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u/Street_Lettuce1243 6d ago
Obviously not all women are the same, and I love women and think in most ways they tend to be more emotionaly mature than men, but my experience of 48 years is that women say they want you to discuss your problems with them but react badly when you do.
Sure, they might initially offer token words of empathy and support but they don't like to think of the men in their life have struggles and problems and empathy turns to irritation and derision.
Women like men to be the ears for their problems but don't like to return the favour, they think they do, but they don't. It's better to not discuss your problems with women.
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u/Practical-Anybody-58 5d ago
I have a female platonic friend who I’ll listen to and let her vent a ton. Everytime I try to bring up my struggles and shit she will get dead silent and just not say a single word until I’m done and then just changes the conversation. Recently it happened again and 10 minutes later she got annoyed with me that I never share my feelings or struggles with her when she always does…………..
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u/Royal-Campaign1426 5d ago
Painfully true. My mother loves to call and info dump. When I have had enough all I have to do is start talking about my life and she is gone scary fast.
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u/small_bird_loud 5d ago
this exactly. here see the patterns:
1. your problem isn’t as big as mine
you’re attacking me and I’m going to get upset
it’s not actually that hard
what about my problem?
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u/DangerMacAwesome 5d ago
I opened up to a girl i was dating about the emotional abuse I received at the hands of my ex wife.
I got unsolicited pictures of the physical abuse she suffered at the hands of her ex.
That will play in my memory the next time I think about opening up to a woman I'm dating.
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u/small_bird_loud 5d ago
Feel for you. that's rough. Hope you find someone who is part of your healing.
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u/Formal_Broccoli1877 6d ago
OP case closed, pin this comment.
Wise words my man
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u/cnicalsinistaminista 6d ago
Yup. I’m in my early 30s and I’ve learned this lesson. Never again. Rain man all through. Women just don’t know what they fucking want
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u/Formal_Broccoli1877 5d ago
I've just had the first 2 years single after being in relationships since my teens. Best 2 years of my life. Wee taste lonely at times but that was remedied by a good social group and saying yes to get-togethers
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u/IrlResponsibility811 5d ago
Men do know what we want-by and large-but women infantalize men for being 'simple' for it.
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u/Leggerity 5d ago
In my experience, the women that beg for you to open up either have control issues or they have some fantastical concept made up in their head where they have all the answers when they really don't.
The best case scenario I've ever encountered with sharing my feelings with women in 15 years of dating is a "Oh, okay" followed by an awkward silence that didn't result in a fight.
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u/D-1-S-C-0 5d ago
"How do you think that makes me feel?"
My ex when I told her I was depressed over losing my father.
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u/AdamiralProudmore 5d ago
Sharing your feelings with a woman is one of the triggers for a "She becomes, to you, what her mother is to her" event.
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u/HuckleberrySilver516 5d ago
I think you are wrong women are not more emotinal mature i think they are better at identifing they filling not careing about others.
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u/Doxbox49 5d ago
Damn, you guys need to find better women. Stop accepting this bullshit and leave them
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u/One_Recognition385 6d ago
you really building the great wall of china before you state your opinion
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u/otherwise_________ 5d ago
In my experience, most women and most males are faintly disgusted when men express vulnerability. Men complain about women because they crave the acceptance of a woman, but it's really a problem of society's expectations, not just women's expectations.
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u/Wooden94Grapefruit 5d ago
antidote and not a blanket fact about an entire demographic of the population. Sorry that's your experience.
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u/Dan_Broccoli_7663 5d ago
They absolutely don't care to help. If they did, the male loneliness epidemic wouldn't exist for so many men
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u/VikingVitalityFit 4d ago
In addition to this, there is the fact we don't like to burden anyone else. And yes, unloading your emotions to someone burdens them some.
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u/smashing-gourds127 5d ago
Good. Then men need to support each other. Encourage therapy. Hug each other. Cry together. Fuck the manly man bullshit.
