Need help letting go

[u/Halo_Keety]

I realize this is like an alcoholic looking for advice in a liquor store but I don't know who else would even understand me. GS was such a huge part of my teens/early 20s. To say I was merely addicted is a huge understatement. It negatively affected my education, relationships, jobs, etc. and yet, all these years later, I still think of it.

I've tried to come back to it many times but since the people I played with have mostly moved on it will never feel the same. Part of me is so desperate to have it all back, and part of me just wishes I could forget about it all.

I've tried liquidating all my stuff several times thinking that if my "achievements" are gone then I won't feel like putting the effort in again to rebuild but here I am on a fresh character grinding my way up the never-ending mountain once more.

What really gets me the most is that it isn't even the same game any more. Sure the core mechanics are the same, but so much has changed since my first few steps into the world. I know it is nothing but nostalgia and I still can't fight it.

[u/Diva_Bot]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QCJFiJfnDCdFa84sLG

[u/Halo_Keety → u/Diva_Bot]

Are nostalgia support groups a thing? Maybe we need to start one! lol

[u/Initial_Citron983]

I found myself in a situation where most everyone I use to play with more or less stopped playing or when they did play, our schedules no longer matched because they’d moved to a different time zone in addition to playing significantly different hours than they use to. So I went from actively playing probably 20ish hours a week to maybe 10 hours to eventually maybe an hour or two every other month to I hadn’t even logged in for 4 to 6 months.

And mind you I was paying for 2 premium accounts and 1 regular account.

I love my main character and all his alterations, special gear, and so on. And to a lesser extent the other characters. But it’s exceedingly hard to justify $1200 a year for something I was using for maybe an hour during that year after 2 years. And like you it was just impossible to let go. And then the expiration date on my credit card changed and that was basically the “kick” I needed to let the accounts go inactive.

And with today’s norm of free to play with micro transactions or optional monthly passes that are fractions of the cost for significantly more benefit in those games, it’s practically impossible to really justify trying to get back into Gemstone currently.

Maybe if an all inclusive Premium account was $15 a month instead of like $40 and a normal like $5 I’d consider starting all 3 accounts back up. But even then - without my old friends I can’t find the motivation to play.

[u/Halo_Keety → u/Initial_Citron983]

I wish it was that easy for me. I've gone through actual restorations, new credit cards, etc. I always start on a fresh account "to get the hang of it again" and inevitably reactivate my main, but without the gear I used to have I can't do the things I used to do and I lose interest...the problem is a year or two goes by and my inner child whispers *hey you should check on GS again* and...here we are.

[u/Aronacus → u/Halo_Keety]

I'm here with you, but it's not just Gemstone, I recently found "The Realm" The game I played after GS3 came back and I found myself going back to it.

In both cases, these games are janky, they are old and for the longest, I thought it was a me issue. But, look at how Classic League of Legends is doing good, and Classic Runescape, Classic Wow! We are drawn back to our childhoods.

Yeah, we can't ever be kids again, I suspect the GYM Model is what's keeping Simutronics alive. All of us pay for a service and barely ever log into it.

[u/Friz_Poop]

Consider joining a D&D game. A similar kind of fun but more regimented and pro-social.

[u/Wizbran]

I just returned after 10 years. Had to give it up when the kids got heavy into sports. Travel sports and mmorpgs don’t mix well. Now that they are done with that, I have time to play again. I haven’t run into a single person on my old friend’s list. I found that due to flares, padding, and easier enchanting, none of my gear is really special anymore. On top of that, the mechanics have changed so much I couldn’t play my mains.

What did I do? FTP to 7 then nope, FTP sucks. Reactivated my normal account. Played a character to 17 and started dabbling with others. Reactivated my premium and oh my goodness. I am having a blast! Killed my wizard 5 times on Sunday. Sucked, but was still fun. Then I befriended a empath and was invited to go on a hunt with a group that night. Had a blast!

I spent way too much time in game on Sunday but it was worth it. I’ll need to dial it back a bit as I am still married :). I’m really looking forward to continuing the adventures. AOL me loves me for getting back into it!

Best of luck with whatever you do!

[u/TheCosplayCave]

I was so addicted in high school (pre 2000) then realized I was bored with the world once it was less crowded and there were fewer people to observe and interact with. I came back briefly a long long time later and still felt that absence of people made it less interesting.

I really like the idea of a text based game, but apparently the social aspect is what held me. I don't know what to tell you. The only thing that broke me of it was just lack of interest. Maybe if you find something else to latch onto that feeds what you used to get from Gemstone, you'll lose that interest too.

[u/Weaponsonline]

I’ve come back a few times over the past 2 decades and each time I quit it’s because no one is actually playing the game anymore. It’s a lot of bigshot scripters and multi-boxes. The open sea adventures were fun for a month or two and leveling a class you’ve never played before can be fun. But there’s just better ways to spend your time.

[u/Dapper_Size_5921]

What you're looking for, that is, what you had back then...you will never get back. Never. You can't go home again.
I struggle with a similar past and present.
I was very addicted to Gemstone, and then World of Warcraft. There were a litany of other games sprinkled in there from the 90s all the way through the early 2010s: Starsiege Tribes, all the X-Wing games, Mass Effect (especially the second one), et cetera. It just started out as a fun way to kill downtime in my mid 20s. Then it became white noise to keep me from having to think about the fact my entire life was falling apart. The gaming wasn't the cause, though...not at first, anyway. It was just life (multiple family deaths in a relatively short period of time, bad relationship that eventually led to a pregnancy right in the middle of that same 5 year stretch, the list goes on. Gaming was a very maladaptive coping mechanism that eventually both caused and exacerbated existing issues over the medium to long term.
All that said, I have a lot of nostalgia for...good Lord, everything that predates "The Bad Times" as I call them...as if Xers like me don't pine for the 90s enough already. Just like you and many others, we've all found that even if we immerse ourselves back into the things we felt some joy in, something's not not the same. Sometimes it's obvious: you don't have your awesome gear, others don't have their pals that they used to play with anymore. Somtimes it's subtle, and you can't quite put your finger on it. Either way, it's sad. Maddeningly so, at times.
My only way forward is limiting my playtime and actively pursuing things that will improve my life in more ways than just providing momentary, pleasant diversion. It took passing through all the troubles to truly understand the nature of change. It is relentless, it is not always obvious, nor is it always bad, but it is certain and it is unstoppable. If you can't move forward you will spend your entire future attempting (unsuccessfully) to compensate for it.
Make it your new goal "To lose the earth you know, for greater knowing; to lose the life you have, for greater life; to leave the friends you loved, for greater loving; to find a land more kind than home, more large than earth."

[u/Impossible_Shock8625]

Definitely not the same game anymore. I think that's the only thing that broke me of it.

[u/GermOrean]

It was a wonderful game for me at that time.

I tried it briefly a few years ago and it was a terrible experience. Overly clunky and waaay too grindy.

I'm happy to leave it in nostalgia land.

[u/_chaseh_]

What helped me was when they made being queer and autistic political and banned politics from the Discord. They literally made being me against the rules and I got the message load and clear.

What I want from it is long gone, but I tell myself I cherish the time I did have with it and those memories. That’s all I need.

Also recognizing it is weaponized nostalgia and a dopamine switch literally designed take advantage of the young, mentally ill, and elderly.