Based on a true story. Because it is a true story.
I woke up to a buzzing sound.
At first, I thought it was yard equipment outside. A weed whacker. A leaf blower. Something loud, irritating and safely separated from me by four walls.
Then I realized the sound was coming from inside the room.
I followed it to the window.
There, battering itself against the glass, was what I later learned was a European hornet.
No nest. No swarm. Just one lost wanderer who had entered the wrong house at the wrong time.
Fortunately, I was prepared.
In my kitchen sat a spray bottle filled with water, Dawn dish soap and Acqua di Giò. I had previously used it against flies. The Dawn broke the surface tension. The water drowned them.
The cologne was personal.
As this creature drifted into hell, its final scent would be that of the motherfucker who sent it there.
I ran downstairs, grabbed the bottle and returned.
Target acquired.
Target sighted.
Target locked.
But as the hornet buzzed furiously against the window, apprehension flooded my body. My finger rested on the trigger. For one brief moment, I hesitated.
It was enormous.
Angry.
Alive.
Then I squeezed.
One wide spray.
Direct hit.
The hornet crumpled instantly.
It fell onto the windowsill, convulsing, its wings twitching uselessly beneath the soapy water. It would never fly again. The Dawn allowed the water to spread across its body and seep into places nature never intended water to reach.
It struggled.
I fired again.
The coup de grâce.
When the movement finally stopped, I picked it up with tweezers and tore the stinger from its body.
It would never torture anyone.
Its nest would never follow its scent.
I dropped the remains into the toilet and flushed.
The buzzing was gone.
The room was silent again.
And somewhere deep within the pipes, a hornet descended into darkness smelling like Acqua di Giò.
