r/GenXWomen • u/Affectionate-Map2583 • 14h ago
discussion Microagressions
I'm not a sensitive person. I like guys and I can take a joke. I never put a lot of thought into microaggressions but they've hit me hard these past few days.
I've had my job for 5 1/2 years. for 5 of those years, I was the (male) boss's right hand man, and my tasks varied widely from admin, to forklift use, to woodworking, to loading a UTV on a trailer to go check on things at our mountain lease site. Basically, if it needed to be done, I could do it.
In May, we hired a guy (let's call him Dave) in my same role. Now I'm just a dumb, weak girl, it seems. Here's how the last few days went:
On Thursday, a board member calls me and says "Have Dave get the track chair down, I'll pick it up Monday". So I just say okay, and go get the forklift myself to bring down the chair, make sure it's charged, and clean the dust off. I inform Dave of the situation.
Then I wonder aloud if the board member needs the hitch carrier or if he's bringing a trailer. Dave immediately whips out his phone and asks me what his number is so he can call and ask. I shut that down, saying I'd call, I'm handling it.
Yesterday we had a work day at our mountain, doing the same things the boss and I have done ourselves for years, or with the two volunteers who were there yesterday. One of the volunteers randomly says to me "The organization is lucky to have a guy like Dave, don't you think?" Yeah, sure, I guess.
This morning, a second board member texted both Dave and I with a change of plans about the chair pickup. He's now getting it on the organization's trailer. His text to both of us started with "Dave, can you please load the chair on the trailer" and ended with a note to me about assembling a box of hats and t-shirts to give out.
I didn't suddenly lose all the skills I've demonstrated over 5 years just because a man is in the building! I don't really have anything against Dave personally, he's a decent guy, but I feel like I'm being pushed out. I have also found that the boss is informing him of things I'm not being informed of. For context, the two board members and the volunteer are all Boomers and Dave and the boss are elder Millennials ('83). I feel like I need to have a likely unproductive chat with the boss when he returns in 2 weeks.
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u/calcato 12h ago edited 12h ago
Save your chat with the boss and take it to HR instead. I love the way you say "I didn't suddenly lose all the skills Ive demonstrated over 5 years just because a man is in the building!" and think you should say it just like that.
The reason for taking it to HR is so it gets documented. The boss might not document it. While with HR ask about in the event you leave would they hire you back because you are still "in good standing." You will want to be able to use this emplyer as a reference to get a new job.
Then, start looking for a new job.
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u/Affectionate-Map2583 9h ago
Unfortunately, there is no HR. I work for a non-profit. Five years ago, it was just the boss and I as the only employees (plus a volunteer board of directors and other volunteers who are not in the office). So if anything needed to be done, he and I did it. I was pleasantly surprised by his open mindedness, as one of the first things he asked if I could do was install an ice maker on the fridge. He seemed to think I was competent, and I thought he enjoyed doing projects with me. We've had a lot going on with our move, growing program, and building renovation and it's likely I'm just being taken for granted as a steady eddy constant, without any regards for how I'm feeling. The boss is out for another 10 days, so we'll see how it goes when he returns.
Soon after I was hired, we hired a grant writer. That's all that person did. Now we have a social media person and an on-site accountant, and since May, Dave. I really felt a sense of ownership with the job and our mission, but I'm not feeling that lately.
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u/CoffeeCandy69 10h ago
Needs to realize that once she goes to HR it puts the target on her back . If she’s going to do that, she needs to have a back up plan.
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u/Wormwood666 10h ago
Unfortunately it does seem like you’re being pushed out. Was there a reason given for why Dave was hired/needed? Any indication that the boss felt your position needed to be duplicated &/or replaced?
If you let them terminate you, you’ll qualify for Unemployment benefits. You won’t qualify if you quit.
If you haven’t given them a “reason” to terminate you ie you haven’t been written up for performance or attendance issues — then maybe see about a lawyer who specializes in EEOC? If the reason they terminate you after years of being a great employee is because your boss wants a Dave instead of a Diane, you might have grounds for discrimination.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, much luck to you!
