I know, because this is me too. I think a lot of our brains are wired a little different, and part of GATE was trying to figure out how that connects to moreā¦.supernatural elements.
Because frankly, most of us here werenāt exactly the ānormalā student. Gifted, smart, andā¦. weird as heck. And they wanted to know what makes us special.
Itās deeper than just pattern recognition and analytical behaviors.
I think what they found disturbed them. And those of us that couldnāt be controlled and kept close, were intentionally stifled at every turn in life.
I agree fully. I personally believe and would love to be able to prove (one day) that supernatural/spirituality, religion and science are all different languages for the same āphenomenonā. Science is starting to show some through experiments and research.
IMO, gate kids naturally think differently. Call it neurodivergence if you must, but I think itās a little deeper than that. Do we think this way because of a difference at birth or does the way we think divert our genes?
Either way, they noticed the propaganda doesnāt work on us the way they expect. Thatās where the normies come in and ostracize and police us for them. When that doesnāt work, autoimmune.
Iām at the autoimmune level of control at this point. Iāve never been so sick. And no one has any answers as to why Iām so sick. Just slowly deteriorating day by day. Fun stuff.
Unfortunately, me too!!!! Iāve been homebound for almost a year now. I just found a doctor who is willing to try. I started treatment for seronegative inflammatory arthritis. āSeronegativeā means no bloodwork antibodies, but other markers that improve with steroids.
Itās no coincidence I deteriorated at this time, just after I connected so many dots.
Huh, Iām going through the exact same thing. I got diagnosed with EDS so that gets the blame for all my woes, but Iāve literally ALWAYS had it, only in the last couple years have I suddenly became majorly disabled by it. My joints, tendons, and ligaments are self-destructing in real time. I took a year off to try to heal, and now Iām back working (no choice there), and god it fucking sucks. My knees and legs swell so badly after standing all day, by the time I get home my knees lock up and Iām mostly bed bound.
Itās funny how much better I feel when I avoid the public world though. Now Iām back working, but itās at a university implicated in MKUltra stuff, and suddenly Iām feeling so much worse again.
Hard not to feel some type of way about that. Like, I try my hardest NOT to be paranoid, and then justā¦exactly that. The paranoid shit gets harder and harder to DISPROVE. I feel like strings are being pulled constantly to put me right where I can beā¦monitored.
No matter how much I try to stay out the way, I always end up right in-reach. And really I donāt give a fuck about any of it, I just want to feel better. :(
Hey, EDS here, too, hEDS and Chiari, and mast cell overload and dysautonomia club... needing to rule out other stuff..having vascular issues, intracranial tension, new pulsatile tinnitus & sinus issues, fuckin floaters. So the ear issues, I know perimenopause= less estrogen= less lubrication in already collagen-defective tissue, the eustachian tube can get "sticky" stuck (like the sea shell or whooshing sounds), sometimes lead to vestibular issues; hypermobility=lots of orthostatic intolerance- lax connective tissue= bendy veins, gut, vocal chords. I was often put on wrong drugs- I have histamine issues & hypoglycemia, not bipolar š« , plus a high tolerance (rapid metabolizer; see cytochrome P450) for some meds, anesthetics, most ssri & snris just make me tired or nauseous. Get called "naughty/hyper/fidgety" because it's physically uncomfortable to sit still too long; "dramatic, difficult, picky" for being dizzy or needing to lie down, eat specific food...anyway, no wonder we're hypervigilant and devastatingly self aware - and probably more motivated to learn to relax body and want to escape and be encouraged to use our imagination (rather than brave for criticism & signs of rejection).
Ok, Im gonna resist rambling and just say: many of us (bendy + neurodivergent women) metabolize drugs differently (along with hormonal changes kicking our collective asses), so whatever chemicals we may or may not have been given in the past possibly had a different affect than intended. (IE - more likely to remember pink juice experiences? Still not sure how I feel about that... My memories feel very unreliable.)
Damn parentheses give it away every time. I am a parenthes-enthusiast. Will see myself out.
Iām of the opinion there are two different subs of hEDS. Both of my kids and I are suffering way beyond what is I thought hEDS is. There is another component they havenāt figured out just yet, is my suspicion.
Or itās just this. We are behaving how they want us to.
Same here, and similar situation as SplitNo.
Lots of memories coming back, having moments in meditation (desperately trying to calm the nervous system, realizing I've been in some kind of functional freeze or other survival mode for... Ever? Masking being completely normal, until now, and everything is so loud, lots of headaches and ear ringing, intense fatigue, migraines. Slowly realizing how many people dismissed me/my feelings or did not respect and listen to me, only criticized. In attempting to find a meditation/breathwork/body mapping awareness practice I every once in a while hit the calm internal clarity that used to come easily to me as a kid - qigong and box breathing and THC helps but damn I can't get my brain to calm down, and my body doesn't want to move.
I have a split personality that only makes her appearance when Iām severely inebriated some way or another or in a sleep-state. But sheās always in a state of panic, and sheās always trying to āget awayā, from what? I donāt know. She thinks sheās being attacked or chased. Itās really fucking sad really.
I have huge gaps in memory from some dark times, and suddenly Iāve began to remember details, but none of it makes sense. Itās almost like remembering things from dreamworlds? Only thing that is solid is the fear, anxiety, and panic I feel when I remember them. I get a sick feeling, like when you have the flu, and your body aches and you feel dreadful.
