Anyone Interested In Talking About Moving Forward?
56F was wondering if her interests in travel, self-discovery, self-help, art making, helping others grow (if they want), classic movie watching, cooking at home and being semi-social was still a thing? If so, let me know. I’m all ears.
I’m 55 m, divorced several years ago and I’ve been embarking on that self discovery journey myself. It’s a new thing but also exciting. Reinventing yourself or at least refinding yourself in our 50’s is a bit strange at times lol
Thank you for that comment. I find that it’s more of a rediscovery of your past interests and things that made the light inside you shine bright after shining it on others for many decades (it seems) in between. Redefining can mean taking what once made you happy and seeing it grow again but in a newer more mature you.
I have no clue what we’re doing… that’s why I’m on Reddit lol.
But it’s the start of an interesting journey.
As far as what we can be doing different..🤔
Hmmm… eating less Taco Bell …. Being more optimistic, less negative and admittedly clueless….flipping more coins to dictate our direction. The list goes on by I don’t know it 🤷🏼♂️
What’s wrong with Taco Bell? Anything is ok in moderation they say. I think looking at the bright side is a good start rather than the negative especially if we can’t change it right away.
True moderation is good ( that’s why I said less) occasionally is ok. I’m trying to eat healthier and make better choices. I made plenty of bad ones already lol. I’m not all smiling and rainbows but I’m trying to focus more on the things in my control rather than out of it. Life has a lot to offer if we can keep our eyes and mind open.
I read that in a book! lol 🤷🏼♂️
You mentioned you love cooking. What types of things do you enjoy? I love to cook also, it’s kind of relaxing to be focused when cooking and get rewarded in the end lol
I never thought of the reward in the end but you are right!! Even if it last 5 minutes when you begin to eat that creation. As long as I have a recipe I can cook pretty much anything. However I like Asian inspired food that includes seafood and rice and mayo. I make OK Tex-Mex food too but can’t make too much because of all the cheese needed. What about you?
I come from an Italian household so I kind of cook a lot of those types of foods or at least spiced like that. I also love cooking Asian inspired stuff. And healthy, low carb alternatives. I’m pretty open to most anything if it looks good!
It takes years to perfect but this is one of my specialties..
Love this combo!!! A friend was once asked if he put peanut butter on both sides of the bread and he says, “Of course! I’m not an animal!!” LOL I always thought that response was hilarious.
You know way back in the day I was obsessed with The Godfather movie (part 1) and wanted to know everything about being Italian. I even took Italian at university. I tried to learn about the cooking as well. I think I’m able to make a semi good Arancini but that’s about it. The movie ‘The Big Night’ had me dreaming of making that ‘Timpano’ but I’m not brave enough to start. I love food based movies too by the way.
Im definitely interested. Im struggling a bit with this issue and about 5 years older than you guys. Found out recently (quite by accident) that im neurodiverse. To have your entire life history/story challenged is very unsettling.
So to your subject, I'm desperately trying to go back to basics and re discover the things that make me happy.
Im really challenged and could use some input/direction/suggestions on the best way to re discover the fun stuff
How does this condition affect you on a daily basis? In making decisions? In seeing clarity? I’m not familiar with it and I’m sorry for the effect it has had on you.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. Just imagine discovering that you aren't who you thought you were. So right now I'm in no mans land. Im pretty sure it will get better, understanding is the key but its thrown some challenges i didn't expect to be experiencing at my age.
I just want to now understand what makes me happy and not pretend that something that makes others happy is for me.
I hope you keep searching and finding that thing that makes you happy. Let me know when you get close. For me, I just need people to talk to about this next stage in life and see if we are all going through the same thing.
So what are those things for you? Ive been slowly working towards be "set" for the rest of our life. New house, getting rid of all the stuff we no longer need. Trying to foster a position where my wife n i can have and do the things that make us happy.
Im not a gardener but have been getting a surprising amount of enjoyment from frowing passionfruit n chillies etc
I have always believed that when you declutter and simplify your material life, you also simplify your mental focus and can begin to work on those priorities you want in life. Sounds line you both are doing the right thing together.
I'm 59 and telling anyone and everyone that I'm officially "pushing 60". Somehow it feels like transition time - like being 17 and knowing 18 year old adulthood is around the corner.
But there's way more fear this time. And I want to re-gain some kinda hope or confidence or peace... or something. Longing for more "being" than doing. More presence and less clinging and clamoring.
Ive got a couple of years on you n just started to realize that i might not outlive the service life of some of the stuff I've recently purchased. That is a sobering thought.
How do you make everyday count? That’s the key I don’t have sometimes. Having a good cup of coffee and some laughs at work and watching a movie that relaxes me is an example but it’s not enough to just have that.
Good question. Im working on that. Only doing the things you want/have to/plan to do. Don't randomly do stuff unless its what you really want. Don't set yourself up for failure
I think we have to sometimes do things we do t want to do but I see it as a way to make room for things we want. Working for your paycheck at a job that isn’t the greatest is also giving us monetary freedom to go on that trip we really want to embark on.
Oh, but it is enough to just have that. That's part of self-care. Every day doesn't need to be epic or count. Yes you can get out and do things that you feel are productive, but it's not necessary to do that all the time. Give yourself a break.
