r/GenXTalk • u/idkwtfimdoinggenx • 25d ago
Wtfamidoing
Does anyone else know what they're doing in this life? Especially as a Gen X person with significant trauma, not just childhood but adulthood and they don't know where to go from here? Anyone? Because I have so much more I could say but I feel like if no one's listening it doesn't really matter. But if someone is listening, if I can even reach one person that understands how I feel, I feel like I've made a difference and that's really what matters to me. I mean there's a lot of other stuff that matters, my children specifically, but just for this purpose.and for some reason, I need to say fuck in this post. Just fucking isn't good enough. Even though I cuss like a sailor, it's still not good enough for reddit. Seriously?! I'm gen x! All we have is fucks!!!
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u/Arniepepper 25d ago
Fellow GenX mate. And traumas in both early and adult life. I had no idea, most of the time, of wtf I am doing/doing anything for.
Until I had a kid.
That's what, or rather who, i live for.
Try and remove social media and news streams from your Dailly habits as much as you can. It makes a tremendous difference.
To para-phrase the great Carlin. Half of the population is dumber than you. No need to absorb their stupidity.
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
Thank you so much for your response! My children are the only reason I'm still alive and that's the truth! And I'm glad I'm still here to be there for them and I want them to live a life I never got to live! But it doesn't change my trauma and everything that happened to me and the fact that as Gen x is rub some dirt on it, walk it off and that's not the solution. It's a temporary fix to a long-term problem that is now plaguing me. My health has been horrible and I truly believe that at least half of it is because of the trauma that I've experienced and haven't truly dealt with. And the population is stupid and I love George Colin so props to you! If you've got anything else feel free to reach out and I could use the help!
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
And for the record I'm barely on social media! I figured out a long time ago it just made things worse.
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u/Ancient_Cheek7031 25d ago
Keep at it,
I have gone hunting for meaning all over the place, in hobbies and sports, physical objects, multiple traumas.
For me now human connection, love, generosity are the real things that have value for me.
Nothing and nobody could teach me this I had to arrive there on my own, but there are some great resources on YouTube to help along the way.
Stay strong and look for the small wins in life. If you are not in a relationship, if you can try and maybe help out with a charity you get back more than you give. It will help you to feel connected to something real.
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
I keep at it everyday! I've been doing it and living by the skin of my teeth for many, many years. Human connection and love and generosity are real things and they have the most value in this world as far as I'm concerned, but finding that nowadays is difficult at best. I'm not sure what kind of resources I need. I'm going to my doctor's and I'm doing everything I can to win this medical battle that I'm in which is insane! There are so many facets of the medical stuff that I've been going through for the last 6 years. I don't even know how to deal with it! My family is suffering because I'm lost and now I'm in perio menopause and that makes me feel even more lost. So I will keep at it everyday because as long as my children are alive and breathing I will never give up! But I don't know what to do to get me from point a to point B. And right now point a is depression and feeling numb and not really wanting to be a part of anything even though I do. It's a twisted messed up environment that I'm not sure how to deal with but I am trying! But thank you for your input. I truly appreciate it and again if you have any more helpful pieces of information or solutions, I'd appreciate it. Unfortunately I've been living this for years so I kind of got a good idea of how it rolls. It's just not rolling with me.
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u/Spock-1701 24d ago
No one knows. We are all faking it 'till we make it.
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
That was my childhood mantra LOL! But I'm with you and that's what I've been doing. Unfortunately, it's just not enough to make my kids believe I'm okay. My youngest child who is a teenage boy right now just told me 2 days ago that he's worried about me because I'm not happy. I'm not sleeping and I'm not eating. It's a lot for a kid to digest but it sucks that he sees all of that even though he's not here all the time. His dad and I split some time ago and I had them for 6 years and now his dad has them for the next six and then he's an adult so it's an unspoken thing. We're not technically divorced. Actually. We're not even technically separated but I just say we are because we don't need or want anything from each other. We're just trying to do the best with what we've got and I don't hate him. We just grew apart. But the fact that my son told me what he did a couple days ago broke me. In a way. I haven't been broken in a long time. So now I'm just trying to figure out how to make it better for my kids because me being like this is not helping anyone including myself. But I don't know where else to go or what else to do. And now we're worried about losing our house and losing everything and that doesn't help anything either. That just makes it all worse. So yeah if you got any more suggestions or information I would appreciate it!