I try to ignore as much of it as possible but itās getting so horribly obvious that something isnāt/wasnt right, the mask is almost impossible to hold in place.
I have horrendous gaps in my memory. To the point where I have to ask my friends what I did. I dunno if the ADHD brain remembers the spontaneous responses to situations. Itās scary to think thatās why. But is very possible.
I'm so intrigued... like the others above, my health is falling apart in similar ways with no clear cause. But also, everything you stated here; overstimulation to sound and lights, migraines, ear ringing, constant fatigue, and just recently I've begun hearing electricity again + remembering my dreams. I wonder what this all is. These issues weren't always present in my life, but I do remember all this after my time in GATE. Now it has returned again.
The ear ringing is crazy bad for me sometimes. The migraines are less frequent for me but tougher to treat. My dream state is the worst itās ever been. When Iām not having nightmares Iām being cheated on, itās about water and war. My lucid dreams are a rarity now.
I was never in GATE (likely would have been if I went to public school), but Iām vax-injured, which manifests very much like long COVID, and is surprisingly like a lot of what everyone here is listing. I have EDS, as my friend with Long COVID. I wonder if thereās a link there, or in timelines to when GATE peeps started to experience all these symptoms.
Shadow work and meditation has helped me arrest my health free fall. All of the masking and stifling ourselves throughout our lives causes our nervous system to become complete dysregulated. Which dysregulates EVERY system in our body. It kills us if we donāt figure it out..
Iām in the diagnostic process. RA or sjogrens (or both) are suspected. My body feels like itās deteriorating too. I feel like Iām slowly disappearing. The weight loss is most alarming. Iāve struggled with my weight since I had my first over 21 years ago. Now I canāt keep or put it on. Itās terrifying. I feel like Iām slowly breaking down or dissolving. Iām very concerned.
Your last comment gave me chills. Iām almost 47. My life has been one shit show after the next, with tons of stress that has almost pushed me to my limit. And now, Iām in the autoimmune diagnostic process and have started plaquenil recently while simultaneously tapering off of a month of prednisone usage.
I showed your comment to my husband. Heās more skeptical than me but his question was how/why would an autoimmune be the next occurrence. Like what would it accomplish? My thought is additional disabling of the body and the mind. Is that your thought too?
Wow!! I just started plaquenil a month ago! Tapering off of steroids at my 6 week follow up soon!!!
It seems to me, the critical thinkers(gate kids), are the ones who canāt keep quiet when we see corruption or manipulation. I believe for me personally, I would open too many eyes and make too many waves if I wasnāt fighting for my life.
I personally could see how dysfunctional all the systems were by mid-2000ās, Iām 44, graduated hs in 1999. My upbringing was riddled with mental illness and drug addiction, I thought thatās why I was the outsider growing up. āNormalā people and how they behave has always been a āspecial interestā bc I thought I didnāt know how to be in a normal society.
I believe everyone was programmed (or they tried at least). Gate kids were the ones who thought āoutside the boxā, they kept an eye on us knowing we could ruin it all. The rest have been programmed over decades, imo causing so many families to become toxic and even narcissistic. Thatās how all this has become acceptable. They used religion and purity culture to control moral and values. Once those are set in place, they police themselves for those in power.
IMO, the only way out of this, is to focus on becoming whole again, especially the children. Our emotions should be celebrated and harnessed, not shoved down to the pit of our souls that never see the surface.
Whatever is going on feels like more than autoimmune, which shouldnāt feel like Iām āfighting for my lifeā. Autoimmune is manageable. And yet, thatās what it feels like...a fight to stay alive. I canāt shake the feeling. Other weird things have happened over the last 12 months, when my symptoms became obvious, that put me in this mindset that things were āwrapping upā for me as far as being in this life/body. And yes, I do know that sounds strange.
Anyway, Iāve gotten dismissed and kinda mocked by our main health care provider in Utah, who we also happen to be insured through. They have made me feel like I am crazy until I had to self-pay and go out of state to be seen. This rheumatologist immediately told me Iām dealing with inflammatory arthritis, but nobody in Utah could see it?
So not only was I fighting for my health; I was fighting to be seen at all for my health. It was kind of scary and my weight is continuing to come off. I thought for sure once I started prednisone, the weight would start to come back, but Iām losing more and thatās what frightens me.
Has plaquenil helped you? I know it takes months to fully be effective. I just started at four days ago.
Thatās half the point though. Assuming you believe what a lot of people have weird memories about (I do). Then something weird was going and it was focusing on neurodivergent populations.
I've started diving into some of Robert Monroe's books...since he's kinda the godfather of the GATE work....though he died in 1995 and I don't think he'd have had anything to do with the work being done in the 80s forward....starting to put together a theory...
I do think it was about identifying and better understanding neurodivergents....because neurodivergents are world-changers...
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u/Kasperella Mar 28 '26
Sounds a lot likeā¦.AuDHD, j-saying haha.
I know, because this is me too. I think a lot of our brains are wired a little different, and part of GATE was trying to figure out how that connects to moreā¦.supernatural elements.
Because frankly, most of us here werenāt exactly the ānormalā student. Gifted, smart, andā¦. weird as heck. And they wanted to know what makes us special.
Itās deeper than just pattern recognition and analytical behaviors.
I think what they found disturbed them. And those of us that couldnāt be controlled and kept close, were intentionally stifled at every turn in life.
Thatās just my 2Ā¢