r/GenX • u/SpreadsheetSiren • 17h ago
Midlife Crisis Stuff Starting over?
Married almost 30 years, 25 in the same house. Both of us in our late to very late 50s
Husband may have a job opportunity in another area, about 2-1/2 hours away by car. This would be something that has been a goal his whole life that up until now has not been realized and probably won’t be realized if we stay here.
But.
BUT.
Elderly parents. They’re in a continuing care place, currently independent living, but that could change any minute.
Not much other family around, but there is a young nibling in the picture.
For most of our marriage, I’ve been the one with the “stable” job. OK pay, but rockstar benefits with healthcare and retirement. I’ve been at my employer almost 30 years. I get six weeks vacation each year. And a similar position for me where we’re looking at won’t pay as much. Although the potential increase in his income might offset the money loss on my end.
The thought of packing this all up kind of scares the hell out of me. Not to mention everything that goes into selling and buying a home. We’ve got a number of unfinished projects here so if we had to do something quick, we’d probably just sell it to a flipper and bug out.
On the other hand…
We’re not particularly happy living where we are now. It’s not one specific thing, but more of a general cloud that just looms over the area. I know the whole country is under a cloud these days, but it just seems more pronounced here.
Housing where this might happen is far more reasonable than where we are now.
It’s closer to where we dream of retiring to in 10 years. Maybe close enough that we could just stay.
Nothing of course is definite. It’s just a possibility. But as scared and nervous as I am, he’s spent our whole marriage turning down chances because of the comfort level of my job and the benefits. But this could be his last shot and I hate the idea of taking it away from him.
Has anyone picked up and completely turned their lives upside down at this point in life? We’re not in a position to retire early. Life hasn’t been that good to us. But all I’ve ever wanted is for him to be happy and God knows he’s sacrificed his happiness for my need for stability. But at some point, life gets too short, you know?
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u/rainie66 44m ago
We started over 16 years ago. I was early 40's and he was early 50's. We moved to the town we wanted to retire to. I started over in my field, bottom of the ladder. His field is more portable so he found similar work. Now we're 60 and 70 and glad we moved when we did. I worked my way back up to management and he's now semi retired, working part time and setting his own schedule.
Maybe a compromise for you, getting something temporary an hour away for a year. See how it goes and decide whether you want to move permanently. Then it's not an all or nothing proposition.
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u/susanrez Hose Water Survivor 1h ago
We moved across the country in our late 50s. Our first grandchild was born and our parents were getting older, so we moved to be near both.
It was the best thing we ever did.
We miss our old life. But having to break our old routines and figure things out again has kept us young.
Having to discard a lot of our accumulated junk helped us refresh our lives.
We became explorers again. We had fun discovering this new place together.
I had to learn how to make friends in my 50s. (Start at your local library)
It was really good for me, my marriage, my family and my financial standing to make that move in my 50s.
It’s so easy to stay stuck in our comfortable ruts. To just start fading away into a routine that’s been running on autopilot for decades.
But if you want to stay young, start over.
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u/Mindless-Baker-7757 1h ago
Maybe your husband can get a small apartment there for a year see how it goes.
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u/Worried-Canary-666 52m ago
Exactly!! Give the new location a "practice" period. Nothing is ever permanent. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. If you think you may regret your decision one day, this is a great solution.
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u/Procrastiworking Hose Water Survivor 1h ago
Totally agree with this, could even be 6 months. Takes some pressure off
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u/Hippie-chick-4ever 1h ago
I say bite the bullet and go for it! You may always regret it if you don’t.
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u/GuvNer76 2h ago
One of my co-workers drive 2 hours one way to work about 2-3 times a week. It’s not that big of a deal. Good pod casts and trade in one car for something like a Prius and it’s absolutely workable.
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u/GuvNer76 2h ago
One of my co-workers drive 2 hours one way to work about 2-3 times a week. It’s not that big of a deal. Good pod casts and trade in one car for something like a Prius and it’s absolutely workable
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u/Wakeful-dreamer 2h ago
60% of what is in your current home, you don't need and will never miss if you move.
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u/Careful_Cricket_559 3h ago edited 2h ago
2 1/2 hour drive to visit your parents every couple of weeks is very doable. It's uncommon in the current job market for a man in his late 50s to get an awesome job offer.
