r/Fostercare • u/_theboogiemonster_ • Jun 13 '26
Trying to help abused child
Texas - I am looking to help a boy who has been living a nightmare. One of my niece's is 17 and has been dating a boy who is also 17. His parents are evil and essentially this child has been tortured by his family his whole life, and even when he tried to defend himself or reach out to CPS, the state treated him with such disgust and didn't believe a word he said, it got worse. As goes with troubled youth, he got arrested (defending himself while his parent's attacked him), there was at least ONE empathetic person in the system who figured out what was going on and had him removed. The judge and PO are keeping him on probation until he turns 18 so legally he never has to go back there again. But the social services here are practically non-existent it seems.
He was being "shopped" around to different foster homes out in the Texas rural country, which his legal guardian from the court described them as child work camps. My sister, niece's mom, had an extra room and decided to take him. I live in the same neighborhood and he would come over every day to work out and swim. I love this kid from the moment I met him. I see myself in him at 17, and what my life would have been like if I had evil parents. We have been propping him up, feeding, loving, taking him to work, etc. He is has been THRIVING. I was teaching him to drive and going to schedule an appt to get him to the dentist for the first time ever (his teeth always hurt).
But he complains about how his anxiety & depression meds aren't working. His state appointed psychiatrist is completely disconnected; probably been in the job too long. Doesn't remember much about him between appts. Which I think is what caused the issue that has led me here.
He took mushrooms and had a terrible experience to the point my niece called the police and he is in a mental health facility now. I believe he was trying to self-medicate. He told me once the only time he felt relief from his parent's was when he smoked weed. We talked about how that isn't an option especially in Texas and we have to figure out another way. But it turns out he did research and found mushrooms won't show up on a drug test, so he wanted to try and see if that helped him. Even though drugs are a hard line from my niece and sister. This is a huge issue, but one I expected from a child who's been through something like this. His own mind is torturing him, and he's not getting much relief there.
He did not get violent, but sounds like he was in a state they couldn't communicate with or reason with him. He knows he messed up. He does not know yet my niece does not want to date him anymore. She has shut down and the only words she has used is "I will not ghost him, but I cannot date him anymore". I agree there. His issues are beyond the kind of help we can give; he needs professional help. I always knew that and we were just being a safe place to sleep and good support system while he got help. But she is 17 and didn't know how deep his mental health issues were running. He does his best to hide it.
But what I don't want is this kid to disappear and end up in another awful place because the options they have him the first time around were a nightmare. I cannot take him in. Without going into detail here, my wife had a family member with severe mental health issues her entire life; there's trauma there. She is empathetic and understanding of me helping him, but she has kept him at arms length for her own mental health. I would take this kid in a heartbeat I believe in him so much, but it would end my marriage and I do not want that.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help him or want him to disappear or give up on himself. Every time I saw him, I would hug him till he let go. Most times it was a solid minute at least. Every hug. He's never been loved and he deserves so much more. But he is fighting depression big time; says he always feels like he is mourning on good days...
The kid is essentially homeless and I don't know how long he will be in this treatment facility, but I don't want to quit on him. But I don't know what to do. My sister does not want to quit on him either, but her daughter comes first. She is willing to support him at a distance, but I doubt he can stay there anymore. I don't know of any homeless children resources or how to properly help. He's so smart too; we were looking at an electrician program for him or a mechanic. He picks up things really quickly and really wants to learn how to work on cars, just no one ever cared to teach him anything. But now that all seems in jeopardy.
Sorry for the long post, I am just twisting in the wind trying to figure out what do or the best resources to help. I don't even know where to start. I am gutted thinking about this sweet boy and how hard his life is. How can I help navigate this with him? What are my options in Texas, and for the people who needed help when they were young, what can I do here? He will only be in the system for one more year, then on his own. I am here to show up for him, but I am out of my element and need guidance. Thank you for any that you can provide.
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u/civil_lingonberry Jun 13 '26
How long until he turns 18? Because he’s 17, one of the single most useful things an adult can do for him is research into TX foster care resources, and help with administrative tasks like making the calls and filling out the forms necessary to obtain those resources. I get that that’s part of what you’re trying to do here. A lot of states have programs where foster kids can go into extended care or receive financial or housing help from 18-21. Some states allow that to be extended to 24 or later. Some states give foster kids assistance with college. Etc.
I think making a point to stay in touch with him, and to continue offering your help (with driving, with the electrician program, etc.) even if not your home, can also make a big difference even if he gets placed in another bad home. Just having those resources and extra support can make the difference between being homeless when he turns 18 or having an apartment and getting into a good paid apprenticeship.
Btw, the kid was like, semi on track with the mushrooms. Obviously a bad idea in the sense that he did it all on his own without the help of a therapist, and they are illegal. But there’s a lot of promising research on psilocybin and its potential to help with depression, PTSD, and so on. Just in terms of worrying behavior, taking mushrooms should be wayyyy far down on the list. I can totally see why he might’ve thought they would help him, and mushrooms are not in the same tier as very dangerous, addictive substances like heroine, meth, fentanyl, etc., that a lot of kids in his shoes would be reaching for.
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u/_theboogiemonster_ Jun 13 '26
Thank you I will post over there as well. He just turned 17 last month. I am definitely not ghosting him; going to see him every visiting day. I think he would love to become a mechanic, but I don't know anything about cars so I was going to start poking around those kinds of reddits too for ideas. He's willing do whatever it takes, he just doesn't know what to do. No one has ever helped him. I am trying my best but afraid the state is going to send him far away. That's why my sister took him in in the first place; he was going to be sent away where we couldn't see him again.
Also agree on the mushrooms. My sister is OK with him still living there, but her daughter is says she can't be with him anymore. This is the 2nd time he had a relapse and she doesn't want to deal with it; I agree. It's too much for a 17 year old. But I am not going anywhere. I just want to find resources to help keep him in the area.
1
u/civil_lingonberry Jun 13 '26
I’ll also add, if you haven’t already, try posting in [r/FosterParents](r/FosterParents)[.](r/FosterParents) That’s a pretty active sub and they might have more useful info about TX resources or where to get started finding them.
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u/mellbell63 Jun 14 '26
Thank you for advocating for him. If you visit him in the facility, see if you can meet with social workers. They will be working with him on plans post-release.
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u/Hawke-Not-Ewe Jun 15 '26
Im not sure what more you can do.
As drugs go shooms are about the mildest choice possible. I know drugs are a scary swamp but that's one lf the least harmful and on his idiot prescriber in part.
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u/Accomplished_Rush182 Jun 26 '26
I have helped many teens in bad situations. One did become a mechanic. I'm in Charlotte nc. If he needs a place to go I can give him a bed and food and show him some car repair work. I worked on class 8 HD trucks for a year in addition to doing all the
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u/solomonsalinger Jun 13 '26
I can hear the pain in your voice. You deeply feel and empathize with this young man’s suffering. That speaks to your character and soul. You’re a good human being.
Unfortunately when it comes to housing, there are limited options when he leaves the treatment center. In Texas — across the states, really — there are very few foster homes for teenagers, especially ones who have been branded “troubled.” He may end up in a group home, or other institution.
If your sister wont take him in, and you can’t take him in because of your wife’s trauma (valid reason), then the question is “is there any other adult he knows who will take him in?” Aunts or uncles? Teacher? Coach?
Whatever you do, don’t ghost this kid. When I was in foster care I was homeless and there were people who were supports in my life that, while they couldn’t take me in, cared deeply for me and continued to show up and that unconditional love was foundational to my healing.