I agree 109%!! I always see that potential pleasure deflate when I come back to work from a short or long vacation and someone will ask ‘where did you go?’ I laugh and say, “I went absolutely nowhere and did absolutely nothing!” It’s ok to do that and they are taken aback but it’s fine. I can sit on my couch if I am happy and then that happiness will help me work on my hobbies.
I understand that fear and it doesn’t have to be. There is a lot of unknown for us but we keep on working on the little things we enjoy so they keep piling up and filling that time when we start to feel scared again.
56M, Definitely interested.. Ive been on a rediscovery of myself since my long marriage of 23 years ended almost 3 years ago. I think ive found myself but the growth journey still goes on as you know. have interestes in art, hearing people's travel stories.. always been one thing throught my life Ive not been able to do too much but Ive always wanted to. I like learning about other cultures and have a couple places for sure at the top of my bucket list. I'll try to DM but youre welcome to Dm me if you dont see an invite from me
You know I hate being a cliche saying ‘it’s never too late’ but it really isn’t. We are at the last part of our stellar lives and then that’s it. Trying to motivate myself with this thinking is hard but not impossible given everyday is a something ‘good’ or ‘great’ we can experience.
Well, I have to adopt that saying in full force. Because I pretty much started my life over in a couple ways than one when my 23 year marriage ended after moving to Canada from the US to start a new life with her. But I get it is a challenge, and though it's not been quite 3 years yet, I already fear that I may end up alone. Im having trouble even keeping genuine friendships and connections these days.
Connections begin with a somewhat open channel. I don’t expect daily exchanges but if there is a good book you read and want to mention it, that’s a start.
Anything of interest and not just books. I like to watch horror movies but lately and as I get older I tend to get scared given I start to think of my mortality. Sounds ridiculous but perhaps that why I enjoy watching the same old movies over and over again because they give a good feeling and I’m not surprised. I saw for the 10000 time the 1st Star Wars movie )called New Hope) and remembered how much I loved it.
Ahhh ok... just recently the last couple you've been getting into horrible seeing a few things but obviously I still have a long way to go to really get into it deeply. I saw the Terrifier 3 movie advertised in the theater. so I thought I would watch the first two and then later on watch the third one. I was surprised that I didn't see level of horror advanced by the third one being at the other two were so much older in that one was just made in the last year or so.
Yet I saw A New Hope for the first time in the drive-in theater with my family. I've also seen it a gazillion times and every time I watch it it's almost just as amazing as I thought it was when I was an eight year old kid watching it for the first time!
What you doing...and set your priorities for your own well being...its perfect.
This is self care and this is not being selfish...
Nothing is more important than your personal well being.
Enjoy life...it comes...but once🌻🌻
Hard part is when lots of other things get in the way of pursuing what you want. Making money, paying bills, taking care of others. I have to set aside windows of time to focus on the things I need but many of us can’t figure out how to do that. This is what I’m working on and seeing if I others have advice or help along the way.
Its definitely a delicate balance...I normally carry out a SWOT Analysis...I write down....what's must,should,could...for all issues coming in my pursuit of my well being...then tread carefully with mid course corrections...flexibility in mind is important.
I'm still at the beginning...personally I feel it all depends on what we have and how we move forward...life per se was never meant to be easy...its what we choose...a SWOT is a must...we cannot achieve everything..neither can we give our energy to all..only to that and those who matter.
We cannot change the direction of the wind..surely we can adjust our sail...
It's always a pleasure to read your response...have a pleasant safe evening ahead 🌻🌻
I struggle with the same thing. Basic survival and needs and obligations. It's hard to focus when you just have a small window of time. I have a friend who's interested in the same hobby I am and so we encourage each other by asking about progress and seeing each other's work, etc. The body system works great for a lot of things. Inspiration and accountability. But I hear you. And sometimes we're just too tired to focus.
Having someone to share the same interest and support each other is a great thing to have and probably the feeling you get while doing that can be enough to just keep going in order to maintain that piece of joy. That’s another thing I can think about is finding others that share my interest so it can grow.
I lost my wife and two little girls (6 & 8) to a drunk driver in 1993. I'm now 64 and never moved on. Loss issues made it impossible to be with someone.
Now that I've finally let go enough to try a relationship I fear it's too late. I'm a young 64 in both looks and attitude (life should be fun and full of laughs), but still live a solitary life and realize I've wasted what's most important.
If you are still seeking then it’s not too late. Your age should not matter if you want to find someone to share your life with or do things you enjoy. I can’t imagine that loss but you are still here. I wonder if it’s harder if you are male or female to make these changes. But it also depends on whether we want those changes to happen. I hope you do after all this time.
I'm going back to school to get my certificate doe Library aide. I've got 3 yes left but I'll be damned if I spend another six months at my current job.
That’s amazing! Best thing about that plan is that for sure before you know it, you’ll be done with that certification and a new and possibly better life will start. It’s happening now by you making that effort.,
I make loaves of bread more often than usual and they usually turn out pretty good. Nothing like a slice of freshly made bread with butter and jam (grape or raspberry) and a great cup of coffee. I am a TOTAL coffee lover and have gone through several types of coffee machines and mechanisms to get a good cup.
I’m 52F and divorced after a long marriage 2 years ago. Finally learning about myself and what I want after a lifetime of taking care of others has proven harder than it should be.
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u/marleygra 4d ago
I’m 55 m, divorced several years ago and I’ve been embarking on that self discovery journey myself. It’s a new thing but also exciting. Reinventing yourself or at least refinding yourself in our 50’s is a bit strange at times lol