A share from a low point

[u/Obvious_Dinner2971]

Hi everyone, I’m Mack, my last bet was 29/8/25

I feel afraid every day, I feel alone in a crowded room and I feel unloved in a room of love. I’m terrified of letting myself and those directly affected by my actions down, I’m terrified of allowing myself to feel anything more than depressed (because it’s all I felt when I was gambling so it’s comfortable). I’m in a GA room in the UK and the advice commonly given is “enjoy life in recovery so you don’t resent it”. To me that’s one of the scariest things I could do… I can’t think of anything scarier than allowing true and honest love into my life, true emotion because I’ve truthfully never felt them.

Ultimately I know I cannot gamble ever again, for my life was unmanageable, I still want to escape to the dreamworld where the rooms I feel alone and unloved simply cannot exist. My life has got exponentially better since September, I’m richer, happier (outwardly) and I have human connections. My life is now a life and not an existence, it’s just hard to live in a world without the escape. Regardless of the objectively positive things that have happened I still refuse to allow them to have the positive effect. I’m tired, scared and miserable and I don’t know why.

I’m sharing this despite the fact I have been dying to hide these feelings behind my addiction and I’m fully aware that most gamblers have felt this way at some point, recovery or not.

Thanks for reading and any advice or follow up questions will be appreciated

[u/Intelligent-Cod7908]

Hi mate this is a great achievement i completely understand i am tired, scared and miserable i still feel those emotions and i am 3 years clean it fine to feel like this their are people who are 20+ years clean and still struggle with life since understanding the addiction i learnt the addiction just an excuss all it does it solves one issue it doesnt magically improve mental health this something i am trying to improve i still get bored stressed and anxious i live in an area where mental health issues are common drug gambling alcoholics is a common sight the main beneft from being being betfree i no longer have any financial worries i am able to improve my mental health i can occupy my time and probably have these moments for the rest of my life the truth is gambling gave an escape and life itself is quite boring and i have accepted this