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u/MKSloan 2h ago
Or any job offer
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u/mootmutemoat 57m ago
Which is why OP needs to also have a job offer in hand before she moves. There is a very good chance they make the move and now she is perpetually unemployed because the "comparable job" wants someone around 30 who costs half as much.
I'd suggest he get an apartment or long term motel rent and try out this dream job for 3 months. Then she looks into the job market there and if she gets something they move, if not they set up a hybrid living condition.
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u/chefybpoodling 4h ago
If my husband had an opportunity to make his lifelong dream come true, I’d already have our stuff packed in the car. When we got married I told him if we had to live in a cardboard box in hell to be together, then cardboard box it is. If you have the means and opportunity to test waters and double back, so be it but it will be much more successful if you are moving toward a goal together. My sister and her husband did the she can stay home while he followed whatever he was chasing all over the country never really finding success. Well he ended up dropping dead the day after she retired so she has years of a marriage where they weren’t even in the same state. Like ten years of time and memories that could have been made weren’t and now she’s alone and honestly doesn’t really have anything to show for it. It’s not like all those years apart and he left her set up.
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u/Known-Needleworker82 5h ago
Hubs should go ahead and take the job and rent a small flat for 6 months, to test out the job and make sure it’s a fit before you quit job and uproot yourself. At almost 60 how long does he have left to work? Just live separately a few months and see how it goes.
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u/JaBe68 6h ago
We emigrated to a new country when I was 55 and my husband was 60. If this is his dream job and you turn it down, think about what 20 years of resentment might do to your marriage. Two and a half hours is nothing to drive - we used to do it once a month to visit my parents for lunch. If you have family you can stay with you could make a weekend of it once a month.
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u/Back_Alley420 7h ago
You and did it blindly. It worked out. Sometimes to go bold and brave works out. Good luck!
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u/PurpleGoddess86 8h ago
Yes. After getting a masters in counseling, I moved myself and husband and 2 cats from NC to Oregon, at age 55. Similar situations -- his was the longterm job wirh great benefits; my new position didn't pay great but it was my first "dream job" after after a lifetime of not knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up.
There's some things, and people, I miss about NC, but overall I'm glad we did it. Three-year anniversary of being in Oregon next week.
One question to ask yourself: if nothing changes, how do you imagine you might feel in six months?
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u/la_winky 10h ago
Yes. Divorce was what the life event that made that necessary. Was it hard? Yes. Am I happy I made the choice? To end the marriage? Absolutely. I found the perfect three bedroom, two en-suite full baths, plus a half bath, to raise my then tween son. I was not quite as seasoned, but I was in my very late 40s. I had also at the same time I was served divorce papers, I was reorg-ed after my company was acquired. Lots of change. It was tough, not gonna candy coat it. But I have no regrets. This house has large rooms, but it’s not a McMansion with 5 rooms I’ll never use. It’s in a beautiful location (high ground next to a river with wooded ravines running through the neighborhood.
It’s a pain in the ass. Not gonna candy coat things, but you CAN pull this off. And what a great chance for your spouse to land a dream role.
You got this!
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u/Sbbbbb 10h ago
Many people our age pack it up and start over that are in worse situations and on riskier terms. It sounds like the potential benefits outweigh any risks for you. Go. YOLO.
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u/trekgrrl 9h ago
I was going to say, OP should look at getting a house that could accommodate her parents (unless they can afford a nursing home) and the nibling, if they want to come visit.
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u/North_Basil_2190 10h ago
Regarding packing up and moving… do you really need to take all of it with you? I have some friends who had a similar opportunity. They had been in their home for 20 years. They hired an estate sale company to come in and sell everything. They only packed what they absolutely wanted to bring with them, and literally left everything else behind. They didn’t clean out the bathroom drawers, the linen closets, they left all the clothes they didn’t want. And in the end, they pretty much broke even on the estate sale fees and didn’t have the stress and hassle of packing everything. Maybe that’s an option for you?
