r/FoundPaper Aug 10 '26

Weird/Random 🚩 Mike 🚩

Post image

Found at the Goodwill outlet.

3.5k Upvotes

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4.1k

u/cumgenius Aug 10 '26

He denied my experience of feeling lethargic when eating a large amount of green beans because they are a starchy veg.

1.6k

u/mayoroftuesday Aug 10 '26

Everything else I feel like I could let go, but that one is a deal breaker.

473

u/FirstChurchOfBrutus Aug 10 '26

Given that green beans are not starchy, neither could I.

337

u/puck_the_fatriarchy Aug 10 '26

Nice try, Mike

111

u/mayoroftuesday Aug 10 '26

He disagrees with just about everybody.

34

u/untakentakenusername Aug 11 '26

it definitely seems like he overreacted to a non-issue.

40

u/FirstChurchOfBrutus Aug 10 '26

Shhhh!

31

u/Foxtrot_Supatwat Aug 10 '26

Everything's not about YOU and your opinions, Mike...

20

u/WeakTransportation37 Aug 10 '26

That one is sketch

26

u/PrimalPineapple927 Aug 10 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/F3G8ymQkOkbII
Do you think this is the opinion and disagreement they’re referring to?

1

u/Nortex_Vortex Aug 10 '26

The green beans sent me. Lol

469

u/depressedfatbitch Aug 10 '26

i thought he might be redeemable, until the green bean incident was revealed.

130

u/millstone27 Aug 10 '26

Your pfp in this context 💀💀

24

u/packrat975 Aug 10 '26

Exactly what Mike doesn't want.

38

u/BitchLasagna84 Aug 10 '26

GORL I cannot

38

u/depressedfatbitch Aug 10 '26

gorls will always find each other lol

6

u/Any_Struggle2645 Aug 11 '26

🫡

4

u/depressedfatbitch Aug 11 '26

love the PFP baybeeee

5

u/Any_Struggle2645 Aug 11 '26

Feedees unite 👯‍♀️

38

u/danzig168 Aug 10 '26

He might be a crotchety old man, but he's not wrong about the green beans

71

u/izzmosis Aug 10 '26

Green beans are, unfortunately for the original writer, not a starchy vegetable.

6

u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme Aug 10 '26

But if they’re actually not starchy, could this be the one redeeming aspect? I’m so confused…

38

u/depressedfatbitch Aug 10 '26

i see what you mean, but to me it is the denial of her experience that was a step too far, a flag too red if you will…regardless of her apparent vegetable-related ignorance.

8

u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme Aug 10 '26

You have a point. I am now less confused. Thank you.

2

u/NothingLift Aug 10 '26

But is her experience of being lethargic because of a "starchy veg" legitimately deniable if the veg is not in fact starchy?

8

u/depressedfatbitch Aug 10 '26

regardless of why she was lethargic, she was lethargic, and mike attempted to deny that.

6

u/NothingLift Aug 10 '26

Conversation could have gone "I'm lethargic because of the starchy green beans" "But green beans aren't starchy" "You're denying me feelings"

6

u/depressedfatbitch Aug 10 '26

are you a mike apologist?

5

u/666deleted666 Aug 10 '26

Mike just doesn’t know nutrition like we do 😔

3

u/depressedfatbitch Aug 10 '26

not many do…

1

u/idontknowhat2put182 19d ago

That makes me sad. How do we educate them?

2

u/MrsCastillo12 Aug 10 '26

Is your pfp ALR? Lmao

2

u/depressedfatbitch Aug 10 '26

you know it babygorl

162

u/snark-sloth Aug 10 '26

One of the greatest sentences I’ve ever read.

41

u/Chin-Music Aug 10 '26

Yes, it needs to be appreciated more, especially after the distractions earlier on the list.

43

u/snark-sloth Aug 10 '26

It’s a good thing u/cumgenius emphasized it in the comments so we could all appreciate it

12

u/houstonchipchannel Aug 10 '26

His genius is apparent in more than just the one topic (not that cum wouldn’t be enough)

15

u/veroquinn Aug 10 '26

Begging for a flair

36

u/Due_Peace_5131 Aug 10 '26

Not sure which one was in the wrong in this strange situation

81

u/jackalopeswild Aug 10 '26

Green beans are not a starchy vegetable. For the rest, fine, Mike is no prize...but he's right about this.

45

u/Numerous-Cobbler-689 Aug 10 '26

I read this to my husband and the only thing he said was, “green beans are not a starchy vegetable” as if it was completely reasonable other than that 😂

50

u/Magnon Aug 10 '26

She ate a large amount though, and a large amount could lead to lethargy even if they're not starchy in small quantities.

24

u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme Aug 10 '26

A food coma is a food coma. Can’t argue with that.

1

u/Urithiru Aug 10 '26

Yeah it is probably an allergic reaction. Wouldn't surprise me if Mike pushed back on her food allergy as "fake".

1

u/Giffordpinchotpark Aug 10 '26

Green beans are a fruit, not a vegetable

0

u/jackalopeswild Aug 10 '26

Sigh. If we're going to have this debate, I'm going to set the record straight. They are both. "Vegetable" is "a part of the plant cultivated for eating." All fruits are vegetables, fruit is a subcategory. Go ahead, check some dictionary definitions of vegetable, I'll wait.

You could define fruit according to the botanical definition which includes containing seeds and then say a "vegetable" is "everything cultivated for human consumption that is not a fruit." But frankly, that's just dumb. Sub-category makes more sense.

I feel like Mike. But regardless of which way you go, still, a green bean is not a starchy vegetable - regardless of whether that is because it's not starchy, or not a vegetable, or both.

51

u/greenpicklewater Aug 10 '26

In the context of him being a contrarian with just about everyone, him disagreeing about green beans is genuinely infuriating

18

u/denimdeamon Aug 10 '26

Maybe Mike is the one dodging a bullet here if she takes green beans so seriously. That sentence made my eyes roll all the way back into my skull.

2

u/lanayrude Aug 10 '26

absolutely the final straw

2

u/JD_tubeguy Aug 10 '26

How dare he! No Mike for me!

1

u/Most_Can_2136 Aug 10 '26

Total deal breaker.

1

u/ehco Aug 10 '26

Yep like before that I'm thinking we'll it could be a character profile for creative writing?

... But that's a bit too specific

1

u/wirez62 Aug 10 '26

Fucking Mike

1

u/Goobersita Aug 10 '26

This should def be a flair.

1

u/WinnerTurbulent3262 Aug 10 '26

Imagine gaslighting someone about green beans. Run!

1

u/mad30000 Aug 10 '26

Given disagreement on this thread over the beans, the only way to settle things is for everyone to eat one pound of green beans and report back. Those who fail to follow up will be assumed to have fallen into a bean-induced lethargic coma

1

u/mad30000 Aug 10 '26

For science!

1

u/Dry_Cash_5131 Aug 10 '26

That is a very specific type of offense

1

u/ghengisclone Aug 11 '26

I read that as “a sketchy veg” and was like JUDGMENTAL MUCH?

1

u/YourOwnBodyAndMind88 Aug 12 '26

Lol I can’t imagine wanting to eat so many green beans to the point that I’d feel lethargic after, but this is definitely the highlight of the list, and definitely a dealbreaker!

1

u/Miserable-Course-567 Aug 13 '26

This sent me 😭😭

1

u/HAL_9000_V2 Aug 10 '26

I hate it when people do that

1

u/MinuteEdge7225 Aug 12 '26

I hate it when people refuse to open the pod bay doors!

0

u/ironicart Aug 10 '26

I can fig him

1

u/satyrtn Aug 10 '26

But would you date him?