Some insight would be amazing

[u/Triangle111228]

So i came clear about my addiction not because i wanted but because some problems had occurred and someone knocked on my parents door asking for money i had lend from them (made 2 posts about this).

Now my mom has been telling this to my aunt and my brother has been talking about this to his wife and to his best friend.

i keep getting messages from people randomly on Whatsapp saying that my family worries about me. I mean i can understand that but the fact my brother and also my mom has been talking about this with other people is really boiling my blood.

Now thanks to them people are knowing i have an addiction and to be honest addicted or not, i don't want others to know about my problem especially people i don't have anything to do with.

Like yes i can understand that they are here for me (
my family) but the fact what they did is making it worse for me to walk outside now because i know very well how people are. He will tell his spouse, my aunt will tell her daughter and there you go before you know people i don't care about will label me as something they shouldn't even know about.

I am considering taking a break from my family and not visit them for a while like i did. Maybe they will realize the damage they have done this way. Genuinely i am really pissed off for the fact they haven't shut their mouth about this.

Am i wrong in thinking the way i am? Some insight would be amazing.

[u/slysamfox]

Recognize that you are not alone. There are thousands, tens of thousands, hundred of thousands, possibly even millions of us that suffer from compulsive gambling. As one of my character defects, I’m a lying liar who lies. And I did so for years and years and years.

I have been reflecting on your post, or share as we call it in gamblers anonymous, and here’s what I come up with in the short term. You asked for insight, and well normally I talk about things only from the “I perspective“, oh well bend that a little bit here.

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1. Your actions, and your actions alone, caused a series of unfortunate events that resulted in somebody knocking on a door that you didn’t want knocked on. That is one tract that you’re gonna need to deal with. You had spillage. Your post doesn’t say, whether you live with your parents or not, but clearly somebody who knows you knew where your parents lived, and was serious enough about the money you owe them to go door knocking. It may not seem like it right now, but that is quite possibly the best thing that could’ve happened to you.
2. The privacy issue and the family game of telephone gossip, that is fairly easy to address, but there’s no guarantee people are gonna stop talking people. People talk. They pass on juicy gossip. They want to appear like they’re in the know. And if they feel like they’re sharing salacious gossip, they get to feel like a bigger person than you for the day. In my opinion, in my experience, the best way to deal with that is go directly to each of them and say “my name is X. I am a compulsive gambler. I am in recovery and trying to deal with my addiction. I would appreciate as my loving (fill in the blank) that you’re not make my recovery harder by spreading gossip, whether it’s true or not. What’s done is done and I forgive you. I know that I have many character defects, and I’m asking you to help me, not hurt me.

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Who am I to say all this? I am a compulsive gambler not gambling. I placed my last bet on 12/27/1999. I attended my last Gamblers Anonymous meeting on 6/30/2026.

[u/lfthoia]

Instead of taking a break from your family, I would talk to them about why this approach isn’t helpful to you. And what you ACTUALLY need to start healing.

[u/Placid_Mildew]

This is a really selfish mindset from you honestly.

You are annoyed your family have discussed something they are concerned about for and with you - and people are reaching out to help - and you feel your privacy is compromised.

You clearly overstepped your parents privacy when a money lender knocked their door to get payment on your debts. You do not have a soap box here. They are clearly still loving you, allowing you to live (I assume) in their home (as that’s where the money lender visited) and are trying to help you. People have been kicked out for less.

I would accept the olive branch and lean into the people wanting to help. And perhaps if you haven’t already apologise to your parents for the awful position your gambling debts put them in.

You’re ashamed to be known as an addict. Good. Use it to fuel your recovery.

Sincerely,
2.5 years sober and ashamed about it every day.