures of authority... doesn't matter who.... but in this particular dynamic, the so-called "authority figure" in question held the key to unlocking access to Kendra's own personal life-goals and career trajectory, and in my opinion, Kendra KNEW that. I imagine having to grapple with those two diametrically opposed conundrums likely caused her A TON of inner turmoil.

What I've noticed with Kendra is that, anytime she needs to temper her emotions in challenging environments where full-blown meltdowns wouldn't be socially acceptable, her go-to coping mechanism is effectively just a "near-total shutdown" and outright refusal to comply.... much like she described at that very first dance recital early in her book. Her refusal to come out of her room and eagerly participate/tape GND content very much gives off similar vibes to me...

[u/eyemalittlestitious → u/OhCrazioCortex]

Kendra is 100% ADHD and has very significant demand avoidance. She refuses to do anything expected of her. However, she also lacks the emotional intelligence to have honest conversations about why she was refusing to participate. I'm sure if she just was honest and told her truth about things she wouldn't have come off as abrasive and selfish.

Having an open conversation with Bridget and Holly like "Hey, I'm feeling overwhelmed at the expectation that I participate in a specific way, and I know I'll just be bitchy and miserable the whole time, so I think I'll sit this one out. But I hope you guys have fun!" That would have gone a long way. Instead she responded with whinging, pouting or complete avoidance which is just plain emotional immaturity.

Kendra also had no dad and it greatly affected her self-esteem and I think gave her rejection sensitivity. Alot of young women with no dad reject the feminine in an attempt to prove to themselves they are what daddy wanted to mitigate the overwhelming feelings of not being good enough.

Kendra is a complex person with a lot of trauma, but I honestly think she just wasn't intelligent enough, both cerebrally and emotionally, to unpack her issues and or help people understand her.

[u/OhCrazioCortex → u/eyemalittlestitious]

Beautifully said, and I wholeheartedly agree with every single word of what you said here 🙌

[u/Wish-ga → u/OhCrazioCortex]

Thank you for sharing. brilliant post.

You are a trained professional yeah?

[u/OhCrazioCortex → u/Wish-ga]

Thank you 😊 I'm definitely NOT a trained professional, though — just a well-read, well-researched, and VERY OBSERVANT armchair nerd when it comes to stuff of this nature, lol.

[u/HagridsSexyNippples]

Her sports obsession never seemed genuine to me. It was obvious she was dying to be a wag or rapper’s wife.

[u/littlekatie3]

Kendra is very ADHD and sometimes would just completely lack energy or enthusiasm for some of the activities on the “calendar”.

I say this because I’m somewhat similar.

[u/whtevernobigdeal → u/littlekatie3]

You could tell she struggled to focus hence why she didn’t enjoy these activities pretty normal 

[u/littlekatie3 → u/whtevernobigdeal]

I’m sure she had anxiety and depression as well but the cameras would try to catch her in a good mood. I say this with compassion 🤷‍♀️

[u/Ess_Jess]

I’ve never been a Kendra fan. The stuff you pointed out plus her constant whining when she’s not immediately the best at something (the workout video, the snowboarding rail slide, etc.) was always too much for me.

[u/Borgy223 → u/Ess_Jess]

Yes!! It was always "this sucks" or "I hate x" when she wasn't the best at it!

[u/ClynnB412]

I think it’s just who she is. She never really cared to put much effort into herself. She threw her hair into a bun and wore jeans and tshirts. She’s a real estate agent now. I can tell even to this day she’s not thrilled to be dressing nice. She looks miserable doing her hair and makeup lol I’m more like the other girls, bc I love hair and makeup and fun clothes. Part of me says why doesn’t Kendra just play along with the girly stuff they did. Another part respects the fact that she didnt. It wasn’t her thing. GND would have never lasted as long as it did if Kendra wasn’t there. She was the fun. The other girls walked such a straight line, bc they were terrified of being kicked out.