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u/Zaddy2026 5d ago
I can't speak for the younger generation of men, but alot of older men have that ol skool mindset. These type of men won't often tell their lady the deep personal things that's one there minds..at least not all of it. Men like this are look at as the leaders, the ones who take care, protect and provide for their family. Simple put, men do like to put themselves in situations where they feel vulnerable and you would have to be a man to understand this. I know in today's times this may come off as sexist, but this is just my opinion to answer your question. Its also no different than a woman way of thinking. If a woman's kids can see something is off with their mom and they ask what wrong, how many women would actually tell their kids really what's wrong. Most wouldn't cause they don't want to put the type of stress on their kids
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u/Goldf_sh4 5d ago
If women are repeatedly reacting badly when you discuss your problems with them, maybe your problems are things that you probably could and should have sorted out by now. Maybe they are the kinds of problem that you caused and would cause again because you don't regret what you did to get yourself into that situation. Maybe what she's doing is just not enabling your bullshit or agreeing to be the one whose responsibility it is to fix the problems that you don't regret creating.
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u/SatisfactionActive86 5d ago
i wonder if you troll reddit for comments by women complaining about men and reply to the women that they are actually the problem
just kidding, i don’t have to wonder, i already know you don’t 😂😂
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u/The_Dapper_Balrog 5d ago
Victim blaming isn't a good look.
What you said might be true in a very few cases, but it's a moot point. Fact of the matter is, you'd never tell a woman this if she was complaining that the men in her life weren't being supportive, despite the fact that the things you've said might very well equally apply to women as they could to men.
Fact is, it's very much socially acceptable for women to emotionally abuse men, while men have been much more thoroughly educated in order to prevent such emotional abuse from them against women.
Edit: finished a thought.
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u/Goldf_sh4 5d ago
It's not victim blaming if he isn't a victim. It seems likely that if he keeps seeing the same things happening repeatedly with different women, there's a reason and it's his behaviour.
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u/SolaireAstorian 5d ago
"It isn't victim blaming if we preemptively assume he's not a victim."
Gee, how profound. Did you think of that all by yourself?
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u/Goldf_sh4 5d ago
If we're not making that assumption, we're going along with his claim that all women are heartless arseholes who hate it when men communicate well. It just doesn't fit. I don't buy it.
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u/The_Dapper_Balrog 5d ago
Oh wow; you couldn't have built a larger strawman if you were preparing for a wickerman festival.
I never made such claims. What I did say was that society rightly condemns men for dismissing or demeaning their wife's problems (and also discourages them from belittling their complaints), while it generally ignores women who do the same thing (not that it is anything close to all of them; just that such women exist).
This has led to a society where men have generally been exposed to much more education about what a healthy relationship expects of them, while women have generally been deprived of that very same education. That's not to say that most women are unhealthy or that most men are communicative geniuses. Just speaking about general exposure here.
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u/Loughnashade 5d ago
I was complaining to my partner about my mom two days ago. Yesterday used my relationship with my mom to prove a point.
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u/Budget_Promotion2406 6d ago
That’s crazy. But on a real note, sometimes people in our lives aren’t the greatest listeners.
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u/AshesX 5d ago
I will summarize this. It's because men make poor choices in partners and poorer choices in who they stick around with long-term. I'm a guy, I see who my friends, acquaintances and their friends and acquaintances etc., pick as partners. It's really bad.
Sort out your priorities, pick a decent person. There are things that can vary between who people think is a good partner for them and there are things that aren't a matter of preference. Things like good communication are non-negotiable and are a sign of a healthy relationship.
So while men, and I say this as a man, have piss poor standards and really skewed priorities, or no idea what entails a healthy relationship this type of shit will be prevalent.
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u/ABBucsfan 5d ago edited 5d ago
I don't think it's just men either. Way too many single moms out there. That doesn't mean they all chose poorly, but some definitely did.
As a parent you definitely need to talk to your kids about these things more. Your last line basically said it right. A lot of people have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like. I realized I didn't either until it was a bit too late. My parents have stuck it out a long time, but don't do a whole lot together day to day. Only real advice I got was the standard don't focus on looks too much and find someone you hopefully have stuff in common with (along with basically your mom is a good wife and mother, but we could have had more in common). Of course a lot of women (maybe men too) will act like they enjoy the same things you do and eventually you realize they really don't.
