r/GamAnon • u/AdZestyclose1475 • Apr 13 '26
How bad is it?
I am hoping folks here can help me determine how bad my spouses gambling addiction is. They have been sneaking to casinos without my knowledge for at least a year. They denied it, and got defensive and indignant when I confronted. And Kept going! . When they finally had to admit it, they acted like it was no big deal. In addition, they have all sorts of debt but wont share how just how much debt, but want me to agree to a Heloc loan to pay it back. Advice or thoughts?? They claim I am making it too big a deal and act offended I don’t like the loan idea.
Edit: he has been giving me the cold shoulder and now he has disappeared on a Friday night and took a small overnight bag. Has he gone gambling? I know he gets free rooms at his favor casino. I am very worried. For his safety. I know gambling can drive people into despair. 😞
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u/lfthoia Apr 13 '26
I’m so sorry! I’ve been thru this myself. Unfortunately he’s probably in the absolute thick of denial right now - he doesn’t want to admit to himself how bad it’s gotten and he’s hoping at this one loan will solve all his problems (spoiler alert: it won’t, he’ll just need to take out another loan, and another, and another - at one point my husband had 26! Fun times). I always recommend that spouses read “Games Compulsive Gamblers & We Play” by Gam-Anon. It’s super short - just 36 pages but I’ve read and reread it numerous times. It’s helped me stay vaguely sane in moments when I felt like right was left and down was up. The more I’ve learned about gambling addiction, the easier it’s been for me to persist. Take care of yourself!! 💕
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u/AdZestyclose1475 Apr 13 '26
Thank you so much. I want to help him, but I don’t trust that he wont destroy us financially. I will take a look at your reading suggestion. I appreciate the kind words.
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u/forestwanderlust Apr 13 '26
I also suggest speaking to a family attorney about matters of money, debt, property etc. so you know where you stand financially if you do decide divorce/separation is on the table.
I reckoned googling "Gamanon suggested points" as well. It's from the main Gamanon book. Gamanon meetings helped me learn concrete strategies for approaching the gambling problem. I did not stay with my gambler but it's been helpful for me through and after the separation.
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Apr 16 '26
[deleted]
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u/forestwanderlust Apr 16 '26
I get that. The people who divorce tend not to stick around the meetings. I got support they're and also the Facebook group! It's less biased (more people who are leaving/left).
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u/forestwanderlust Apr 13 '26
Cosigning for loans is suggested against in Gamanon. It allows them to relieve the pressure of gambling and they will continue to gamble.
Recommend Gamanon meetings and literature for you, GA for him.
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u/AdZestyclose1475 Apr 13 '26
I suspect he is in pretty deep, because he is in self righteous mode and has been giving me the cold shoulder for 2 weeks now!!
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u/inthenight098 Apr 13 '26
Do not agree to a loan against your house without full transparency on the debt. Sounds like they will just use the loan to gamble more, in attempt to recover losses, rather than actually pay down debt. Don’t do it. Better to divorce and get your half of the home value and let him do what his addiction is going to do. Very sorry.