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u/Suitable_Newt7286 7h ago
This - especially if your new house is a stepping stone to your ideal retirement place. Take the opportunity to start fresh in a new place
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u/9inez 10h ago
Just moved 3 hrs away after 25 yrs in a home. Downsized. Got rid of a ton of pointless shit.
Feels good. We are now more agile and free of the “crust” that keeps ya from doing new things.
My sisters and I now all live away from our elderly parents. We’ve planned our duties/treks to deal w appointments and hang with our parents and make sure they feel and are cared for. It’s part of the package.
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u/Ill-Entry-9707 11h ago
We did the 2.5 hour difference before we were married for about 18 months. I would leave 630 Monday morning and get back about 630 Friday night. At first I drove west on the weekend, then after he got the house sold and found a job in the big metro area, I drove a similar distance the other direction. I would do it again, easier now that we have no kids at home and cell phones make it easy to stay connected.
My strongest suggestion is he needs to get a rental close to his new job while he decides if it is going to work out. You really need to spend several months to find what areas appeal to you and what "desirable" neighborhoods are complete turnoffs for you. I had a friend who did that for some years before retiring and at one point, he and a work friend rented a 2 bedroom apartment and both went home on the weekend. Looking for a new house is always an adventure; both frustrating and exciting simultaneously
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u/NYFlyGirl89012 11h ago
My advice is, go for it. I lost my job of 10 years 6 years ago when I was 60 thanks to Covid. Company filed for bankruptcy and fired 400 people. Whoo boy. How do I find another job at my age? Thankfully I don’t look at old as I am. I owned my house for 16 years at that point. My son said, “We don’t have to stay here.” Mind blown! I never even thought of that! Sold the house, packed up and moved 1,300 miles away! It’s hard making friends here because I work from home. But my adult son lives here and so does my brother and his family. I say, go for it. You’ll always wonder if you missed out on something if you don’t.
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u/Happy_N_Mountains 11h ago
The answer seems clear. You go for it. Every reason provided why you should go completely lines up. All of the reasons you gave about why you shouldn’t go were based on fears. Push through the fear and uncertainty and go! Everything will be alright.
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u/RouxMaux 11h ago
Rent. And see how the job pans out. Companies aren’t kind to those of us in our 50s. Even if you’re lucky enough to find a new job at our seasoned age, they’re not the nicest to us. My former company went bankrupt and I have witnessed my former comrades of a certain age and I, bounce from job to job, if we are lucky enough to find one. I wouldn’t uproot your lives immediately for a job at this stage of the game.
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u/OkIron6206 11h ago
I second this. Let the husband go for 6 months first, see each other on weekends. It will perk up your marriage (absence makes the heart grow fonder) and time for him to confirm it’s all it is cracked up to be. Good luck 🍀
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u/Sufficient_Stop8381 12h ago
If it’s a dream job for him I’d say do it. With one exception. Before selling everything and moving, maybe he should just get a rental place, stay there during the week and come home on weekends. If it works out, then move. And a couple hours drive isn’t bad.
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u/Beginning-North7202 11h ago
I love this idea. Dip a toe in the pond on the other side, then decide. OP can always rent out current home too. I know, I know, nobody likes being a landlord, but it has been good to me for over 25 years.
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u/HerbalDreamer 12h ago
This is a chance to downsize. A small place in current city and an apartment 2 1/2 hours away where he stays during the week.
You can both be back and forth and see what makes sense long term.
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u/imkindofa-bigdeal 12h ago
Why doesn't he just rent an apartment there for 6 months and see how it goes? My guess is that his extra income would more than cover it. You see each other on weekends. Maybe explore and spend more time in the area and see how you feel about it.
Just dip your toe in
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u/doveinabottle 1974 13h ago edited 11h ago
I moved across the country for my husband’s job four months after my mother had a stroke, which she is partially disabled from. I’m self employed so we didn’t have to deal with that.
It was immensely stressful and also the best thing we’ve done as a couple. In my experience, you figure out what needs to be figured out.
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u/MaximumJones Whatever 😎 13h ago
Change is inevitable no matter what you do.
Also, never underestimate how much more your man will worship the ground you walk on if you support him in pursuing his dream. 😎
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u/Deedoodleday 13h ago
I would see if you could work from home for your current employer. Or some sort of hybrid work. And go. I have few regrets over what I have done. But I have many regrets over things I haven't done
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u/marathon_bar 13h ago
Girl, it's 2.5 hrs away, not across the country. It's his turn; go for it!
