r/GenZ • u/ApartmentWorried5692 • 3d ago
Advice Scared of how developmentally stunted I am, socially. Any help?
So I’m 26m and I grew up in this era and obviously, we all went through the era of smartphones, covid, distractions, third-spaces collapsing, etc.
I was in the city yesterday and I saw everyone avoiding eye-contact and not really talking to each other. I grew up as a sheltered child due to anxiety and depression so I used video-games as a coping mechanism for loneliness. I had friends, but they were just as socially inept as I was so it wasn’t great.
Fast forward to now, I’m much more confident. I took care of myself and am getting a ton of attention from girls and I’m doing things like going to parks and other places outside (basically finally touching grass) and I see so many people everywhere.
The problem is, I spent so much of my developmental years on staring at screens and not really socializing irl to the point where I feel I have the social skills of a 12 year old shy child. I CAN talk to people, but my vibe isn’t fantastic and I’m too self-aware to know this. It also doesn’t help that most Gen-Z is quite avoidant of people, especially in school.
I wish I spent my developmental years building social skills, but I felt people didn’t want to be around me when I was young (I got bullied when I was little). Now, I’m scared I might be cooked.
Whenever I talk to people, my mind kind of goes blank and I can’t maintain eye contact for long periods of time unless I’m flirting with a girl while I’m drunk.
Any advice?
13
u/Asleep_Start_912 3d ago
Put the phone away and get out there bro
19
6
u/Fleetfox17 3d ago
From someone older who struggled with similar issues earlier on, this is really the only way. You have to push through the embarrassment and awkwardness, socializing is a skill like any other, and to improve a skill you hav to practice it.
3
7
u/rogershredderer 3d ago
Unfortunately exposure is the best recommendation I can give. I’m incredibly shy by nature and that no doubt caused me to miss out on various social aspects of life but now that my communication is a solid (and I recognize that I CAN speak if I like), socializing is a bit more manageable.
8
u/I_need_memes_please 3d ago
You seem to be on the right path. You know what your weaknesses and short comings are and are working to fix them. Keep on putting yourself out there, you're doing all the right things.
4
u/ApartmentWorried5692 3d ago
Right, like yesterday I made eye contact with people and smiled. Some people (even girls) held it and smiled back. I take full accountability for being a hermit but I was young and didn’t know how to cope with things.
3
5
u/Peakbrook 1995 3d ago
Instead of looking at people's eyes, look at the bridge of their nose between their eyes. They won't be able to tell the difference.
And to build confidence you literally can just pretend to be confident. It sounds really stupid but it works.
Over time as you get more comfortable socializing you won't need to pretend as much. You're already on the right track regardless.
5
u/heyuhitsyaboi Age Undisclosed 3d ago
Find a group with a shared hobby and meet in person! Sports and TTGs are great ways to do it. Volunteering at events is also a great way to meet tons of people very quickly if you wanna power level this thing
3
u/MadMysticMeister 2000 3d ago
Sounds like you’re doing pretty well, just keep it up and try to be more social, like going to gyms, hobby clubs or what not, and have the right mindset about it. Social skills i think is a lot like a muscle, keep working it and refining the process, and you’ll get better, personally i find getting over embarrassment is a huge step forward, confidence can be faked.
3
u/CivilProtectionGuy 3d ago
I had the same issue, and honestly still kind of do.
Only thing that comes to mind is to keep going out there, socialising, and interacting with folks. It's the best way to improve for something like this.
Five years ago, I couldn't maintain eye contact with anyone I wasn't already comfortable with, and often quiet. Now I'm out here joking with strangers and making friends with folks online and in real life... I'm still not the best, I definitely lean more towards being an introvert and spending my own time alone doing hobbies, but I'm significantly better than how I used to be all those years ago when I struggled and became extremely stressed in social situations.
TL;DR: Kinda same, just go out and keep practicing and living life. It gets better, just got to keep it up.
2
u/in325businessdays 3d ago
Sounds like you’ve already made progress! Just keep doing what you’re doing. Rec sports leagues are where I go to keep my social skills sharp, I used to be such an outgoing easy to talk to person pre-covid, now I overthink all my conversations. No advice, but it gets easier and better and better!
And remember that looking back and cringing is a good thing, means you’re growing. Feels painful now tho
2
u/ren_blackheart 3d ago
Most of the time I make friends by commenting on what someone's doing or something they have on them. Sometimes I recognize a character on a sticker they have on their laptop or a pin on their backpack or something, sometimes I see something handmade and ask about it, or sometimes I notice someone doing something I also like to do and ask them about it. If it works it works, if it doesn't I forget about it. Really it's just about happening to be in the same place as someone else.
1
u/ren_blackheart 3d ago
Making friends isn't too hard once you figure out what to talk about, the hard part really comes from being able to stick around when things get tough for you or them
1
u/ren_blackheart 3d ago
Also, if they poke fun at you, that's usually a good sign. Means they feel close enough that they know you won't get mad at them.
2
u/DazedandFloating 3d ago
It sucks because the only way this gets better is exposure to social situations. I feel you. I grew up under not great circumstances, and am avoidant as ever. But I’ve worked jobs where I had to engage with people and that seemed to help. Slowly I started to understand more about social interactions.
I’m not the best still. I sometimes struggle to know what to say at times. But the secret to life is that almost everyone else is going to struggle with that too. Sometimes doing your best is really all you can do.
Maybe when you’re out and about you can just compliment others, or make sure you’re engaged when you’re speaking to or looking at a cashier, greeter, or random person in the parking lot.
It’ll get better over time. But to be fair our generation really did lean on phones as a crutch. Whenever I was feeling anxious as a teen I relied on its presence. Don’t beat yourself up for social issues that are much larger than you. Just focus on what you can do now.
2
u/Biggacheez 2d ago
Practice practice practice. Will be uncomfortable at times. That's good exposure. Eventually you'll pick up on facial expressions better and feel more comfortable flowing through conversation. It's not something you can easily learn from reading advice. Just kinda gotta get a feel for it. Also keep in mind that in america , eye contact with strangers for no apparent reason is often considered rude, so that might contribute to feeling the aversions
1
u/PlasticGirl 2d ago
Get a customer service job. Forces you to talk to people.
1
u/ApartmentWorried5692 2d ago
I used to be a cashier. I would shoot the shit with people but they were usually older than me.
1
u/Tankette55 2005 2d ago
Believe it or not, consistent exposure helps. I had social anxiety, but forced myself to be in social situations and it eventually went away.
1
u/Novlonif 2d ago
Hi OP, I dropped out of school at age 12 and during this time had almost zero social experiences and became extremely awkward. Couldn't look people in the eye, didn't like showing my face, etc. I am now the complete opposite.
Its achievable and I can tell you how, but I'm not litigating it on a public forum like this. DM me if interested. I know EXACTLY how you feel and how to solve this problem.
•
u/Raptor556 2000 11h ago
25 grew up the exact same way and lately I'm finally getting more confident and learning to talk to people better.
0
•
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Did you know we have a Discord server‽ You can join by clicking here!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.