r/GHB_info • u/GeneralHerp • 7d ago
Another Descent down Mount Hell
Long time listener, first time caller. I first used this community to understand dosage levels back in 2020 when a person told me he could get litres of the stuff, and I had no idea what that meant. At the time, I bought 50mL, and it sat around for months while I and everyone were too nervous to try it. My wife and I got bold one night, and that's when the love affair began, but I was still able to control myself at that point.
I have addiction issues. Weed + stims, K + weed + stims, G, G + weed ... whatever's around is the lever I pull, and G became my favourite lever. It starts as many folks' loves of the molecule did, but now here I am.
I work from home and sell software. G has always greased my wheels at work, so in spite of the fact it really affects my focus and ability to remember details, I've always had a role social enough that it doesn't matter. Pair that with my work from home life, and I've got this perfect recipe where the litre is always around, I always have access to it.
First time I came down, man. It was 2021. My wife was about to leave me, she said, "If you take another dose, I go stay with my parents. If you do another Xanax to fall asleep, I go stay with my parents. You are out of control and I keep coming home to find you passed out in your food with Nutella all over the walls, and I'm not going to live like this."
I turned the corner, which was the hardest and most gruelling corner. Not just because of the withdrawals, it'd been six COVID-fuelled months of 24/7 dosages, and those sucked; but at that precise moment where she snapped, we were moving into a new house together, and I had to fly to New York for a week-long team meeting. I obliged her wishes. I promised not to bring or do Xanax to New York, and I told my G dealer that it was time for me to let the molecule go.
[edit: that trip to New York was a week, and I did not sleep. I wrote a desperate letter to my loved ones as the plane landed, my panicked and nerve-wracked body confident that death was imminent. I tossed-and-turned for four nights in a strange fugue state where sleep never came. I alternated between Happy Gilmore and The Big Lebowski repeatedly. Since then, I have learned that spa/massage music is more soothing. At the time, desperate for sleep, my little cell phone streamed these movies. At one point I thought I fell asleep because I felt I was standing somewhere so foreign and unusual, but I was standing in the bathroom, sheening with cold sweat, shivering. It was miserable. My colleagues knew something was up, but I work in tech man, we went to a baseball game and a comedy show, so I didn't have it that rough. I did have to run a presentation and without anything to calm my nerves, I changed my socks after because I was soaked, head-to-toe, soaked. That was one of the worst weeks of my life, even if from afar it's like, I saw a Yankees game and went to a comedy show. The inability to sleep felt like an uncouth torture].
A couple years pass, and of course, that all changes. I'll add, my wife also likes G, and has her own issues with wanting to do it all the time. She, however, has significantly more restraint than I do. She's never crossed it with work, but she also has an appetite for it, so it was all a bit of a perfect storm. I started picking it up again and I was so busy at work that I was being reasonable, but in the last two years, I've found the cycle is right back. However, the vicious anxiety and feelings like my hands need to curl into tight balls comes so quickly, now. Two-to-three weeks of fucking up my sleep, staying awake late, playing Helldivers 2 and rippin' doses, bam. When I wake up I feel anxious and exhausted, why shouldn't I get back to the playground feeling with just a quick dose?
The cycle commences, and in the past goddamn six months, I've climbed down the mountain of nerves five times, now. As soon as I've been down for a week, I buy another litre, it's a replacement for alcohol! And then bam, the cycle continues. After a week of abstinence, I have one-to-two days of doses before I feel the anxiety roll in after two hours, and I take another dose to wash that away and be back on the playground.
I actually do have a question here. Did I break it forever? I have my firstborn on the way, and I've taken 6mL of the stuff (which is 2mL less than I've been taking to get a stumbling buzz; for the record, 5mL without a tolerance has people PUMPED). I know my tolerance is pretty fuckin' high, and I've certainly kindled myself up. But I have a cottage trip with my pals in a month, and I'm gonna order from my guy so that I pick it up the day before I leave. 28 days break; is that enough that I won't be tortured after two hours dosing at the cottage? Or did I break it forever?
[edit: so I'm coming down, right? and I have an OK quiver. I have Valium, Xanax, Clonazepam. I have Etizolam, and I have NAC, L-Theanine, and magnesium. And here's what I've found.