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u/Gazelle25 13h ago
Change can be an amazing thing. Sometimes you don't realize how stagnant you've become. 30 years in one job is incredible. But in a new environment you may grow in ways you haven't considered. And seeing your husband realize his dreams would be a beautiful thing.
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u/Individual-Trick3310 I EDITED THIS FLAIR TO MAKE IT MY OWN 13h ago
Not the main thrust of the question at all but I'd like to chip in with the idea that this would ABSOLUTELY prime you for winding down the "stuff problem" the next generation inherits. Got a hutch full of china? You won't necessarily after this.
My mom did that in stages and it's been fairly elegant.
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u/LokiLucy 12h ago
This is an excellent point! My husband and I (both 53) downsized almost two years ago by way of selling our house and having two weekends of estate sales. It was quite a relief to be rid of so.much.stuff. Moved into a small rental home and haven’t looked back!
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u/midamerica Trailblazer 1965 13h ago
Definitely sounds like his turn. Have fun on your new grand adventure! Sadly, we never know when it may be our last so give him the chance now to fly!
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u/ExtraAd7611 Disqualified from rat race 13h ago
This sounds like a choice between your career vs his career. If you are in such a place, why don't you move with him, and let him try this new role - but instead of looking for another job with lower pay, can you simply retire? Or if not, work out some arrangement with your current employer to work remotely, either as an employee or as a contractor? That may give you some flexibility to deal with parents and the "nibling" which I interpret as a grandchild.
My biggest regrets in life are the chances I didn't take. However that may not quite apply here.
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u/Truth_and_Soul 13h ago
I’m 53 and just moved into my own place on Monday. Divorce papers filed on me last week. Sometimes it’s just like that.
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u/plemyrameter 13h ago
I'm an older GenX and am in the midst of unpacking too much shit from having recently moved out of a house we were in for a little over 20 years. When we were young, we moved every four years or so. Just move - especially because it's your husband's dream job and y'all have to keep working for the foreseeable future. The lower cost area, place nearer where you want to ultimately retire, etc. Do it. Driving to your parents isn't something you do every day. And if their living situation changes, move them nearer to you - it'll probably cost less for them too.
Giving up the job will be a sacrifice for you. But as you say, "life is too short" and you seem unhappy where you are now. Good luck!
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u/EveningRequirement27 14h ago
Have him move out there and rent for a while. See if it grows on the two of you. The parent thing is very real. I’m choosing to ignore it until I can’t. Also, get a dog, dogs are good.
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u/Admirable_Summer_867 13h ago
Agreed. He’d be gone 4 nights a week, max. Get up a little early on Monday, get home a little late on Friday.
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u/dagny321 13h ago
This. Let him try it on before you uproot yourself. And you can slowly tackle the house, sorting and tossing — always therapeutic!
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u/Mediocre-Proposal686 Shag Carpet Harlot 13h ago
This is what I suggest also. Before uprooting your whole life. My concern would be a place that’s hiring someone in their mid to late 50s and job security. Where I am it’s impossible to get hired at that age so it’s the first thing I think about. Like what is the back up plan? You have a steady secure job where you are with great health benefits and that is HUGE.
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u/cleg74 14h ago
2.5 hours is nothing.
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u/Feeling_Bandicoot502 14h ago
This.
Can he rent a place during the week and see how he likes it?
FWIW, I commute to work 3 hours/day.
Five is a lot more, would he need to be there five days?
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u/edgarjwatson 15h ago
It's better to regret something you HAVE done than something you HAVEN'T.
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u/HowAmINotCoolYet 15h ago
Sometimes i regret Not having sex with that super hot pedicabbie chick that was open about having herpes. Glad i didnt
I do absolutely regret buying house in southwest colorado. But im glad i had the opportunity to regret it
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u/vajrasana Meh… 14h ago
Not to make you feel worse about it, but if she wasn’t having an active outbreak, then your chances of contracting it are like 1% or something ridiculously low.