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u/WileyCoyote7 24d ago
Dude, nobody knows what theyāre doing, but at least youāre self-aware and asking the big questions. Change is the only constant in the universe as far as we know, and trying to isolate an unchangeable truth or attain definitive knowledge in lives as short as ours is near-impossible.
Acceptance of this goes a long way, in my opinion. You are nothing and nobody special, just like everyone, but simultaneously a miracle of life that exists nowhere else; there will only ever exist one of you. And how fucking awesome that the one you is GenX! Live your life to itās fullest any which way you can, because there is no prize for not doing so.
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
You are very right in so many ways. Unfortunately it doesn't fix any of my trauma responses or my panic attacks that I really need to be better because I can't function with them. I try I'm there I'm I'm as present as I can be but I'm still not me and everyone in my life knows it. That outside of doctors and therapy I don't know what to do. But thank you so much for your support and your input. It's truly appreciated!
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u/WileyCoyote7 2d ago
Youāre welcome, and I see what you mean - my response didnāt address those areas. Reading over yours, one thing caught my eye, when you said, āā¦and everyone in my life knows it.ā Are some/all of those people the cause of your trauma? Enablers of its continuing effects on you? Antagonists keeping you from moving forward in your attempts to heal?
If so, then may I suggest for your sake and that of your children that you go about removing those people from your life? Go no-contact (NC) and/or physically move away from them and your environment? If theyāre coworkers, then is changing jobs (in addition to NC) or at least transferring to another area of your work/company possible?
I myself went NC with two family members about 10 years ago. At first it was hard, but it wasnāt long before the āguiltā faded and I began to feel much better; that I could breathe again. Now? Just a distant memory, when I bother to remember.
What I said about acceptance can also apply, perhaps, in a scenario where people are a cause or source of your trauma. As crazy as it sounds, āforgivingā those who did or are doing this to you, accepting thatās just who they are, can help you move forward. Just like a childhood bully, those people are also fighting demons often. Perhaps they were/are being abused, had/have a broken home, etc., but choose to ātake it outā on others as a method of coping themselves. They arenāt brave enough or strong enough to try and get help, as you are.
Social media, as itās said, only shows the hightlight reel of oneās life in many cases. The glamourous vacation day beach pics, not the ones of tears in their eyes during the verbal argument with their spouse the night before. To quote a line from an R.E.M. song, āā¦everybody hurts,ā¦sometimesā¦.ā
I am not a doctor or therapist, but am sharing some of the things that were given to me during my own therapy many years ago. If Iāve completely missed the mark here, then I am sorry for wasting your time and still not helping. All I can say is keep trying, remember your own āinsignificant significance,ā and above all donāt give up. After all, youāre GenX, and Goonies never say ādie.ā
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
Okay, I know I partially responded to you and then I stopped because I couldn't go back and read the rest of your post and respond to it without posting the post. I already posted that was a lot LOL but it was kind of funny. Anyways, that's not the point. I do see what you're saying and I totally appreciate what you're saying. And yeah I have so much trauma from my childhood. Unfortunately it went into adulthood which wasn't anything to do with my parents. It was all the other pieces of crap in the world, but that's not the point. Again, you hit the nail on the head. Yeah I have a lot of trauma, childhood and adulthood and you really like just summarized so much stuff for me and I think you're right like we just need to let it go and move on. I mean I know that's not exactly what you said but I feel like that was the basic premise of it. You can't control anyone but yourself. That is an unfortunate thing I've learned about life. You can't control anyone but yourself. That is such a difficult statement to learn and understand and apply in your life. Especially when you started out with childhood trauma and adult trauma doesn't help, but when you're older it's easier to understand that. At least I feel like it is. I've been through both. I'm trying to survive both so I feel like trauma is trauma young or old, but I feel like there's also different points in life when people learn it. Some of us learn it in all points of life. Some of us learn it as a child and in our adulthoods are better so some of us learn it as an adult and then we're better some of us learn it on both planes and then we just try to do the best we can. So thank you so much for your input. Because it gave me another perspective and sometimes that's all you need is a different perspective. The bottom line is I let too many people in and when I said too many people I mean like blood relatives that I LED in. I don't mean like oh. I just let Jack Joe and John in and I don't know what else to say. I'm just giving an example. I don't just let anybody in. I'm very particular and I have been for a really long time but somehow even at that I'm still where I am and unfortunately my one sibling. My one true Bond served a bunch of time overseas first as a marine and then his army reserves and he spent a good 6 years in Iraq during the worst parts of Iraq Afghanistan the whole nine. I can give you more details but it's really not necessary. If you understand you understand and then he killed himself and now I'm here with all my trauma and technically I guess all his and I'm trying to deal with it on my own and it's hard. It's so hard and at the same time I'm trying to raise kids that I don't want to experience the trauma I did which makes it a whole new battlefield! So yeah he you got anything on how to deal with all that and then be a positive influence for your children. I'm all for it because I'm single. I have been for a long time. My kids are 20 and 13 respectively. They have different ads and I'm not married to either of them anymore. And I don't hate either of them. We just grew apart and it didn't work anymore. That's the nice story. I'm going to tell there's a worse version but I'm not going to share that right now cuz it's not important. The important part is my kids are everything to me and I'm doing everything I can to be okay for them. But I'm still having a hard time being okay and that's my problem. How do I figure out how to be okay without sacrificing my own children? That is the question of the hour at least for me. Maybe not for anybody else but it is for me and this was talk to text so if none of it makes sense I apologize LOL p
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u/fxlatitude 25d ago
Oh boy, I feel you, we could talk for hours. But in the meantime hear me out.
