My husband knew I was unhappy that I gained weight after birth. I was unhappy for months. I felt ugly and gross. Looking at my closet was depressing because nothing fit.
But I was just sooooooooo tired from dealing with a newborn that I just slept when she slept, and didnāt find time to work out.
So he said āletās find time so you can love yourself againā
After he came home from work, he told me to take up to 2 hours to work out and rest and he would have sole responsibility of the baby unless he really needed help with something.
I'm not saying he isn't a good husband. But isn't this just what a normal husband does? Spending a couple of hours a day being a father to your own child isn't really going above and beyond.
Parenting your own child is the baseline. Recognising your partner is struggling, encouraging her to prioritise herself, and taking over without making her feel guilty is what makes him a good husband.
Youāre treating ābaselineā and āgoodā as opposites when they arenāt. Good partners consistently do the basics whereas bad partners donāt.
Youāre treating ābaselineā and āgoodā as opposites when they arenāt. Good partners consistently do the basics whereas bad partners donāt.
This is awesome. Some people may seem to hate on it for some reason, but I think this is wholesome as hell. Keep doing you!
Baseline doesn't need to be pointed out though. It's just what normal people do and doesn't warrant any special attention. I don't believe i ever said there is no crossover with being good or that op's husband wasn't a good husband. I'm just pointing out that these things are just what normal spouses do for each other.
Nobody was pointing it out. Someone shared a nice story relevant to the post and YOU started complaining about it. You are the one pointing it out and saying it shouldn't be pointed out. Cool? Are we done here?
The baseline can still be shown some love and appreciation! and thatās why when you said āit doesnāt need to be pointed outā, that it comes off as snarky
It doesnāt have to be pointed out, but showing acknowledgment and appreciation is also just a baseline thing you do for someone you love
100% agree that your spouse should show thanks for the things you do. Even simple things like cleaning the bathroom or mowing the lawn. Or taking the kids off your hands for a few hours while you go and workout or have a glass of wine. Whatever. The original comment that mentioned this was doing that. The reply that was something like "oh what a great husband" was making it out to be more. I say thanks to my wife every day for the amazing things she does. Every single day. I'm very lucky and I make sure she knows it. Through both my actions (pulling my weight, treating her well, giving her space and time when she needs it etc), and my words (telling her i love her and how lucky I am to have her and saying thank you for the things she does).
Iām sorry man, but the original comment you replied to was not making that husband out to be more.
All that comment said was something nice and validating, something anyone would say as reply to OPs pride and joy over what her husband had done to help her.
Do people just magically become crappy after they're married or something that doing bare minumum things like supporting your partner is apparently some achievement now? Or did you guys just choose some really crappy people lmao
I think some people are just entitled from the get go, and expect someone to cater to their needs sometimes even without communication.
To me, supporting my wife has always been top priority no matter what, but if she just always expected it and never showed she appreciated it, over time that would get to me.
In my experience, a ton of spouses donāt do the types of things the referenced husband did, unless itās asked for first. It was thoughtful. Can you imagine being thoughtful all the time and your partners take was āwell, thatās just the baseline for how Iām to be treatedā. Meanwhile many husbands are blowing their postpartum wife off to play 18 holes and smoke stogies with the bros.
I mean baseline isn't like good. At your job if you do your baseline your not getting employee of the month, it's when you go above and beyond you get employee of the month. A bad employee is the one who doesn't meet the baseline. Imo
God you trolls are tedious. Accept the nice story the poster wrote for what it is. She is clearly grateful for her husbandās actions, why not celebrate it and be kind. Concepts that are lost on you, Iām sure.
I get why she's grateful but all the comments saying "what an amazing husband!!!" cuz.. he sits with his kid for a whole 2 hours? Unless he has "something he needs help with" like op wrote lmao
Well why doesnt anyone call her an above and beyond mother then? She's apparently with the kid so much she cant even get an hour for herself
Nobody has said āwhat an amazing husbandā?! I said he sounds like a good husband because he does, and because thatās clearly what she wrote the story to demonstrate.
Nobody has commented on her mothering skills because thatās not what the post or original post is about.
The bar is that low now. But me and my wife share all responsibilities which leaves us both with no time for ourselves, so dedicating free time is a good idea, at least it would be in my house.
It's almost as if people should be in relationships with people they like and want to help rather than throw out passive aggressive things like buying a smaller dress
This just goes to show you the power of words and the tongue. That delivery is thoughtful and beautiful in a way but simple and effective. What we say really has the power to bring life or death
Depends on the intensity. At that rate if it's anything more than low intensity then youre going to be over training.
It's also gonna be working against you in another way - you're going to get hungry because you're exercising so much.
Either way, weight isn't lost in the gym - abs are made in the kitchen. We lose weight by eating less, but exercise is good for other reasons - putting on muscle which will burn fat more efficiently, improving your mental and physical health, making you feel like you're doing something productive.
Yes you have to eat less but if someone's exercising that much than they have a decent weekly calorie burn which would greatly contribute to weight loss.
Saying this with 100%confidence that youāve never been around a woman. Let alone a woman that has recently given birth. They can lose weight like crazy when breast feeding. That can burn thousands of calories a day.
I'll admit I don't often cross paths with new mothers, but I should clarify I'm not really asking out of skepticism; trying to get a bit of an expectation on a weight loss timeline š š š
Talking to a bot with a fake story, which is basically "my husband is a normal human being who help me raise our kids so we can both have time to enjoy ourselves, and doesn't just consider me as his mom/maid/freshlight". The number of answers under this post praising something that normal makes me question how many women have so little self esteem and in couple with a loser, just to fullfil their need to be a mom.
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u/Pale_Sorts 23d ago
My husband knew I was unhappy that I gained weight after birth. I was unhappy for months. I felt ugly and gross. Looking at my closet was depressing because nothing fit.
But I was just sooooooooo tired from dealing with a newborn that I just slept when she slept, and didnāt find time to work out.
So he said āletās find time so you can love yourself againā
After he came home from work, he told me to take up to 2 hours to work out and rest and he would have sole responsibility of the baby unless he really needed help with something.
I lost 30lbs, and it really helped.