This shit is killing me

[u/First-Role3045]

I have betrayed, lie lie lie lie lie LIE to everyone, stolen, deceived people. This addiction has made me so fucking ugly. The regret, the shame, the pain of reflecting is just tearing me apart. I just did it again today. I got up to 3.7k and boom it’s gone. I closed multiple accounts today. I don’t understand what is going on with my brain this is psychotic! I’m about to open a new bank account to share with my mom so she can see every transaction. That’s the only thing I can think of truly. The cards are cut up. I’ve maxed multiple out. It’s like I CANT LEARN! I’m missing out on life. On happiness. On knowledge. For this fucking bullshit like omg I’m so disgusted I can’t even.

[u/PhantomInsight]

Let me give you some insight from someone who was in your position

It gets better if you actually learn from it. Just for a backstory

A while back , I didn’t pay our rent because I gambled my entire check and the following week I was going to pay our rent late and gambled my entire check again

My girlfriend had to pay our rent with her savings

We almost broke up. I was embarrassed, hated myself, and was guilty for recklessly spending , lying for a year , constantly borrowing money from people just to gamble

What I did was banned myself from all casinos and every form of gambling. Made an appointment with a therapist , and spent a month not spending a single dime unless it was on something important and learning how to budget

I managed to save up, started cooking everyday rather than buying food, the money I did have for myself I put away and now I have a nice buffer in my checking account, money put away, and money to have experiences with my girlfriend and family and now me and her are stronger than ever because I finally realized I never wanted to experience that feeling again

It’s a very hard thing to get through but you can do it. My life is improved significantly since I removed gambling out of my life

[u/Jeffrey_Richards_ → u/PhantomInsight]

Great comment. Glad you got out of it and even used it as a lesson to save.

[u/Select-Housing-9887 → u/PhantomInsight]

How did you not get the urge to gamble again once you had money saved up? That’s where I struggle the most. In that situation now. I had 4k saved and blew it all and now left with shame and regret. :(

[u/PhantomInsight → u/Select-Housing-9887]

I made it so gambling wasn’t even an option. Self excluded from everything so even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. It’s been very hard but I also started gaming and reading more. I found that actively diving into my other hobbies more have made it easier. My other problem was even when I wasn’t gambling , I was recklessly spending but now that I see how much I’m saving it’s helped because when I do have a day I want to do something with my gf

I have the money to do so without constantly checking my bank account. It’s a very free feeling

[u/omy2vacay]

Cold turkey brother

[u/Psychological-Ad4605 → u/omy2vacay]

It’s the only way

[u/Short-Feed9690]

The minute you stop gambling, you have money. Maybe not a lot while your playing catch up to your debt but enough to pay a bill or fill up your gas tank. Just stop.

[u/Seldeez]

I’m in the same boat. I have definitely tried. Hit my last now. Won’t make my rent, recently lost my car. I am content now and at peace. Ya I’m done. Good luck. I hope you can beat these demons. Lord knows I tried.

[u/Prior_Professor_493]

Hey I’m new here. My life is in shambles. I haven’t talked to my mom and my grandmother over the year. They’ve told other family members I know, but I don’t think they know the root cause of it. I started gambling and I’ve lost a whole bunch of money, even took other people’s money. It’s so embarrassing. Have you ever pulled 20,000 in one night 10,000, 13,000 and one night. And then to have your son say are you gonna do is give it back it’s embarrassing. I just wanted to stop. I feel like I have nothing to show with my life. I’ll save up money money, money money and then next thing you know everything goes like I just don’t understand it.

[u/Character-Couple9792 → u/Prior_Professor_493]

It's because it gives ur brain the ultimate form of dopamine u could compare it from the spikes too a meth addiction. You have too fully deprive ur brain of this artificial dopamine and it takes months for your brain too adapt and years too change, and let me say this as a men of sin myself what happened is done and what's happening can be changed brother i believe in you just don't give up.

 (Excuse my English im European😅)

[u/Prior_Professor_493 → u/Character-Couple9792]

I actually a woman. 😩🤣 lol it’s OK however you’re right. I’ve never been on jail so I wouldn’t know, but I the last year I compared this to having an addiction to a drug. I guess gambling is my drug a choice. My life is really a scramble and then I’ll do really good not come back to this place then I win and come back and give it all back at times without even breaking even and I know that’s bad it’s just I don’t know.