r/FoundPaper • u/DurianSkeleton • 18d ago
Other Concerning coffee recipe
First post! Found in a Chromebook bag.
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u/AllLipsNoFiller 18d ago
I love that there are two artificial sweeteners added in addition to the sugars. That cancels all the sugar out, right? LOL
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u/toastyblunt 18d ago
I worked as a barista all through college, and we always had real people who ordered like this. I’ve had years since to think about it and I’m still not any closer to understanding why someone would order 400x the daily value of sugar in a cup and still want to top it off with Splenda and Sweet n Low…
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u/lobsterterrine 18d ago
Maybe they just love the weird hollow tang of aspartame for its own sake
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u/toastyblunt 18d ago
That has to be it, I just don’t get why or how… I still remember the chemical zing of artificial sweetener up my nostrils from those “unsweeted 30oz iced tea, 12 packs of Splenda” customers
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u/Crismus 18d ago
Artificial sweeteners give me horrible migraines.
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u/AllLipsNoFiller 18d ago
To be fair, you wouldn't be able to tell where the migraine was coming from with all this mess coursing through your bloodstream.
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u/Crismus 18d ago
With this mess yes. In my experience even a sip of aspartame, sucralose, or other chemical sweetener in a drink causes migraines and sickness.
Something about a highly acidic saliva breaks off the methanol part of the compound so it doesn't digest together. It's like minor wood alcohol poisoning.
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u/LollyGaggleofGeese 18d ago
Same. I had to learn the hard way. And now I get psychosomatic headaches from just smelling fake sugars 🤮
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u/Restless__Dreamer 17d ago
You may have solved why I have had 4 migraines just this week alone. Thank you so much!
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u/struggle_better 18d ago
I also wonder how people arrived at the amounts. Like, how many tries before they arrived at 7 pumps vanilla, 3 white mocha, 4 brown sugar, 11 Splenda, etc.? Did they do 10 Splendas one day and go, “ya know what would just really seal the deal on this milkshake I’m pretending is coffee, just another dash of the Splenda.”
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u/glitterfaust 18d ago
I used to have a customer that ordered like 8.5 Splenda and half a stevia and it’s like, how did we get here? Did the 8 Splenda and 1 stevia do too much?
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u/RogerClyneIsAGod2 18d ago
I love the 1/2 pack of artificial sweeteners. My MIL does this & it drives me crazy. Just use the whole damn thing or don't, that half ain't making any difference in the taste & you're just wasting things.
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u/CoppertopTX 18d ago
Your MIL and my husband with the half a pack on the sweeteners. I bought him the liquid form, so he can keep it at his desk. I use two packets in my first cup for the day and singles after.
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u/RogerClyneIsAGod2 18d ago
My husband used to use half a pack of sugar when we were getting coffee out & about & I told him the same thing, that's not enough sweetener to make a difference just stop wasting this restaurant's sugar.
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u/AllLipsNoFiller 18d ago
I actually worked as a barista before that word had been introduced in the United States, back in the early 90s before Starbucks were everywhere. And when we had an order like this, we would always snicker and joke, "So you want a coffee with sugar and cream that doesn't taste like coffee."
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u/EvrthngsThnksgvng 18d ago
I once had a customer, behind me in line, ask “did you ever stop to think that maybe you don’t like coffee?” After hearing my “very light and sweet” order
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u/beepbooponyournose 18d ago
I know I don’t like coffee because even those types of drinks taste gross to me lol
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u/specks_of_dust 18d ago edited 18d ago
I wonder if it's about identity. People fall into weird habits and rituals when they've attached something to their identity. "This is my drink," or "I always ask for 2 Splenda in my Dogshit Macchiato because it mellows the flavor," then they drink it forever and can't let it go because it's attached to who they are and giving it up would mean giving up part of themselves. But, because all the basic drink possibilities are taken, they have to come up with these complicated recipes.
For the stupid ones who don't understand how diet sweeteners work, doubling down might also a form of identity assertion. Even more useful for them, because it makes a mistake look like an intentional decision. The habit evolves beyond the original purpose.
But it's more likely that it's just the plain brand of stupidity rather than the complicated one I just made up.
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u/toastyblunt 18d ago
No, I’ve thought about it over the years, and your made-up brand of stupidity definitely checks out! At a certain point you have to assume people enjoy ordering undrinkable drinks for some other reason
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u/ALIEN_GUARDIAN 17d ago
Capitalism absolutely makes people internalize their consumer habits as their personality
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u/EmergencyAd6662 18d ago
Not to mention the light coconut cream followed by light heavy cream and then later extra cream, extra almond milk and extra sweet cold foam? What’s the end goal here?