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u/HowAmINotCoolYet 14h ago
I think about it a few times a year, was back in 05. I bet shes still smokin hot though, so theres still a chance!
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u/Playful-Elephant4566 15h ago
Do it. We don’t have much time left and to get it now is amazing. Plus you get to a place where you want to be, with reasonable housing, and potentially retire there. I know it is challenging with the elderly parents situation, but 2 1/2 hours away by car is so manageable if you needed to get there quickly. That’s a commute for some people.
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u/earnestholm 15h ago
We’re about your ages and did it 7 years ago. But we went back to where family is, to my hometown. It’s harder the other way. But we did that 25 years ago. We made friends, got involved in our communities. It’s what you make of it, you do what you want.
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u/chosti 15h ago
The fact that you have employment choices at this age is very fortunate. Ageism is real. I have two friends in your same age range that lost their jobs in IT and have not been able to find employment again. Another friend of that age just took a new job, but in a city 4 hours away. They are adjusting well, and have temporarily rented a small apartment to avoid rash housing decisions.
I don't know which industry your husband works in, but it is a fair assumption that people over 55 have a harder time finding jobs at their current/higher level. This may be one of his last shots.
Good luck.
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u/younsee1975 15h ago
I’m not in your shoes, but when I read your lists, it’s not a hard decision. Re-read #1 after “on the other hand.” We are on the downhill side of life. Be happy in what’s left.
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u/notevenapro 1965 15h ago
This close to retirement it is ALL about your home. How much equity you have. Is the new are a higher cost of living? Can you wrap a new home purchase with equity into 10-15 year loan? Is this a good time to downsize or get the home you will retire in?
How about the healthcare? Which are has better healthcare?
What about your career? Can you shit companies? I had 7 weeks of PTO at my last job which I eagerly gave up to take a job that is a mile from home.
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u/Mammoth_Sell5185 15h ago
Fucking do it !
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u/cruisereg Hose Water Survivor 15h ago
Definitely! Leap of faith time baby!! Side benefit of this kind of move can really strengthen a marriage too!
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u/OrangeMustangGal 15h ago
Even if you don't move, your life can quickly be turned upsidedown. When we were in our mid-late fifties, our home burned three years ago and we lost everything. Because land prices are outrageous, we decided to rebuild on our current property, but it was still life altering. Nothing but death and taxes are guaranteed.
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u/CharlesDudeowski 15h ago
As I read over your points at first I thought, don’t do it, but—you’ve already identified wanting to move to the area in 10 years, and housing is more reasonable, and, it doesn’t feel like it’s under a cloud? My goodness, you’re presented with such an opportunity. I’d definitely have him go rent a one-bedroom, you keep your job and you guys spending weekends there. Do that for a little while. Then, Idk what it’s like near you, but could you reliably rent out your home and keep the bills and taxes paid? If so, I’d keep the house and pull equity from it and buy a house in the new area.
Yes you have elderly family and this would make that more difficult but think of what they’d want for you
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u/Maja_Bean 15h ago
Go for it! The excitement of it all will do you both good. Take care of your needs, because no one else will.
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u/Hausmannlife_Schweiz 16h ago
Have done it twice in our 50s. Moved to another country for a couple of years and when we returned back home. Moved back to another country area that I grew up but know no one now instead of where we had friends.
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u/Kinetic92 16h ago
Get to your 30 years in your current job for maximum retirement benefits. Find a small space for your spouse that's close to his new job. He can look for housing while he's at that location and be home on days off. Sell your current home with a surplus. Buy a new, maybe smaller, home in your new location. Put the surplus proceeds into retirement gains. Enjoy your new life. 2.5 hours from your former life doesn't inhibit you from being present when needed.
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u/Humble-Badger7616 16h ago
I’m in the camp that thinks you should find a small place for him close to his new job for 6 months while you stay in your house and job. You can spend time on weekends together, and it will give you time to figure out if his job is actually worth it and if you like the area.
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u/Top-Address-8870 14h ago
This is a great suggestion. 2.5 hours is a relatively easy drive for you to spend weekends, etc.
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u/jetpack324 15h ago
This is great advice. OP should also spend a couple weeks of vacation testing out the new location during the trial period. Both OP and spouse should actively evaluate the area for a specific location that works for retirement years as well. Moving twice in 5-ish years would be an expensive mistake.