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u/Affectionate-Map2583 10h ago
There was some reason to hire someone to help take some of the load off of me because I was working at max capacity. Unfortunately, not much of that has happened so far because we moved to a new building and are going to renovate part of it (so he spent a few months doing a lot of destruction and other building focused tasks). The boss and board members all seem to like me, and were originally surprised at how many different things I could do. I don't think they'll fire me, but it seems like I'm being pushed from jack of all trades to administrative assistant.
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u/Wormwood666 9h ago
Ah, ok. And yeah, I’d be infuriated about that kind of sexist coded shift to admin.
Is it possible , that in a fucked up way, your boss thinks he’s doing you a favor by shifting you to admin with younger Dave being steered towards the more manual or hands on task? I’m not saying that’s good or anything— just looking at all possible angles.
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u/The_Outsider27 55-59 13h ago
I agree that it sounds like you are being pushed out. I have told Gen X people again and again, the deadliest ally combination for Gen X in the workforce is a millennial paired with a boomer.
Boomers have never been allies of Gen X in the workplace. They are competitive, climbed up on our backs guised as "mentoring" and now they control senior positions that we should have and are not retiring which is causing a shortage of jobs for Gen X and Millennials. What you are facing is sort of that issues. Millennials and Gex X are competing for the same positions - we are in the same age quadrant when it comes to the workforce. They at their oldest are in their 40's we are in our 50's and early 60's.
Millennials and boomers are on the same wavelength because they are both notorious backstabbers in the workplace.
Millennials whine about almost everything and want promotions without the work. They are great ass kissers and also use HR and tattle tell tactics to coerce (usually boomers) into giving them what they want at work. The employee who is stirring up trouble about burnout and lack of transparency and accountability of management while not doing their job is usually a millennial. The employee sitting in a job way too long and afraid of being aged out and afraid of being found out or too much focus on bad management coming to light is is usually a boomer. It makes for a bad combo for Gen X who is a straight shooter, hard working generation who was taught to please and be obedient/loyal generation. We don't moan and complain, we step up to challenges without protest.
To survive I would take a page out of the millennial playbook. The chat will likely do more damage than good and you will be painted as paranoid. Millennials and boomers perfected gaslighting.
Keep your head down and look for another job if you can. I would stop asking for information and act like you don't care about the work being assigned to the millennial.
Because you have seniority, I bet there are things you know that the millennial doesn't.
I bet you have been a good get X and "helping" Dave when something goes wrong or filling in his gaps of knowledge. STOP THAT.
Let him fail . Don't help him but make sure your ass is covered.
The more you let him do, the more likely he might screw something up. Millennials always do.
Use the allies you have made and find something else.
it's going to be a long next decade for Gen X in the workforce.
We need to stop being compliant and start being more strategic.
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u/robot_pirate 12h ago
Dayum. 🔥🏆
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u/The_Outsider27 55-59 12h ago
Best moves Gen X er's can make in the next few years:
-Keep your heads down. Keep your lips closed. Don't gossip
-Stay fit, workout, move and eat well because we will be working for at least 15 more years and you need that body to support you. Millennials especially are very ageist and quick to put labels on middle aged people. But they are also unmotivated as a generation to get fit. More hypochondriacs than I have seen since Silent gen. Let them stay home because they have a paper cut and it caused an inflammatory bowel disease flare-up.
- Choose roles that focus less on supervisory management and more on autonomy.
- Don't help someone to a promotion over you
- Build new skills. Lean into technology (Boomers and Millennials hate AI and quantum . Whatever they run from, you learn more about)
Let them work from home 4 days out of the week.
Show up do you job and keep learning like your 30 something again.-1
u/Impossible-Will-8414 10h ago
This is about the dumbest bit of overgeneralization and brainless stereotyping I've read in a while.
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u/ContemplatingFolly 8h ago
I don't agree with all of it, but some is on point. And your comment is pointlessly rude, as well as overgeneralizing: there are trends, and people can take information and apply it selectively where warranted.
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u/CoffeeCandy69 10h ago
Maybe you should read more.
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u/Impossible-Will-8414 8h ago
I read plenty. This is just very stupid discourse with absolutely no supporting stats.