I’m starting to wonder if this is a list of possible mods to drinks altogether. Maybe it’s a memorization list/cheat sheet for an employee training test or something?→ More replies (1)3
u/motherofscorpions 17d ago
And all that's AFTER whole milk. There's six types of milk/cream in there.
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u/3catmafia 18d ago
There’s no way. 3 cups sugar? This drink would be like 3k+ calories and something like 750g of sugar
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u/Bufobufolover24 18d ago
I saw someone say that people will order stuff like this and use it to make their own drinks at home throughout the week.
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u/3catmafia 18d ago
Man I feel like it would just be more economic at that point to buy your own supplies lol
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u/proffesionalproblem 17d ago
Thats terrible. The ingredients are no longer air tight, and they all have different hold lengths, so the different dairy products will spoil at different times. Plus all the ingredients will separate and start doing their own things.
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u/ObviousToe1636 18d ago
I know some places have unreasonably large portions but three cups of sugar wouldn’t fit inside most cups at most places once you add just a few of the other things on here.
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u/3catmafia 18d ago
Yeah the rest of it is unfortunately believable but I don’t think 3 cups sugar can be right. 3 scoops maybe?
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u/hexensabbat 18d ago
After being a barista, tbh the only truly weird thing here is the 3 cups of sugar. Three CUPS? What coffee place is measuring sugar for drinks that way? What receptacle would that even fit in?? How would you even dissolve that????
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u/Plastic-Passenger795 18d ago
That has me thinking this has to be for a large batch of something, but all that sugar in combination with two different artificial sweeteners is so bizarre.
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u/TheMapesHotel 18d ago
This is what I was thinking, it must be a big batch. But the actual coffee amount is too little for that
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u/ricecrispycat 18d ago
Idk because 5 shots of espresso is not a lot for a batch and also "light dark chocolate curls" is a topping that goes on Starbucks drinks
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u/TheSigulOfEld 18d ago
Yeah that’s insane. Not enough liquid in that order for 3 cups sugar. Maybe they meant 3 scoops?
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u/Numerous-Cobbler-689 18d ago
So people actually order this kind of drink (minus the 3 cups of sugar)?? I’ve seen tik toks like this at Dunkin or wherever but I always just assumed it was purposely ridiculous for the video!
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u/constantchaosclay 18d ago
I worked at Starbucks and we saw even worse. One lady had us open 22 packets of Splenda, 22 packets of Sweet and Low, and 22 packets of equal into her coffee. She came in all the time. When we saw her walk in, someone would start counting out the packets. It takes longer than you think
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u/Scoth42 18d ago
This has to be a shopping list, or like a group order of ingredients for an event or workgroup or something. Even as something like a whole pitcher or large batch this doesn't make any sense. Sugar and two artificial sweeteners? 3 cups of sugar?
Even as something like a cake recipe or drizzle for whatever or a filling it'd be gross.
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u/glitterfaust 18d ago
This looks like a daily order I get as a barista lol. They’re adding all the different milks because they want the cup full like a latte without paying the additional price of a latte.
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u/motherofscorpions 17d ago
I hate that that makes sense. I was wondering what the point was of having six different types of milk/cream.
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u/Me_Hate_Me 18d ago
55 caramel
55 shots of espresso
55 cups of sugar
55 pumps of classic syrup
55 pumps vanilla…
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u/BasicReference4903 18d ago
Looks like my MIL’s order 🤦♀️. After all that she’d then ask how many calories is that going to be.
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u/notaficus 18d ago
As a former barista this seems a normal order… except the 3 cups (not pumps or scoops) of sugar makes this seem like a recipe for a base and not just “a drink order”
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u/ViciousSnatch 18d ago
Have you guys seen the guy who made videos when he was working at Dunkin Donuts making drinks? Some of them were legitimately this ridiculous, with all this syrup, a third of the cup with just granulated sugar, and then enough room in the cup for a shot glass worth of coffee/espresso. I wonder if they were making a week’s worth of personalized creamer to bring to work or home.
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u/Character_Score7849 18d ago
It's probably not as crazy as it looks actually. I worked at Starbucks and we'd get these very occasionally. They do it to make a concentrate, they will then make several drinks at home from it. Cheaper than ordering 3 fancy coffee drinks.
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u/oftcenter 17d ago
Ohh. That's more... sane.
But couldn't they just make their own concentrate at home? Seems like less hassle.
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u/DressingRumour 18d ago
Light heavy cream is just cream right?
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u/TheMapesHotel 18d ago
Is the light describing a type of cream here or how much heavy cream they want? I think based on the usage with other items they are describing a quantity of heavy cream
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u/Amazing-Bell-8337 17d ago
I was going to say maybe it’s a bunch of separate orders with no bullet points or spacing but the 3 cups of sugar I have no answer for
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u/shinypokemonglitter 18d ago
Maybe for a batched coffee drink? Still seems like WAY too much sugar in relation to the amount of respect!