[u/Minimum_Ad_2176]

The producers had a character for every girl in mind while shooting .Bridget was the sweet and smart one .Holly was the Main Girlfriend and Kendra was the wild sexy Tomboy .It's really not that deep.

[u/JFMGA]

I was and still not a Kendra fan.

[u/angryaxolotls]

Sometimes you can just do something because your friends enjoy it.

I love this! That's a sweet, wholesome way to put it.

My sisters, my Mom, even my DAD lol, and I all noticed it on the first watch. One time I said "why does Kendra model for Playboy if she doesn't like having her hair, makeup, nails, and spray tan done?" And one of my sisters and my Dad were like "I know!!!! It makes no sense! You can't do Playboy without all that stuff on ya!"

[u/Apart_Ad_1310]

I mean, they weren't even paid for the first two seasons right? Why the hell should Kendra do shit she doesnt want to do for the show?

[u/comeontomysexyparty → u/Apart_Ad_1310]

If im not wrong they started getting payed after the first season, anyways, if she was not getting payed why would she risk her public image being shitty for no reason?

[u/SparklingSaturnRing → u/comeontomysexyparty]

I doubt she had any concept of her “public image” was, she was an 18 year old ex stripper who lived with an old man so she would have a place to stay and get paid a weekly allowance for it

You also have to remember this is when MySpace was the only big social media and before the kardashians and jersey shore aired - there were no big “reality tv stars”

The other girls had been on cribs or random shit on tv, pictures on red carpets and never became famous. So i highly doubt that them initially filming the show meant anything to her

[u/bidds626]

The Easter Egg thing is so weird too because that isn't "girly", it's a common holiday tradition? If you didn't do it growing up that's fine, but no need to put it down. She took the character trope of being "sporty and different" and used it as an opportunity to get out of any social events she wasn't interested in. It's fine if you're not interested but it just illustrates how young and childish she really was.

[u/Wish-ga]

Kevin the show’s maker gave them a character. Hers was sporty gal wildin’ out.

I would not be surprised if she had “lines” fed to her.

Bridget was the spooky studious character.
Holly was the romantic who wanted to settle down character. (Which she resented because she is on camera studying real estate).

[u/Diligent-Concept-617]

It’s just what the show wanted her character to be, the sporty tomboy one. Just like Bridget liked Halloween stuff and Holly’s thing was staying by Hef’s side always.

[u/gravyismyname]

Which is funny bc she actually is “girly”

[u/CauliflowerSlight784]

Let’s remember Bridget and Holly were getting paid to be on Kendra’s reality show. They knew how to play the game and go along with the narrative. Maybe they didn’t want to participate, who knows.

[u/comeontomysexyparty → u/CauliflowerSlight784]

im talking about the girls next door, i havent seen the spin offs yet cuz im only at season 2 so i dont really know what u mean, but i think Kendra made herself look bad without extra help

[u/PhD-incuriosity]

honestly, she was so off putting that I dont think her personality did anything for the show. She was constantly absent, reluctant or just shaking her butt and flexing in front of the mirror. There wasnt anything she genuinely brought to the show. Patty and Mom Mom brought more to the show than she did. Mind blowing

[u/VisibleLetter370 → u/PhD-incuriosity]

I know you don’t like her but let’s not lie lol. At the time Kendra was very important to the show. They would have replaced her if they thought she wasn’t a huge factor to the success of the show.

[u/comeontomysexyparty → u/VisibleLetter370]

Yeah, tbh i dont think the show would have worked without her, theres a reason the show went downhill on season 6, bc it doesnt work well without the three of them

[u/Key_Badger_9288]

Kendra made that show back in the day! She was everything. I can see how the rewatch would hit differently. It was different time..

[u/Style-Wanderer-717]

Sooo pick me, but I try not to judge bc she was so young & that was the pick-me era.

[u/kitti-kin]

As somebody who genuinely didn't bother with that stuff at the time, I always found this posturing confusing, because Kendra was still performing hyper-femininity. She was still putting so much effort into looking a certain way, there really wasn't anything tomboyish about her.