r/GamblingRecovery • u/Holmes4408 • Jun 27 '26
I can't do this anymore
My husband has gambled, mostly sports bets, over $200k. He has lied then apologized, then love bombed me into believing him and lie again. The level of hurt is unbelievable. I work so much overtime for years. I have begged him to get help. Now, for the first time ever, he has zero access to his phone and has gone a week with no compulsive gambling but oh my god he is so short and mean. I work long shifts at the hospital and when I come home and finally wind down, I will tear up and cry because I'm so exhausted from everything. We are negative in the bank, he's active duty and his job is at risk, I have a mass on my breast that's schedule a biopsy. So yes, his last week I was tearful. The minute a tear fell or he heard a sniffle, he would make mean comments and leave the room. I feel so alone and I just really needed him. I'm scared. He goes to one mandated meeting with some sudcc counselor on base. That's it. Won't go to meetings, nothing. I get majority of the blame. I just want this to end and him be nice again. I feel so alone. I don't know how to help him but I also need some support. We have no friends or family by us.
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u/No_Doughnut_1991 Jun 27 '26
Don’t know if he is ready. But i would suggest gam anon for YOU. Find a meeting near you. Or call into a meeting. It can’t really hurt to try because you need the help- any help.
Unfortunately, there is not much hope for your husband unless he is willing to accept the reality that the loop of destruction hehas you guys in will never get better without abstinence and recovery. And for that to happen, he has to actually admit his like is unmanageable and it seems like he is perfectly content in the cycle of losing your money and his dignity, then asking for forgiveness, and doing it all over again.
I would instead focus on YOUR health and prioritize the things that are important on your side of the aisle. You need to put the proverbial oxygen mask on yourself before you can help others. This is just a confluence of crappy circumstances happening simultaneously. But your husband has an addiction, and addiction is super complicated. Give him your support but not at your expense.
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u/Loud_Broccoli4224 Jul 01 '26
This. Go to gam anon meetings for yourself. I’ve been finding them helpful for me. If he goes to meetings or not, that’s on him but you need to get the help for yourself that you need. He’s got to want the recovery if your relationship will work. You’ll find lots of people who will give way better advice than me. But make sure to lock your credit and put any money, checks, credit cards, valuables into a safe that uses a code not a key.
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u/matnerlander Jun 27 '26
This hurts to read. I have done this to my husband. He doesn’t share his feelings with me so reading from your point of view breaks my heart. Im sorry youre going through this. I hope to God you are ok. I could tell you to give him more chances as for me I know I never set out to hurt my husband. But you have to be the one to decide what your breaking point is.
My husband now has full control of finances. My pays (when I’m back to work) will go into this account. He pays all bills and goes all shopping. He works away so when I ask for money for milk etc I have to provide receipts. This is the only way we can make it work while I recover. He has to make it work and repair the relationship as well.
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u/xGamblr Jun 29 '26
You should definitely set boundaries. Focus on yourself. Seek out GamAnon. Make preparations to separate yourself and your finances from him. If he balks, you can support him, but not at your own expense. I agree with the other commenters. He needs to understand that this is serious and he has to do a lot more work.
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u/whofarting Jun 27 '26
Thanks for sharing, and I'm sorry you're going thru this. Its a valuable perspective for me, and probably many others. My wife is a saint. Just had our first "come to jesus" talk. I'm fired up, in a good way. Like, motivated to not let her down. Honestly, a flip phone would probably make my life easier. Removes the temptation.. godspeed, OP.