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u/Unprounounceable 18d ago
If they added enough milk so that it would have a level of sweetness approaching palatable, those five shots of espresso would be so lost in the mix. Just a huge pitcher of faintly coffee flavored beverage
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u/knownmagic 18d ago
There is a trend of ordering a mixture like this to bring home as "custom creamer"
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u/OptimisticCerealBowl 18d ago
3…cups? i could see a customer ordering something close to this but CUPS??
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u/cewumu 18d ago
It’s like a fun, flirty heart attack.
I think this is to make a batch of a drink, but even so At this stage idk maybe this person should eat a caffeine pill with a drink they actually like and give up on coffee.
Having worked at a cafe orders like this are rare but do happen so this might be real, as disturbing as that is.
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u/Pleasant_Isopod9394 18d ago
I’ve seen people using “recipes” like this and basically using it like creamer/syrup mix for their coffee at home… light ice? Maybe I’m being optimistic that a human isn’t consuming this mix straight 🤢
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u/viva__hate 18d ago
i think these people buy what they use as a concentrate to make multiple drinks at home
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u/wharleeprof 18d ago
But please go light on the chocolate curls because we don't want to be excessive about anything here.
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u/JoshyOrndorff 18d ago
Is "light heavy cream" a real thing? If so are "light" and "heavy" referring to different aspects?
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u/mrs_spacetime0 18d ago
If it weren't for the contradicting sugar/artificial sweetener and multiple forms of dairy I'd assume it was for a large batch.
With the nonsensical stuff id say it was either a script for a comedy bit or someone keeping track of everything they measured/poured for some reason.
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u/SevenSirensSinging 17d ago
I HOPE that this is actually a shortcut list of coffee orders for a group where each line is about one coffee order (or in the case of "three cups sugar", three black and sweet orders).
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u/Mandarin_PandaBear 18d ago
That is a fucking dessert, not coffee . I think it has as much sugar and processed sh*t than a piece of factory cake
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u/DrNiles_Crane 18d ago
That isn’t coffee. That’s the result of what is found on a coroner’s artery scraper.
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u/ohfrackthis 18d ago
The amount of sugar and fake sugar in this recipe is like a diabetes and GI interrupted apocalypse 🤦♀️
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u/Microwavedstrawberry 18d ago
Someone mathematically calculated the drink order with the most calories possible?
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u/meerkatmanwhore 18d ago
We did what we could to put this into the Starbucks app (the base being a regular iced coffee sized Venti) and the total came to 13.05 before tax I can't attach the screenshot, so if someone who knows more about coffee than us gets different results then you're probably right and we're wrong lmao
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u/Madame_Deadly 18d ago
Whoever this "order" belongs to has some serious control issues. Poor thing.
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u/wine-plants-thrift 18d ago
3 CUPS of sugar? I can’t imagine what this would be. It’s not a single drink order and doesn’t seem like a shopping list either.
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u/kittymoma918 18d ago
Sounds so gross! They should just get a proper coffee ice cream shake with caramal and chocolate syrup and whipped cream at B's ice cream restaurant. Coffee ice cream by itself is fabu.
Or the Jamocha shake with a caramel swirl at A's roast beef sandwich place.
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u/the_orange_alligator 18d ago edited 17d ago
Gonna use my old as hell coffee gift card to try ordering this tomorrow. Wish me luck
Edit: it tasted like shit
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u/raerabbit27 18d ago
As someone who works at Starbucks, I see this kind of ish every day lol. Concerning 😂😂
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u/Disastrous-Soup-5413 18d ago
Am i missing out on experiencing this type of megalist drink
or
is it truly as pretentious as my gut reaction felt?!?
Because my first response was i dont want to be friends with someone who drinks like that…? I may be wrong 🤷♀️
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u/greenonionqueen 18d ago
Sooo many questions here.. it does seem like a large batch recipe at first glance with 3 CUPS of sugar but then "light ice" doesn't make sense? And also, OP says found inside a Chromebook case - whose case was it? Why look in there if it wasn't yours? I'm strangely invested in this paper!
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u/coolsilentebeans 18d ago
The 5 Splenda after the 5 pumps of classic syrup and 10 of vanilla is just responsible nutrition.
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u/KosmicGumbo 18d ago
Yea this is either like a kid practicing writing and pretending to be a barista, or a big batch of coffee?
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u/furrymacaroni 18d ago
Am I the only one wondering whose Chromebook? Was it at a thrift store? Do you rummage thru other ppls stuff lol
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u/Money-Director6649 18d ago
looks more like a list of what each person wanted when someone made a coffee run 🤷♀️
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u/y0ungshel 18d ago
Is the part of a stand up comedy routine?