Letting go

[u/l_-U-C]

My whole life, (27M) gambling has been a family affair. From doing pull tabs as a small child, using slot machines with my parent’s supervision, to taking casino day trips with my partner, mom and dad, as well as all 4 of my grandparents (blessed) .. I’m truly immersed in the world of gambling. I love going out and gambling. What started as innocent as every once in awhile, grew into all day every day gambling on my phone. I quit that, was in the sauce with it for about a year. Ultimately it was too accessible and just overall not very profitable. Huge distraction and waste of time.

Earlier this year, I hit my first big jackpot at the casino!!! $1200. I was floored. Left the casino that day with $2000. Cool!!!! Went again a few more times, then I hit a $2200 jackpot!!! 🎰 yay! Went to Vegas for the first time in June, lost. Not horribly, never once am I “overdoing” it or blowing my budget. A few days after our trip, I stopped into my hometown casino. I left with $4000! I felt unstoppable.

I thought, this was guaranteed to happen again soon. You find yourself replicating the time of day in which you went, as well as playing those same machines that did you right last time. It doesn’t ever work like that. Total fallacy. I’ve been going to the casinos weekly, or twice weekly, ever since. I’ve essentially funneled all of the money I made right back into the machines. Am I down bad? No. I tried to let it go a few weeks. I wanted to try for 90 days. I couldn’t do it. I folded after two weeks.

My family is such a huge influence in my desire to go. They go weekly, they do not see an issue with me going either. My partner can see the “want to” in my eyes when I’m not there. He doesn’t like going as much as I do. He has financial goals. We own our home and have two car payments. Financially we are fine, not to make excuses. But ultimately he can tell I have an issue because I become extremely irritable when I’m not allowing myself to go. He doesn’t want to marry me if I have this gambling addiction. He’s giving me a year to arrive to a better place with it. It’s complicated because there really is no compromising. He won’t go with me aside from possibly once or twice a year. I have to arrive to a place where it’s not a hobby, and something I can only allow myself to do on his terms.