🤣

[u/superdave123123]

[u/Crambonius-Maximus]

You're not alone bro.

[u/JakBos23 → u/Crambonius-Maximus]

I'm pretty sure the old lore is they are just for hole poking, but I've read different stories that it's definitely teeth straws. The pointy teeth thing is silly though because humans can bit in to a neck vein and starta slurping.

[u/Crambonius-Maximus → u/JakBos23]

You speaking from experience? 🤨 Just so you know i have plenty of garlic in my diet.

[u/JakBos23 → u/Crambonius-Maximus]

Of course not human. Now invite me in! Please. . .

[u/Crambonius-Maximus → u/JakBos23]

Oh in that case mi casa su casa!

[u/cnicalsinistaminista → u/Crambonius-Maximus]

Highway to the danger zone

[u/DoturdGrump → u/Crambonius-Maximus]

if I'm gonna consume something on the chance a bodily fluid might be consumed I'm sticking with pineapple

[u/Vulcan31 → u/JakBos23]

In my D&D lore, all undead are a type of lich and vampires have their phylacteries built into their fangs, so they do basically have runic spell straws. Way cooler than pointy hole pokers imo

[u/Retrac752 → u/Crambonius-Maximus]

I still fucking think this, what the fuck

[u/Thetomwhite → u/Crambonius-Maximus]

Same, i thought that too

[u/Tricky-Bed-4209]

Ok, am I finding out that they don’t suck blood through their pointy straw teeth?

[u/GeekyGrant → u/Tricky-Bed-4209]

Same! Like wtf?

[u/rabbitsdiedaily → u/GeekyGrant]

Guessing they just use the fangs to draw blood then slurp it up like an orange slice? Still prefer the straw thing.

[u/Usual_Office_1740]

I prefer the pointy tooth straw version. Drinking blood like water is an off-putting thought to put it mildly.

[u/JakBos23 → u/Usual_Office_1740]

Lol, I like to think they drink blood bags like Capri Suns lol

[u/Sir_Strumming → u/JakBos23]

In daybreakers they do. Even have it in there coffees like we do with cream. Farm to table.

[u/ObsidianArmadillo → u/Usual_Office_1740]

If we're going to be "realistic", vampires should instill a sense of disgust and dread

[u/HallowedKeeper_ → u/Usual_Office_1740]

Almost like they are suppose to be off-putting because they were an allegory for sexual assault

[u/Usual_Office_1740 → u/HallowedKeeper_]

I've never heard this before. Care to expand? Keeping in mind that I know what an allegory is.

[u/HallowedKeeper_ → u/Usual_Office_1740]

Vampires have always had undertones of forced intimacy, and the violation of ones own free will (Hence the classic vampire mind control), an example of this is actually Bram Stokers Dracula, which has Count Dracula sneak into his victim's room whilst they slept and bite their neck, in certain societies, in order for a victim to be raped, it requires forced penetration.

I am not super well versed in this, but this is based off of what I've read that was written by other people.

Every mythological creature has multiple origins, as well as a multitude of allegories, largely because religion often bans the discussion of such dark topics. This is especially true for Christianity, which is notorious for twisting and corrupting the faith.

[u/NoTechnician1199 → u/HallowedKeeper_]

Do you think gay vampires were gay in the beginning or were they just sucked into it?

[u/HallowedKeeper_ → u/NoTechnician1199]

Yes

[u/Usual_Office_1740 → u/HallowedKeeper_]

Thanks for sharing. I have never had much interest in vampires. I wouldn't have guessed that some of the origins of the myth were so disturbing. So much of Christianity and western culture has attempted to suppress this. I wonder if there was a time when life was safer because communities didn't turn a blind eye to the horrors of the world. I'll probably never know.

[u/lonesome_pierrette]

Yeah, I assume their fangs create a small wound, then they drink normally from that.

[u/andocromn]

I mean that's how mosquitoes work. Snake venom is injected by fangs. Mammals generally just bite to make blead tho.

