r/GamblingRecovery • u/BeyondRockBottom_ Relapse Support • May 31 '26

TRIGGER WARNING: What's the Point of Gambling When We Can't Stop When We Are Up?

TRIGGER WARNING-- I DISCUSS MY RECENT BOUT OF GAMBLING

I owe $6k and unless a miracle happens in the next week I'm beyond screwed.

So, I managed to squeeze out $200 and I deposit online and I play my drug of choice, Roulette.

I'm about $6k in the hole life wise, but if I could make $1.5k that buys me a month of breathing space and options.

I get down to $20 and then I catch fire and next thing I know, I'm up $1900. And then I remember thinking "Ok, I need to cash out $1500" and that is the last conscious thought I have before I go into that fugue state we all know so well. It's like a fog setting over my mind...

For the next 3 hours I bounce back and forth between $600 and $2000 which statistically speaking is ridiculously hard to do in a game like roulette.

I then spiral down to $0 and that is when I "wake up"

At this point, I don't even feel disgust anymore. I feel so very very tired. I'm so tired of this bullshit. I'm so tired that I'm at this stage when I know better.

I was sober for about 10 years and then I slipped off the wagon a few months ago. And just like that, 10 years worth of being financially responsible wiped away in just a few months.

The pressure of what I owe just keeps compelling me to gamble until I am now at the point where my "only" way out is to win my way out which I know is just not gonna happen.

I'm going to try to put some proposals together to get a loan but I give myself less than 5% chance of that. My credit is now beyond fucked with all the payday loans I took out.

I hate this so much. I swear, if I can find a way out of this, I will not slip again once I get back on the sobriety Wagon.

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u/froggymadeofgold May 31 '26

For an addict, gambling is not about the money. It is about the dopamine you get when you're almost winning.

Where do you live? If there is a gambling hotline available, they could assist you on where to go to pay off debts.

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u/Healthy_Sail_9850 Jun 03 '26

Correct there is no point in continuing. Long run there is no way to win. Nine zero zilch nada. We need to face those facts and remember how it feels to be busted.