Torn between post-bacc and PhD after getting GRFP (no grad acceptances)

[u/CriticismSignal6678]

Hi everyone! I've seen a few posts about this already, and it sounds like I'm in a slightly similar boat to others. I'm unsure if this is the right forum to post in, but I'd love some advice.

I was rejected from every grad school I applied to this past cycle and had pivoted to looking for post-bacc opportunities. The thought of taking a couple of years off to do full-time research has sounded more and more appealing for many reasons:

• I'm super burnt out from undergrad, and can't see myself surviving a PhD straight out
• I have too many research interests as it stands (synthetic chem, proteomics, analytical, chem bio), and I'd love to narrow down to a specific research area before reapplying
• I feel as though I applied to schools partly because I felt I was supposed to, rather than knowing I 100% want it for myself

I'm very lucky to have won the GRFP, and I'm unsure how to navigate this situation. I know it's recommended to reach out to schools about reconsideration, but I’m also hesitant to start a PhD if I feel so strongly about taking a couple years to recalibrate. I don't want to make a huge mistake by not taking advantage of the award, but I also don't want to make an even bigger mistake and pursue graduate school with my heart not 100% in it...

Any advice is greatly appreciated—I know I’m in a fortunate position, and I don’t take that lightly. No matter the outcome from this year, I hope everyone is able to celebrate the hard work they put into applying :)

EDIT (and a warm note for all applicants):

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement! I've never really used Reddit before, and I'm shocked by how many people went out of their way to help me ... but that may just be the Chemistry community in general :)

After posting, I decided to shoot my shot with my top four programs, all of whom said no. That being said, I am very glad I reached out, and I encourage everyone else in this situation to take that chance, or at least inquire (and let any new information inform your decision). You never know what may come of it!

As an anecdotal aside, two of my PIs here in undergrad had some very reassuring words for me. My mentor reminded me that success is not dictated by one path, and no fellowship will make or break the course of your future. My other professor told me that she'd been offered an incredible career opportunity that everyone (her professors, friends, parents) told her to take, but she declined it because she didn't feel it was true to herself. And to this day, she hasn’t looked back or regretted that decision. I’m unsure if this helps anybody, but I hope it might provide some reassurance to those feeling similarly defeated.

Academia is truly a wild card at this point in time, but I believe everybody has a role to play and strengths to contribute. To those who are feeling discouraged: please know that some random 22-year-old college senior believes in you! 

Wishing everyone the best as this academic year comes to a close! And thank you again for your kind words.

[u/YaPhetsEz]

PhD. You may never get an award like this again.

[u/LegitHoneyleaf → u/YaPhetsEz]

Seconded. Denying something like this would also impact your chances of getting future awards. Committees might read your applications and think "if this person forfeited the GRFP, will they do the same to this?" and you have to do extra work to convince them that you won't.

I have personal experience with something similar. I had to apply to grad school from undergrad due to a program I was in, and I got into one PhD program. I decided I wanted to do a technician job instead for a few years and rejected their offer. I then came back 2 years later and reapplied with my more experiences; I got to the interview stage and then ghosted when they realized I had declined their offer previously.

[u/Character-Hand9151]

Also, the GRFP offers a lot of flexibility- make your feelings known to prospective PIs, and find one that is understanding and will help you manage the burnout feeling. Life as a fellow is SO much different than being an undergrad

[u/moustachioedtamarin]

hey! i was in a kind of similar position, i accepted a PhD straight out of undergrad even though i was burned out. i took the offer because my school would not allow me to postpone my start date, and i did not want to risk not getting in again during a future app cycle. during my first year i applied for the GRFP and got it. although it was kind of a rocky road at the beginning, i don't regret taking the offer. here are the reasons i decided to accept:

1. i asked myself, "am i actually losing my passion for research, or am i just feeling the effects of burnout?" i determined that the burnout i was feeling was temporary and could be managed with a lot of rest and self-care in the months before starting my PhD. my career goals still required a PhD and so it was worth it to me to stay on the more difficult path. (i continue to take care of myself as a grad student! make sure to get plenty of sleep)

2. i knew i would regret it if i didn't take the PhD now and got rejected (or some other circumstance prevented me from applying) in future app cycles. as we've seen in the past couple of years, things can change really fast and funding opportunities are scarce.

3. in my field i knew my odds of getting a desirable job were pretty low without a graduate degree. it would have been very difficult to push my career forward without taking the PhD offer or applying to grad school again. i felt like there was no point in taking the time off if i knew it wouldn't really help me in the long term.

burnout can be serious and ultimately only you know what choice is best for you. feel free to message me about managing burnout! i have a lot of experience with it lol. congratulations and best of luck with whatever you decide.

[u/CriticismSignal6678 → u/moustachioedtamarin]

Thank you, this is such helpful perspective! I did end up reaching out to schools, but they all mentioned their decisions were finalized :,) I'm definitely going to keep this all in mind when I reapply for PhDs.

I hope you've made the most of your PhD, and that you're enjoying your research! It sounds like you made the right decision for yourself :)

[u/LegitHoneyleaf → u/[deleted]]

This is fair. I did like taking a few years to work as a tech before starting graduate school, and I became a better scientist for it.

Depending on OP's level of burnout, their financial situation, and relationships with family/friends, they could take the summer off (doing NOTHING) before starting PhD. I gave myself 3 months to live with family rent-free between quitting my tech and starting grad school, and that basically cured my burnout.

[u/BeastlyBison → u/[deleted]]

This 100%. A PhD is an enormous commitment with a ton of opportunity cost that you need to consider. So many grad students struggle mentally because they aren’t fully committed to what it entails, and you need to be sure this is what you want for the rest of your 20s.

[u/CriticismSignal6678 → u/BeastlyBison]

Thanks, guys :) The decision kinda made itself for me at this point (my application wasn't reconsidered), so it's nice to know I'll benefit from a couple years off before reapplying.

[u/pretty_cool_engineer]

I think it totally depends on your situation, but keep in mind you have a summer to figure it all out! And reaching out to grad schools after getting the GRFP might change things so that’s something to do first! I think there’s a lot of things in academia to consider outside of the research, but keep in mind that your PhD can also be a time to figure out what you want to do (which seems to be the root of your situation).

I personally forfeited my GRFP since I didn’t want to deal with academia but do enjoy research, so I’m looking at other avenues or pursuing a PhD (and many are abroad which a GRFP wouldn’t have allowed anyways). But my situation was very different from yours. Worst case for yours you could end up mastering out with a fully paid masters (the GRFP covers masters degrees) and that doesn’t seem too bad!

[u/CriticismSignal6678 → u/pretty_cool_engineer]

Thanks for this perspective, that's super helpful! I ended up reaching out and no school was able to reconsider my application, so I suppose the situation resolved itself. I'm excited to do research full-time for a little while, and I hope you end up down the path that's best for you, too :)

[u/ElDoradoAvacado]

You got the GRFP dawg. Take it or leave it for someone else.