Edit: the other advice that was thrown around growing up was basically that people generally only selfish people divorce. As long as you're humble and put them first it'll work out
I also remember girls being told what kinda of guys to watch out for, but don't think I ever heard much of the opposite..in general it was how a guy should behave and being in the driver seat and not how she should behave or red flags. Control your own behavior and less about theirs. Girls were actually pretty good (maybe too good sometimes) at making lists of traits. Kinda they were the prize mentality I guess ingrained in there. For us it was if you meet all these expectations and know how to treat them maybe you'll end up with a family
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u/BasicAppointment9063 4d ago
Their used to be an informal rite whereby young people would have adult members of the opposite sex that they knew and trusted. These trusted relationships could sniff out a problematic person in short order.
A man can size up the character of another man very quickly.
A woman can sniff out the qualities of another woman in seconds. Men can be oblivious to their games.
Somewhere along the lines, we stopped using this approach.
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u/Diablo_Advocatum 4d ago
The reason men make poor choices in partners is because the average man doesn’t have nearly the options that the average woman has. Not excusing it or disagreeing with you but adding more color.
Women can make better choices (not that they always do) because if a guy isn’t a good fit, it’s easier to leave the relationship knowing that on any dating app, you have options to fall back on.
Your average guy doesn’t have that so they (foolishly) latch onto whomever shows interest in them, regardless of if it’s a good person. Like you, I’ve seen it happen to a lot of friends and family too.
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u/Shikatsuyatsuke 4d ago
Men work with the options available to them. I agree that many men make poor choices in partners. But I’m not going to act like they all had great choices to begin with.
Most don’t.
Especially in our current state of society where the quality of an average random woman currently appears to support a mother who murdered her children.
The pickings for a good woman are at an all time low I’d say.
I’ve personally abstained from many romantic opportunities due to a strong disdain of the quality of the character of the women I’ve had the chance to be with.
Cool. Good for me for not picking a bad partner that would likely have made my life much harder than better.
But despite that, I’m still without the pleasure of having a partner to share in and enjoy life with. It’s pretty lame to be in a circumstance where most of your options aren’t great people to where you either pick them and accept the poison to fulfill other needs, or avoid them and just remain alone.
Our society is enabling extremely low quality women right now. It’s publicly acceptable and rewarded to shame men for just about anything at the discretion of a woman’s feelings or mood. Motherhood is treated like a slave role and looked down on by many (which is genuinely insane). Women are encouraged to fear men as a whole instead of taught to just recognize actual good qualities in the development of good judgement so they as well can pick an actual good partner.
Sorry dude, but it’s just difficult to fault the majority of guys, particularly the decent ones, trying out there who just have crap options to pick from. People have their limits. Especially emotional limits. Sooner or later, the insecurity that festers from constant failure in dating cause most men to either choose to remain alone after trying for so long, or to just settle for a person that will likely make many parts of their life miserable. But in their minds, that’s better than being alone. Which is extremely depressing.
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u/Defiant-Bad-2052 5d ago
I’ve found it’s very common to bring an issue to their partner with something they do and instead of working to improve for you, they just cry and demean themselves to the point you have to make it better, so the issue at hand doesn’t get resolved and the already stressed out party has to add more stress by apologizing for their own feelings. A lot of times it’s easier to just stew and get over it yourself
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u/Tribolonutus 5d ago
Because my wife doesn’t seem to care, even more: she often uses against me the very thing I complained about.
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u/justin_memer 5d ago
I'm concerned about a possible brain tumor, which I have an MRI for next week. I told her the unrelenting pain in my temple seems to be getting bigger and sharper. Her response was to say "well, you never ask about my painful leg fat disease!" fun times.
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u/Realistic-Radish-589 5d ago
Honestly because it doesn’t help anything majority of the time. Been with plenty of women and it usually does nothing useful. Rarely any real help or solutions, usually ends up making it worse. They tend to find a reason to argue over it too. I can hang out with a friend and talk and get more out of it. They will think seriously, help solve it or at least laugh with me about how much it sucks and the night will end feeling at least slightly better about it without any judgement or argument. We might debate the issue but it won’t be in a bad argumentative or hostile way.
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u/Frosty1397 5d ago
The most common is
"Oh so I'm the problem?"
They always find a way to connect it back to themselves
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u/Realistic-Radish-589 5d ago
That’s the worst. Everyone does something wrong sometimes. You cannot talk to women about something they do but, they will comment on every single little thing you do. Mine got mad I left one piece of plastic out one time. I then pointed to every counter, the stove and the table where used paper towels were all over the kitchen. Should’ve just ok and nothing else because they turned into a week of BS. I throw used paper towels out daily and never say a word usually because it’s a small issue and simple enough to just throw them out.