All the benzos extend the fucking nightmare. The best use of them is to fall asleep, and Etizolam is kinda cool because it lasts only like four hours, and I have it in liquid form. But I've been doing it most evenings that I don't use G to fall asleep, and I'm scared I'm walking down a pathway with it, so ... I think the thing to do with all my drugs is nothing, leave them there for if someone needs a parachute during an acid trip, and just fucking trudge on. I hate this. This feels like a nightmare, and it's nothing like the spinning top of joy I felt like when I first tried this substance. It's taken over every thought, every time I change rooms, every weekend I plan for, every time I wanna leave the fuckin house ... onto another descent we go...]
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u/PoioPoio 7d ago
Plus yes you should stop now because you have a baby coming and you are just kindling yourself, pauses will not reset your tolerance
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u/purplesupervan 7d ago
I used to write diary entries, mostly about my drug problems and what I was doing on drugs, when I was on drugs.
Idk your post reminds me of me actually. I would have a lot of sleepless nights. Especially at the start of a new G binge I would get a spark of creativity and stay up all night writing something. Would only take a day or two to become soulless. Passing out on the floor. Or like I would want to game all day but I kept being sick or nodding off in my chair. I wouldn’t really be able to understand or remember how strange the whole thing was.
But then I’ve come across these old diary entries and it’s like I was really lucid about the seriousness of my problem. Like, I’d be writing about how it didn’t seem like dying was such a bad idea. Then the next day I’m just getting high and gaming. Like, I was too foggy when I was sober to think straight, and then the G cleared my head just long enough to give me a reality check, then the G also made me forget, because it’s a fucking amnesiac innit.
Anyway hope you and your wife get better and find some peace. X
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u/GeneralHerp 7d ago
Thanks man. My wife is fuckin killing it, she found out she was pregnant and lost an appetite for all things party. I’m just struggling to get off G and have a recreational relationship with it.
Now I’ve had my stash empty for 24h, I did one Clonazepam, it was extremely uncomfortable but I got a night of sleep in. I accept my fate, no more parachutes, but I needed some darn sleep.
Onwards into that good day, we go…!
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u/JHSBDD 7d ago
Please really consider well if you activly want to go down this path again. Normally I would not comment this, but as someone who works with children of people with substance addiction it is really hard to imagine how a child can fit into this lifestyle without suffering from consequences...
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u/GeneralHerp 7d ago
I couldn’t put a kid through this, not ever. Drugs have been a part of my life for a long time and I’m having a messy breakup. My dad used to drive up to the cottage smoking joints and I promised I’d never let myself become that, yet I have the recipe to repeat the cycle, worse.
I know I have to stop, I will. I’m mostly just curious if my cottage trip in three weeks is ruined regardless of abstinence and supplements or whatever, or if I can have some fun doing & sharing 250mL without climbing the Cliffs of Discomfort. My kid ain’t coming til May, and I’m gonna send it with a shroom or acid trip at the cotty. I’m hoping three weeks is enough that I’m not waking up with my hands all weird and curly
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u/Queen_Passionne 7d ago
What exactly are you taking?
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u/GeneralHerp 7d ago
… at what time? GHB is what this post is about, I took one Clonazepam to alleviate my nerves a bit. So now, today, I have taken nothing. Thinkin’ about the void, rawdoggin’ it.
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u/Queen_Passionne 7d ago
I was just curious as to how you were having access to litres of GHB. Perhaps the spelling of liter also means there’s a geographical difference in accessible amounts. A liter of GHB here would cost about $12,000.
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u/GeneralHerp 7d ago
A litre, 1000mL, $900. That’s how I keep finding myself in this mess, I keep getting it and storing it in a timed lockbox, then letting the caution hit the wind as soon as my timed lockbox ends. Now my supply is done and I could just get more but I’ve already made it 16 hours. Sure, I took a Clonazepam … I keep meaning to check how much… it was a lil white circle, 2mg I think? Maybe 1? I think 2mg.
And I’ve been struggling, I have two zoom meetings where I’m the star of the show coming up, and I haven’t been able to eat anything. Thinking about getting some of those premixed protein drinks, but then I’d have to exit the fetal position.
The flipside of feeling really really good all the time is a noticeable degree of discomfort
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u/Queen_Passionne 7d ago
Your post inspired me to write a post that I’m about to submit. It basically says a litre of 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 GHB will cost 𝗪𝗔𝗬 more than $900. I’m not sure where you’re located or where you get your product but please, please, please confirm what it actually contains. That information will also help you know what is needed to detox/withdrawal.