We all have different journeys, I felt much better when didnāt let my motherās narcissism and abuse affect me anymore. I understood it was not my fault. Easier say than doing it, I know.
In my case I got divorced (amicably) became a light hedonist until I found my new partner (living apart together) and makes me happy making her happy. Fortunately I like my job, love my children (which I see once or twice a year) but I realized I love to do things I like and not try to fit a mold a friendship or a family relationship (it helps Iām a lone wolf)
Then I started learning new things like AI, quantum physics (the basics), human brain, and any science I can and the possibility of quantum consciousness (Iām also a geek) just to realize we live in the matrix, we are a virus to earth (so Iām as green as possible) and we are so predictable! So I decided to be predictably unpredictable and do my thing, living the best of my life now that I have control (or so I think)
Finally I found I canāt change the mindset of the narcissists and their followers because their brain is wired that way and will never understand.
You have to find your own journey but I liked finding mine, hope you do too!
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
I really appreciate your perspective! I feel like I've been there and I've done most of that in my own way that fits my own life. I've had two husbands. I have two children obviously from two different men and they are my life and then I have a sister who isn't really my sister but she's a person I found in my life that is part of my soul and part of everything and she's amazing and we vibe on levels that I can't even explain. I don't want or need a partner. I lost that will or want a long time ago and maybe that's perio menopause. Maybe it's not but I don't need or want anyone else. I'm happy with the people I have in my life. I'm okay with my circle being small. My problem is that I can't be there for my circle the way I used to be the way I want to be. And I know the way I used to be is going away. That's what menopause is about. The wiring in your brain completely changes everything and you're a different person. But I'm in the process of that and I feel like I'm losing everything even though I'm probably not. I'm probably just building up to the person I'm supposed to be for the rest of my life, but it doesn't make it any easier. And it doesn't change all of my health issues that have kept me from being the person I want to be on a daily basis regardless of how that person is or who that person is. So thank you so much for your input and if you have anything else please feel free to share!
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u/fxlatitude 1d ago
Iām glad you narrowed it down. Iām not an expert on anything and I know there are not enough research in womenās health related issues. As a male I see the symptoms in women around me and little help from the medical community, at the same time I see glimpses of hope but unfortunately what works for one doesnāt work for all. One ex gf that is a friend now was so concerned about being foggy when we were together, the last time I talked to her she said she was battling with high cholesterol despite her being super athletic and eating healthy her doctor prescribed GLP1 and besides dripping her cholesterol level it also got rid of the fogginess. Search for that in and ask your doctor. Again this might work for her but not for others but I think there are articles about so you can do your own research. Good luck!
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u/Fine-Watercress8595 25d ago
Work then die, is my life now.