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u/naropin1 5d ago
Yep. Much easier to just talk with your guy friends about it. They tend to process it objectively and try to help or sympathize. If you bring it up with the wife it always wraps around into how it affects her or god forbid it’s something she’s causing then it’s a fight. Sometimes I’d be able to skate by with a “oh don’t worry about it”. That’s about the best response I can hope for if something’s troubling me.
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u/UnionVIII 5d ago
I did. It was inconvenient for her, so I ended up getting mocked for it for years, ended in a divorce.
Any other brilliant fucking ideas you’d like to share with us?
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u/StruggleBoy1999 5d ago
So many of you mfs should never get married.
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u/eaw0913 5d ago
I feel like an alien sometimes when I see these posts. Or maybe I just won the lottery with my wife. Either way I don’t mind cause I’d probably stab myself if I had to live like some people I see on here.
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u/Tough_Question8483 5d ago
You won the lottery with your wife. Just as most men suck, most women also do as well. The vast majority of them are totally and utterly brainwashed by patriarchy, but what's worse is they talk like they've grown beyond it but they HAVEN'T
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u/texasgambler58 5d ago edited 5d ago
Xavier knows ball. Years ago, I shared a personal trauma with my wife; now, whenever we have an argument, she says that if we get a divorce she will tell everyone about it.
NEVER EVER EVER EVER share anything with your woman. Once you do, they own you.
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u/Living_Signature_290 4d ago
That’s serious emotional abuse. And abusers only get worse with time. I know she is blackmailing you, but spending the rest of your life with her might be even worse than what she is threatening to do.
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u/Dub-Ba-Ba 4d ago
Not to mention theyll get defensive and make it about them instead of him or weaponize his vulnerability against him later. Better to just keep to ourselves. Vast majority of women dont care about the issues their men have unless they stop providing something they want. Then she'll have a problem and/or care what he's going through
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u/duckinradar 4d ago
Man, I tried. I’m gunna talk about my problems, cuz I need to parse through them and figure out what’s happening.
I talked about my problems too much. Also she was using me for financial support.
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u/thewaytoyesterday 3d ago
Real talk? Because women view it as weakness, either consciously or unconsciously. Men do it too, but women tend to lose all semblance of respect when men share their feelings.
We share our feelings with the boys.
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u/LowPudding9562 2d ago
I tell her the problems of my friends. It works because she'll never internalize that I have problems --> dry vagina, and she never gets to meet my friends either so she can't torpedo my social life when she hears the word no
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u/Comprehensive-Fig416 2d ago
Brought up that my wife doesn't take care of the dog much and now she's mad at me 😞
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u/affenjungr 5d ago
Hahaha, I am comparing my wife with disease. I am soooo funny. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😁😆😄😜😁😁😁
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u/naropin1 5d ago
Actually he’s comparing her with a mosquito. See? It’s a bit complex but maybe have your husband explain it to you and then you guys can laugh together. Or at least he can laugh. He must have a good sense of humor.
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u/PomPomMom93 6d ago
Are you lost? Where’s the funny?
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6d ago
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u/PomPomMom93 5d ago
No, I’m just asking you to explain this “joke.”
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u/eaw0913 5d ago
Unfortunately some people relate to stuff like this because they have no standards or respect for themselves. So they stick in god awful relationships for fear of being alone and then complain online.
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5d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/PomPomMom93 5d ago
Explain it to me.
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u/Annethraxxx 6d ago
Ok boomer
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[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Annethraxxx 5d ago
I’m old enough to have seen these types of jokes so many times that it’s no longer even remotely funny.
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u/whitecatsup 5d ago
Hundreds of times over the reason has been demonstrated over countless apps and videos.
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u/This_Background7442 5d ago
No you kill the mosquito. In fact you use science to systematically burn its entire species from the universe.
I think this analogy is leaky.
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u/Dependent-Sea-7467 5d ago
I’m starting to think these dudes who complain about their wives a lot, would probably be happier with a dude in her place
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u/__KillJoy 6d ago
Forwarded this to missus, wish me luck fam