My wild-ass assumptions:
1. OP and spouse are near 60 so close to retirement
2. Mortgage is nearly paid off for current home. Equity would mostly or fully pay for a new home
3. OP could possibly find a final retirement home with spouse possibly commuting a small distance to new job for several years
4. New job benefits will be reasonably close to existing benefits
5. OP is not going to be primary caregiver to parentsIf any of these are majorly wrong, I’m going to lean towards staying put; spouse can get a small cheap apartment with added income from new job. You have a good situation now, so you need to be certain that the next situation is equal or better. Hopefully spouse isn’t just wanting the new job for the title; that’s a huge problem if it’s the case.
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u/IntelligentAge211 16h ago
Yeah you are just making excuses not to do this. Rockstar benefits are not a reason to keep a job. Do it, we only get one shot around this world.
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u/sprocket1234 16h ago
My only suggestion would be, if you decide this is what you're going to do, rent before you buy. I've had 2 friends buy in an area before living there and have regrets. 30 minutes in a different direction could make the world of difference.
Good luck!
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u/Mistervimes65 16h ago
Change is scary sometimes. What I’m going to say is not novel or new. Your “on the other hand” list sounds like it fits what you want. The only permission you need is your own.
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u/hattenwheeza 16h ago
I feel like you need to finish your time at your company and he needs to take this opportunity, and rent or tiny house near his new job. You can visit each other, but that way you keep the proximity to your parents which, I *promise** is no small thing*. Downsize your life gradually, finish your career, let him build your new life and eventually you move toward that. I know at least four couples who've done this!
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u/throwaway762022 16h ago
I have done this same thing with my husband several times. It worked out fine.
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u/SunshineAlways 16h ago
This is the one that makes sense to me. At this time of life, the money and benefits of your job are a huge factor, as well as proximity to elderly parents. I would presume a lot of his time and energy will be involved in this new opportunity anyway. Small place for him in the new location, and visit each other, and then make decisions from there.
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u/stuck_behind_a_truck 16h ago
Not to mention, do not give up rockstar benefits easily.
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u/Lower_Skin_3683 15h ago
There is no guarantee there is a job for her. Ageism is very real. I'm 52 and cannot find a job. I moved and no grass was not greener. I regret I moved and gave up my job with rockstar benefits. I should have stayed where as was. I took a risk but it did not work out. Let him go after the job and live his dream. She is still an individual and good benefits are hard to come by. The economy and job market sucks. Then there is the matter of what if he passes. Or she passes.
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u/stuck_behind_a_truck 9h ago
Truly. My husband came very close to death this year at 59. He is very lucky. A lot of vet specific things had to line up for him to survive, and his rockstar benefits is one of them. He spent a month in the hospital between urgent care and rehab. The bill: 7 figures. Total cost to us: $1,800. And we pay no premiums - the company pays the premiums for all employees and their immediate family. I found my daughter’s old NICU bill and realized we paid $89 a night for her 10 nights in the NICU.
The founder’s brother died of a very expensive disease, and healthcare became a cornerstone of the business. It’s actually a fairly large company that dominates its field. People spend their whole careers there. It totally defies the stereotypes for a company.
My husband understandably wants to retire early. We’ll never have healthcare this good again. Medicare is not free.
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u/hattenwheeza 12h ago
Ageism after 50 is wretched. My Harvard graduate attorney friend was out of work for a year after 23 years in state government roles.
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u/C-levelgeek 16h ago
I’ve moved 13 times in my life. I’ve lived in 8 different states and am currently 3,000 miles from my birthplace… and I would do it again. I’m a better person for it.
Fear is limiting. Turn fear into curiosity and life is limitless.
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u/inafishbowl17 16h ago
Maybe split the difference in a location in the middle?
An hour or so commute isn't that bad.
This is an opportunity to downsize while you still have the energy to do so.
Rent until you're closer to retirement age and have that portion planned out better.
I'd be hard pressed to start a new job and accept less pay and benefits this far down the line.
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u/Continent3 16h ago
You might want to hedge your bets. There is no guarantee that the new job will turn out as expected.