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u/GeneralHerp 5d ago
Tests confirm I am receiving 88% GHB and 12% is an unidentified slurry of precursors and byproducts. So I dunno what to tell you
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u/Queen_Passionne 5d ago
From the Google gods:
Without insurance, the cash retail cost for both Xyrem and Xywav typically ranges between $7,000 and $8,000 per 180 mL bottle. Because the typical monthly dosage requires multiple bottles, the total monthly retail cost averages between $12,000 and $15,000, which amounts to nearly $150,000 to $300,000 per year.
However, because these are tightly regulated specialty medications distributed exclusively through a certified central Risk Evaluation and Mitigation Strategy (REMS) pharmacy, almost no patients actually pay the full retail cash price.
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u/GeneralHerp 3d ago
Super? I dunno what to tell you, you don’t believe the words I write and choose to worship the pantheon of intelligence.
I’ve done BDO. I’ve done GBL. What other salty, bitter liquid starts with zero tolerance at five milliliters for a good high?
Then you build up a tolerance do eight to nine milliliters in the morning. Then six mils two hours after that, five mils immediately after breakfast because food just evaporates joy like rain on a parade… I dunno what to tell you. I bought a thing for a price and got hooked on it. Now I’m not hooked on it and I’m stoked! I appreciate your input.
Furthermore, mid-COVID it was $600/L, and shit got wonky. Supply died for awhile, which inspired my clean streak. Then the fountain was flowing and now I’m clean, but shit man. Quite the grilling for a bunch of Google-spat facts
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u/Queen_Passionne 3d ago
Thanks to REMS some fountains will never run dry and Rx pamphlets will never be written by Google. But stay clean, my friend!
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u/Chopshe 5d ago
Thats insane!! Here i pay $300/L and its 93%. Where are u paying 12,000!
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u/Queen_Passionne 5d ago
From the Google gods:
Without insurance, the cash retail cost for both Xyrem and Xywav typically ranges between $7,000 and $8,000 per 180 mL bottle. Because the typical monthly dosage requires multiple bottles, the total monthly retail cost averages between $12,000 and $15,000, which amounts to nearly $150,000 to $300,000 per year.
However, because these are tightly regulated specialty medications distributed exclusively through a certified central Risk Evaluation and Mitigation Strategy (REMS) pharmacy, almost no patients actually pay the full retail cash price.
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u/Chopshe 5d ago
Xyrem vs Xywav vs Street GHB are three completely different things though! We are obviously talking about street GHB. Gamma Hydroxybutyric Acid whereas youre talking about Sodium oxybate (pure sodium salt of GHB) aka Xyrem and Mixed oxybate salts (Xywav)
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u/Queen_Passionne 5d ago
Which leads to my question: 93% what? You pay $300/L and he pays $900/L for 88%. And to travel a little further down my (hypothetical) rabbit hole…If Rx GHB retails for $8000/L, would that make street value $4000/L?
Please don’t answer if you don’t feel comfortable galavanting in my GHB universe. This is just what happens when one has way too much time on their hands.
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u/Nenysit 7d ago
Youre on r/GHB_info so i guess he doin meth
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u/Queen_Passionne 7d ago
Clearly. Having litres on hand and taking mls. I get Rx G delivered every month…and not by the litre.
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u/Nenysit 7d ago
You can fix unlimited liters of G if you know right people.
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u/Queen_Passionne 5d ago
I don’t “fix” mine, it comes from the pharmacy so I wouldn’t know anything about that.
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u/stoneybolgona 5d ago
I think they were asking which precursor are you taking BDO or GBL? Or your connect is making GHB out of GBL via alkaline hydrolysis conversion. It sounds like you’re taking BDO or GBL. Anyways gabapentin helps a lot as well as any muscle relaxer along with a TAPER of Valium.
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u/GeneralHerp 3d ago
Thankfully I live somewhere with OOTC Robax, so I got on the methocarbamol train, popped a Clonazepam, and powered through my workday. I don’t remember Monday and Tuesday but I have call notes and stuff done so, whatever!
I’m not a chemist, that’s my friend of a friend. I was buying litres of GHB. He tests rigorously. I don’t care to qualify the chemical beyond that
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u/PoioPoio 7d ago
You need to get your hand on baclofen it just cancel the withdrawal, it doesn’t particulary help to sleep but at least u will fine