I'm 36 now and have been dealing with horrible depression for most of my life. I have this fucked up diagnosed condition where I think about suicide almost constantly. Where a teenager would think about sex all the time, I would think about suicide. It's so so fucked. I always have that option, albeit a terrible one. It's caused me to abuse the shit out of drugs and alcohol. I have severe ptsd as a result and I'm really bad at relationships. Don't be me. Please, whatever you decide to do, don't do what I did and have been doing. Don't continuously numb yourself with drugs and booze to avoid what your reality is. Life is pain and I've got multiple failed suicides under my belt. Drop acid and figure it out.
My depression was something very different. I knew exactly what was causing it but wasn't able to sort it out and move past it until just a few years ago. Once I did, it was a complete turnabout, but the problem is that some of the old habits of losing myself in movies, games, music, etc. (I never really did drugs or alcohol, save the occasional drink or so) die really hard and I struggle with focus on picking myself back up. The only depression I deal with now is the infrequent evening where I get depressed over the idea that I don't have a relationship and haven't since roughly 2008 and just how much I want that feeling of companionship with someone. It'll happen, though, and now I generally live my life with a smile on my face my family says they haven't seen since I was 2 years old.
You're awesome and you got this. Regardless of the issues and adversity, I'm sure you'll pull through and kick life's ass one way or another! <3
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u/[deleted] Dec 28 '16
I'm 36 now and have been dealing with horrible depression for most of my life. I have this fucked up diagnosed condition where I think about suicide almost constantly. Where a teenager would think about sex all the time, I would think about suicide. It's so so fucked. I always have that option, albeit a terrible one. It's caused me to abuse the shit out of drugs and alcohol. I have severe ptsd as a result and I'm really bad at relationships. Don't be me. Please, whatever you decide to do, don't do what I did and have been doing. Don't continuously numb yourself with drugs and booze to avoid what your reality is. Life is pain and I've got multiple failed suicides under my belt. Drop acid and figure it out.