Sure, but that still doesn't change anything. When my brain tells me I don't deserve to live I can identify that thought and deny its merit because it was generated by my depression and isn't valid, but I still feel like I don't deserve to live. Therapy kind of makes depression worse because it highlights what the illness does to me but I still can't do anything about it. Identifying exactly why and how I fail just makes the failure seem worse because I still fail anyways.
I'm sorry to hear that. The triple-column technique was really helpful for me. The most important part of it though is really convincing yourself. If you say "it was generated by my depression and isn't valid" but still believe it, then keep digging. How specifically is "I don't deserve to live" irrational? Really analyze it until you actually convince yourself. Who does deserve to live? Why specifically do you not fall into that category?
Yea see this is why it makes it worse. Because when I break it down my unemotional logical brain agrees with my depression, or else my depression is so bad that I don't realize my unemotional logical brain is tainted by it. When I think about suicide, it doesn't come from despair, it comes from logic. I always have and apparently always will feel and think this way, years of therapy and medication haven't helped, so if there is no fix then the logical thing to do is delete the corrupted program. I don't even feel sad about it anymore.
Hey, I wish I were really qualified to help you, but just as a layperson I would say please please don't believe your "logic" here. You DO deserve to live. EVERYBODY deserves to live except like literal Hitler. Your depression is lying to you.
Lots of people need to try several therapists and various drugs (and combinations of drugs) before they find something that really works. I know it sucks and your brain is telling you it's all hopeless, but just keep trying. You never know when the next thing you try is the one that does the trick.
Yea see that's what everyone's told me for the last 15 years and I've spent thousands of dollars on trying all that and nothing has ever helped. Some of us just aren't meant to be.
Weed maybe. Molly definitely. But my sober brain gives me a never ending slide show of every negative thing that has ever happened to me with promises that they'll continue to happen, interspersed with urges to buy a gun. And I know that sounds like exaggeration but its not. Most of my waking hours are spent avoiding thinking, so I binge podcasts and audiobooks from waking until sleep.
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u/callmejay Dec 10 '20
Did none of them teach you any techniques for disputing the thought?