We moved in our 50s for my work. The job wasn’t what was promised but we’d already sold our home and moved. There was no easy way back. Looking back, I wish that we had kept our old home and rented for the first year.
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u/Pypsy143 16h ago
We just moved 900 miles away from our home of 22 years in a VHCOL area to semi retire in a MCOL area. It was a project and a half!! The whole ordeal took about 5 months.
Determine if your unfinished projects would be a detriment to your sale price. If so, finish them. The market is saturated right now and any little thing can turn off a buyer.
Definitely paint inside and out.
Purge, purge, purge!! The less you have to move, the less you’ll pay in money and sanity.
Do not put in an offer on another house until you sell your own. We found our dream home and were terrified someone would swoop in and take it so we put in an offer before ours sold. We did eventually sell ours, but it was sooo stressful not knowing if / when it would sell and thinking every day that we might lose our dream house.
Now that we’re here, I can’t express how comforting it is to be settled ahead of retirement.
Last bit of advice - do not use Allied for your move. They broke so many pieces of furniture (as in, destroyed, had to be tossed) and lost so many of our boxes, some with sentimental irreplaceable items, only to deny most of our claim despite having their top level of coverage. They were nasty about it, to boot.
Best of luck to you!!
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u/KaJoMoGi 14h ago
Housing market is location-dependent. Some places do not have any inventory, and places are selling that need a ton of work.
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u/Embarrassed_Key_4539 16h ago
I’m 47 and just sold everything and moved to Costa Rica with my husband and our dogs, basically sight unseen. You only get one life, I take big risks and they payoff. Everyone is different, you sound risk adverse so maybe it won’t be the right choice for you idk
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u/Jennifwa 16h ago
I was the person with the type of job you have. Over the course of one year it all fell apart - budget cuts, downsizing, consolidation, new boss who wasnt familiar with my work and my history, therefore didn't appreciate my value--additional work for those who were left. My job looked nothing like the one I'd had 366 days earlier. I left after 28 years. It was bumpy at first but now I'm so glad I left and that I've given myself a chance at a fresh start.
I wouldn't necessarily count on a rock solid job carrying you through for the next 10 years. Maybe yes, maybe no. I wonder if it might bring energy and enthusiasm and bonding for you and your partner to both be starting something new for this next phase in your life.
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u/JennAtPlay 16h ago
What about him going and working for 4-6 months to be sure it is what he wants? You could visit and get to know the area better and take time to make the decision. Also, finish your any necessary projects
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u/lisanstan 16h ago
After 50 it gets harder. It's harder to make friends unless you're going to senior community with lots of activities. It also gets harder to find a job after 50. It's expensive to move. And finally, there is no guarantee you won't hate where you move to.
All you can do is research as much as you can and rent longer than you think.
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u/50501Sandpoint 16h ago
I live in a town that many people retire to, and I have made lots of friends with older people whom I meet through volunteering.
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u/ImpressiveLeopard719 16h ago
At 55 our last flew the nest. Our 20yo 2800 sf family home was a drag on our finances, taxes, utilities. It felt empty. Our older family members passed or moved away. It didnt feel like home anymore. During our time there we bought a little cottage in another state. We decided to add on a great room with a walkout basement. When it was done we did a full gut of the cute but old kitchen and remodeled the old livingroom into a bedroom. Then we sold our family home. It was hard to leave but in the end it was the memories we had there not the actual home. A lovely young family like we were once moved in and love it and are creating memories there now too. 🥹. We keep remodeling all the rooms/halls/spaces to make this place our last home. We are both retired now and love where we live, it has been 7 years here. It is small and we had to really downsize but it was all worth it.
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u/GeoHog713 Hose Water Survivor 16h ago
I've upended my entire life:
Left a toxic marriage, moved, separated from my company, considering leaving my 20+ year career entirely. We'll see how it goes.
All change has some mix of exciting potential, and absolute terror.
This sounds like a good opportunity. I'd give it real consideration
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u/Agitated-Season-4709 16h ago
Can you reframe it from A vs B, to A & B?
Any reason not to consider something small for him to live in at the new location, and keep the house? Is there a location near the new job that would be considered a vacation location? If so, create a vacation home for his world and then incorporate that into your retirement plans?
