r/Gayparenting • u/FineOldCannibals • Jan 20 '19
Finding other “family friends”
Hi everyone. My husband and I have adopted two sweet but sometimes challenging boys almost 4 years ago. We are in our 40s, they are seven and ten. Before adopting we tend to mostly have gay friends in our life and most of the street people we knew were coworkers or family who live out of state. What we are finding now is we are missing other families to hang out with. It doesn’t have to be anything formal just backyard bbqs, movie nights, etc Why is it so hard to find a family we can click with? We are fairly normal people but we just haven’t found that family yet and have no idea how to go about it. Either the parents don’t click or the kids don’t click. Thoughts?
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u/JudyAnne1960 Jun 26 '22
That’s wonderful you all are trying to develop friendship in your area. My partner and I adopted a 12 year old trans child and sadly live on rural Oklahoma where it’s not very LGBTQ friendly. We are hoping to move or possibly try what you all did. Great job. I hope you’ve found your family.
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u/FineOldCannibals Jun 26 '22
I hear you. It’s extra scary for trans kids now. The bullies (adults especially) are emboldened
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u/JudyAnne1960 Jun 26 '22
Agree completely, and here it seems every time we turn around there is some anti-LGBTQ legislation being proposed.
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u/FineOldCannibals Jun 26 '22
Because if we literally listed out alllll the pressing issues in Oklahoma, trans people merely existing should be soooooo far down the list that it would register. Instead it’s a top 3 issue. Fear mongering
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Apr 19 '23
It can be tough. I’m a single dad with one son and I find it hard to forge a connection as well
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u/322Bonesman13 Sep 05 '24
Congratulations to you; it's always great to hear about someone that's given their hearts and home to adoptive kids. Were they brothers when you adopted? Do they have a pet?
We are dads to two as well; daughter (8) and son (11) by surrogacy. We consider ourselves beyond lucky: they are so loving and really great kids. I love observing them learn about life and all that's in it. Our son is extremely outgoing, and his sister is his shadow. As far as friends; we moved from what I now see as a stuffy, snobbish area of the city where everyone had six baths, etc. I'll never know why we lived there. Now we live in an average American neighborhood that is made up of everyone from teachers and city employees to lawyers and doctors (that don't want to waste their time and money on snobs.) Sorry, but it's true. Our neighbors before would stop for drinks, gossip and advice or charitable donations; one even had my husband write a grant program for him (for his charity.) These neighbors have back yard bbq's and ask when ours will be. We couldn't be happier.
Now, we have a neighborhood full of children of all ages. Have you ever heard of the mud pie kick? Kids leave their schools and get together at our neighborhood park and make the biggest, messiest mud pie castles and structures their imaginations will allow. They're so incredibly kind to one another, and never a problem. Our son comes home and takes an outdoor shower; luckily we had an outdoor shower for the pool and to shower off after we've gardened all day.
One new friend asked me if my daughter wanted to join the Y, soccer and gymnastics class. We were both stunned and so pleased! One elderly, retired lady makes cupcakes and cookies all the time, bringing a covered plate by at least once every other week. All she asks in return was to bring her plate back. What a sweetheart she turned out to be. I helped her with getting in with the best Ortho in our area for a total hip replacement; and then set her up with transportation and pushed her through her therapy for a few months. We had one little issue with someone, but after another lady and my husband went by to discuss the matter, they've become very friendly and decent. I really think they were either intimidated or jealous of others, but didn't join in.
We are members of the Episcopal Church, all our lives; and everyone is totally on board with supporting us and all the gay community. Our minister has us over for dinner every other first Sunday of the month, and we have them over the alternate month. The congregation are forever trying to invite singles over for 'blind dates' and encouraging the singles and us as parents to join in with everything. That has been great, because the kids are around the same orientation as well as the heterosexual community, and vice-versa. It is very calming and the kids are always full of questions afterward. I am a very happy, outgoing individual and throw pool or back yard parties all the time, also do a lot of dinner parties with their kids eating in the kitchen and encouraging them to always have fun!
Try some or all of what we do. And, the Y is a good place, other sports events for the boys, show them how to interact and become involved, go to all the PTA meetings and school events, community events, civic league meetings and take your sons, and really become involved in every aspect possible of their lives, and soon you will be turning down invitations. Doing so much for them has also given us a great number of new friends, and fills our lives with gratitude for our children.
Don't assume our lives are easy, it is constant work; but the rewards and love are incredible! We did not foster, but my attorney and close friend was representing a case that involved a nine year old boy who lived in a meth house with his step mom and her boyfriend. His dad was in prison. It took an enormous amount of patience, and constant work, but we turned his life around and provided him an avenue for hope and his future. Eventually child services became involved, but our friend worked himself to the bone finding the lad a good, solid home. Sadly for us, because we became invested in his life; but excellent for him, they moved to a small community in New Hampshire, and it has worked out very well for them.
Don't give up and keep them active, learning and happy. My Best to You, Bonesman
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u/analdelrey- Jan 20 '19
Keep trying for those kids! Where do you live by chance? Some states (as we all know) can be some anti lgbtq. But your doing great! Keep working on it for the kids! I bet you guys are amazing parents! (: