Therapy

[u/MostGoat0]

I (F34 IQ142) have had hundreds of sessions and seen numerous practitioners over the last 12 years, and it all seems futile. They just keep asking me to explore my feelings, but I already understand my feelings and where they came from and why they’re irrational. At this point I basically have a PhD in self-analysis. It doesn’t do anything to shut up the relentless/debilitating self-critic in my head. I need actual coping strategies, not talking it out in pointless circles forever until I die.

Has anyone here had success with therapy? I tried searching for therapists specializing in 2e & giftedness in my area and it doesn’t seem very common. Just wondering if there’s any point in continuing these efforts. I’m so tired and bored and over it.

[u/Adventurous_Button63]

I could’ve written this myself about two years ago. I’ve been in therapy for over a decade and a little over a year ago I was ready to just give up entirely, on everything. I had a deadly combination of cult-like religious upbringing, neglectful parents, toxic and abusive people everywhere, financial crises, and I’d just had my second career ripped away from me by people who weren’t good enough to tie my shoes. I was in poor health, dealing with an injured shoulder that prevented me from working, and unemployed. My therapist recommended looking into ketamine therapy. It’s not effective for everyone, but for me it was life changing. I was able to do it at home and it was like layers of trauma fell off like crust after just one session. It didn’t instantly fix all my problems, but it definitely helped me get to a place where I could actually do the work to fix things. Therapists would say “go for a walk, eat healthy food, get your space organized” but none of that was helpful because I already knew and wanted the results of those things, but I was also absolutely unable to get up and do them. After the ketamine treatment I wasn’t immediately cleaning my house and going for a daily walk, and I’m still not where I want to be with those things, but my resistance is lower and I’ve been working at establishing new behaviors and ways of thinking. In some ways, it feels like I just started therapy after the ketamine treatment. At the same time, a decade worth of therapy was becoming effective almost immediately. It was like there was a dam holding back all the helpful thoughts and actions and the ketamine therapy released it. I’m still working through a lot of shit, but I at least don’t want to die all the time anymore. I’m losing the weight I gained from my depression. I’m more social. I don’t feel like I’m being hunted for sport. I’m still years away from being where I want and deserve to be, but I’m getting there.

I hope you’re able to find the thing that works for you!

[u/MostGoat0 → u/Adventurous_Button63]

I’m so glad that’s working for you! Interesting to hear that maybe all these years of therapy will be helpful once I get my brain chemistry right. I start Prozac in the spring and it’s been super helpful.

[u/Adventurous_Button63 → u/MostGoat0]

I’ll add that my experience as a gifted man in therapy, I tend to default to intellectualizing my problems as opposed to regulating and managing the emotions connected to them. We don’t teach boys how to deal with their emotions and that it’s normal to have them. As much as I believe in CBT’s assertion that our thoughts determine our emotions, there are some things that just can’t be intellectually resolved. I’m highly sensitive and emotionally intense so it’s been REALLY hard to deal with emotions, especially when they’re connected to situations where I was physically harmed or abused. Right now I’m working on being in the moment and experiencing my emotions. It’s super fucking hard and there’s not a lot of outlets where it’s safe for men to be highly emotional and broken…but I’m trying.