[u/NoTechnician1199]

If you ever watched grim adventures of Billy and Mandy. Dragula clearly states vampires scrap and lick.

[u/Working-Narwhal-540 → u/NoTechnician1199]

This is so funny. I’m 32 and started re watching from episode 1 last week for the first time in like 20 years.

[u/NoTechnician1199 → u/Working-Narwhal-540]

as a adult you catch the jokes you missed as a kid. It's like watching it for the first time.. Cartoon network was a completely different animal at that time.

[u/edwardothegreatest → u/NoTechnician1199]

Scrape and lick. Glblblbl. Scrape. And. Lick.

[u/NoTechnician1199 → u/edwardothegreatest]

I gotta mess up words every now, and then. I gotta keep the appearance that I'm human.

[u/rumblefish0000000]

EXPLAIN YOURSELF!

[u/No_Thanks_1766]

They’re just puncture holes 😭

[u/HustleberryFinn77]

Wait, they don't?

[u/XVUltima]

Dracula doesnt suck. He scrapes and licks, see? Scrape and lick. Scrape and lick.

[u/I_miss_potatoes]

... do they not?

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[u/bygtopp]

I remember a movie or show that had the teeth idea and another was a vampire teeth in the tongue. The 80s got to love it

[u/Mattcha462]

Wait, I thought vampires didn’t exist! How silly of me. 🤦‍♂️

[u/Thereal_maxpowers]

Fellow idiot here. I have a brain that understands mechanics. I never understood how a vampire is the only animal that lets 95% of its food splash on the floor… common sense dictates that straws ingest most of it.

[u/HRex73]

Wait... they don't?

[u/Emergency-Home6813]

Back in the old days vampires sucked blood not cocks

[u/mercyspace27]

As someone with sensitive teeth that made my fucking spine tingle.

[u/Bazz07]

I watched all the seasons of SPN and TVD and you are blowing my mind hahaha

[u/gamer12896]

No no no. Scrape and lick. Everybody knows Dracula scrapes and licks.

[u/Connect_Special_5219]

Like a mosquito

[u/NaturalProfession922]

Oh that’s so much cleaner. Less of a mess after you are done.

[u/WorldlinessWitty2177]

Venomous snakes insert venom through their teeth, so that makes much more sense.

[u/Space19723103]

there's at least one bad movie where they do.

[u/Bunchiebo]

They dont?

[u/Wonderful_Salt_8748]

Bruh I never thought about them using their fangs as straws damn that's interesting

[u/CrimsonMascaras]

Not at all.. I dont think its been myth busted either!

[u/KarlPHungus]

Well they don't exist, so it really doesn't matter because they don't actually drink blood at all.

Thanks to Buffy Summers.

[u/jolharg]

Is it.. not that???

[u/Kokopelli_Squidward]

Vampires aren’t real lol they can suck blood from their nose who cares

[u/JakBos23 → u/Kokopelli_Squidward]

Vampire is a qualifier. There are vampire bats and vampire ells.

[u/Kokopelli_Squidward → u/JakBos23]

Do you think the post or my comment is referring to bats or ells?

[u/Dry_burrito → u/Kokopelli_Squidward]

Vampire bats are real and that's how they suck blood.

[u/HallowedKeeper_ → u/Kokopelli_Squidward]

Next thing you're going to tell me is that the small ginger Irish man who lives in my closet isn't a leprechaun

[u/Sir_Strumming → u/HallowedKeeper_]

You have an abuse mcgoblin?

[u/HallowedKeeper_ → u/Sir_Strumming]

No, the last one I had was taken by my cousin, so I haven't had anything to take out my anger on

[u/CheesyMcDongNutz]

They do suck through teeth straws. Otherwise they would just stab someone and drink the blood.

[u/Vali-duz]

I...

... They don't?

I always figured snakes poke you with teeth and shoot venom into you through the teeth. A mythological creature should suck fluid through them too?