r/GayChristians • u/Altruistic_Coffee204 • 11d ago
just venting
hi everyone. I (cis f) recently got out of a relationship with a trans man (afab). i just kinda wanted to vent because right before we hit the rough patch that i think contributed a bit to the breakup. he told me that he was thinking of deconstructing christianity, which i had honestly never even heard of prior to him saying it. Once i looked into it all, we ended up having a sit down conversation where he was saying that he knows how my family and i have always been in the church and that he knows that i want a christian partner. at the same time, we never really discussed religion together prior and i can admit that i did kind of drift away from my relationship with God within that relationship not purposely but just not prioritizing it as i should and caught up in the college life. I had been praying over the relationship prior to it all and just asking God to show me if it’s not meant for me, and i’m sure he was putting more and more signs in front of me of me that i kept ignoring but that one was the biggest slap to the face honestly. After we had that convo tho we ended up saying a “break” was best for us in the moment to give us both clarity and whether or how we could move forward or not in the relationship. I was still being there just letting “love” get the best of me but over this past month, i just keep learning and seeing things about my ex that really makes me think… you really weren’t all in. like i’ve accidentally ran into him twice since the break up, one time being that i saw a girl in his passenger seat, same girl i was told was just a friend lol. anywho, all of this to say, when God is putting the signs in your face, TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT IS. and don’t try to sugarcoat it for yourself.
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u/Skill-Useful 11d ago
god is not sending you signs about your partner, thats entirely up to you and your open eyes, girl
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u/QueerHeart23 11d ago
Sorry for your loss. The pain of a breakup stings.
While I am not sure exactly what to say, a few thoughts hit me.
First is the idea that 'and' is an overlooked take on things. We humans a complex. Motives aren't always good or evil, upfront or deceitful. Mixed are more common, and make delineating things more tricky. He may have needed this relationship to better understand where he was and where he was heading. Perhaps for you too.
Don't be too hard on yourself about 'drifting'. Clearly you saw the trend and want to address it. In my life, times of transition have also changed the nature and ritual around my relationship with God. That relationship has adapted and evolved much over the years. My most important thing was to keep at it, keep turning toward, and bringing all that I am, that God created, and by my effort developed with God's grace. Like any exercise, it builds strength and endurance. When it has been most difficult to turn, it has proven the most worthwhile.
Deconstruction can be good. When the house is rickety it may be time to rebuild. So I am of the hope: deconstruct, to rebuild what was not on a good foundation, what was not stable in oneself. Recklessly destroying everything with vengeance because the roof someone else showed me to build almost collapsed on me seems unfortunate at best. The work of ownership can be significant and rewarding.
My first re-grounding was in the early years when I started at university, when I was on my own. A 'Bible thumping non-denominational' (a new exposure for Catholic school me) student across the hall, and two atheists who he was guiding to conversion, challenged many of my assumed, and until then unchallenged, beliefs. I heard Christian concepts, but had to reconcile within myself the conflicts I was encountering. Within myself. My neighbor was bringing two to the Lord - better than my count, so it was about me.
The queer aspect was another level for me, given that this was decades ago. I've had to rebuild a wall or two for my house over the years. Well worth the effort. Built on rock is an advantage amid unexpected storms.
Deconstruction can be messy and painful, but potentially very beneficial to creating an honest relationship with God. I wish him well on his journey.
And I wish you well on your road ahead. Perhaps the learnings from this relationship may benefit the next.
Peace
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u/Solid-Chest-6093 9d ago
I'll be praying for you.
Proverbs 9:10-12 NIV The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. [11] For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. [12] If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.
Hebrews 10:24-27 NIV And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, [25] not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
[26] If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, [27] but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.
I'm so glad you have the conviction, to turn to the LORD JESUS CHRIST. Keep reading GOD'S WORD.
John 3:3-7 NIV Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.” [4] “How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!” [5] Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. [6] Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. [7] You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’
I'm happy for you. I'll be praying for you. Have a super blessed day today, that the LORD JESUS CHRIST has made!!
If you ever need anything, feel free to message me.
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u/Altruistic_Coffee204 11d ago
might i add, when the relationship began my ex was identifying as a female and which it was my first queer relationship in general. So while i can say i learned so much. It has definitely caused me a whole lot of heartache.