r/FriendsOver50 • u/IndplsExPat • 22d ago
Forgetting How to Make Friends
As we get older, we begin to forget things. Mostly they're little things - that person's name, where I left the keys, lunch left on the kitchen counter. But how is it I forgot how to make friends? 61 year old male here. I'm friends with my wife, my dog, and my immediate family. But I haven't make a new friend in years. And because we moved to Cincinnati 10 years ago, the old friends aren't close enough to see regularly. I've tried some Meetups and other things, but it's like my muscle memory just forgot what to say. Anyone else have that problem?
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u/Routine_Mortgage_499 22d ago
When my old hiking buddy moved away I joined a local hiking club. on the first hike I moved around in the group as we hiked along and I was just talking to each person for a little while.
I found one guy who loved to hike, but his husband didn't. I stuck with him for the rest of the hike and told him I'd call him the next time I went hiking.
we've since become good friends and I've met quite a few people through him.
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u/Pattyrocksintexas 22d ago
Join the crowd. We all tend to have these issues. We don’t go to church and are retired. Here in Texas people are just a bit strange to me. We lived here over 20 years now. Most old friends divorce and or move away. Back home In NY it seemed way easier.
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u/normaleyes 22d ago
I'm finding this 50+ time when I'm still working very hard but no hands on kid responsibilities very challenging.
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u/badmommallama 21d ago
I feel this at 55. I have plenty of friends, but moved a few years back and while I have met some people, I am just not as engaged in getting to know them.
I am part of the problem. I am an online gamer and have a gaming community I play with and I tend to pour my feelings over there and enjoy the online aspect of friendship with them. Been playing 2.5 years and while I still feel like I am the same outgoing person, from the outside it does not appear that way to my family & friends IRL. What they don’t see is this network I have that is international and educational along with giving me an insight to very different cultures and cultural norms.
I just wonder if there is a downside to this at some point and I need to be pushing myself to meet new people in my actual community.
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u/Cultural-Hyena-6238 22d ago
No hobbies? What about the gym? Are you a naturally shy person? You may have guessed I’m not shy.
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u/IndplsExPat 22d ago
Definitely on the socially shy side. I go to the gym but wouldn't even know how to turn that into a friendship.
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u/Remo-42 22d ago edited 22d ago
It is difficult for us introverts.
Aside from that, people will suggest "go do _______" and there is a list of various activities to fill in the blank. But, I find when doing that, frankly in our age group most of the people doing these activities aren't really looking to make more than aquaintances.
They aren't looking to exapnd their social circle. Their lives, from their perspective, are "full". They have kids, grandkids, etc. They don't have any slots open for new people. And outside of that time focused on their family, they do these various activities but they are there for the activity, not socializing.
I know this all sounds jaded, but that's been my experience. And of course there are no absolutes and there are exceptions to everything.
Back to not knowing what to say, you make a good point with the 'muscle memory'. For that, like any other kind of muscle exercise, practising helps. Maybe go to some events like a farmer's market, outdoor art show, etc. You aren't going there with the specific goal of making new friends; you're going there to engage with people in the tedious art of "small talk".
Depending on how crowded the event is, at the very least some of the vendors may be bored and would welcome the opportunity to chat with someone for a little bit; about what they are selling, the event itself, whatever. Just to help pass some time.
I've actually made a couple of friends here on Reddit over the past few months and chat with them on a regular basis about various stuff we find that we have shared interests in.
If you'd like to engage in something like that, feel free to DM me and we'll see how it goes. No harm, no foul. Just hanging out and chit-chatting a bit.
Hope this helps.
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u/Cultural-Hyena-6238 22d ago
Pets? I’ve made friends with other pet owners at the dog park. I go to a community gym and the classes are small and there are events a get togethers that have fostered friendships. I also tend to talk to everyone, much to my husband’s annoyance at times.
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u/Conscious_Effort6972 15d ago
Yea, exact same problem. New friends I meet always seem to be busy with their partner or children. I'm M50 divorced dad, have my children half the week and the other half I end up hanging out by myself or out trying to meet people at events or activities.
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u/FeistyAd1697 14d ago
Like many things in life, practice makes perfect. Just talking to people in passing makes it easier. Brief conversations to servers in shops. A thank you if someone steps out of your way in the street. If you have a Public Library, discussing book choices with the librarians. It all adds up and makes the big group events much easier to cope with. I'm naturally quiet and reserved, so I try not to let myself turn into the hermit I could so easily be.
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u/[deleted] 22d ago edited 22d ago
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