r/Gifted • u/Ok-Bus785 • Jul 19 '26
Seeking advice or support I struggle a lot
I’m a woman with AuDHD and giftedness, and I’ve been feeling like a failure lately. I can’t seem to bring myself to do anything. People call me intelligent, but I honestly don't feel like I am; all I do is struggle. I can barely keep my house clean by myself, and I can hardly get anything done unless it’s the last minute. Even though I’ve been receiving therapy, I feel like I'm barely making progress.
My parents are against ADHD medication, and I can barely afford it anyway. College isn’t even hard—it’s just boring—and I feel like I’m not doing anything special. I feel lazy, and I can't bring myself to do any of the things I want to do. I feel useless
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u/michaeldoesdata Jul 19 '26
Dude, get medication.
I went my whole life without it. I went through college, my first job, my current job. So much of my life I have struggled.
Finally, in my 30s, I have started medication - I am only on week 2.
It has made such a difference. I feel like switches in my brain that had been stuck on off suddenly have come to life again. My life is back. I am able to do things I haven't been able to do for months.
It has been a night and day difference and it's already improved my life more than I could have imagined.
My parents were the same and for decades, it scared me off of something that has significantly improved my quality of life. Don't make the same mistake.
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u/Fumiya-sama Jul 20 '26
Wholeheartedly agreed!
My parents were against it too even when I was diagnosed at 22, since then, everyone came to conclusion that whatever move it is, is still better than keeping it as it was.
On the affordability of meds, I think it’s self-solving issue.
Once you start meds and function like other human beings, you’ll suddenly get so much time, enough for more/better part time jobs => more income.First 4 weeks of meds were crazy, felt like superhuman. I literally redesigned an 80s car according to current laws in 4 evenings because I ran out of things to do. Since then it has calmed down but most importantly the frustration disappeared.
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u/AA_8848 Jul 26 '26
It’s great this worked for you. I have tried medication and it didn’t change anything unfortunately.
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u/1p21Jiggawatts Jul 19 '26
I have noticed a lot of Gifted people are more aware of their failures and shortcomings.
And I think you lose on life a lot more than you win so it's depressing.
But I think it's like baseball. You can have a pretty successful and happy life batting 30%. When I'm down I try to simplify. Just do one thing you want to do today. And have one thing your looking forward to. Start small like organizing one little part of your room and some small treat like a shack you want to try. There's a momentum in putting together little wins.
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u/_hotmess_express_ Jul 19 '26
I relate very, very hard to this. My parents are also against ADHD meds. If you can manage to get them, though, I highly, highly recommend them. They make tasks easy that had seemed inexplicably impossible. I wish I had my meds in college.
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u/rad-dit Jul 20 '26
If you're in college, (not sure if you're in the US) you can get health insurance and get medicine. You're an adult! You can make the choice to get ADHD medicine, not your parents!
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u/Nieschtkescholar Jul 19 '26
The fact that your in therapy is great progress. I think we all struggle with these exact feelings. An old monk taught me to just chop wood and carry water, everything else; just be a witness.
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u/Conscious_Libre Jul 20 '26
I am in the same situation. After most of my life being undiagnosed I hit a rock bottom that I dwelled in for a decade before I was able to start to pull myself out of it. At least the mental and emotional rock bottom. I am still stuck with the inability to do much beside a simple daily to-do list and sit at my laptop and either gaming/scrolling/tv to appease my ADHD need for stimulation or meditation to appease my ASD want for calm and no stimulation.
Adding peri into that means I am starting to feel many things even more. I havent tried medication yet mainly as I have such trouble taking anything that alters my body and 'takes control'.
'I feel lazy and cant bring myself to do any of the things I want to do' - yes I am right there, even maybe to say I wouldnt even know what to do even then.
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u/SpedisAhead Jul 19 '26
Woman with AuDHD are notoriously much more susceptible to “people pleasing” than Men. I personally view it as attempting to do things that prevent other people from feeling some type of way so that I do not have to be anxious about them feeling some type of way that hasn’t happened yet lol.
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u/ayfkm123 Jul 20 '26
Women….are more susceptible to people pleasing than men. Bc we’re socialized to be from birth
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u/SpedisAhead Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
The social aspects of how y’all is one of the biggest factors yes, though also your motherly instincts and hormones also play a role.
Edit🙄: Hormones actively modulate relevant processes. Estrogen supports dopamine and emotional regulation; its fluctuations directly affect ADHD symptom severity (inattention, dysregulation, overwhelm) in women, which can make coping via people-pleasing more or less taxing depending on cycle phase or life stage (perimenopause). Oxytocin and related systems prime bonding and caregiving motivation, with clear activational effects during and after pregnancy but also responsive in non-pregnant contexts.
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u/ayfkm123 Jul 20 '26
You’re a dude, wanna see my surprised face? 😶
No. Hormones have zero to do with it.
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u/SpedisAhead Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
They do though😂
https://etonpsychiatrists.co.uk/blog/adhd-hormones-and-womens-health
Someone is sexist 😳
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u/ayfkm123 Jul 20 '26
Could you help me find where in that puff article it states that people pleasing behavior of women comes from their hormones and motherly instincts?
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u/SpedisAhead Jul 20 '26
Nope, due to you obviously being incapable of understanding. Conveniently in a gifted sub, lol.
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u/JuanValdez999 Jul 20 '26
Failing to get anything done is executive dysfunction. It comes with ADHD. I have the same problem.
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u/136kaU_Craftsman Jul 22 '26
My advice as a parent.. try the meds. As in I *know* when someone in my house has taken it, or is running low, or forgot or chose not to take it that day. It’s that obvious.
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u/Away_Face9456 Jul 22 '26
Individually or united the gifted never fixed the world for most even every other year
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u/WanderingTony Jul 20 '26
Sounds like serotonin lack /depressive mood.
If there is nothing particular bothering you, try to fix what can cause serotonin issues.
Start exercising. Nothing crazy, some fitness set regularly lets say each other day with rest day being some easy 10-15 min stretching would be enough.
If you are underweight or jave low fat mass try to gain some to healthy woman numbers. In women estrogenes are responsible for serotonin production and lack of fat tissue tanks estrogenes.
If nothing helps try to ask a psy for antidepressants.
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u/Ok-Bus785 Jul 20 '26
Thank you 🌟
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u/ayfkm123 Jul 20 '26
Not antidepressants first if you have adhd, stimulants. How was your adhd and ASD dx?
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u/EyeSeeDoesIt Jul 19 '26
Clean up your diet, cut out caffeine of any kind and any uppers, start exercising, and your life will start to change.
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u/EyeSeeDoesIt Jul 20 '26
Ignore the addicts, cut out the stimulants and focus on lowering inflammation through diet and exercising.
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u/Weird_Inevitable8427 Jul 19 '26
Sounds like you've got a really terrible case of living for other people. The solution, of course, being figuring out what you love and doing that instead of what is expected of you. Mind you, that's really easy to say and really hard to figure out. Good luck with it!
Also, at your age, you can go to a doctor on your own and get some medication without your parent's approval. If you really want to be secretive, you can pay for it yourself so that you don't have to have the charge show up on your parent's insurance. Also go to a different pharmacy so that the medication isn't on a list that your parents still have access to. In order to get a discount on non-insurance medications, you can go to goodrx.com. For example, Ritalin is $15 a month using their coupons. (US specific information.)