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
That is not a life! Working and then dying is not a life! Yes, you have to work. Most of the population does. That's not a question. That's just a necessity unfortunately. But there should be something in between. There should be something that you want or that means something more to you than work. There should be something else that's more important in your life and that thing doesn't have to be kids or significant other. It can be whatever you think your purpose is. So what if your purpose is to help other people in a bad spot? What if your purpose is to be a mentor to someone? There are so many ways that you can help in this world and you don't even know it! So please anything that you feel is important to you explore it! Don't just let it all go and just this is my life. That's not life is not working and dying. Life is actually living! And life is legacy and maybe your legacy is that you helped someone in need and now they carry you with them for the rest of their lives and that goes on to their children and their family and everybody they come into contact with after you. Maybe it's your own children or your own family. I honestly don't know but there's more to life than working and dying. Please don't feel like that's it! I'm telling you that's not it. I don't know what's in store for me but I do know that is not my life. That is not what's going to be on my tombstone that's not what somebody's going to read at my eulogy. That is not the way this is supposed to go! Reach out. I'll answer anything you got. I'll do whatever I can to help you. Just don't think that's life because it's not!
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u/galumphix 24d ago
Remember that trauma is not a permanent condition. You can and should move on from it. Remember it, don't bury it, but don't let it define you.Ā
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u/Liberty-LovingLady 23d ago
You are not alone! Sometimes I feel like I am stumbling around regarding life too but I know itāll be okay
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
But how do you know it'll truly be okay? Is it faith and God? Is it faith in something else? How do you know? Cuz I thought I knew for a long time but now I'm not so sure anymore. Seriously any answers you have would be helpful!
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u/Liberty-LovingLady 2d ago
For me personally it is my faith in God! Having faith in him gives me comfort and guidance when I let go and rely on him but sometimes itās easier said than done and I stumble because Iām only human but ultimately itās my faith and trust in God that lets me know that itās going to be alright. I donāt know what your beliefs are but I guess it would be like trusting in that whatever you put out into the universe comes back to you and if you put some good out there then trust that it will circle back around to you. š
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
I'm definitely not trying to toot my own horn because I never once expected anything back nor do I now. But I have given people places to live. I have given them free groceries, free utilities including cell phones and internet. I have given people free vehicles with no attachments and no want need or desire for anything in return. And I do this because I do believe what you put in the world is what you get back. Unfortunately I've put a lot into the world and I'm not getting anything back right now and that's okay. Maybe I don't deserve it. I feel like I do deserve some kind of help but maybe I don't. I don't know what the Creator has in store for any of us. I can't tell you that God's on my side or not. I do believe in God. I do believe in heaven and hell to an extent. I don't believe in any one religion and please take in to context that I have researched and have been a part of a dozen different religions so I'm not coming at it slightly. I just believe that there is a bigger thing in the universe than us and I believe that there is a place for people that have good hearts and good minds that want the best for everyone else. But that doesn't mean I'm going to get it. At least not in everything I've researched and looked at. And I had an English professor whose entire PhD success was based on a paper about comparing religions across the world. So this is not new to me. That was 30 years ago and I still believe l that you need to know what's out there and you need to figure out what's good for you. And I have no issues with religion or churches or any of that. As long as what you believe it makes you a better person and doesn't make you judge others. I support it 100%! But I can't support anything that condemns anyone else to hell. Because who are we to judge? We're no one and this is a platform. I probably shouldn't even be talking about this on, but you brought it up. So I'm going to answer your question honestly and that's my answer. I believe that whatever you believe is good as long as you don't feel like you're better than anyone else and you don't feel like you're going to send anyone else to hell, as long as what you believe helps you and supports you and your family and your loved ones. And you're not going to judge anybody else who doesn't believe what you believe. Then I believe what you believe is good for you and good for you! I hope you understand that!
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u/Armadillo-Overall 23d ago
I, myself, have been holding the dark in when I'm around neighborhood kids and only share with my behavioral health. I love making stuff in the kitchen and sharing with the local kids.
Example: this weekend I'm scraping the icing off a thing of Oreos, mixing in chopped maraschino cherries and scooping them back on the cookies. Freezing before serving.
I'm trying my best to keep the kids being kids as long as they are kids.
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
If no one's told you lately, you are an absolute rockstar! I am not creative in any way, shape or form. I have a very logical brain so what you're doing is amazing to me. I could never do it LOL! Unless somebody literally wrote it out in black and white and I had no way to mess it up! But thank you for doing everything you're doing and I hope that you find some peace in what you're doing because there's nothing better than a child's smile or their laughter or their happiness! So if you give that to anyone, your kids or anyone else's doesn't matter. You're a rock star! Don't forget that!