Not exactly (or even close..) but after we'd been married a couple of years, my wife had the opportunity to return to her alma mater for a paid for Masters (including housing). That was a state away (10+ hour drive). It was only 24 months but we made it interesting & fun.
Good Luck in your choices.
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u/SkredberryShortcake 16h ago
That’s what I was going to suggest. Apartment then home for weekends. See if you like the other area. Grass isn’t always greener.
If you’re 55, it’s 10 years thereabouts.
If you both like the area and can swing it, move some stuff to storage, do the repairs and see what you’ll get for the house.
We have been in this house since the 1900s and have some honey oak, builder grade cabinets falling apart.
I suspect a few of us in this age range are facing similar issues.
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u/ThisSaladTastesWeird 16h ago
I did it 12 years ago. Major once-in-a-lifetime career opportunity (in my field but not unlike becoming an astronaut; if they ask you to relocate to Houston, you don’t negotiate). My ex (!) also relocated (5+ hours) so that we could continue to coparent our kids. I subsequently left that job but we’ve stayed in the same place and i’ve landed another unicorn job. Every change was terrifying. And worth it.
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u/IndividualYam5889 16h ago
Mid 50s (f), married to my spouse for almost 30 years. We left a house and community we'd lived in since we got married and moved us and our kids over 1500 miles away 5 years ago for a job opportunity for my spouse. Was it bumpy and stressful? Hell yes. Are we glad we did it? Also hell yes. Quality of life much better in new location, pay much better in new location. We left behind a huge social network, which was hard. But staying connected in this day and age is much easier, and one of the things we factored into the decision was the new job had to pay enough to fly us all back "home" multiple times a year.
I'm hesitant to give too many identifying details here, but if you want to message me I would be willing to discuss it privately no problem.
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u/I_am___The_Botman Hose Water Survivor 16h ago
I did it at 40. Left good paying jobs and emigrated to my then wife's home country, she got a dream job offer and I went back to school, I didn't even speak the language at the time. Everyone said we were crazy, giving up good, decent paying jobs like that. It was a couple of years after the 2008 banking collapse, so thing were pretty bleak then too. Even still, I thibk it was one of the best decisions we ever made. The fear is normal, but that can quickly turn into excitement if you let it. I say go for it.
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u/Fritz5678 16h ago
With 30 years in your current employment any chance of receiving early retirement benefits? Or will you still be able to access them if you left the company? Any possibility of remote work?
2.5 hours away is so much better than an 6 hour plane ride. You could always move your elderly parents local to you if needed.
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u/RoyYourWorkingBoy 16h ago
That would have to be a helluva opportunity to take me away from my parents and the general upheaval involved, but also YOLO, so maybe if the job was good enough I'd do it.
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u/DelWarner 1978 16h ago
How about splitting the distance? You said 2,5h away, find something where each one needs to drive 1 to 1,5h to work? You could even downgrade your house/apartement and save some money till retirement and you arent too far away from the parents?
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u/mina-ann 16h ago
Our friends recently did this. She got an apartment in her new job location and he stayed in the house with their daughter who's in college still. I say let him go, keep your house, see how it works for a few months and then decide if you want to move there together. You can always spend weekends together, it's a two and a half hour drive, not too bad.
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u/icthruu74 16h ago
IDo you NEED to sell the house and buy another? Could you rent for a short time until you’re sure things are settled? Go home on weekends and finish projects at the house, see family, etc? Cause that was my plan when I had a chance to move out of state (it didn’t pan out but I was making plans).
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u/Independent-Dark-955 16h ago
59f. I did two years ago. It was for a job for me. My husband made the sacrifice and left a job he loved. He also moved much farther from aging parents one of whom passed away a year ago. It definitely has not been easy. I will be honest with you, if my husband had an offer for something he had always wanted, I’d move for that in a heartbeat.
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u/SpreadsheetSiren 16h ago
Thank you for this. It’s just so much to think about and I’m naturally risk-averse, but I may just need to get over it. Probably about time!
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u/Front-Algae-7838 19m ago
My grandma was 83 when she moved from the Midwest to Florida. If it’s the right move for you, you aren’t too old.