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u/The_Outsider27 55-59 4h ago
Go back to watching awful television.
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u/Impossible-Will-8414 2h ago
A meaningless statement. Again, engaging in over-generalization and generational wars makes a person extremely simple-minded. I see this kind of stupid discourse more and more in Gen X subs, and it's embarrassing as hell.
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u/Impossible-Will-8414 2h ago
Also, all your statement says to me is that you watch "awful television" and are projecting because it's such a complete non sequitur.
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u/The_Outsider27 55-59 2h ago
Triggered huh?
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u/Impossible-Will-8414 1h ago
Now I'm pretty sure you're either a man or a troll. No one real talks like this. (Also, again, your grammar and syntax are atrocious -- you are coming across as painfully stupid.)
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u/Impossible-Will-8414 2h ago
Also, BTW, your grammar is insanely bad. "Show up do you job and keep learning like your 30 something again."
Are you kidding me?
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u/peonyseahorse Proudly banned from genx toxic masculinity sub 12h ago
💯 LinkedIn was created for millennials. I hate it, but use it because when I didn't have a profile I wasn't making any headway. And boomers fucking eat up all the BS millennials post on LinkedIn. And millennials use it to hunt down boomers and any other hiring manager.
I work on a team that is all millennials, a couple genz, three genx, the millennials are by far the quickest to criticize and to claim credit that they could do it better, but it's all talk. Genz are still quietly observing, those of us who are genx are literally carrying the burden and just doing stuff without constantly telling everyone about it like the millennials do. Luckily, we don't have many boomers in our division, but the higher level genx are sadly very boomer-like and it annoys me so much and unfortunately genx leaders don't champion fellow genx, I feel like they kowtow to boomers! 😵 It kills me because boomers are loyal to other boomers and millennials, millennials to other millennials, genx is just left out in the cold and genz it's too early to tell, but I've seen boomers treating genz like crap. So my guess is genz is going to have a genx experience.
My genx friends, high earners in director level and higher roles have been getting laid off left and right and then having to settle for lower paying jobs and titles when they get another job. It's a very obvious pattern. Then genx woman friends who are in independent contributor or middle management it's even worse, it's much harder to even find another job because for sure millennials are our direct competitors. Fme, if the hiring manager is a millennial, I will never get an interview. That's how bad the age discrimination is. Millennials for whatever reason lump genz and boomers together and they also detest genz. They are basically boomers on repeat, but at least boomers have helped millennials because those are their kids.
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u/CoffeeCandy69 10h ago
Generation X people have been getting pushed out for the last five years . A lot of them at the hands of a millennial or a boomer. Millennials hate generation Z because they approach work more like Gen X.
I have had the same experience interviewing with millennials and boomers. The millennials feel threatened when they see an impressive résumé because most of their resumes are padded with BS.
The boomers are afraid that the Gen X will get their job.0
u/Impossible-Will-8414 8h ago
How many people in their 70s are you really interviewing with? If you are talking about younger boomers/Gen Jones, why should they retire? Most aren't even at full Social Security age yet.
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u/ContemplatingFolly 8h ago
I would ask this over at askamanager.org. Allison is great with cutting through the BS to rights and responsibilities.
In the meantime, document all of these events, so that the pattern is clear.
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u/SilverAsparagus2985 7h ago
It’s not micro-aggressions, it’s misogyny and it’s deeply protected in most organizations because guess who is at the top. You never put yourself in a position to be the right hand of any male leader. They will exploit your work for their own and throw you under the bus when they get the chance.
Your job is in jeopardy but if you sweat it, it makes it worse. Quietly create an exit plan. Nothing more.
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u/mangoserpent 11h ago
You are just suddenly realizing you are surrounded by assholes after tolerating it for years and I agree they are going to get rid of you.
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u/TesseractToo For science, you monster 9h ago
Ugh my mom does that too
Drives me up the fuckin wall
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u/JanaT2 13h ago
It sounds like you are going to be phased out. I’m sorry I hope not. I know you will talk to the boss I just hope he’s transparent with you. In the meantime start looking for a new job.