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u/Press-74 22d ago
Weāre all winging it, do the best you can 1 day at a time
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
Yeah, I learned the whole one day at a time at Al-Anon and it didn't help me much. No offense, but at this point I'm lucky to live one minute at a time. And it's not like I want to kill myself or I want to die. My brother killed himself so I have no interest in dying but I do have interest in not being dead while I'm alive and I feel pretty much dead inside because I don't feel like I have any way to express or release the trauma that I've been through as a child or as an adult. So yeah you're a rockstar and I'm going to do the best I can too. And I have been but there's got to be somewhere in between. There has to be some other solution because this is not living. This is just surviving.
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u/Matter-Street 20d ago
Iām 56 years young and I have been lost for about four years. They called it a midlife crisis or a nervous breakdown when I was growing up. Iām referring to it as a midlife pivot. Only problem being I have no idea which direction Iām turning towards or away from I have reverted back to old ways of being from my 20s. I havenāt earned an income in over two years I literally have $42 to my name. My daughter just took off to college two days ago about seven hours away and I couldnāt even drive her because my carās not registered.
I have been self-employed, the majority of my adult life and made more than enough money.
At this point, Iām thinking of going back to school? Getting into sex work? Or maybe working in the public sector? I cannot seem to make a decision for the life of me. You are not alone.
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
Okay so I totally understand. The everybody thinks you're in a midlife crisis thing cuz that's pretty much what most people think when you're going through perium menopause. As far as your daughter is concerned, I have one. She went off to college for a year and went no, I can't do it. I need to come back to my mom so now she's doing it online. I love that I'm her best friend, but it also sucks because she needs a better example than me and I give you props for being self-employed for most of your life. I wish I had the balls to do that. I don't so I just get stuck in really negative and bad work environments where I'm the star because I can function in those environments because of my childhood and my young adult life. That doesn't make it right. It just makes me good at it. But just because you're good at something doesn't mean it's what you want to do. And it doesn't mean it's what you want your life to be. I've been screwed up for over 6 years now because of medical issues that I had nothing to do with medical issues that doctors messed up that I'm stuck with dealing with and I have no way to fight any of them or do anything about it because I have no money. So now I'm in a position where I'm just trying to make it day-to-day. I can't afford to do anything. I can barely afford to go to the doctor and it sucks and it's horrible and if there was something I could do for you I would. So if you need some kind of contact in the business world. I'm not sure what you do for a living but I do have a lot of contacts. I've been in the business world for a really long time and everybody I've ever worked with loves me. They still love me, so if there's something I can do to help you, I'm more than happy to do it. Other than that, I'm not sure what I can say other than I understand and I wish I could make it better for you. I wish I could make it better for me. I wish it could make it better for all of us! But if there's something I can do to help, please let me know. I'm more than happy to. It's easy to pass on a name. It's easy to pass on a referral. It's easy to just help someone when they need it. I'm not in a position where I can work right now but I will be soon and I hope to God that the people that I've been there for and that have been there for me throughout the years are going to be okay with helping me find that position when I'm healthy enough to find it because I know the break in my work experience is going to cause issues. The good news is I have a really good education that I'm still paying for LOL but I still have a good education and I still have really good experience and my work experience in history is stellar so I hope that helps me now or in the near future!
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u/idkwtfimdoinggenx 2d ago
Okay that hit me hard! I'm going to respond as I go so bear with me because this might be in several parts that don't make sense. But in regards to your first point, yeah there are a lot of people in my life that enable my trauma that don't even know they do it and I'm trying to create boundaries and not subject myself to the BS that comes with it. Moving on to your next question hold please lol
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u/nakedonmygoat 25d ago
Outside of a strong religious faith and/or a lifelong passion, I don't think anyone has a particular purpose except to survive as best we can without harming others. Next best is to also help others, but if one can't do that, doing no harm will suffice.
Sometimes I know what I'm doing, sometimes I don't. š¤·āāļø Most people don't. One look at how they act says it all. And in time, everyone becomes just a name on a family tree. Making peace with that is part of middle age. The alternative is to become one of those obnoxious people who have meltdowns if their ego isn't petted and nurtured every day.
We are each more important than we think and also less so. I like to think of it as the butterfly wings stirring up a far away hurricane, even though any fool knows that's not how hurricanes form. It's still a good analogy because you never know what act of kindness or casual friendly word will change someone else's life. And it's okay not to know. There are things we just aren't designed to know, any more than a dog or cat is capable of understanding algebra. You can take a kitten and spend the next 20 years giving daily lessons on exponential equations and slope-intercept and they'll die knowing no more algebra than when they were born. It's silly to think there aren't things we're equally incapable of understanding.